Catching Feelings Ch. 06

"It's not about blame!" Jeremy replied, sounding exhausted. "It's about recognizing that your actions can cause reactions. I'm the one who tried to break into the safe. I'm the one who took the pills. But if for one second I thought that even just one person in my family supported me and was there for me, would I have done it? I can't answer that because you all have never done it."

"We thought tough love was what you needed," Sidney told Jeremy.

"You call saying 'This is what you get for being a fag' tough love?" Jeremy cried in disgust.

"Did you really say that to him?" Scarlett asked her parents, though her face said she could believe they would do it.

"Dad did, yes," Ryder told her, his expression tight.

"Right after Jasper made his comments in the papers," Jeremy added and Scarlett shook her head in response, obviously disgusted. "I have to assume that the response to me being attacked is the same too. That must have been what I should expect, right? Fags get beaten."

"Jeremy," Athony said in warning, but was cut off by Ryder suddenly speaking up.

"It wasn't your fault," Ryder said, finally looking at his brother, causing Jeremy to close his mouth to look at him in surprise. "None of it. Not what the press did, not what Jasper did, and not how we treated you. We've been so focused on appearances that we forget that we're supposed to be family. The only thing I've managed to do right in this situation was to call 911 when I found you, and for the record, I'm incredibly glad that you failed."

"I am too," Scarlett said. Kat gave a nod of her head to say she agreed as well. Kat had known Jeremy for a few years so she cared about him as if he was her little brother too. Avery didn't say anything, as she didn't know Jeremy well, but she took Scarlett's hand.

Jimmy mouthed Me three to Jeremy. Jeremy gave him a grateful look and then turned back to his brother, his expression softening suddenly.

"You've actually been really supportive lately," Jeremy admitted to him. "Ever since the initial arrest. Sometimes I'm still surprised you've done as much as you have, but I'm grateful for it, and for you."

"I have just tried to do what I thought was best for all of you," Anthony said to his children. "It is hard to raise children in the spotlight like this, and I have tried to prepare you for what can happen. Unfortunately, gay men in our society are targets for the press."

"The press? Really? You think that's the worst that could happen to a gay man in America? Gay men in my 'society' get beaten within an inch of their lives by their own homophobic fathers," Jimmy said, shaking his head.

"Not just their fathers," Ethan added. "The ER sees people constantly come in beaten bloody and almost to death by colleagues, fellow college students, people from bars, or just on the street because a man looks like they might be gay. They don't even have to actually be gay for that to happen. And on top of that, when partner violence happens to them, it is more likely to be ignored or brushed off by professionals because it's just a queer couple."

"Not to mention the queer kids that are kicked out and left to the street and selling their bodies just to survive because their family thinks them being queer makes them unworthy of their love," Chloe added, having finally brought her face out the spot on Wayne's neck. "And the kids who are tortured by psychiatrists or quack jobs their parents send them to in order to force them to be straight again. I could go on, Mr. Thayer."

"Jimmy, Ethan, and Chloe are right. The bigger threat to your youngest son is that he'll be murdered for it, and he almost was by Jasper Montgomery. And you raised us the same way grandpa raised you," Ryder pointed out. "And how well did that go?"

Scarlett looked at the screen where Zoe was and added, "Dad doesn't speak to grandpa anymore. They can never see eye to eye, and after arguments all through our childhood, he refuses all contact."

Zoe gave a nod of her head. "Sometimes the things that our parents do in raising us that we hate, we end up doing the same thing despite knowing how damaging it can be to our kids. It's like generational abuse keeps getting passed down because we think we can do it right this time, despite doing the same things."

"Are you calling me an abusive parent?" Anthony demanded.

"You were!" Jeremy cried.

"We weren't allowed to make mistakes, show weakness, or be emotional," Ryder said to their dad. "We weren't allowed to do anything that would stand out or seem weird, or too...well, the wrong gender. Jeremy wanted to dance as a child with Chloe and you threw an entire tantrum over the whole thing, and how dare Scarlett want to learn to fix cars!"

"I learned anyway," Scarlett grumbled.

"So you think I did everything wrong raising you?" Anthony asked.

"I think you're a perfectionist who expects your kids to be perfect," Jeremy explained to his father, his voice filled with emotion as he tried to hold back the tears. "I think it kills you that we're not, and I think you think that being cruel to us is tough love and will get us back on the right path, and it doesn't. It just makes us shut down, and it kills us over time."

