All Comments on 'Castaway Ch. 05'

I liked story nut agree if an editor helped them make some changes and fixed errors this could be a best seller. One thing that really annoyed me was the ex wife first it was said she cheated on him several monyhsvthen it was a year then it was two months at the end. That needs to be fixed. Secondly after what his wife did no one no one would want to see her again. Her cheating almost got him killed twice. Also the ending with Howard hitting on the ex no real friend would go after your ex especially after the pain she caused.

Also more time stranded on the island with more detail.

There is no good reason that a woman would be naked in the situation that he found Tanya in. There are only bad reasons. That's where you lost me, because there is no way a man damaged the way he was would be able to trust her after that. Didn't tie together, sorry.

Excellent story, I look forward to reading others…please no willing cucks 😂 and none where I have to leave this comment “FTDS” lol thank you for loaning us your story thoughts…

Sorry, just not buying a happy ending to this story. Tanya already proved she'd fuck around on him and after his first disaster, he's really going to allow himself to get used again. I started out feeling some pain for him, now I think he's just pathetic.

Was good ish. Was a few points that really bothered me. MC is just too forgiving for my taste. If things really were that great of a relationship just to get shit on. But I guess on the other side when you live in paradise, it's easier to let go of the bs. I guess that's the real moral. Have a job you love. Live in a place you love. All parts 5/5. Final 4/5

Nato_

Okay. I reread some chapters just to make sure. And author DEFINITELY wrote out that Cyrus ran to James ex wife's house after her then husband left for Hawaii. What that means is AFTER she had been cheating on him for months, after she rubbed his nose in the affair, and AFTER her lover SHOT her husband in the chest....she STILL decides to fuck her lover. That isn't an "oopsie". That isn't an insecure wife that made stupid choices. She's an evil hoe of the highest order. How the hell is NOBODY bringing that up. James didn't, his ex didn't, the PI didn't. What weird twilight is this story?

Honestly it needs to be addressed or removed for the plot to make sense. Cuz the story isn't bad otherwise.

Not worth the time to read in the end, You know where it’s going the whole time.

The overall story deserves the highest rating; this chapter--being mostly a "tying up loose ends so we can have a happy ending"--a little less, but is still written well enough according to Writers' Workshop criteria that it deserves an "almost perfect score". Of course there are convenient circumstances when one's trying to weave the tapestry so that it hangs together and lasts over time. This one should do so.

Glad that you gave Tanya enough cojones to choose personal happiness over fame, fortune, and fleeting adulation from a fickle public. There have been film stars who have walked away from the glitz voluntarily--it's just that once they're out of sight they're no longer newsworthy.

Thanks for a cohesive, creative, entertaining tale. Loved it.

Well written. But wow Caitlin. 2 month long affair. Taking every chance to jump into the sack with Cyrus after first or second time. And worst? Well she was the one in the pictures. Hahaha. How dumb. This chapter was a bit sappy compared to the others. Still well written. 5 stars

Tanya betrayed him too. He really has shitty luck with women...

Is Tanya for real or is he gonna regret and get burned by another relationship. There is a lot more to a good relationship than sex. But the again what do I know, I'm just a youngster a little over 80. Pretty good story.

So the wife was cheating on him before she even got that falsified evidence of him cheating on her and she gets mad that he's cheating while she was already cheating? Oof what a delusional pos she was.

While they were technically not exclusive, Tanya lying about Tyler and the LA scene, should have invalidated having a relationship with her. Yes she comed to visit him and wants a "normal" life, but honestly, so what? Starting with a lie, so soon after the hot mess with his wife is not the basis for a serious relationship. Meanwhile Caitlin was a head case. Not just her two month affair with Cyrus, a predator who holds a terrible grudge on her husband, yeah she was lonely, seduced and liked the hit sex eith Cyrus. *yawn* as usual orgasms are more powerful than love or fidelity on this site. Whatever. An extra two inches but thinner would usually mean poorer sex. Her husband is already over 7 inches. Cyrus packing 9+ inches just means her cervix gets banged around. Most women don't get max fulfillment from that. Thickness is more important than length. But meh who cares. Caitlin turned into a slut. But even that is almost immaterial. Her actions that night are execrable and have no defense. Cyrus shot her husband. She was the one in the photos. She was the one who cheated and she had the unbelievable evil actions post shooting, including not calling 911, calling Shawn and fleeing, then sleeping with Cyrus one more time. Apparently while she thinks she feels guilty, she really isn't given her utter inability to act accordingly based on her guilt. She deserves utter loneliness and sorrow. Her actions were a betrayal of the absolute worst in light of what happened that night. Uggh.

No way Caitlin could be a friend. She was a cheating whore and then an accomplice in attempting to murder him. Any pain she experienced was well deserved. Tanya was a nonstarter as she was a liar as a base.

the end was a rush job, but not bad otherwise.

solid 4

Overall, it was a really good story, but like others have mentioned, the end feels rushed. I enjoyed it.

