All Comments on 'Castles, Kings & Wondrous Things Ch. 03'

Hi Readers

Please let me know what I can do to make this story more than it is. It's actually based on a story I wrote for fun when I was about twelve and I'm having a bit of trouble working the erotica into it.

Thanks for reading it and it will be continued

I liked your story so far, but I found the last paragraph very sudden and hard to understand: Is it Seth who is angry? Is he angry at Narelle (I thought they were in love)? If so, why? Or have I completely missed somthing?

As the previous commenter said, the last paragraph of this chapter throws the reader for a loop. I'm assuming it's supposed to be a cliff-hanger, and all should become clear next chapter (I hope!), but it needs something to set it off, and we need _some_ reason to at least think we know who "the bitch" is. I think I have both characters worked out, but it required a little more effort than I'm comfortable with.

Setting off the last paragraph with an obvious separator line (e.g., * * * ), and then saying something like "The man listening at the door..." would have helped.

The other quibble is possibly even less. Referring to Tamara as "his love", over and over, is driving me nuts. I realize there may be a point... :-)