All Comments on 'Cat and Mouse'

It's a good story but it wasn't told very well. Bad grammar is okay in dialogue, if that's how the character talks, but not in narrative. The central conflict is how the chase affects Lenore; angry/furious at Bill and at the same time unwillingly responding to him. That makes a good story conflict. But I wish you had played that up more. As a result the whole story fell flat and the ending seemed completely out of place in how rushed it was.

Instead of rushing through the time line and mentioning her inner conflict almost in passing, I wish you had linked-with more detail- each encounter and how it served to further confuse her as her feelings became deeper and less welcome. He's aggressive and he crosses the line. He's also in a cohabitation relationship thus making him emotionally unavailable in the long run. Readers could see and believe that her anger and desire to not be around him was real and believable.

But her growing responses to him needed more revelation. While, "cuming in my panties.." certainly reveals her growing response it's crudeness and lack of elaboration leaves the reader blank.

"... angry and embarrassed of my reaction to him, I went home." Here's where you could have begun her exploration into how shocked she had been to respond to him that way; her questions about why and how this could be?

By the end she's she's running into him most everywhere. But is she expecting to run into him, expecting to be approached by him, secretly looking forward to it? Again this could have had big impact had it been detailed more thoroughly. I wonder if she was ever fighting her disappointment when she went out but didn't see him? I wonder if she ever went somewhere, specifically because she might see him and secretly hoping he'd be there and had to hide her happiness when he was?

I'll reiterate; the story, the protagonist, antagonist and central conflict had huge potential. More time developing and editing would have made this story among the excellent.

Was Stupid, He Almost Raped Her Why The Fuck is She Acting Like Such a Needy Slut?!