"You cut off your own father, Mr. Thayer?" Zoe asked him.

"Yes," Anthony replied with a nod. "We haven't spoken in ten years."

"Has it ever occurred to you that the same thing could happen to you with your own children?" she asked him. "Jeremy, what were you telling me recently?"

"I had been planning to quit school and get a job, and I was going to cut off my family for good," Jeremy said, looking his dad in the eye. "I was going to leave my phone and laptop at the school, and disappear, and none of you would ever hear from me or see me again. In fact...no one in this room was going to."

"That seems a little extreme," Anthony replied to him.

"Is it?" Jeremy asked. "Maybe when it comes to my friends, yes, but I'm not sure it's such an extreme reaction towards you all. I mean, the only reason we're even having this conversation is because I was told that I should do it at some point or risk needing to cut you all off for good."

"How do you think you'd feel if you did that?" Zoe asked Jeremy.

Jeremy shrugged his shoulders at that, considering the question. "I don't know. Mostly indifferent? Maybe a little sad, but not to the point that I think I could cry or break down over it. I think I'd be sad to miss Ryder getting married, or meeting my niece or nephew, but other than that..."

"Do you know what the opposite of love is?" Zoe asked him.

"Indifference?" Jeremy replied, and Zoe nodded her head in response.

Ryder turned in his seat so he could look at their parents. "You two should come to the criminal trial when it happens. We've been trading information a little bit, because we're working on the protection order and the civil case, but I think it will be incredibly eye opening to you both."

"Besides, it's good optics to be perceived as supporting your son," Jimmy added, almost derisively.

Anthony seemed a little surprised by the tone Jimmy was using with him, but instead of responding to it, he just nodded his head. Ryder gave a wry smile at the comment, both because he agreed with the way Jimmy said it and because it was interesting to see how obvious their father could be about how he handled his family. Jimmy had only spent a little time with their family, two dinners and right now, and he already had Anthony Thayer figured out.

"Whatever happens from here on out, though, I'm in your corner," Ryder told Jeremy. "And I want you to remember that. I should have called to tell you the day that I got engaged, and that was on me, not you. I will not be making the same mistakes going forward, especially since I see how much damage it's done."

"I appreciate that," Jeremy replied.

Ryder got up and went over to his brother, making Jeremy stand up before he pulled him into a hug. Jeremy looked shocked for a moment, but then accepted the hug, his body relaxing a little as he put his arms around his older brother. Everyone could see Ryder whispering something to Jeremy, though no one could hear it but Jeremy, and then Jeremy put his face on his brother's shoulder to hide the tears that were starting to fall. Ryder held him tighter while he cried, and then he let go of Jeremy once he had calmed down again.

"This is all a work in progress," Zoe said to everyone. "One conversation doesn't fix years worth of damage, but it's a first step, and hopefully those steps continue moving forward, but don't necessarily be discouraged when you falter back a few times. Changing behaviors can be difficult. You're all capable of it though."

At this point, they brought the meeting to an end. Ryder thanked Zoe for her help. Both Ryder and Scarlett hugged Jeremy, reminding him that they are just a call away and they would be there for the trial. Scarlett would go as much as she could but Ryder would be there for the entirety of the trial.

Sidney hugged her son too, but all Anthony could bring himself to do was to nod in acknowledgement at Jeremy before disappearing somewhere in the house. That was the moment Jeremy decided they should go back to Ethan's house. Jeremy looked completely exhausted as Ethan shut the front door behind them.

"You okay?" Ethan asked him.

Jeremy nodded. "I'm just tired. Honestly, it went better than I thought it would, so that's a plus."

"That was better than you thought it would go?" Jimmy said, shocked, "How horrible did you think it was going to be?"

Jeremy exchanged looks with Chloe and Ethan, looks that seemed to tell a story of things from the past that they weren't saying out loud, before he turned back to his boyfriend. "I expected yelling, things being thrown at me, and possibly getting physically thrown out of the house, so yeah, that was better."

Jimmy looked very concerned for his boyfriend. "I have so much trouble understanding your society sometimes," he said. "People in my socioeconomic stratus are definitely more physically violent but we also seem to be a lot more blunt. Well, you met my father."

