Caring

And would have stayed like that till morning if they had let me. But they didn't. Gloria turned me over and was laying on me, kissing me, Angela was on her side beside us, her hand was on my leg. I could feel Gloria's tongue in my mouth, it had never been there before, I could feel her pussy grinding on my leg, then she was rising up and Angela guided my new erection and Gloria impaled herself on it — I could feel myself slowly slide into her, I could hear her gasps, feel her body shudder and it arrived in her before I was fully in, the quaking, the cries, the stiffening of her body and then she rolled off me, and was pushing me as Angela was pulling me and I was on the big soft body, then in her.

I warned her before I came, but she didn't seem to care, neither one of them seemed to care and when I collapsed on her Gloria was stroking me again, kissing my face wet with perspiration then she was pulling me over and I was lying on her, her body so different from Angela's.

"Do it again," I heard Angela say.

"I think he's had enough," I heard with relief. I'd had enough... until sometime during the night when I climbed on Angela.

She was sitting on the bed putting on her bra, looking, I thought, pleased with herself when Gloria called from downstairs to say they were in a hurry. She got up and as she finished adjusting her bra she looked at me enquiringly.

"That was great Angela. Thank you."

She smiled. "A night to remember."

"I hope I was a gentleman... I wasn't always in control."

"None of us were. That was the point." She grinned, as she quickly did up her blouse.

"Did you have fun? Would you like to do it again sometime?"

As she was leaving the room she said over her shoulder, "If she needs me I will always be there for her."

I met Nancy after work, we were slowly walking the River Trail again, at her insistence, her hand in mine. "She had me off the bed, my head was on the floor, my legs were flopped over on the bed. She was eating me, laughing and eating. It felt weird, I was upside down, like I was a rag doll but then it felt great because she wanted me that way, she was happy, she was having fun. It's hard to describe. She bit me once down there, on the lip, bit me hard. It hurt, I cried out, flinched. She apologized, I was pissed, but just for a moment, then I wanted her to do it again, if she wanted that I wanted her to have it. It's strange, I know, I had a hard time with my emotions... trying to figure them out. But it wasn't just sex she wanted, there was something in me she wanted even more, something that I didn't even know was there and when she found it, I sort of found it too — it's like she discovered it for both of us, a value, something a lot deeper, something that had some meaning... I don't know what it is, but it's there. Anyway, she makes me a different person, that's what I'm trying to say. A lot better person."

She let my hand go and went over to kick a soccer ball back to some kids... and almost missed it but didn't even notice. She took my hand again, squeezing it for reassurance. "In pretty much every aspect of my life I'm controlled, I'm restrained, I'm self-contained and, ya," she giggled, "I'm self-centred like now. But it's boring... even to me it's boring because I'm boring. I want to get outside of myself, she takes me there. She hasn't done anything to me that I don't want and maybe she can't. I'm looking for my boundaries and I hope they're far far away."

She pulled me down, got up on her tip toes and kissed me on the cheek. "I shouldn't tell you this but I like it dirty, it surprises me but I have to admit, I do. She likes me to lick her ass..."

"Come on, Nanc, Jeez."

"Oh, phoooff, she does. It took me awhile but I started to do it and I like it because she likes it so much. One time she was dirty down there but I did it anyway — I'm disgusted thinking about it now... and you are too, you wimp, but I did it. It thrilled me."

I needed to change the subject. "How has that discovered value effected you?" I said, with some sarcasm.

She didn't pick up on it. "I feel liberated, I feel I have some... gravitas, it's given me some self-respect - she's given this to me, too; it's like she's given me the confidence to want to find my boundaries — intellectual boundaries but emotional and sexual, too. I want to be on the top of my head on her bedroom floor. I want to be excited and I want to be exciting. What do you think? Do you find me exciting?

"You're smart, you're figuring out what you want, you're going after it. That's exciting."

When we got back to the car I was about to start it but she pulled my hand away and came over and squeezed into me. "Hold me Mike. I need you to hold me" I did feeling like it was a little wrong but a lot right too. "Do you love me? Do you think you could love me?"

"What do you think?"

She looked up at me, searching my face at first, then smiling. "I think you do. I think we've discovered each other at just the right time. I think you need me as much as I need you — you're as dependent on me as I am on you."

