Catching Feelings Ch. 06

"Too many to track," Jimmy said while his mother said "More than I'd like to count," at the same time.

Jeremy just nodded his head at that, as if he could understand it when he really couldn't. His parents rarely ever drove themselves anywhere, and Jeremy only had his license because Ryder thought they should all know how to drive for independence and as a just in case. Mostly, though, what he was realizing was that coming out, no matter what socioeconomic background you were, could be hard, and somehow it was far more difficult to watch someone you love going through it than it was to go through it yourself. Despite how hard it had all seemed at the time, Jeremy would have preferred going through his own coming out again over watching Jimmy deal with that again.

"He's not going to, oh I don't know, forget all of this and have the shock of Jimmy being in a relationship with me again later, is he?" Jeremy asked suddenly.

"He usually remembers things if he doesn't drink himself to a complete stupor," Paula reassured them. "Oh! The pie!" she shouted as she rushed back into the house.

Jeremy chuckled. "One year I'm going to blow her mind and bake one from scratch."

Jimmy chortled, "You can blow me any time!"

Cathy rolled her eyes and looked at her phone again. "I can eat with you guys but I can't help with dishes, I've got a date."

"Trolling Tinder at your mom's?" Jeremy asked her with a chuckle.

"Christian Mingle, actually. I got banned from Tinder," she said matter-of-factly. "Besides, the guys who really want to stay good with their god will take me on at least three dates before they figure out that I would have given up the sex on the first date."

He didn't say anything to that, but Jeremy did look over at Jimmy, remembering back a few months ago when they had first met and went on their first dates. Jeremy was pretty sure Jimmy would have happily had sex that first night after their study date, but Jeremy was the one who wanted to go a little slower, mostly to make sure it was what Jimmy wanted.

He remembered how he had considered for a very short amount of time just avoiding Jimmy or running the other way to not get swept up in another romance with a man who would likely want a closeted relationship. This time, he was glad he had let his walls come down instead.

Dinner was fairly uneventful. Jimmy's mom had managed to save the pie, even if it was slightly charred on one side because her oven was old and heated unevenly. They all ate and chatted, though Cathy didn't offer much in the way of conversation. Clearly, she was busy thinking about her date. When she left, everyone else relaxed a bit more and chatted over the remnants on the table while Jimmy washed the dishes. Paula insisted they sleep over before heading back to school, so they took her up on it and rolled themselves into the bedroom after putting the leftovers in the fridge.

Jeremy laid down next to Jimmy on the bed, curling up against Jimmy's side. "You know, despite your father, this was a pretty nice holiday. It felt much better than going home, but maybe that's more because you're here."

"Me?" Jimmy said, sleepily, "What'd I do?"

Jeremy smiled at him. "You're just you, and you're with me. I've never been with a boyfriend on a holiday, especially not openly. It's nice, and it feels right."

"You're sweet to me," Jimmy said, smiling.

Jimmy was able to feel Jeremy shake his head against his shoulder. "Nah, not sweet. Just in love with you."

Jimmy turned over, facing Jeremy with a serious expression on his face. "I love you too. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," Jeremy replied, looking slightly concerned. "Were you worried it wasn't?"

"Between the shit my dad said and my sister's attitude, I wouldn't be surprised if you were done with me," Jimmy said, looking away.

Jeremy shifted on the bed so he was lying on top of Jimmy and used his hand on Jimmy's chin to make him look at Jeremy. "You are not your family. You are separate from them and their issues, much like I am not mine. Despite everything that Jasper has done trying to get back at me, you haven't left, so I'm not going to let a cold reception from your sister or your dad's homophobic rant change how I feel about you. Your mom is wonderful, and so are you. I love you for who you are, and that's all that matters."

Jimmy squirmed uncomfortably as he struggled a bit with his doubts, then looked up at Jeremy with tears in his eyes. "I just don't want to feel like such a disappointment all the time."

"You aren't a disappointment to me," Jeremy stated emphatically. "You are putting yourself through school with scholarships and loans, you're a star football player on the team, you have so many friends who have stood behind you which proves just the kind of person you are, and you've stood by me through some of the worst moments of my life without a thought of just leaving me. If someone like your father can't see your worth, then he's an idiot and a bigot, which is worse than a drunk."

