Car Talk

Ernie was visibly agitated. Emmie was teary, she missed her grandmother too.

"I'm sorry, Ernie, for your loss. I know how much it hurts to lose a family member. My mom was killed four years ago. It was an awful blow to my father, to my little brother, and to me."

"That's terrible! What happened to her?"

"One of the SEPTA buses got out-of-control and there was a horrible collision. Because it was their liability, they paid a lot of money to us as damages. Which is why I've deferred a year before going to college. So, I work at Green's Garage as a diversion; it's work I enjoy, and I just take a minimum wage to keep it all legal."

"Which reminds me, after we finish dinner, I have another portable air conditioner for Em's bedroom to set up tonight."

"Yay! It's so hard to sleep when it's still over 80° (27 °C) at 10:00. Thank you, Daniel." She gave him a wink.

The conversation moved on to other topics.

Ernie: "Emmie, this is delicious. But I wouldn't mind having something with more kick than San Pellegrino."

Daniel chimed in, "Agreed! It's Friday night, something frosty and foamy would be great."

Emmie: "You boys settle down. First, we don't have ID cards showing legal age. Second, Grandpa, although you're old enough..."

Ernie snorted.

"... you can't walk that far, stand in a store checkout, and then walk back. It's not realistic."

"You can drive, Emmie, right?"

"Of course."

"Then I think we have a solution. I'll show you both, after our gelato," he smiled.

- Out Back -

Ernie led them into the back yard to a little detached garage. "Here's the padlock key, Daniel."

Daniel opened the hasp and swung wide the double doors, stepped back and gasped. "That's a, uh-"

"That's my 1964 Chevrolet Impala Hardtop. I'm the only owner, and it's in almost new condition. It's got a 327 cubic-inch V8 with a Powerglide automatic transmission."

Daniel opened the driver's door and peered at the dashboard. "Only 16,000 miles on the clock? You've got to be kidding me! My father would sell me to the circus to get his hands on this."

"I was thinking, if we could get her running then Emmie could take me to the store for booze, and for appointments and so on."

"Ernie, with all respect, your idea is crazy. You can't take a classic car like this to go shopping! In the first place, repaired, running, and cleaned, this car is worth tens of thousands of dollars at auction. Second, it can be hot-wired and stolen in 90 seconds, just pulling a few wires from underneath the dashboard. I'm getting nervous just having this car visible from the street."

"Let's lock up and go back inside and talk further, OK?"

Chapter 7: A Hot Date

Daniel had a wicked idea. He explained it to Emmie and Ernie first. With their approval, he called his father.

"Dad? It's Daniel. Listen, you busy Sunday night? Good. I got you a hot date. She's a little older than you, born in 1964. Trust me, though, you won't see anything to show how old she really is. And she's very stylish. But Sunday will be casual, just wear ordinary clothes. Please meet us at Ernie Fontana's house Sunday at 5:00. Yeah, Emmie's grandfather. Maybe bring a bottle of red wine? I'll text you the exact address."

"One more thing, I'm spending the night here, so don't wait up, and don't worry. Yeah, Ernie is here. Yes, don't worry about that. I'll be home tomorrow before noon. Love you too. Bye, Dad."

Ernie regarded them, crossly. "Spending the night? You might have mentioned that earlier, Emily Grace Thomas."

"Ooh, all three names. Maybe I shouldn't stay."

Ernie growled, "Shut up, Daniel. I'm not done with my snit yet. And if you go, who's going to guard my Impala?"

"Emily, I think Frank and I have similar concerns. You two aren't going to create a bunch of little brown mechanics, are you?" (Daniel is African-American.)

"Grandpa, we are being extra careful. We both know how to avoid pregnancy. I'm just starting college, and I don't want motherhood for years yet."

"As long as you're quiet. He's a big guy, but no Tarzan yelling in my house, understand? And there's only one bathroom, so let's be polite about sharing it. Am I clear?"

"Crystal clear, Mr. Fontana." "Yes, Grandpa."

"Ernie, your TV is hooked to Comcast, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Emmie's going to need the internet for her college and schoolwork. I would like you and her to call them Monday and upgrade your cable to have Wi-Fi. It's probably a small monthly fee, especially in the first year. In the meantime, we can connect using my phone."

"Grandpa, my dad is going to pay for our internet out of my college fund. It's not a problem."

"I'm going to do some research tonight--don't give me that look--research on Impalas, and I'll let you know at breakfast what I find out."

