Candy's Fashion House Ch. 13

I flopped down in my chair, I felt like the world was caving in around me.

"We have built this business around Kelli. You are the face of this company and after that TV spot the reaction was all positives. We have received nothing but positive comments like it's so good to see an honest face in the industry. If Kelli just disappears we lose all of that credibility and everything we have built comes into question. Shit if I thought you weren't comfortable as Kelli I would never have pushed that angle so hard. Lately you seemed so into being Kelli I thought you were here for good."

"I am sorry; I just don't know what to do."

"If you kill off Kelli we have a serious problem."

I worked late with the construction crew; it was fun being around the construction guys. It was funny to hear the comments though. They were all looking for the hot chick that was in charge.

One of the guys who was one of those typical macho construction workers bragged. "Yeah I would love to get between her legs and fuck her the way she needs to be fucked, long and hard." as he adjusted his crutch. The guys all laughed. "You haven't got a chance bud she is way out of your league."

It was also weird going into the men's urinal. I had been using the woman's for so long it had become normal. I was standing there the big macho guy came in and stood beside me. He had been bragging about the size of his dick, I had never looked at another guys junk in the urinal before but I took a peek. Shit he wasn't lying, fuck he was hung like a porn star. Now that was weird, fucking hell, now I was looking at dicks in the toilet.

It was really late when I got home, I went straight up and showered and cleaned myself up. I went to find some clean clothes only to find all of Michael's clothes had been removed. I pulled out all the drawers rummaged through all the wardrobes but nothing, there were no signs of Michael's existence like I had never even existed.

I went downstairs wrapped in a towel. "OK girls where are my clothes?"

They both looked at me with knowing smiles and said in unison. "What do you mean Kelli?"

"It's Michael now you scheming bitches. Now where are my fucking clothes?"

They both just smiled and shrugged.

"I am not joking girls, if you don't bring out my clothes I am out of here."

They both looked back and forth between each other as if they didn't believe me and shrugged again although I noticed Alecia had lost her look of confidence.

I lost the plot entirely. "OK then fuck you both. I turned and walked back up the stairs. Pulled back on my dirty clothes and stormed back down the stairs. I walked straight for the door and didn't look back.

That night I booked into a cheap hotel. I cried myself to sleep. I had become a snivelling wreck lately. The whole night I stewed over what the hell I was going to do.

The next day Alecia called and asked if we could talk.

I agreed to meet her for lunch. I went down to a little bar not far from the factory. I ordered a beer and found a table. As I was finishing my beer Alecia walked in. She sat down across from me. "Michael what happened the other night? Maybe you can explain what went wrong?"

I took a deep breath OK. "It's no secret I am uncomfortable around men. I don't like to be touched or groped. When we go to clubs or bars, guys just seem to think it's OK to grab me, or play with my arse. It scares the hell out of me and I get tense and nervous. It freaks me out and I don't like it."

Alecia looked confused. "Babes I just don't understand, Candy loves guys doting on her."

"Yeah well that's because Candy is gay and I am not, that's the difference."

"The other night, the guys at our table were all handsome nice young guys, they were just out for a good time. Like us they wanted to dance and blow off a little steam. It's not like anything was going to happen. It was just some innocent fun. We just talked and danced. If you had let your guard down you might have enjoyed it as well."

I gave a little snigger. "Alecia you are dreaming, Guys don't want to dance! They buy you drinks to get you drunk. All those guys wanted was to get laid. You forget I am a guy and I know how guys think and what they want. Each and every one of those guys the other night wanted one thing and one thing only and that was to get into your panties and fuck you. Dancing and buying drinks is just part of the mating game they have to play to take you home."

She looked like she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

"The reality is its all bullshit Alecia, Kelli is just a fantasy."

She was shaking her head in disbelief. "I'm sorry you feel that way; I really thought you loved being Kelli. I didn't realise all this was so hard for you."

"Christ Alecia it has been a real struggle. The other night was a lightbulb moment for me. It all came crashing down around me. I can't go through my whole life living a lie. I'm sorry if it upsets you but I can't live two different lives. Michael is back and he is here to stay! Kelli is a thing of the past."

