All Comments on 'Carrie's Carnal Cruise'

a follow up would be great

Very Hot - very intense story. Well Written. A very exciting read...Carrie is everybody's Dream Girl!

Good luck in the Contest!

A real slam bam got any more friends Mam kind of story . Enough action to keep attention,. but story climaxed before I could put on my reading glasses. After all this girl was suposed to be losing her innocence.

The dialog was so stilted as to be almost unreadable.

People do not speak in the fashion that you have set down on the page.(Or - people don't talk the way you've written the dialog).

They talk like real people, complete with contractions, unfinished sentences, dangling participles, and unfinished thoughts.

What could have been a hot story turned boring on the first page.

Ditto to the previous comment. You might be able to write this stuff, but you sure as hell can't say it.

Young Shakespeare was apparently put-off entirely by the harsh, persnickety nature of maritime pirate-porn critics.

(notorious sticklers for Style/Form, pirates)

Dialogue was what (finally) sunk "The Love Boat".

Elvis used dialogue (and a three-chord progression) when he killed "The Hayride".

He used anti-dialogue in "Clam-bake". Dude.

Elvis could jerk it through a knot-hole (dialogue, too-or not)and get away with it.

Nobody else, Horatio.

So fucking sucking hot debauched and depraved, pure unadulterated fucking. More and more like this please and soon. Cunt lapping sex maniac U.K.