"OK. Speaking of youth and inexperience, I'm going to watch the Phillies in Miami. It's never good to play 'race to the bottom' with a bunch of fish."

"Em, let's put your laptop on the kitchen table. I'll help you connect it to my phone's hotspot. I'll get my bag and the second a/c unit from my car."

Back in the kitchen, Daniel sat to the side. "Em, you drive, so you remember how to do this. Here's my phone; you have the same model, but I have an unlimited plan so there's no limits on my data. Go to settings, connections, and turn on the hotspot. See, there's the wi-fi network name and password. Put the phone down and go to 'network connections' on your laptop. Yeah, that's the sad-looking globe down in the tray. Click that wi-fi name and type in the matching password. You're good to go!"

"Now, let's look at your wireless plan. Go ahead and pull up your account, and then, 'see my plan.' So, that all looks good, unlimited data. You can use your phone next time until your Comcast is upgraded. (Because the cable box will have faster wi-fi.) Log out from your account."

"Cool. I was missing my internet link at home."

"Well, now this is your home. Let's go to search and put in '1964 Impala.' Oh, too much. How about, '1964 Impala value.' That's more like it. Oh, I see now. These Impalas are the original 'low-rider' cars in California. Look at them, they have fantastic paint, crazy little wheels, and they can hop up and down like bunnies."

"Your grandfather's car could be transformed into a classic 'low-rider.' Or it could become a collector's car, since everything about it is so pristine. The interior is perfect, the paint looks new, and I didn't see any rust. On a 58-year-old Pennsylvania car!"

"I think my dad would pay Ernie just for the privilege of working on this car. I would too, except I don't have as much experience on reviving cars of that era."

Emmie was getting excited. "Look at these auctions! Is this a 'Super Sport' or 'SS' model? No? The engine was a 327, right? Oh, not the biggest, I see. Still, these are crazy prices. Here's one that is pretty close to Grandpa's model listed at $50,000--and it shows some obvious wear and tear if you look carefully."

"Hey, smart guy, let's shut this down for now and get my room cooling--before I get to heating you up!"

- Sunday -

Frank and Daniel showed up right on time, bearing pizzas and a chilled bottle of Italian Lambrusco. Emmie greeted them and introduced Frank and Ernie.

"I wondered why my granddaughter wasn't cooking, I guess you worked it out in advance."

"Yeah, my son's 'story' about tonight's 'date' fell apart right away. It's true that I should probably be socializing, but the advertised '58-year-old beauty' isn't human, I'm sure. Let's eat, and then I'll be ready to meet 'her.'"

Ernie approved the pizzas and the wine, and the leftover slices were consolidated into one box for later. Time for the big reveal.

Daniel again keyed the padlock and pulled open the two doors. He felt compelled to watch his father's face. Frank was stunned, his mouth hung open and eyes wide. "She's beautiful, perfect! A '64?"

Ernie nodded. "No rust? Clean interior? How many miles? Only sixteen thousand? You got to be shitting me! Oh, sorry Emmie."

"No problem, Mr. Green."

"Call me Frank, please. You're the only owner, Ernie? Oh, God, I want her in my shop, so bad. What's the plan, my new best friend?"

Laughing, Ernie explained how he wanted to proceed.

- The Plan -

"Obviously, I haven't been able to drive her for some time. Your son explained how a car like this, even if it was running, wasn't appropriate for running errands in the big city. Too valuable and easy to steal."

"So, Frank, what we want to do is carefully tow the Impala to your garage. You and Daniel will bring her back to life with the right tires, battery, belts, and so forth. Once she's back to running and restored to original showroom condition, we'll put her up for auction."

"If the plan works, from the auction you will get back all your direct costs from the rehab, and $5,000 for your labor. The remaining funds will buy a nice used car for Emmie to use while she's living here and take me with her when necessary."

"What do you think, Frank?"

"Hell, Ernie, I'd do this for free, labor-wise. I'll keep track of the hours, though. Also, I'll be coaching Daniel to do as much of the work as possible. The guy has no experience with classic cars from this era, so this is teaching him the basics while having fun."

The two men shook hands, and then Frank unexpectedly embraced Ernie. "This is a great privilege, my friend. I'll treat her with loving care."

Daniel closed the garage doors and restored the padlock.

"Son, are you spending the night?"

"Yes, Dad. I'll see you at work in the morning."

"Ernie, you'll tell me before he wears out his welcome, yes?"

Emmie interjected, "Frank, I'll make sure your son behaves himself."