"Our socioeconomic group can also be violent," Ethan replied to Jimmy. "But our fathers know where to hit us to not leave bruises, or to make sure they are hidden. What that photo in the treehouse didn't show when Jeremy got outed was that his dad hit him once across the face, and then with a switch, but that was all in places that couldn't be seen."

"It's all well contained violence," Jeremy admitted. "Sometimes moms get away with it too. Chloe's mom has slapped her across the face more times than I can count, but it's the exact type of response that is expected when a child is 'misbehaving' so people look the other way."

Jimmy clearly continued to struggle with what he had just witnessed. He nodded to acknowledge their information and then went and sat down to think about all this. He was upset, but what about it was really upsetting him? He felt he owed Jeremy a clearer reasoning than a comparison between what they each were going through.

Jeremy sat down next to Jimmy and took his hand. He could understand how shocking and upsetting this was, even without Jimmy being able to explain his thoughts right then. The trial was going to be far worse, and he wanted so badly to protect Jimmy from that if he could.

Chloe looked at Wayne, her eyes sad. "This is the trade off for privilege, sometimes."

"I know this is a lot of culture shock right now," Jeremy spoke quietly. "It's why I've told you you might want to skip most of the trial if you can."

Jimmy shook his head. "I want to be there for you. I know it's going to be hard and I'm probably going to want to murder Jasper when it's all over, but if I'm going to be a part of your life, I can't shy away from it."

At that, Jeremy nodded in response. He knew Jimmy well enough to know that insisting he stay away wasn't going to work.

"I think what I'm struggling with is that rich people feel fake to me. Not individually, but like the whole society thing. Everything that goes on is hidden and swept under the rug and where I come from the only people who do that are the worst sorts of people, like the kiddy-diddlers and such," Jimmy articulated.

"Because it is fake," Ethan agreed with him.

"Honestly, I would have preferred to grow up in a much more genuine society," Jeremy replied in understanding. "Everything in my world is shrouded in secrets and half-truths. I'm not taking part in it anymore, though. I'm tired of covering up for people, from Jasper to my family. It's exhausting."

"It's up to us now, as adults, to try and break these cycles," Chloe pointed out.

Wayne looked confused. "When did you become an adult?" he said, looking serious until Chloe gave him a look, then breaking into a grin.

Chloe put her hands on her hips. "You sure seemed to think I was adult enough last night."

"Whoa!" Ethan cried, putting his hands to his ears. "We do not need to hear about Wayne's BBC, thank you!"

"How did you know I was an Anglophile?" Wayne asked, impressed.

Ethan gave him a flat look that conveyed how unimpressed he was by that while Chloe snickered and asked him, "How did you even know he had a BBC? Is that something you look for in your porn searches, Ethan? Is there something we should know?"

Wayne affected a look of surprised revelation, "Oh! You mean my penis? I did do that one porn that one time, but I needed the money. Did you find my sex tape, Ethan?"

"I hope for your possible NFL career that you don't have a sex tape," Ethan pointed out.

"We could make one," Chloe said with a smirk.

"Oh gross," Ethan replied and got up. "That's my cue to go to bed."

Wayne shrugged, "Guess he doesn't want to be the cameraman."

Jeremy chuckled at them, shaking his head. "See, I'll take this over society events any day. Despite how fake things can be, there are some truly genuine people." He stood up and held out his hand to Jimmy. "Come on, it's been a long day. Let's go to bed."

Jimmy nodded and took his hand, letting Jeremy lead him to the bedroom. It was a nice bedroom that was decorated with an oceanic theme. The queen bed was smaller than Jeremy's, but since they usually slept curled up around each other, it worked just fine for their needs. Jeremy stripped down out of his clothing until he was just in his boxer briefs and then laid down on the bed and looked at his boyfriend with a sweet smile.

Jimmy stripped to his own underwear, a silky banana hammock he'd picked up in case Jeremy needed cheering up after the confrontation. He felt a little embarrassed about it now, considering that he had turned out to be the one who needed cheering up. It had the intended effect though as the smile on Jeremy's face turned into the smirk he always got when it was clear all he wanted to do was ravish Jimmy.