"Then what happens to us? What do we do?"

"I don't know Alecia I guess the balls in your court. I guess that's the sixty four thousand dollar question. I have developed feelings for you and I like living together but I can't take the way Lauren puts me down and insults me. I refuse to live like that."

It took a couple of days before Lauren rang me and asked me to go home that night and talk to them. When I got there they were already prepared and waiting, sitting around the table like a war conference. I started. "OK girls what do you want to talk about?"

Lauren was biting her lip trying to maintain control. "We have to sort out what is happening. We want Kelli back."

I laughed loudly. "Sorry but that's not happening."

Alecia was looking at Lauren with a strange look on her face. "Guys I think I am going to go back to my place for a while. I think the two of you need to sort this out on your own. Maybe me being here isn't helping. At least if I'm not here you can share a bed together. Couples shouldn't sleep in separate beds."

Lauren flipped. "Oh my god no please, don't you dare leave me here with this idiot. No if you go I'm going with you and dimwit here can have the house to himself."

Alecia was adamant. "No I think its best if you stay and work it out together."

"No way." Lauren screamed. "You can't do this to me I love you."

Alecia shook her head. "You two have to talk. If I stay I will just get in the way."

Lauren pleaded. "Please stay please don't go, please..."

Eventually Alecia relented. "Yeah all right Lauren but I'm going to bed now. You guys have to talk and sort this out." She got up and left Lauren and I sitting in the lounge.

Lauren barked angrily. "Fuck you Michael. See what you have done. You are chasing Alecia away. You are ruining everything. It was all going so well. It's all because of your stupid male ego. All you had to do was dance with a couple of guys, and have some fun, but oh no you had to get all agro and stupid. Now you have fucked it up."

"Why is it fucked up Lauren?"

"Don't you understand you fucking moron. She is going to leave unless Kelli comes back."

"Don't be ridiculous you are trying to guilt trip me into bringing Kelli back that's all you want. This is all about you. The fact of the matter is you prefer women, you like Kelli, Michael has served his purpose so you don't want anything to do with me now. You keep going on about how you love me, but the truth is you don't love me, well not unless I give up my manhood and pretend to be a woman."

She got all defensive. "No it's not like that at all. I love Michael as much as Kelli. Alecia and I have talked about this over and over and she is really upset. She loves Kelli but doesn't think she can be intimate with Michael. Remember baby she is a lesbian and its Kelli she fell in love with. You killing off Kelli and bringing back Michael is what's pushing her away."

"So hang on a minute Lauren, it's OK for her to be uncomfortable around men but I'm supposed to love it?? Fuck you Lauren at least she is a woman, not a make believe bloke in a dress."

That's when the fight started for real. She got angry and started yelling. I walked out back to my hotel.

The next week flew by. The construction crew were going flat out. I was dealing with equipment suppliers and fabric and material suppliers and dealers, trying to make sure that there were enough materials on site so the construction wasn't slowed or stalled. I was working until late in the evenings. I was stalling all of the planned face to face meetings and doing as much as I could over the phone. I deferred as much as possible to Siobhan who was being helpful. She was freaked out about the business collapsing. Candy refused to help. She was trying to use it as leverage to get me to bring back Kelli.

I went into work on the Wednesday morning to find the whole team gathered in my office.

As I walked in Karla declared. "All right everybody let's get started. Michael sit down we need to talk."

Aw fuck it was an intervention.

Karla started. "This situation is serious. Firstly we need to recognise and acknowledge what a stellar job you have done up to this point. Siobhan has just run us through the web site and social media pages. The increase in public awareness and traffic over the web site since the TV spot is absolutely amazing, and it's all because of you."

I wanted to say something but Candy grabbed my arm as Karla continued.