"Then I'll go home to Jacob. In the morning I will arrange a special tow for the Impala and pass the details to you so you can unlock your garage for them. Thanks again, Ernie."

Later, Emmie and Daniel were cuddling together in her bed. The little a/c unit was running near the window.

"You're going to make me 'behave myself,' Em?"

"Maybe I should explain what I meant by that. First, you need to lie on your back. Then you need to get erect. I'll help you with that. Then you need to wear a rubber. Then you need to keep lying there while I ride you until I get my cookies. Are you ready to comply, Daniel?"

"I obey, my love."

Chapter 8: Resurrecting the Imp

Frank and Daniel watched nervously as the Impala was backed into a bay and unloaded. Since high school had not yet started, Jacob was with them too.

"Thanks, Rick, I appreciate you being gentle with our prize here. Let's go to the office and get you paid. Daniel, start a list of what parts we need for the Impala."

Daniel got a pad and started working on the list. He listed: "tires (what size/type?), belts, hoses, wiper blades, filters, spark plugs and wires, ignition parts (distributor cap?), grease for suspension, brake fluid, brake pads (or what?), oil and filter, coolant, transmission fluid, fuel filter, drain and refill fuel tank, and gas treatments (?)."

Jacob had wandered off, absorbed in his smartphone.

Frank returned to review the list. "OK, tires. The original tire was marked '8.00D14LT 4PR' so I'll get the modern equivalent, it's probably P215/75R14. I know some sources for classic car parts like the belts and hoses. Now, you noticed the brakes are both disk and drum types. More important, the pads and shoes are asbestos. We must be super careful with that."

"Don't you dare touch any of the plug wires until you have exactly mapped and tagged each wire from the distributor to the plug. This sequencing must be perfectly matched! We also need to replace the rotor, points, and coil. Probably the alternator and regulator are still OK."

"The fuel is a big question. Left long enough, gasoline can turn into jelly. Particularly the ethanol blends everybody sells now. The good news is that if the motor is not run with sticky old gas, the problem stays in the tank. We will pull the tank out and send it to a radiator shop for cleaning. When everything in the system is reconnected, we will add fresh premium fuel and bottles of lead substitute and fuel system cleaner."

- Two Weeks Later -

Only two things had been done so far to the Impala. The engine compartment had been degreased and steam cleaned. The exterior had been washed and polished. But Frank had collected all the required replacement parts and they were ready to begin.

"First, we're going to drop the fuel tank and radiator to send them out for cleaning. Jacob and I are going to guard you, Daniel, with extinguishers ready just in case. And this big electric fan is to blow the fumes away from you while you work."

After the tank extraction, the wheels were removed. Frank and Daniel geared up with masks and gloves to get the old brake dust off the wheels and then remove the asbestos parts and dust from the brakes.

By the end of the first day the Impala had modern brake parts installed and the cleaned wheels were back on with new radial tires.

The next morning Daniel was working on his own. He concentrated on the softer parts, replacing the belts, wiper blades, and air filter. He applied a protective coating to the rubber seals around the doors and trunk lids. The driver's door hinges were loudly complaining, so they were appropriately greased.

The day ended when he finished tagging and documenting the engine's electrical system. Along with his written notes, Daniel used his phone to photograph all the plug wires.

On the third day, Frank was back to work with Daniel. After replacing the battery, they huddled over the wiring notes and map.

"OK, Son. I'm going to step through each wire and make sure each connection matches your notes. Then we will install the new coil, rotor, and distributor cap to match your notes. Next, we will connect each cylinder one by one for real with the right wire and a new spark plug."

After lunch, the cleaned gas tank and radiator were delivered. Daniel re-attached the radiator, connected the new hoses, and filled the radiator with the appropriate antifreeze-coolant mixture. They finished the day reinstalling the fuel tank, pump, filter, and float sensor. Ten gallons of premium gas and two bottles of additives were loaded in.

- Wrapping Up -

Daniel phoned Emmie: "Good morning, Em. Dad thinks we might finish today, if we work hard and have some good luck. It's not running yet, but the Impala looks great and almost every part we needed to replace has been installed."

"That's wonderful news. You guys are amazing."

"Well, let me confirm our progress with you this evening, but if I do that, can you and Ernie be ready tomorrow at 9:00? I'll bring you here to the shop and you can watch us start her up and maybe you can drive around a few blocks, just for grins."

"Grandpa will be thrilled! And you and your dad are going to get my best cooking. And something else hot just for you, Daniel."