Jimmy reached up and caressed Jeremy's cheek. "Thank you, love."

"Always, love," Jeremy said with a smile before capturing Jimmy's lips with his, kissing him until he was left breathless again.

"Be careful," Jimmy said when he caught his breath. "I'm too stuffed to do anything about the reactions you give me."

Jeremy grinned at him. "That's fine. We can wait until we get back. That way we don't have to keep our voices down." Then he moved back into the position he'd had at Jimmy's side, keeping their bodies pressed together while Jeremy's head was on Jimmy's shoulder, and the two of them fell asleep, content and completely over-full from dinner.

~~~

Finals came on them pretty fast after Thanksgiving break, but somehow, despite all of the times he'd had to miss class, Jeremy managed all A's other than one B+ he had gotten in chemistry class. They were already setting up classes for next semester so that most of his classes would be online. It would get him the credits he would need, while also making it so he would be available for the trial.

Jimmy spent a solid week preparing a playlist for Jeremy, which he titled "Trial Mix". He also pitched an idea for a calendar geared to the make gaze for the football team which he lovingly titled "Mixed Nuts", but Coach didn't go for it, for some reason.

Before Christmas break started, Jeremy went to see a nephrologist, who was a doctor who specialized in the kidneys. He had been sent all of the information from both ER visits, and was worried about damage that might have happened during the attack, so he ordered an ultrasound and MRI of the kidneys, which led him to talk to Jeremy about some lifestyle changes due to the damage that was caused. It was all mostly preventative, but Jeremy had been having some symptoms, like fatigue and nausea, and they didn't want it progressing to full-on kidney disease.

All of that information was then of course sent to the prosecutor, like the rest of Jeremy's medical records.

Jeremy and Jimmy made the trip to visit his mom for a little bit around the winter break, and Chloe very nervously went with Wayne to see his own parents. Ethan went back to New York to await their arrival there, making sure that the guest rooms were set up and ready as his parents weren't even going to be around. They were taking a trip out to Scotland for the entirety of the Christmas break, and he didn't seem incredibly broken up about that fact.

Jeremy and Jimmy got to New York before Christmas was celebrated, though the talk would take place before New Year's and after Christmas, so as not to "ruin" the holiday. Everything about the holiday at the Thayer residence was very pristine and carefully calculated. The dinner was prepared by the staff, everything was kept immaculate as far as decorations went, and the presents that were exchanged were extravagant and expensive.

The only good thing for Jeremy was that they had at least put effort into including Jimmy. Most of Jimmy's presents were based on things he would need for school or career stuff, or gift cards, but at least they did something for him.

Scarlett had told the family about being pregnant, and her own partner, Avery Clark, was at the celebration too. His parents were tense about it, but it was the first grandchild so they were behaving.

Anthony and Sidney Thayer had gotten Jeremy a briefcase that would work well for going to law school. It even had his name on it. He thanked them and moved on, not wanting to focus too long on it. It was an expensive bag, and he had already talked to Ryder about what law schools to apply to, but it wasn't his main focus.

Jimmy and him didn't exchange presents, though, until Chloe and Wayne showed up. They had stopped by to see Chloe's parents for dinner, and while they had been nice enough in the beginning, the conversation soon turned toward how mixed babies wouldn't be acceptable in their society, which led to a big fight between Chloe and her mother that ended in Chloe getting slapped across the face before Wayne got Chloe out of there.

"I'll show them some god damn mixed babies," Chloe grumbled angrily as she paced back and forth in Ethan's living room.

"Oh, are you two jumping on that now?" Ethan joked.

"I mean, Jimmy and I have been trying for a while now, yet nothing," Jeremy added into the jokes, earning a glare from Chloe.

"To be fair, neither of us is willing to carry the child," Jimmy said.

Jeremy chuckled at that, agreeing with his statement and then Ethan turned and looked between Chloe and Wayne. "So, what, your parents decided Wayne could be good for a fuck but not for life?"

"Why does everyone in our damn circle immediately jump to marriage anyway?" Jeremy asked in annoyance. "I mean, it's the first thing that comes up. 'You're dating? What theme will the wedding be?' 'I don't know, Karen, we've only been dating a few months'!"