5*. Hard to believe the ex-wife really loved him and wasn’t an accomplice in his attempted murder.

Lots of plot holes but still fun to read. How is it that Cyrus was a full partner yet flew so little that he could always fuck Caitlin when James was flying supplies for disaster relief? If there was a terrible disaster, both should have been flying supplies with both planes. So I’m confused by the mechanics of the situation. Also, Cyrus’ hatred for James because James’ father cuckolded Cyrus’s father shows real mental pathology on the part of Cyrus. The idea that he killed James’ parents and then plotted to fuck up James’ life in the manner in which he did strains credulity. Having never attended acting school, how could Cyrus be so evil and persistent and no one had any suspicion? I also found the last chapter a bit cheesy. James forgave Tanya pretty quickly; I guess sex with a much younger woman (fantasy land for many men) allowed the little head to do James’ thinking, so overlooking Tanya’s deceit proved rather easy. Thanks for writing.

You apologize for this chapter being very long, then it turns out to be less than 2 pages…by far the shortest of the 5 chapters. The way you wrote your note, I was expecting 10 pages…and frankly you probably needed at least that many to tie up all the loose ends.

So, now that I’ve reached the conclusion of this story, I’ll give my feedback, and this encompasses all the chapters. Call this constructive criticism from someone who enjoyed the story enough to read all 5.

You tend to spend a lot of time fleshing out trivial details, while at other times rushing through entire plot arcs with just a couple of sentences. When you start going into so much detail, you’re signaling to the reader that you are describing something that is important to the story…but in these chapters, more often than not, the added details didn’t matter, and you spent a lot of time on details that never tied to anything or added anything to the story. You would have been better served fleshing out the backstories of some fairly major characters and arcs (for instance Howard, why he connected to James, where his money came from, why he followed James to the smaller island…plus you alluded to some shady deals or connections back in chapter 2 or 3, but then it was never mentioned again). You also rushed through some things (like when James went back to Virginia, and when James was stranded, especially since the whole series is titled Stranded) that could have used quite a bit more detail.

Good editors are hard to come by…I suggest you ask your editor to be a bit more ruthless with his red pen in the future - there were quite a few instances where you said the same thing two or three times in a row, in only slightly different ways. I’ll give you two examples from this chapter…the first one is when you talk about Shawn encouraging James to call Kim from the resort, and within a couple of paragraphs you say “Shawn invited Kim, yes the hot woman from the resort I stayed at” and the second is this sentence: “Unbelievably, it was already spring, approaching the summer months, and we again prepared for a very busy tourist season.” I know that’s a little thing but eliminating extraneous and redundant phrases can really punch up a piece.

Going back to the plot, here are the open questions I have (or items that I would have liked to see…no judgement for not including them, just my thoughts here:

1. What happened to the crooked government guy? Was he caught?

2. How did Cyrus get to Hawaii? He was a wanted felon who had skipped bail.

3. The stuff about Howard from above…

4. Why were there only 4 tents on the camping trip? Even presuming things would happen, that seemed odd.

5. At some point, Maddy will have learned the truth about what happened…maybe not the gory details but at least the basics…I expected some exposition there along with giving James a chance to heal there.

6. What happened at Tanya’s house when James surprised her? Why was she naked with her supposed ex between her legs?

If you’re open for prompts, I’d suggest you go back and write a detailed account of James’ crash, and I’d also suggest writing Howard’s story…you can weave it in with what we already know from this one, but there must be some tales to tell.

Anyway, thanks for writing, good luck with your future stories!

My father used to call sth like this a ‘yarn’.

The story itself was good, even though you caution us that it goes on and on….. wholly crap man it goes on and on, can’t even read the 5th chapter. I do appreciate your efforts and overall I rate the story very high, I read this in one afternoon so the complete review/epilog did not need to summarize the first 4 chapters again, I’m going to read a few more of your works, thank you for all you do

I’m confused. In the last chapter, a guy named Skip answered Tanya’s door while her ex-boyfriend, Tyler was naked between her legs. Here, it sounds like Tyler answered the door wearing shorts. If Tanya was really naked with her ex, I don’t see why the main character would trust her enough to take her back.

Get over the Tanya stuff at the party. They were not exclusive. Yes her ex was making a move. She cut him off. And she is willing to give up her career and lifestyle to be with James. And yet a lot of you would look that gift horse in the mouth? She isn't Cait. Cyrus was a psycho. Cait had her own insecurities. Her two month affair rationalized by a dumb belief, with no real proof beyond the faked photos that came LATER after affair already started, that James was a serial cheater was just an excuse. She was lonely and insecure and fell for a predator. But far worse is her behavior that night. It was crazy. And she was with Cyrus that morning. Her actions and words that night, her flipping out and leaving her husband bleeding, and then back with Cyrus again surely are non forgivable. Forget reconciliation. I mean non forgivable. Her story just ends .with the letter. Which wasn't even that well written. More details on how she started the affair and what happened when m, and less on that disgusting night. Rhat night alone puts her up there for the Darwin award of faithless cheating LWs. Uggh.