I squeezed her and rubbed her arm in a kind of tacit agreement.

She had her arm around my waist, her palm was flat against my kidney, her fingers were hinting about going under my belt; I could feel her breasts pressing against my chest. "You're different today. Something happened. What?" She waited for me to say something but I didn't and wasn't going to but I was putty in her little hands and it was boiling in me, wanting to get out. She looked up at me searching my eyes then she rose up further and kissed me on the lips. "It's Gloria, isn't it? Something happened. Come on, tell me."

"It's adult, Nanc."

She giggled. "She'll be home by about now — she got to hear it, too. Let's go and tell her."

We drove in peace for a few minutes, a peace she ultimately interrupted. "It's part sexual, our relationship, isn't it? Do you feel it too?"

"Come on, Nanc."

"I'm 20 for fuck's sake, I'm not a kid, even though you treat me like one. Do you feel it?"

I looked straight ahead not saying a word.

"On the one hand I want to have sex with you but on the other hand I don't because I don't want to spoil this, I don't want it to change — I like the sexual tension between us; it makes me feel good. Helen sees it. She says our sex is always better after I've seen you. She thinks it's cool. She thinks you'd like to watch us have sex together, her and me. Would you?"

"Come on, Nanc. jeez. Why are you always talking sex?"

"Because I just discovered it. I'm working out my feelings, or trying to... you're no help. Would you? Would you like to watch us having sex together? It's not a hard question. It's yes or no."

"Ya, but it's not a yes or no kind of question, is it? Maybe it's a 'would you like to watch two girls having sex together.' Yes. 'Would I like to watch, specifically, you two girls having sex together.' No. Maybe it's one of those deals?"

"Is it?"

"Piss off."

"I'm going to ask her, see if she'd do it. I'm proud of us together, I'd like to know what you think."

"I can tell you what I think. I think you're nuts."

"I'm going to ask her."

We drove for a bit in silence, I was trying to shut out the image she left me with and trying to figure out if I needed Helen's help... when she exploded. "What am I supposed to think about sex anyway. I had a mother who couldn't get enough of it, from wherever it came from; I have an aunt who doesn't get any, as far as I know; a father, you, who can't deal with it, and a partner, I guess that's what you'd call her, who does it instead of going to the gym. I mean seriously, what am I suppose to think about it?"

"You're asking me? Why don't I explain it to you right after I explain the theory of relativity."

"Ya, well, it seems that complex to me, too but you know what? I can explain the theory of relativity, what I can't explain is why I want you to be my dad and why, at the same time, I want you to climb into my bed."

"It's because all we ever talk about is sex."

"Because I'm trying to figure it out. Who else am I going to talk to about it? Gloria? Ah, I think not. Helen? Ah, no, she's the reason I'm having it. Who else? I don't have anyone else and anyway, I like to talk to you about it, it's the blind leading the blind, you never lecture, you always make me feel that we're working through a problem together." She laughed. "You make me feel like an equal."

I laughed, too.

"Plus, talking about it with you is a little like doing it with you... I can get all creamy."

"I fucked a girl name Angela three days ago... Gloria was there... she wanted me to, and do you know why? So she could..."

"STOP!! Don't tell me this... wait for Helen."

"God, are you sure?" Helen had her feet up on the coffee table, I could see a lot more thigh then was comfortable.

"If I was sure I wouldn't be mentioning it," I said. "That's the question I have for you. Is that what that was about?"

She was slumped on the couch, her arms folded over her breasts. "She didn't have sex with... what's her name. Angela?"

"No, there was no hint of that."

"Pretty devious," she said, smirking approvingly.

"Pretty desperate," Nancy chipped in, less approvingly.

"What have you done about it?" Helen asked.

I stood up, pissed off. "Do you know when all this started to change for me?" I didn't wait for their guesses. "When I came home that night and you two were having sex in Nancy's bedroom, that's when everything changed, for me and for her. It was you two and your run-amuck libidos."

"Run-amuck compared to yours." Nancy snickered. "He wants to see us having sex together."

"I do not!" I protested.

"You do so," Helen grinned. "It's every guy's wet dream." She turned to Nancy. "Want to go to Wilber's?"

Nancy beamed "Ya, I'm starving," she grinned at me, "the other kind of hunger."