"Mmm, what a sweet little surprise," Jeremy crooned as he motioned for Jimmy to come onto the bed. Jimmy joined him happily and snuggled into the little spoon position, grinding his ass against Jeremy playfully. Jeremy let out a small moan as his length hardened against Jimmy's movements. "You keep that up and I'm going to end up taking you."

"Oh yeah? Where we going?" Jimmy asked excitedly.

Jeremy gave a husky chuckle and slipped the back of the underwear down, running his finger along Jimmy's crack before swirling his fingertip around the puckered hole teasingly. He moved down the bed and pushed Jimmy onto his stomach, trailing kisses down Jimmy's spine, stopping to lick along the skin every once in a while, until he got down to his crack where he swiped his tongue down along the sensitive flesh.

Jimmy moaned and wriggled in reaction to Jeremy's attentions. Jeremy smiled at that and then went to eating his ass in earnest, spreading his cheeks and getting deep in there while he licked at the hole, pushing his tongue into his love. Jimmy could feel his stubble rubbing against the sensitive skin around it.

Jeremy sucked on his fingers for a moment to get them wet before slowly pushing a finger into Jimmy, curling his finger to move against the muscled walls inside until he found his prostate. He always knew when he found it, partly because of how it felt but also because Jimmy's moans always changed to ones that sounded far more desperate and delicious.

He added another finger, still going slowly, enjoying the way that Jimmy reacted to him. He wanted to drive Jimmy wild with lust and make him practically beg for it before he gave in. Jimmy, more than sufficiently wild with lust, pushed back against his fingers. He loved it when Jeremy stimulated his prostate like this, but what he really wanted was the mutual pleasure that came with the way Jeremy fucked him.

Jeremy added a third finger, continuing to open Jimmy up while he kissed up his spine again, this time so he could eventually move over to grab the lube they had left on the nightstand. He took the bottle and poured some of the lube into Jimmy's crack, using his fingers to work the slick substance inside while kissing and nipping at the skin around Jimmy's neck, loving how he writhed underneath him.

He waited until he heard Jimmy breathlessly say his name, then he pulled his boxer briefs off and used the lube to slick his cock up, moving into a better position behind Jimmy. He slowly worked the head of his cock into Jimmy's ass, pushing past that ring of muscle. Slowly, he pushed in further, taking his time to let Jimmy readjust and relax, until he was in all the way. He felt his balls brush up against Jimmy's ass, and he stopped again, so Jimmy could relax again and because the tight heat of his ass was so intense. He had never been inside anyone raw like this and it was amazing to feel. Not only was the pleasure intense, but it felt so intimate.

He finally started to thrust in and out, making small adjustments until he could tell he was hitting the right spot for Jimmy. Jeremy muffled his moans into the skin on Jimmy's shoulder, biting into the skin there, eliciting a deeper groan of pleasure from Jimmy.

Jeremy pulled Jimmy up, holding him against his chest while Jimmy grabbed onto the headboard of the bed. His thrusts became faster and harder, and he reached around in front of Jimmy's body to start stroking his achingly hard cock. He continued biting along Jimmy's neck, sinking his teeth into the skin and then using his tongue to soothe the sting of it.

Jimmy moaned loudly and started clenching his hole around Jeremy's hard cock, a trick he'd read about to provide additional stimulation. He also pushed back against Jeremy, trying to get as much of his cock inside himself as possible. "Fill me up, lover. I want to feel you flood me with your cum."

That caused Jeremy to groan and swear under his breath, bringing his other hand up to grasp possessively at Jimmy's throat. He felt his abs and balls tighten up as his orgasm flooded through him, and Jimmy could feel his cock engorge more before it started pulsing inside of him, shooting spurts of hot come deep into him. Jeremy kept thrusting throughout the orgasm, using his hand to continue to stimulate Jimmy's cock, wanting to push him over the edge as well.

As soon as he felt Jeremy tip over the edge, Jimmy's cock twitched in Jeremy's hand and spurted his own sticky load all over the bed. The two of them slumped down onto the bed, lying against each other while they let Jeremy's cock slowly deflate and pop out of Jimmy's ass. There was a slight flood of liquid coming out and Jeremy moved away a little so he could watch it.

"Mmmm, that's so hot," Jeremy growled as he brought up his own hand that had remnants of Jimmy's come on his fingers and licked it off. "I could get used to watching my load coming out of you like that."

"Good," Jimmy said, still basking in the afterglow.