Can I Go?

This is a story about marital dynamics and choices people make. Wife is invited to an all mail bachelor party weekend. Should she go?

Can I Go?

Alli, my beautiful and fun, late 40's wife of more than 20 years is intensely likeable. Almost everyone who meets her wants to be her friend. Her contacts in her phone go back to before high school. She has lasts of female friends and occasionly Alli goes on trips with them. She is really the life of the party. She has just as many male friends made during school and college and in her work career in real estate over the years. She has had several dalliances, during our time together, a few encouraged by me, some agreed to by me and a couple where she freelanced and told me later. The later group tending to stir up a shit storm with me and I made it clear that was not acceptable and it hasn't happened again.

She came to me a week ago and said she was invited to Rich Murphy's bachelor party. I responded by asking several questions.

Who is Rich Murphy, Alli? I asked.

He is the foreman on the multifamily project that I am project managing in town. She replied.

I haven't ever heard his name, how well do you know him?

Well, not well, just from work and occasional drinks after work with the guys?

Have you ever had physical contact with him?

Maybe some hugs and occasional quick smooch as drinks break up, we certainly haven't done anything sexy. I think they feel like I'm one of the guys, there are going to be eight altogether including me.

Where is the bachelor party?

It's going to be at a beach hotel in Santa Barbara. I'm not sure which one. It's a week from Friday return late Sunday or early Monday.

Are any of the other guys....women?

Nope, I'm their project leader and they really want me there.

I pondered for a minute and then asked, s you're the leader maybe your rank allows you to bring your husband, eh?

I feel like I would be imposing on the group if I did that, Babe. None of the wives are objecting, not even Rich's fiancée. Can't you just let it be my thing?

My answer was pretty clear. "Nope, not acceptable. And I bet none of the wives know you are going" Then I turned and walked back to my home office. I didn't hear from her for the rest of the evening until bedtime.

She came to bed and said "Sorry for dropping that on you out of nowhere. Will you at least think about it?"

"Alli, I could pretend to think about it, but my opinion will not change. You and seven construction guys at a beach hotel for the weekend sounds like a recipe for disaster for our marriage."

"What do you think, I'm going to fuck them all and go back to work on Monday?"

"I don't know what will happen but you will get drunk and stay up late and good things never happen after midnight. Invite me along and I can have fun too and serve as your safety rail if things start to get out of hand."

"I don't need a chaperone, Babe, I am a big girl."

"If you do this without me you will be a big girl without a husband."

"Fuck you." She said and stormed up to the guest room.

This was not going to be solved easily. She may not have had the fixed idea of fucking any of the guys in her head, but I knew that the situation could result in that and could fuck up both her job and our marriage. I knew we were in for a week or more of head banging. But, this was one request that I just couldn't give I on.

The next morning she basically ignored me as we got the kids off to school. Our younger boy, 15, asked what's wrong with mom? I said "She'll be okay, we are just disagreeing on something about her job." He responded "It's her job, shouldn't she get to handle it the way she wants." I slid by the question by replying "We'll figure it out, don't worry."

Two days later she said : "The guys are making flight reservations today. I'm going to book too."

I asked: "What flight are you on, I'm going to book too."

"Don't you fucking dare do that."

"Or what Alli? What will you do if I just show up and refuse to leave you alone and insist on sleeping with you? How are you going to deal with that."

"Babe, you are making too big a deal out of this. If I did the worst thing you could imagine and spent two days fucking all of them (which I never would) I'd come back to you and would be none the worse for wear and maybe in a good mood."

"I think Rich intends to spend the weekend fucking you as a last fling before he gets married. I am not good with that. I can just tell you, if you go, I will be there too and will not permit it to get out of hand. Why don't you just make both reservations at once."

She shrieked loudly and left the room. We slept apart again that night. I checked her Southwest website the next morning and she had made one reservation leaving at 4 pm Friday coming back Monday at 8 am. I cancelled it and removed the notice of cancellation from her email. I then made my own reservation on that flight.

We hardly talked for two days. Then she said "I have decided, I'm going. You do what you have to do."

The next day she got an email from the best family lawyer in our town advising that her husband was filing for divorce and asking if she would accept service of the papers by email. I was deliberately out at the time and came back around the time the boys were coming back from school. She was livid but couldn't really say anything in front of the boys. She asked me to go for a walk, I put her off a bit, but then said I as ready to walk,

"You are really going to divorce me over a friend's bachelor party weekend?"

"Absolutely, you can minimize all you want but I see what 's happening. I can come and protect you from it and we'd have no problem. But, if you exclude me, it's for a reason and that reason is clear and unacceptable to me.'

"It is going to cost both us a boatload of money and upset the boys if you go through with the divorce."

"I know that. And I am sad to lose the woman I love. But, you know me, I can not live with disrespect and this is top of the list disrespect. Please sign for the divorce papers. If you don't they will serve you while you are at your party."

"Babe, is this worth it to you? You'll never have a better wife than me."

"Probably all things considered, you're right. But, I will be too disgusted with you to stay together. So, it's what's got to happen."

She stormed up to her home office. Ten minutes later she came down. "You cancelled my reservation. I was going to do it and you had already done it. You can't control me like that so I rebooked."

The next day she came home from work late, she never told me what happened, but I heard from one of my friends who knew one of the construction guys. She was having drinks with "the guys" and told them the story. Almost all of them told her that it wasn't worth her marriage to come on the trip and if it was their wives they would do the same thing I was doing. But Rich said "it's my party and I really want Alli there. It's my last chance to cut loose before getting married."

Alli looked at him for a minute and then said "Rich, did you think you were getting to fuck me like as a wedding present? Cause that was never going to happen. I just wanted to be one of the guys and celebrate with you all. You just fucked it up. I'm not going."

She left and drove home. When she got she said "Forget the divorce, I'm not going."

My response was: "I persuaded you, huh?"

"You asshole, you did not persuade me at all. You bludgeoned me. I made my own decision for my own reasons. Next time you file for divorce you better go through with it because I don't respond well to threats." She walked out of the room.

I cancelled my flight and thought about what she said. I will never understand women. However, we slept together that night.