Canela y Clavo Ch. 13-15

"No. I have his number. And he lives in Key West, anyway."

Reyna's sunglasses are placed atop her curls. They reveal bemused eyes. "Didn't you have fun with him?" she asks.

"Yeah, but I have more fun with you," Tessa smiles, batting her lashes.

Rolling her eyes, Reyna chuckles. "Come here."

Grinning wide, Tessa sits down onto Reyna's beautiful, brown lap. Reyna lifts her eyelashes to reveal the cool, chocolate lakes of her eyes and the crinkled, smiling skin around them.

"I bought you a birthday gift," Reyna says, taking a puff of her cigar. "I meant to give it to you yesterday, but I was a little bit distracted. Look in the beach bag."

Tessa's lips twitch, then the lower one is snared under her front teeth. She reaches into the bag and finds two black boxes adorned with pink ribbons. They are professionally wrapped. At Reyna's insistence, Tessa removes the ribbon from the smaller box, and then the paper. It is a jewelry box.

"Rey," Tessa begins.

"Quiet," Reyna finishes.

The box is opened to reveal a beautiful gold necklace. It is thin and sparkling with an opal pendant (Tessa's birthstone) and what must be diamonds accenting it. It is so beautiful that Tessa is afraid to touch it. And Reyna's nimble fingers do not allow her to, anyway. Deftly, Reyna removes the necklace from its velvet-lined box and places it around her mistress's neck. Then she takes the second box from Tessa's unmoving hands.

The second box is opened to reveal another white box emblazoned with an icon of an apple. When Tessa looks down, she is surprised to find a tablet and its companion stylus. She looks quickly up to Reyna's eyes.

"So you don't have to carry around big books-for-class anymore," Reyna explains. "I heard that they're good for taking notes too...since you're in college."

A brilliant smile eclipses Tessa's face, accompanied by an equally bright laugh. "Reyna, I don't even have the words to thank you," she marvels. "I don't even have the words to describe you."

Reyna laughs.

"Thank you so much, baby," Tessa says sincerely. "Where did you even buy this stuff, Rey? And when?"

"You're welcome, Tessa," Reyna says. Tessa kisses Reyna's chin and then her lips before laying down on her chest. Reyna smells dark and forbidden; her soft skin is comforting and familiar in comparison. Tessa will never grow tired of this.

"Rey," Tessa whispers after a long time.

"Yes, baby?" Reyna asks, taking another puff of her cigar. (She knows by now that Tessa will ask for another puff if she is interested.)

Tessa plays with Reyna's big, emerald necklace. It is like the older, green sister to Tessa's stone. She has never seen Reyna wear it before, but the gold chain looks splendid against her tan skin. Tessa breathes Reyna in (and the cigar smoke in) and closes her eyes.

"I think...maybe I'm falling for you," she whispers. And she wishes she never whispered anything when Reyna tenses under her body. She wishes she could press rewind (to when she was telling Reyna how she felt, and Reyna hadn't processed it yet).

"Tessa," Reyna sighs. And when Tessa doesn't lift her head, Reyna lifts it for her with a finger under her chin. Her cigar is carefully balanced between the fingers of her other hand. "You cannot fall for me."

By now, Tessa's eyes are threatening to erupt with tears, her nose a fictional shade of pink and her lip poked out proudly.

"Says who?" the girl blubbers.

"Says I, and I am the party of interest. You cannot fall for me today or ever, Tessa. I am not my wife. I cannot even for a second pretend that you and I will have a future together. You know that, don't you? We won't have a future together."

"I know." Tessa has begun to cry, the tears bubbling over her eyelids like a geyser beginning to erupt.

"Then, you understand that you can't fall for me, baby. If that is the case, if you are, then you need to spend some more time away from me. I know that we have fun, but you're still in school, and I know that you have much more fun there."

"That's not the point, Rey," Tessa spews through her spigot. "The point is I don't want to go to school if it means I have to see less of you. I don't want you to tell Angie about us if it means that I won't get to sit on your lap anymore and kiss you and play with your hair and it always smells so good, Rey. The point is I think I lo--"

Reyna rushes to action.

"No, Tessa. Do not, don't speak it into existence. You know I care for you very much, but if you say that you love me, I will send you home now and invent an excuse to my wife about why I am home at the same time as her mother...and I will not see you again," she adds after a brief pause. Then, she puffs her cigar for emphasis.