At the tavern she put her chair tight against mine and was hugging my arm. The place was packed, loud and young, I might have been the oldest guy there, Helen might have been up there, too.

She was looking around. "She's always looking for girls she's had sex with." Nancy needed to almost yell it for me to hear her.

"Does that make you jealous?" I yelled back.

She shrugged her shoulders which told me nothing. She leaned into me, deliberately rubbing her breasts against my arm and brushing her lips against my ear. "Would it make you jealous if Gloria was out fucking some guy right now?"

It was no throw away; she was looking up at me waiting for my answer. I didn't have one, but I had thought about it before. I tried now. "Ya, I think it would."

She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. "That's good, isn't it?"

Ya, it was until I realized there was a very good possibility it might be happening right now — I had no idea where she was or what she might be doing, I never did.

"But she isn't — do you know why I know?"

"Why?"

I leaned in for the answer when a waiter pressed between us putting a pitcher of beer down in the middle of the table and three glasses still warm from the washer. I filled the glasses leaning towards her waiting for her to tell me but she didn't, she was clinking glasses with Helen while following her point to a woman waving from some distance away at the bar.

It got even busier then. People materialized, mainly girls... women; it was too noisy for talk; they had to almost scream into each others ear, but no one seemed to mind, especially Nancy who looked on with a blissful grin until she was pulled away by someone and I was left alone to wonder why I was there.

Because if I wasn't I would be home alone.

Would that be such a bad thing?

Ya, it would, it was no longer good enough for me: I was coming out, just like Nancy was, the Nancy who was yelling into some guy's ear that I was her father.

Neither one of them is much of a drinker, if anyone staggered on the walk home it was me — I was going to have to take a cab.

They de-briefed on the way back with lots of names and innuendos and they kissed in the elevator ride up, a lingering kiss with little passion, then Nancy whispered in her ear. When I walk into their place I realized I had no reason to be there, I could have called for a cab at the bar or in the lobby. Four steps in I turned to leave but Nancy grabbed me by the arm. "You weren't there for my first day of school, you weren't there for my christening, you weren't there for my first period, my graduation, my anything... you're going to be here for this."

Helen leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm taking a shower."

I was saying 'goodnight' when Nancy pulled me to the couch and pushed me down. Then she went and got me a beer I didn't need as I waited for her to fill me in.

She sat down beside me, her hip touching mine. "You're fun, you know — when you loosen up you're fun, you're not so judgmental."

"I'm not judgmental."

"You are so. You think I'm a wimpy girl, not a woman who loves you; you think your wife is a golddigger, not a woman who loves you; you think Helen is a trollop, not a woman who loves me; you think people are asshole, not friends for the making," she laughed. "Like me."

"Why do you always call her my wife? Why don't you call her by name or as your aunt?"

"She reminds me of mum. I can't shake it, she knows that... we give each other space."

"That's pretty judgmental."

She grinned. "We're a lot alike, daddy...," she flinched. "That's gross, I hate it when grown woman use that... it's dad. That's why I've got the hots for you." She took my hand and put it on her breast. I froze, then, as she laughed, she quickly took it away. "Now who's being the wimp. Don't you ever fantasize about me?"

"No."

"Liar."

"I have not."

"You've had erections."

"I have not."

She grinned. "You're going to get one."

"Not from some wimpy little post-teenager."

She got up as Helen came in. "Want to bet? You'll be losing this one, too."

And I did, immediately, but I got the erection not from her, but from the woman in the white, sheer negligee with nothing on underneath it.

When she flopped down on the couch the negligee rose up and her breasts seemed to jump. She saw me look and laughed. "We spend so much time trying to impress girls we forget that we might turn men on, too."

"What are you two doing?"

"I'm going to shower... be right back."

"She loves you, you know. I think I've done a lot for her but you've done more, a lot more and this matters to her, it's weird but it matters. She wants you to love her back, she wants your approval, she wants to get as close to you as she can, intimately close, she's always pulling on you, have you noticed? Give this to her, just watch her, she'll be showing you she's capable of love, that's her message: physical love — that's the way she loves you, physically, not sexually, physically. She can taste it."

I sat there in utter confusion.