"Michael I think we all realise it must be difficult enough to go through the changes you have but then to pile all the fame on top of it, well that must be even more difficult. If you are struggling and Kelli is gone for good as you have been saying, we need to make some changes. The world now associates Candy's with Kelli. If Kelli isn't going to be around then we need to do some damage control and we need to find a new face to represent this company. I don't think you will be able to run this business as Michael. If that is the case we need to find another face to represent us and it makes sense that they also lead the company. So it is imperative that we find out exactly what your plans are."

Alecia grabbed me by the arm and held me tight. "Michael we didn't want to corner you like this but we have tried to talk to you individually and you fobbed us all off. Surely you can see how this impacts the company. It's not just a decision about your life it's also about the company and all of us and let's not forget all of the employees. There is a lot riding on this."

Karla started again. "We need to somehow establish how much harm losing Kelli will have on the business. Siobhan feels that there will be a drop off in interest which will reflect in sales. So we need to know whether we can afford to go ahead with the extension if Kelli isn't going to be here to lead the company."

I was overwhelmed, angry and embarrassed all at the same time. I stood back up from my chair and took in a deep breath trying to maintain my composure. "Well if you all feel the same way and think it's that important I guess you better find a new face because I'm not being railroaded into doing something just because it's what you think is best. Go ahead and find a fucking replacement and I will resign. I will go back to my former life. Fuck the lot of you. You can do this yourselves" I went to get up and walk out but Candy grabbed me by the arm and held on for dear life.

Karla entered again. "Michael we don't want you to leave. We don't want to lose you. We need your enthusiasm. What we were hoping is for you to give us some time? If you could keep Kelli around until we figure out where to go or what to do. Please we need Kelli to see us into a transition period. Even if it's just for work, go home and change back and be who you want to be at home."

The anger was raging inside, and I was trying to keep it in check, I was so close to exploding, but I knew anything I said would just be reactive, and I would end up saying something I would regret.

Candy was still gripping my arm fiercely. She normally has such a tough personality, but I could see tears were forming in her eyes. "Sweetie I am so sorry for this. I am beside you one hundred percent, I would love Kelli to be around. But I will support you whatever happens. I am your friend Kelli I will always be behind you."

Siobhan spoke up. "It's me you have to be angry at. This was my idea. I have been so worried about what to do. This company needs Kelli, we need her drive, enthusiasm, passion and just her get stuck in and get your hands dirty attitude. I don't know that we can survive without her. This is my fault as well, because I saw in Kelli the way to develop interest in our company. Kelli is such a star. I made a conscious decision to drive everything from Kelli's persona. I am sorry I wouldn't have done it except I thought you were so settled in Kelli's skin. You have developed into a beautiful sexy woman and you seem so natural. That's partly why people fall in love with you. It's made developing the brand so much easier. I apologise for screwing you over. This was not an attempt to push you out. I don't want to see you upset, this is entirely my fault, I feel terrible." She had barely stopped talking when she burst into tears running out of the office with tears rolling down her cheeks.

The others were standing around and it was deadly silent. Lauren threw her ten cents worth in. "Michael please think of everybody here instead of just yourself. There's a lot riding on this for all of us. Please Michael we all love you."

I screwed up my nose and was going to say what I thought of her bullshit comment. She was just using the company and the others to get me to keep dressing as Kelli so Alecia would stick around. I just swallowed those thoughts.

I shook my head. "It doesn't feel like it at the moment Lauren. I walked out and went back to work with the construction crew. I saw Siobhan sitting in a corner outside bawling her eyes out, with her head in her in her hands resting on her knees. I went over and sat beside her. "Hey honey it's OK, it's not your fault. You did the right thing." She flung her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder, "Yeah well it doesn't feel like I did the right thing. I am so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have warned you about today. Once I talked to the others it sort of snowballed. I feel so terrible please don't hate me, I'm not trying to force or bully you into being Kelli. I just thought maybe for work you could be Kelli and Michael at home or something, I don't know I think I have fucked up haven't I."

I laughed. "No it's me that fucked up. I should never have started this crossdressing thing in the first place."