"They basically think it's okay for us to fool around in college but that some people just aren't marriage material for me," Chloe growled.

"Maybe reframe it?" Jimmy suggested, "Consider that you interpreted that to mean that people like them shouldn't breed."

"They shouldn't have!" Chloe yelled. "They're never home anyway, and I was raised by goddamn nannies!"

Jimmy nodded, keeping silent now because he didn't want to spin her up any more than he already had. He looked apologetically at Wayne whose eyes were wide with near panic. Poor guy was going to have a melt down if no one could calm her down but he was likely the best person to do that. Jimmy texted him as much, but Wayne wasn't looking at his phone.

Jeremy watched Chloe pace for a little bit longer as she grumbled more about her parents under her breath. "Chloe, no one can tell you, of all people, what to do. Not even your parents. You're going to do whatever you damn well want, and you know it. Don't let their classism and racism rile you up. Maybe you and Wayne won't make this relationship go the distance, but you might, and that is entirely up to you and Wayne and no one else.

"My own parents would prefer me with anyone but a guy, but they don't get that choice either. I have never seen you willing to give up what you want without a fight. Focus on where it needs to go instead."

Chloe let out a deep breath and turned back to her friends. "You're right."

"Am I the only one not disappointing my parents of the three of us?" Ethan asked. "I feel left out. I'll need to get on that."

Once they had Chloe calmed down, they ordered way more Chinese food than the five of them could eat, and then opened presents with each other. This was way more lowkey than the Thayers had done, as the presents were more about putting thought into it and less about money. Then they sat around and joked and laughed until it was way past when they should have been in bed.

The day of the confrontation came, and in order to keep Jeremy as calm as possible, the group decided to go window shop for a bit to keep his mind off of it. They weren't really planning on buying anything, as Jimmy and Wayne really couldn't, but it could give them other present ideas for later, plus they could get food.

Chloe and Jimmy went off for a little bit to look at options for ice cream, with what the others wanted, while the other three were kind of meandering around the area of the food court. The three of them stopped next to a jewelry store, as Ethan wanted to take a closer look at some of the watches, and Jeremy was pointing out some of the cameos to Wayne.

"If you ever go pro, and you're still with Chloe, she loves cameos," Jeremy told him. "Especially the blue ones. They're not incredibly cheap though."

Wayne nodded and thanked Jeremy for the heads-up. He returned the favor by letting Jeremy know that Jimmy never wore rings but he'd wear bracelets and chains any time. He just never had the money to afford anything nice for himself. They moved over to where the bracelets and chains were, looking some of them over. To Jeremy, they weren't incredibly expensive, but he could see how someone who grew up like Jimmy and Wayne would see them as such.

Ethan was pointing out a few of the nicer chains when Jeremy stopped by one of the displays, looking at a ring that had caught his eye. It was beautiful in a black metal and the middle of it looked a lot like what Jeremy thought nebulas looked like, in blues, aquas, and purples. It was like a burst of color in the night sky.

"That's cool," Ethan said when he noticed what Jeremy was looking at. "Thinking about it for yourself?"

Jeremy shook his head at that. "No, not for me."

Wayne looked at Ethan over Jeremy's head, his expression one of mock-surprise. Ethan gave a smile and then looked back at Jeremy.

"I didn't realize we were at that stage yet here," Ethan said carefully.

Jeremy rolled his eyes at his friend. "I'm not popping the question right now. If I'm going to do it then I'll do it when we graduate, but...I kind of had a moment recently when I kind of knew I was going to end up asking Jimmy eventually."

"What happened?" Wayne asked.

"It was right after the event where we did the video," Jeremy replied, not looking away from the ring. "And despite how badly everything went, and what I...what I had to do...Jimmy wasn't mad at me, or cruel about any of it, and when we got back to the room...Well, let's just say he was more than willing to do what I needed him to do to calm down."

Ethan rose an eyebrow at that. "Is this a TMI thing?"

Jeremy sighed and looked at Ethan finally. "He was willing to top."

For a moment, Ethan just stared at Jeremy with wide eyes. "You said after Jasper you were never going to let anyone top you ever again. It was too triggering for you."

"I did say that," Jeremy agreed. "But I feel safe with Jimmy. I can't explain it."

Wayne nodded, "I don't know nothing about what you boys get up to or the meaning behind it but Jimmy is a solid dude."