"I can 'hear' you winking, but I need to concentrate on the Impala today. Cross your fingers, and I'll call you when we're done to confirm. Love you!"

Frank watched him disconnect from Emmie. "Let's get her up on the lift. We need to drain then drop the pan and get all that ancient oil out. I have a new cork gasket, sealant, and oil filter. Same process with the transmission; I have those parts too. While they are draining, I'll help you grease all the suspension fittings."

As they were working, Daniel explained his idea for the coming morning's reveal.

Frank was concerned. "You know we haven't tried to even start it, yet. We don't know if the wiring is still good, the alternator is charging, if the valves operate, cylinder compression, if the carburetor is clogged or stuck, the steering, any of it."

"Dad, I told them to wait until tonight; I would confirm then that we would be ready for the morning reveal. I've been watching you fix cars for years now. There's no doubt in my mind this car is going to be perfect. And if there is something still wrong, we will just fix it."

"Let's install the pans, gaskets, and filters and get her off the hoist. Then add the new oil and transmission fluid and we can try for ignition."

Finally, they were ready for the first test. Frank sat behind the wheel, set the parking brake, and put the key into the dashboard lock. Closing his eyes, he twisted the key.

Nothing happened!

"Shit!"

He tried the "Accessory" position and turned on the radio. Still nothing. Frustrated, he pulled out the key and glared at Daniel. "Please tell me that battery was on the charger before we installed it!"

"It was, Dad, and I put the voltmeter on it to be sure before I installed it."

"OK, pop the hood."

Frank saw the problem immediately. The grounding strap from the battery was disconnected. "Daniel, for the 900th time, you must pay attention when you work on batteries. Stop daydreaming about Emmie and tell me what's wrong here."

Daniel was horrified. "Fuck me, I'll fix the strap. Sorry, Dad."

Back behind the wheel, Frank tried again. The starter growled: "rur-rur-rur-rur-rur." Frank took a couple of beats and tried again. A few more rur-tations and the engine coughed, sputtered, and then settled into a rough idle. The noises were load and low-pitched, compared to the younger cars in Daniel's experience.

Frank got out and grabbed a spray can from the bench. The hood was still up, so he spun the wing nut off the air cleaner lid, set it aside, and sprayed down directly into the carburetor's throat. With his free hand he twitched the spring-loaded throttle cable that was connected to the driver's "gas" pedal.

The idle was now running fairly smooth. "Daniel, get in so I can check the lights. Pull on the parking lights. Good, now the headlights. Now the high beams, stomp that little button on the floor. You see the indicator for high beams under the speedo? Good. Turn off the high beams but leave the headlights on for now. Turn signals, left, and right. Matching indicators in the dash? Good. Turn up the radio, now turn it off. Open your door, are the interior lights coming on? Good. I'm going around to the back. OK, headlights off. Turn signals again. Good. Put your foot firmly on the brake and shift into reverse. I see you groping, the shift lever isn't on the floor. Pay attention, it's on the steering column. Pull the knob towards you and move the pointer from P to R. OK, back to Park."

"Give me a couple of good bumps on the throttle, so I can watch the exhaust. Excellent! (I would have expected more smoking from a car of this age.) All right, switch it off."

"This car is just about perfect. All the old filament bulbs still work, even with six lenses on the back. What do you think, Daniel?"

"Sorry, Dad, there's a big problem: when I hit the brake pedal, it started sinking towards the floor. We must have a leak in the system."

"Hang on, I'm going to look under the hood. Start the engine so the power assist is activated. All right, step on the brake pedal. Keep pushing. OK, I see it now. Kill the engine and step out."

Frank quickly repaired the loose fitting and refilled the reservoir on the master cylinder, confirming there wasn't any air in the lines.

"All right, Daniel, let's try it again." This time, the brakes were solid.

"Leave the car running and step out. I'm going to give her a good test drive. Ride with me."

Chapter 9: Imp-fatuation

Gina watched closely as Frank and Daniel glided out on to the street. "They did it! It looks and sounds so beautiful and smooth."

Daniel kept watching his father's face. He thought, "I can't remember the last time I've seen him so happy!"

After a few blocks, they ramped onto I-495 and opened her up to highway speed. Frank felt masterful as he piloted the powerful and heavy Chevrolet through the light traffic. He checked, all four dashboard warning lights were off, as he expected. After passing a few exits he exited the interstate and turned back on regular streets towards the garage. Sometimes, people would gesture and smile at Frank in his beautiful car. Frank's face radiated happiness.