(Tessa is defensive.)

"Angie would lose it if you did that! And Reyna, I don't want her. I want you."

Reyna pulls Tessa off of her body and stands so that she can see Tessa eye to teary eye. The girl's entire face is pink as a plum, her lip trembling wildly and her lashes wet with tears. She is a sore sight. Girls in bikinis should never cry.

"Listen to me very closely, Tessa. You cannot have me. You cannot ever have me, and you cannot ever love me. Baby, I care about you far too much to let you fall in love with me. That is a one-way street that leads only to more tears. I don't want that for you. I won't have that for you."

"Don't you want me?"

"I appreciate you, Tessa. I think you know that."

"You don't love me at all?"

"No, I don't."

Tessa's mouth falls open, her feet staggering a step back. This feels like a slap in the face (even though she knows what a slap in the face from Reyna feels like, and it feels nothing like this). Reyna looks very unaffected. Too unaffected, to the point where Tessa wonders if she even cares. And she has to, doesn't she?

"I do not love you because I know I can't. And I want you to feel the same for me. So, if that means I don't see you, then so be it. I have what I need from you, you can leave now. I will fly you home." And there goes the cigar again, resting between Reyna's lips as if to taunt Tessa.

Tessa sobers up fast. "I am not leaving. And you do not get to decide when you get to see me, Reyna. I am an adult, and--"

Reyna breaks Tessa off with a kiss, her hands coming to wrap around Tessa's ass (the cigar does not touch Tessa's ass). Instantly, the girl melts into Reyna's arms; she is malleable again. Reyna does not want to admit it, but Tessa is probably in love.

And when Reyna pulls away, Tessa's head comes to rest on her shoulder. She cannot stand to see Reyna now. She can't stand to look into her brown eyes and remember what Reyna told her...that she doesn't love her at all. Tessa can't bear to see that in Reyna's eyes.

"Baby, the moment you admit that you love me," Reyna says (puff), "this ends. That is the only way."

"Rey--"

"That is the only way," Reyna says, and she pulls Tessa back down into her lap. She nuzzles her nose into Tessa's soft hair, breathes her in. Tessa means very much to her, much more than her wife. Feeling her chest constrict, Reyna leans back. She does the cigar once more before sighing. "I left clues for Angie at home," she murmurs.

"What?" Tessa whimpers. Her voice is like a dismantled pen, seeping its deep blue ink into the paper around her.

"I left clues. Many clues about our affair. If Angie doesn't know by the time I get home, she is more shallow than I thought."

This explains too much. It explains the way that Reyna has forced Sydney into Tessa's arms and down her throat their entire trip. It explains why she has taken Tessa to Aruba at all. Reyna has been planning this all along. Tessa feels the bile bubble up into her esophagus.

"Well, what happens to us...when she finds out?"

"To me? I divorce my wife and go from there. What you do is up to you. I'm sorry," Reyna soothes, stroking Tessa's hair. "But, until then, let's enjoy our vacation. Okay?"

Tessa's head cocks to the side. She dodges Reyna's lips and furrows her brows in the telltale sign of her displeasure. She realizes where she is and who she is with, what she is doing. She shakes her head no, and then again. She does not see Reyna anymore. If she does, she does not make it obvious at all.

Tessa has had enough of her affair. (Because it is hers too.)

"Take me home," Tessa says. "Take me home. Take me home. Take me home."

15

Today, the neighborhood is silent. The children at play outside drown into the walls. Their mothers' voices and their dogs' territorial barks fade into the woodwork, fade into Tessa's sobs. And each rise and fall of her shoulders, each sob from her throat shakes her house and her bed and her soul. Each sob cleanses her of her love, of her blindness, of her sadness.

Tessa cries into her sheets until they are sticky and uncomfortable. She cries until she is so overstimulated from sobbing that the sheets feel like an anvil over her naked back and neck. She even cries into her dog, until she has a thought that maybe that is a bit unfair.

"Ah!" she screams. "Ah!" again and again until her well runs dry and she is left heaving and hyperventilating into her comforter. She kicks and screams at her pillow as if it is Reyna herself. After all, she has refused to see Reyna at all after their conversation. She has ridden on a separate plane and will spend her last two days of the beach crying alone (with Leia) in her bedroom.