Weak ending. Better not to write one then to mess up a well written story with such a weak one.

You wrote an excellent story in "Castaway." As you confirmed in chapter 5, James had long been a castaway. Though this became clear to me early on, the knowledge of such did not spoil the story. Rather, it made the plot just seem right for James and the other people in his life. James was a castaway, as were Caitlin, Shawn, and Tanya.

My criticisms, now, are meant to be strictly constructive. While your editor did pretty well, you still had some awkward wording. There was some errors in grammar. You could have made some better word choices. I don't think anything of value was added by making James' daughter a lesbian. Maddie was a significant character, but her sex life seemed irrelevant. Shawn did the right thing by killing Cyrus, but Shawn would likely have been prosecuted for being a felon in possession of a firearm regardless of the proper intent with which the pistol was used. Also, it seems implausible that Cyrus and Caitlin just happened to arrive in James' little corner of Hawaii at the same time. How did Cyrus know where to go? Inference: Caitlin told him. Inference: they must have traveled to Hawaii together. Inference: Caitlin was still Cyrus' woman, and was still working against James, and still lying about her eternal devotion to James.

Again, these criticisms are meant strictly as helpful. I really liked your story.

Wholeheartedly agree with the Anonymous commenter for 3 months ago with the post starting with "Get over the Tanya stuff at the party.."

Regardless of how Caitlin got played and manipulated by Cyrus, or the followup story "Ghost From the Past" where we see she was repeatedly raped for one year before college by her father, not to mention once again at school, though never shared any of her past to James or anyone else for that matter, again regardless, I agree with the commenter what she did that night when she saw James shot and she fled, calling Shawn (not even 911) and hooked back up with Cyrus one more time that next morning, not even knowing what had happened to her husband who was badly wounded by Cyrus' gunshot, and also btw who admitted he had intentionally killed James' parents, yeah she doesn't do the rational thing like try to get help for her husband or call the cops on Cyrus or even try to attack or kill Cyrus or defend James.

Nope.

She f$cks Cyrus again that next morning, only kicking him out and severing contact when she discovers that Cyrus had lied to her about James' supposed affairs. Yes apparently lying to her gets you kicked out of her bed, but not shooting your spouse and the father of your daughter, someone who have been married to for nearly two decades and dates and engaged another 3 years. Nope bodily harm, gunshots, her husband bleeding out, and a confession that he killed your husband's parents. Nah those don't warrant not having yet another f$ck session with Cyrus of the thinner but longer penis. Nope only when you realized he is lying and set you up. Yep. Then you cut him off.

I liked the counseling followup story with Caitlin's viewpoint but only to a point. It showed that she never trusted James, because she is broken and explains why she overreacted to the alme allegations of James repeatedly committing adultery during their marriage. She has serious trust issue based on the followup sequel. And to her, the sex with Cyrus was not better, she tried to imagine it was James, who she missed in her depressed state and thought she was losing to other women. Given her history of being raped repeatedly by her father, she can absolutely separate sex from love. She didn't love Cyrus.

But NONE of that matters.

What she did that night once James was shot, and how she fled and rhen hooked back up with Cyrus knowing everything else EXCEPT that he lied to her, that is unforgivable. Forget reconciliation, you would have to be a saint to forgive that. And honestly if Maddie ever learned the details of that night, it would seem unconscionable for her to have any meaningful relationship with Caitlin in the future.

Like the Anonymous commmeter said Caitlin is a contender for the Darwin LW awards for of a terrible, like wife. Uggh. And her letter was an anticlimactic dud after that betrayal and her ill fated trip to Hawaii. Who cares? She deserves a terrible life going forward. And given what we learn in the sequel, she is not capable of having a remotely normal relationship with another person in terms of marriage. She was broken and devastated when she was young, and she turned out to be a psycho or a monster given what she did that one night.

Honestly, she might as well have pulled the damn trigger herself, considering how she abandoned James and hooked backup with Cyrus one more time. That is why if Maddie knew the truth, she would.have next to no ties to Caitlin going forward. What Caitlin did was that damn bad.

Excellent story and wrap up. Truly spellbinding

Seriously ? His partner attempted to kill him and he did not go to hospital, to police, testyfing agains his partner and his wife ?

His wife did not call the 911 and the police, then next morning she cleaned every trace in the house without to contact or ask about her husband's opinion? Is she not a conspirator?

The murderer - partner visited, after days, the wife for an overnight sex and she accepted him because she was "distraught " ? the man who tried to kill her husband, "true love" ?

Then both murderer and wife found him the same day in his secluded place, uncoordinated ?

Finally, the MC was "saved" because a famous movie star with so different lifestyle and very wealthy, abandoned eveything to be with him? A "fairy tale" for romance?

This story insulted the common sence.