She grinned her demented grin. "I think it's OK. At first it pissed me off but now I'm good with it. I like to show off... but I'll be good, I can get weird but I won't, I promise."

"So, what? I'm supposed to sit here and watch you..."

"Appreciate us, appreciate Nanc, ya. She wants you in her life," she laughed, "she wants you way, way into her life. She wants you to understand her. It's sex, sure, but that's not what she wants you to see — she doesn't care that you do, she wants you to see what's important to her, the emotion, the commitment, the love — she's feeling all this for you, too. That's what this is about."

I was in southern France a few years ago. I was walking along a coastal road during a brilliantly sunny day. I came across a tennis court. There were two young women playing, both were wearing only shoes and shorts. It was the most erotic scene I had ever experienced... for about a minute, then it just looked lovely... and then just perfectly natural; it just made sense. This reminded me of that.

She had a nightie on too, a see-through. She jumped on the couch. I admit it, their first kiss and touch was a rush but soon after it merely became beautiful and caring and I felt overwhelming love for both of them that they wanted me to see them together.

Was Nancy trying to convince me that she really could have a sexual relationship with a woman? Was that what it was about? I thought so at first but that would require her guile... she didn't have any of that. No. I think she was proud of herself, I think she was proud of Helen, I think she was proud of their relationship, I think she was proud of me and I think Helen was right, she wanted to pull me into her life without barriers.

I left when the nighties were coming off. She was pissed; she followed me to the door pulling on my arm, trying to get me to stay. I hugged her naked body, kissed her and laughed at her. And slapped her on her bare ass on the way out and told her I loved her.

Then I went home to an empty house.

I had started my day almost exactly the same way for the last 17 years, with coffee and toast and with her there in the kitchen to prepare and deliver it. We seldom talked except to give information important to the day. This day was different.

I've been thinking about this for awhile, now I had the money to pull it off. "I'm thinking we should move... to downtown, get a condo... this place is too big... we don't need to be out here... it doesn't make much sense."

"OK." Sometimes her intensity has a passive quality to it so I never know what she's really thinking.

"It's just an idea. We don't have to decide now, just think about it, let me know what you think... maybe we can look at places, see what's available."

"There is a concert on Friday night... Elgar..."

"No, I want to..."

"OK." She turned around.

Nancy called the moment I got into the office. "Are you going to see her today?"

"Who?"

"Your mistress. The two weeks is up."

"Mind your own business."

"This is my business. Are you sleeping with her?"

"Who?" She had a way of doing that, asking questions without first establishing the subject or the object.

"My mother's sister."

I chuckled. "No. I'm trying to sort things out."

"And you can't sort things out in her bed?"

"It's complicated."

"Don't, OK? Don't cheat on her any more. Work it out or leave her but don't cheat... that's just too fucking scuzzy. Stop with her."

"I have, I've told you."

"I mean it."

"So do I."

"Helen wants to go camping. She wants you to come... well, she wants you to take us, she's never been camping before... I haven't either. Will you? She'll behave."

"Seriously?"

She giggled. "Well, she'll try."

"No. About the camping."

"A long weekend's coming up... we don't have any of the stuff..."

"By stuff you mean tents, sleeping bags, stoves... that kind of stuff."

"Oh, don't be difficult... you can get all that stuff. Just say yes."

"Do you want me to bring Gloria?"

"No... we were thinking of having fun."

"I'll think about it."

"Did you think about last night?"

"You were beautiful. You were both spectacular. Thank you for letting me be there."

"You're welcome. I love you, can we meet tomorrow after work — the River Walk again, I really like that."

"When's the last time I said no to you?"

She giggled. "I'm like one of those girls who totally own their dads, aren't I?"

"With enough brains not to push it too far."

"So last night wasn't too far?"

"Bye."

I got busy but even so one word kept flitting into my head: fun. No, Gloria wasn't any fun, she had never been any fun, that just isn't who she is. But nor am I any fun, not until just a few weeks ago; I was anything but fun, I was a wound-up tight-ass too focussed on trying to make my business go to have any time for anything else — or anyone, for that matter. If I'm any fun now it's only because of them — well, not them, her: Helen. The last thing Nancy was is fun. Helen has been the sole springboard to that, take Helen away and Nancy would probably fall apart... and she would take me with her.