Tessa's mom has asked her what is wrong. If it has anything to do with the surfer she has texted her pictures of. And her mother doesn't deserve the contempt that Tessa has directed at her, but Tessa can't help but be angry at any and everything (and one) in her general vicinity.

Reyna is so smart that she has evaded even her wife's questions by flying to Colombia from Aruba to handle business. (This, she informed Tessa of in a text.) Now, Reyna has not even lied to her wife about the business trip she left for. Reyna is so smart that she has left both of her blondes to languish in defeat and Reyna's absence. Damn Reyna. Fuck her. And it is the fact that forty-eight hours ago Tessa did fuck her that sends her into another fit of sobs. She has as much control over her emotions as the twins do at naptime.

But, in spite of it all, the tears are welcome. The fact that she is crying means that she is processing, and soon she will accept and move on. (Just no time soon.) Sobbing the last of her tears into her pillow, Tessa falls asleep.

In three hours, Tessa's phone begins to buzz from the other side of her bed. Leia groans at the sound, and Tessa apologizes softly. To distract herself from her misery, Tessa glances at the screen to see who is calling. To her dismay, the caller ID is Angie's. Tessa counts the vibrations, one through ten, until the phone ceases to buzz. And then, it buzzes again with a voicemail.

Reluctantly, Tessa lets the message play.

"Hey, apple pie, it's Ang," Angie's usually-chipper voice murmurs. "Tess, could you come over whenever you come back? I know you're busy, but I'm thinking we should talk. Give me a call when you get a chance."

Tessa feels the world imploding around her. First the inner core and now the outer (soon to be the mantle and then the crust). It is hard to stop tears from pricking into the corners of her eyes, but luckily, her tear ducts are dry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Angie opens the door, she has her hair in a high bun and a frown plastered on her lips. She is wearing a big, yellow sweatshirt and yoga pants. Angie slips Tessa in the door quickly and upon further examination, the twins are nowhere to be found. Tessa frowns; it's long after their naptime.

Angie leads Tessa to the living room, settling her on the big, yellow couch before joining her. She turns to face Tessa fully, placing her hand on her soft knee.

"Honey," Angie begins. "Has my wife...talked to you?"

"About..."

"About...us."

"Yes, she has."

Angie's face blanches.

"What did she say to you, Tessa? God, what did she do? Reyna's been so damn smug lately. She'll come and find me when she gets home and tell me how much fun she had working late."

"It's not that big of a deal," Tessa shrugs.

"What do you mean it's not a big deal? 'Course it is, Tess. God, babydoll, what are we gonna do?"

Tessa sighs, leaning back into the worn leather of the couch. She looks into Angie's scared, green eyes. They make her a little happy.

"Let's go upstairs," Angie frowns, pulling Tessa up from the couch to lead her to the stairs. She stares warily at the front door as if Reyna has been waiting to make her entrance. Trudging up the stairs in front of Angie, Tessa casts a glance at the twins' nursery door. It is closed and no sunlight shines from under it, a sign that Angie's children are fast asleep.

"Tessa Mae, what did my wife say to you?" Angie asks in the master bedroom. "You're holding out on me." She closes the door and walks over to Tessa, reaching out for her cheek.

"Angie, seriously..." Tessa frowns, pulling away.

"I'm not going to quit asking until you tell me," says Angie. Tessa can tell.

"She blackmailed me," Tessa finally concedes. It is strange to say the words out loud, no matter how true they may be. "Are you happy now?"

"Oh my goodness, sugar pie. I am so, so very sorry. What did she do? What did she want? To fire you? God, that woman. Did she put her hands on you?" Angie asks in a rapid-fire string of questions. Tessa is beginning to feel overwhelmed again. She feels her cool demeanor cracking into shards of ice. (Melting into a puddle of water.)

"No," Tessa reminisces. She looks back in her memory to the day in Reyna's car; she looks beyond her feelings, past and present. "She said she...liked me? And that if she had a mistress, she would be like me too. And that..." Tessa's voice trails off, her hands rubbing at her arms.

"That you guys are married so I had to be her mistress too. And if I didn't have sex with her, she would make your life hell, and move away, and I'd never get to see you again." Tessa feels the words flow from her mouth before she can stop them. She looks up to Angie gingerly, still unstable and vulnerable from Reyna's final blows to her. Angie is the first person she has told about this aspect of her and Reyna's relationship...and likely the last person she should have told.

"Oh. My. God," Angie exclaims, her hands flying to her mouth in theatrical shock.