"No that's not right. Things happen for a reason. Take a look around you. All of the great things that have happened here wouldn't have happened, we wouldn't have met. Even though I have let you down I am still incredibly happy that we met. I just wish I had warned you about today. It wasn't fair of me. Just think of it this way, all of these amazing things happened because you met Candy. She would never have got this off the ground let alone be the success that it is. You would still be working construction. All of the people working in the factory now wouldn't have jobs. Most of them couldn't get work because of their gender issues. There are not a lot of employers where being transgender is a plus instead of a negative. Lots of our workers couldn't get jobs because of their sexuality. You have done something amazing. Your dressing as Kelli was the glue that pulled this whole thing together. If you have to go back to being Michael well maybe that's another road we all have to go down."

I shrugged. "Yeah maybe."

She smiled at me. "I am sorry you are so confused about who you are. I guess it must be difficult to be two different people in the one body."

The meeting had disintegrated when I left. We sat there and watched as they all filed out and left.

I went back inside where Candy tackled me. She dragged me back into the office closing the door behind us.

She sat me down and pulled a chair up in front of me. She held both of my hands in hers and looked me in the eye. "Please honey you have to talk to me. You have to talk to someone, at least I might understand."

I had survived the conversation with Siobhan without tears but not this time. I started to cry. "I can't explain it Candy. Everything was going so well. I was loving my life and starting to feel totally at peace with Kelli. Then we went out to that fucking club and it all turned to shit. I was so proud of myself modelling those outfits on television and I held it all together, but then some sleazy guy chat's me up in a bar and I fall to pieces. I got so angry; the worst of it though is Lauren pushing me. She keeps going on about me being into it. She thinks I like these guys hanging around."

Candy looked pensive. "So what does it matter if a couple of guys chat you up? You don't have to do anything."

"I don't know it just seems so fake."

"Sweetie it's going to be hard for you. You may not realise the effect you have on guys, people actually. I have seen you walk into a room and every guy is looking at you. You exude sexuality. You obviously don't see it but I am telling you it's there. You are so fucking sexy. Don't get me wrong Alecia or Lauren are more beautiful, prettier even, but you, you exude this sensuous exotic sexuality, sweetie it oozes out of you. I feel it and I'm fucking gay! If you get my motor running imagine what you are doing to them."

"Candy don't you see, that's part of the problem I feel like a fraud. I am not looking for anything sexual. I feel like letting them think I am is wrong. I feel like a cock tease, or something. Lauren and Alecia like to let the guys chase them knowing full well that they aren't going to go with them. It's not right; there is no honesty in it."

Candy smiled. "That is just life. There is no compunction to actually have sex with anyone, guy or girl. They throw themselves at you, but if you reject them that's their problem."

"I know that, and if Alecia and Lauren would support me when I reject them I would be fine. But that's not what's happening. They think because I'm wearing a dress I am a fucking queer!"

Candy pulled back sharply and gave me a hurt look.

I saw it straight away. "Shit I am sorry honey I didn't mean to upset you. That was wrong of me. I accept you are gay and that works for you. I just don't feel the same way."

She accepted my apology with a thin smile. "Honey there's nothing wrong with a little flirting, why don't you just give it a go. Bat your eyes at them, smile and just agree with them. Where's the harm. I'm sorry Kelli but it's a cross you will have to bare for being sexy."

"No that's where you are wrong you see. If I stay as Michael, then nobody cares. I can go wherever I want and nobody even sees me.

Candy was shaking her head vigorously. "No sweetie that's not the answer, that's the running away that Lauren's always whining about. You are too important to us all, and what's more you love being Kelli. I see it in your eyes; you come alive when Kelli is around. You are outgoing, bright effusive, you take charge and get things done. As Michael you go back into your shell. It might be hard to hear but Kelli is who you are, it doesn't mean you are gay. There's plenty of crossdressers who aren't interested in men. But you are lying to yourself if you don't admit that you like being Kelli."

It took another week before Lauren called me and asked me to go home. It was a Friday night. I agreed to meet with them. When I arrived there was no food prepared and I was bloody starving. I rummaged around in the cupboards and found enough to make us a dinner.