"Solid is good for you too," Ethan agreed.

Jeremy asked one of the women in the shop how much the ring was, and when she mentioned it was a little under five hundred, he asked for it to be wrapped up in the right size, as well as add in a black chain to go along with it. Ethan ended up getting a watch that was a decent price with a lot of fun features on it that wouldn't scream wealth and they ended up putting the ring and chain in there so it looked like only Ethan had bought something.

Eventually they wandered back to find Jimmy and Chloe loading up a small table with sweet, cold treats, and Chloe called over to them to dig in. They waited to head over to the Thayer mansion until after dinner, which their group ordered from DoorDash, and when they got there, Ryder helped Jeremy set up a video call with his laptop connected to their big screen TV so Zoe could be kind of a bigger presence than just a laptop screen. Ryder was hoping it would keep everyone in line.

The family had set up chairs in a kind of a circle around the couches so everyone would have a seat, and so the TV was their bigger focus. Jeremy took a seat in an armchair next to the couch so his friends could sit closer to the TV, sitting in a tense position while everyone found their seats. His friends weren't going to get too involved if they could help it, but Zoe had said that if people needed to stand up for Jeremy, then they could and should say something, especially Jimmy.

Zoe laid out some rules to start with. She didn't want to see anyone get physical, she wanted them to keep from yelling at each other, and she preferred if people didn't speak over each other. When everyone was in agreement, then she motioned for Jeremy to go ahead.

Chewing on his lip, Jeremy looked over at his family. The four main family members were sitting together, with his dad in his recliner chair, though he didn't have it reclined, while the others sat on the couch. Kat and Avery sat off to the side, looking a little uneasy, much like Jeremy's friends were.

He was silent for a little bit, and Zoe gave him time to try and figure out how he wanted to start this. They had been talking about I statements and how to confront someone without making them too defensive. He wasn't sure how well it would work but he was trying to word this as best as he could.

Finally, Jeremy let out a breath that he seemed to be holding and started speaking, though he had his eyes on the coffee table the whole time. "I have never felt supported in this family. In fact, ever since I came out, I've felt like I was simply disposable to this family. When everything initially came out with Jasper, I was told it was my fault this had happened, and all I could think was that everyone in my family would be happier with me dead, so I tried to make that happen. Of course, I failed at that too. Maybe dad would actually have some respect for me if I had succeeded."

"Suicide is a coward's way out," Anthony said to his son.

"It's not about being a coward," Jeremy cried as he got up and started to pace back and forth next to his friends. "It was about being so at the end of my rope that I would have rather hung myself with it, so I tried to! I can't even tell if you all are happy that I failed or wishing I would have finished the job! I tried to use your magnum to do it, but I couldn't guess your safe code."

Everyone was silent as they stared at Jeremy in surprise. Anthony looked like he was thinking about something specific and that the pieces were just falling into place, while Chloe buried her head in the crook of Wayne's shoulder and started crying, which prompted Wayne to put his arms around her lovingly. Ethan was trying to blink back tears, realizing just how close they had been to losing him entirely; not once but twice now. Ryder was staring past everyone, his eyes far away as he took in that information, and Scarlett was looking at the ground while Sidney was watching Jeremy with a look of pain on her face.

Jimmy, tears openly streaming down his face, was looking at Jeremy with such love and concern that Jeremy very nearly had trouble continuing, but he had more to say. Jeremy ran his hand through his hair and sat down again, and he relaxed a little bit when Jimmy put his hand on his back to give him a silent show of strength, rubbing small circles on his shirt soothingly.

"You were the one who tampered with the safe?" Anthony asked him.

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, I was trying to guess your code. I already knew where the key was, so all I needed was the code, and I was in. Apparently I don't know you well enough to have gotten into it though. It wasn't any of our birthdays, or yours."

Anthony shook his head, like he was trying to shake something from his brain before he looked at his youngest child again. "You can't expect us to take the blame for the suicide attempt that you made."