"That bitch. Now, just who does she think she is to be treating you that way? You were already mine! She should've found someone else and we would've been even!"

"I told her that," Tessa frowns, sitting down on the bed. "I know."

"You did? Well, Reyna's so wicked, honey; that probably made her change her mind. You know, I had a feeling she'd been cheating on me. Probably with lots of girls, too. I found all of these damn papers in her office about hotels and apartments and clothes she bought on her company card..."

Angie's voice drowns into Tessa's thoughts. She hasn't loved Angie in a long time, she thinks. Slowly, her heart, her love, has been twisted into the possession of another. Slowly manipulated until it again stood proud, knocking at another's door. And what Tessa really can't stand is that somehow, after Reyna has done everything in her power to make Tessa fall in love with her, Reyna is not satisfied with Tessa in love with her. Reyna will not answer her door.

"--Was that you?" Angie exclaims. "You don't deserve none of this, Tess. God, I'm madder than a wet hen."

Meanwhile, Tessa looks upset, but not as upset as she should be. She is fidgeting with the ripped knee of her jeans. This is around the time when Angie notices Tessa's tan.

"How was the beach, babe?" Angie asks, stroking Tessa's blond hair that she cut to her shoulders again. (She doesn't understand why Tessa cut it; it looked better when it was long.)

"It was good," Tessa says, pulling away yet again.

"Where'd you go?" Angie says. And then Angie notices the fading hickeys on Tessa's neck from her boyfriend.

"Aruba."

Angie frowns. She cannot imagine how Tessa's parents would be able to afford a trip like that, even for their only daughter. And given the salary that Reyna and she agreed upon paying Tessa (not to mention the car Tessa just bought and Tessa's lack of recent work), Aruba just didn't make sense. Angie's eyebrows knit in concentration. She also remembers a paper she found in Reyna's office detailing the expenses for a work trip to a luxury island resort. The cogs in Angie's head begin to spin.

"Oh, babydoll. I am so sorry. Did Reyna force you to go on vacation with her so she could molest you?" Angie asks softly. "Did she hurt you? Is that why you don't want to talk to me?"

One look at Tessa's expression and Angie is seated on the bed, her arms wrapped around the girl's torso. "Oh, Tessa Mae. I'm so sorry, babe. That lowdown, cold-hearted bitch."

Tessa immediately pulls her body out of Angie's reach. Upon second examination, she does not look very upset at all...more angry and hurt.

"Angie, you are not any better. How many fucking people had you cheated on Reyna with when you met me? When you met me and I was seventeen and you were pregnant?"

Angie frowns. "Tess, I--"

"How many people, Angie?"

"Since we moved here, just Jenifer from down the street and Irene...and then I did kiss Danica a couple times," she says. "But you have to understand something, Tess. I have a very strong libido. You and I have something special. It's not easy for me to stick to one person for too long."

Tessa becomes even more infuriated at this disclosure. Three of Angie's conquests were at her birthday party. (Though Tessa is not sure that Angie conquered Irene and not the other way around.) Tessa is starting to understand Reyna's anger better.

"Since you moved here?" Tessa says.

"Yes, Tess. Since I moved here," Angie says, scratching her arms. At this rate, Tessa hopes that they will start to bleed. So much for 'something special'. How is it possible with Angie's track record that she was magically able to find a committed relationship with Tessa (outside of her marriage)? Besides, Tessa already knows better from Irene. Her brows furrow.

"Wait, Jenifer who moved because her husband found out about her affair? That Jenifer? Was that you?"

"You don't have to be so confrontational, Tess."

"Fuck. How about before you moved here? Whose divorce did you cause before that? I thought what we had was special, Angie. I thought you loved me. I didn't know I was just another one of your 'many affairs.' I guess you were just using me too."

"I'm not using you, Tessa Mae. You're my girlfriend, and I--"

Tessa stands to her feet. "Your girlfriend? Are you fucking serious? And what, you love me? Is that why you still stay late at yoga to 'meditate' with Irene? Because that's not what she told me. Fuck. Who else did you cheat on me with?"

Angie feels shameful tears stream down her face. If she won't respond, her tears certainly have for her.

"Jesus, I'm leaving. I wish I had never started working for you. I wish we'd never met," Tessa says as she turns toward the door. But before she takes one step, Angie's hand is on her wrist, holding her back.