All Comments on 'The Stronger Girl 01'

I really enjoyed this story, i think it is very well written and the attention to detail is superb. I hope you are writing the next part, and if not i really feel you should!

The tension, the adoration, the desire, the desperation.....all are exquisitely narrated.

And now we have a third player in the room.....so many opportunities for the story to develop!

Awesome! If you ever make a part two I’d love more dialogue, although I know the lack of it does add to the story

This is Great! And you are set up for many more chapters just from what you have introduced so far! I look forward to the next one!!

Soaking wet I need more

I can’t stop cumming. I love there is no dialogue needed it makes everything more sexy. I need more anna ONLY being a giver on her knees. I’m getting horny just think about Anna on her knees.

If this was your first try, you’re going to be dangerous when you hit your stride.

Very good. Very atmospheric - the sexual tension is well managed. Quite a few spelling errors & typos though.

As you say your other story (can't remember the name now) is a continuation of this one, it's a shame there isn't a link here to take readers to it.

Good first story. I'd give it a 4 out of 5.

Pro:

• Build up was good, if a little rushed. Would have been nice to have some dialogue and interactions between the two of them before the first massage.

• I actually liked the friendly break in the middle with their friends around, the dialogue in this scene worked very well and provided a different flavour to the entire story.

• The sex scenes are well crafted, just the right amount of detail. Not too laborious

Cons

• Definitely needs an edit. A couple of times the names are spelt wrong, or the tense or verb is used incorrectly, I can read past them but some readers (particularly female readers) would just stop and be lost. If it happens at a point of climax both in literature and literally, then they may never forgive you. :) Nothing worse than having an orgasm robbed by being thrown from the moment by an error.

• Voice is quite passive, not in terms of character but writing style. There were a few times where active verbs would have helped build the emotion of the scene.

Overall, I really enjoyed this, and with a half decent editor, it could be up there with the best in the genre.

Thanks for all the wonderful comments (and anyone who liked this story enough to read 9 comments), they are very encouraging.

Only_connect and apoplectic I understand the problem with the mistakes and I am cruising the profiles of editors the way I once cruised the profiles of authors. It is my hope to find someone who can help me clean these story up now that I feel a bit more secure about the fiction writing part.

XOSNS

Great start! Keep going!

A lovely and erotic story.

Can I suggest you find a good copy editor. There are just a couple of spelling issues which sadly do detract from a wonderful story.

I will be reading the rest of the series avidly.

Edit the little issues....please. You wouldn't even need someone to spend a huge amount of time on this, the spelling, typo and verb tense disagreements.....all so easily fixed. But I like the little world you have created around the characters...

Nice story, well written. Enjoyed it - thanks x

Joanexx I think your the first author to comment on one of these stories, so lovely to discover your work.

Amazing story. You have a great imagination and find the right words to make the story flow. You paint very realistic persona, alive in a sense. Great talent, hope you find the inspiration for more.

Thank you so much Mia, I hope you will keep reading and enjoy where Annie is leading me.

Wow! The pacing and character development (of Annie, in particular) is superb - deliberate and slow and described with attention to detail and the confusing emotions that goes with such self discovery. Amazing writing that had me holding my breath. A really enjoyable read. Reminded me of the old literary erotica fro Olympia press. This sort of writing is eminently publishable. I now proceed to read the next two chapters. :-) Thanks for taking the time and the effort you've put into it.

HIGH PRAISE! I had a well loved Olympia press compilation that I haven't thought of in years. Its funny, I can remember the heft of it and almost picture the cover, but can't recall any of the stories. I feel like there was one story in particular I used to return to again and again... its like a word on the tip of my tongue. I wish you had favorite stories in your profile (favorites are one of my favorite ways to find new stories), I would be very interest to know what stories you go back to again and again.

This story has a new title, and (thanks to HaltWhoGoesThere) the copy edits so many of you asked for. I apologized that it took so long (if anyone understands why the edits took two weeks to be approved by the moderator, please let me know). All the stories in the series have been edited, I will repost them one-by-one, and they will be retitled as well to create the chapters (that so many of you asked for). Thanks so much for reading, and for your comments and emails.

Great series, very well written and definitely a very different style than many other stories (in a good refreshing way). I can only say thanks so much for sharing it here and express my hope on further parts.

Thank you szymon, and you’re very welcome. I’ve enjoyed reading the stories on this site for years, contributing has been a wonderful surprise. I’m looking forward to having the renamed and copy edited versions posted, giving myself (and Annie) a break while that gets done.

Nice story, still a lot of editing needed, story just jumps around

Because I’m not following an outline or plan Servemist, but instead writing these stream -of-conscience, jumping around in time has been helpful for me as a beginning author (this is my first work of fiction). And I do think it adds to the stories (I like the experience of feeling a bit lost as a reader and then having to find my way back to the narrative). I do however worry about the flashbacks being a distraction for readers. I’ve imagined a version of these stories written chronologically - or even just breaking out an episode, like the scene with the saleswoman, and telling it from behind to end. It might be something I experiment with down the line. In the meantime I hope you’ll enjoy these stories as they are written.

Superb.

Best

Story

Ever

Seriously, even before the kink was revealed, which I love, I already loved it so much. Well written, tense, complex, insightful…

… Oh, and while the ending was unusual and unexpected, it worked, it really did, I don’t know how or why. … I guess as a new dimension (already) to Annie’s submissiveness. Which you almost have to admire.

total rubbish very one sided

Rubbish Anon, life isn’t always fair, but there are lots of other stories out there. Enjoy!

Just amazing what a firecracker, where does it go from here, almost can't wait to find out. How come such original work doesn't get some mention in the hall of fame. Yes the writers there are very good but having several entries each and nothing from SNS and other is disappointing.

Thank you so much Hall of Fame-Anon, I’m so glad to know you’re enjoying the stories!

Exquisite and a subject close to my heart. I find your characterizations to be spot on and Annie is a very believable and sympathetic character. I hope to get know more about Michele as the story progresses and hopefully Nancy will prove to be a willing and enthusiastic player as well. Erotic fiction at its very best.

Beautiful

Thank you monasissy (and AliceGee!) so glad to see readers are still finding TSG and enjoying it.

Love the story with a twist at the end I wonder if Nancy got to join in😉

OK. Wow! Powerful.

Thrilling! I am so glad I found this series

Unbelievably great writing, forcing the reader to yearn for more while holding her in the moment. More, more please!

I love this, very powerful. The whole thing about non-consent and non-verbal implied consent is such an important and vexing conundrum. The incident at the end was surprising & hot. Yeah dorm life & roommates, it’s a thing.

That's just fabulous. I am absolutely there, seeing it all - feeling it all. Thank you.