tagCelebrities & Fan FictionCelebrity Jerk-A-Thon

Celebrity Jerk-A-Thon


The 7-bedroom house that Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen had purchased in Redondo Beach was situated on a lofty promontory overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It was a sprawling affair, an oceanfront estate whose exterior was done in a classic red stucco; the interior being an admixture of Mary Kate's propensity for ultra-modern chic, combined with Ashley's more neoclassical tastes, including some warm Victorian touches.

Six women attended to the upkeep of the house on a daily basis. The twins had also hired a cook to prepare all their meals and a chauffer to drive them anywhere they wished at any time of day including the trek back and forth to their business meetings in LA, where the two petite moguls oversaw the operation of their multimedia business, "Dual Star Productions".

Ashley was lounging in the parlor watching some old footage of various Sisterhood-sponsored events that she and Mary Kate had attended over the past few years, eager for her sister to get back from the hair salon so that they could compile a list of potential candidates for their upcoming celebrity "Jerk-A-Thon". She and Mary Kate had decided to make a compilation video of all the best male orgasms so that they could choose more easily from among the dozens or so possible men who might fit the bill, and also because it was something that she and her sister wanted to enjoy for its own sake.

Now, as she watched in rapt fascination while yet another prick released its huge creamy load into an audience crammed with women, she deftly made a note of the scene's number in her notebook and looked up again at the oversized 56" television screen in time to see several volleys of cum fired off in rapid succession to the howls of the all-female audience. She recognized her own face contorted in laughter as the ropes of white, pearly semen sailed over her head and into the cheering milieu behind her. Mary Kate was there too, her mouth wide open in awe as the cum streams continued to spurt out into the laughing crowd one after another.

"He's definitely a shooter!" Ashley said aloud. She quickly scribbled on her pad. "Hired!"

Just as another man was ready to orgasm, the door opened. It was Mary Kate. The younger sister entered the room just as an enormous explosion of sperm shot high into the air just missing her onscreen image by inches.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, as she stared at the screen. "What a fucking load!"

"You almost got it that time!" Ashley giggled. "Come on, sit down. We have to finish this list and get in touch with all these people."

Mary Kate responded with a grunt and kept her eyes on the screen as the cumshots continued to fire fast and furiously into the audience.

"I love it when a guy shoots like that," she said enthusiastically. "Look at us, Ash. We're like...what the fuck?"

"Well, he just kept coming. Remember? I think this guy shot out about a dozen ropes of cum non-stop."

"Yeah," Mary Kate replied, fascinated. "Look at him go. Where do they store all that stuff?"

Ashley shook her head. "I don't know. But they're supposed to make billions and billions of sperm every day."

"No wonder they're always jerking off. But it really is so fucking sexy to watch."

"I love it," Ashley admitted. "Why don't you put your stuff down and join me?"

"Okay," Mary Kate said as she laid her pocketbook on the table and took a seat beside her sister. "You didn't say anything about my hair."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I got so involved..."

"With the cumshots. Yeah, I know."

"Well, you're the one who got me started on this kick."

"Yeah, well, I didn't ever hear you complain."

"I'm not complaining. Your hair looks great by the way."

Mary Kate smiled. "Thanks. I decided to keep it long—like yours."

Suddenly the excited crowd let out a huge roar. Two guys were ejaculating at the exact same time--a young, white blonde boy and an older black man—Craig Lundquist and Barney Cole.

"This was from last year," Ashley said hurriedly. "At the party we threw for Drew's birthday."

"I remember," Mary Kate replied dourly. "I was there too, you know."

As she finished her sentence two long ropes of sperm flew out into the audience at tremendous speed, sailing over the heads of the women in the first three rows. This was followed by a succession of equally potent ejaculations that seemed to go on indefinitely. The crowd was in hysterics.

"Look at you!" Mary Kate screeched as she pointed to the television screen. "It's like, oh my God! When is it gonna stop?"

"I couldn't believe how much cum Barney shot out. I think he may have beaten Craig."

"This time he did," Mary Kate agreed. "I remember him telling me that he hadn't cum in seven days and then masturbated for like five hours straight so that he could build up all that pressure to shoot off like that."

"Oh, you got hit!" Ashley laughed, as her sister's onscreen image tried unsuccessfully to duck an errant blast of cum.

"Most of it landed in my hair! Look at me with that paper towel!"

Amidst the ongoing multiple cum blasts that were now besieging the ecstatic crowd, Mary Kate was daubing her hair with the single sheet of paper trying to remove a huge glob of sperm that had landed on the left side of her head.

"You should have left it in there," Ashley chuckled. "It makes a good crème rinse."

Just then the doorbell rang. The twins heard the hurried footsteps of their housekeeper Anna as she ran from one end of the apartment to the other.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" the attractive middle-aged women yelled as she flew past the girls with her broom in hand.

"It must be the girls," Ashley said, turning off the television.

"Good," Mary Kate replied. "Now we can get this whole Spermathon business straightened out."

"That's 'Jerk-A-Thon,'" Ashley corrected her.

"Whatever. I just want to get done by 9:00 PM so I can meet Lapo."

"I thought you two guys were done."

"Nope. We're still hanging on. Two masochists I guess."

"You're only keeping him around because he's got a huge dick," Ashley said.

"Exactly. The same reason you keep Justin around."

"Yeah, but I don't let him fuck me."

Mary Kate frowned. "Don't flaunt your virginity in my face, all right? You should try screwing him for once instead of always giving him handjobs. Give your hand a rest for Christ's sake."

"He doesn't seem to mind."

"Eventually he's going to want more, Ash."

"I suppose. But right now he's happy to get jerked off every night."

"And speaking of that," Mary Kate said in a desultory tone. "I found cum stains all over the back seat of the limo."

Ashley laughed. "That was nothing. You should have seen the load I made him shoot on the back window!"

The younger sister shook her head. "You're such trailer trash."

"I'm trailer trash?" Ashley replied, incredulously. "Before you let Lapo get between your legs, your hands were draining him of his sperm for two straight years. And a lot of that spunk of his landed all over the dashboard!"

Mary Kate smiled despite herself. "Okay, you got me. I used to get him to squirt so hard that he coated the inside windshield. He said I should install some wipers for inside the car!"

"Squirt! Squirt! Turn the wipers on!" Ashley exclaimed as the two sisters broke down laughing.

"We really kept the chauffer busy cleaning up all that cum!"

Just then, Anna announced that their visitors had arrived.

"Well, I see somebody's in a good mood!"

The twins looked up to see Drew Barrymore enter the room followed by Christina Ricci, Kelly Ripa, and Brittany Murphy. All of them were dressed very casually and, without invitation, plopped themselves down on the nearest available seat.

After pleasantries were exchanged and the housekeeper had provided everyone with a drink, the real purpose of the evening's business was raised by Ashley.

"I know we all have plans for tonight so I'll try to make this as simple as possible," the lovely twin began. "We all know what happened with Phoebe and Angelique. After Angelique died, Phoebe took off with Charlotte on a world cruise and spent the better part of a year on the open sea. She's now living back in LA and has pretty much stayed out of having anything to do with Sisterhood affairs. However, Holly is running the Sisterhood organization now and she needs money—lots of it—to keep things going. Mary Kate and I thought that sponsoring a celebrity "Jerk-A-Thon" would be an excellent way to raise the needed funds."

"I think that's a great idea!" Kelly said approvingly. "Have you chosen a place to host the event?"

"Right here." Ashley replied.

"In your house?"

"Sure," Mary Kate broke in. "The place is huge, it's remote, and we have a security system in place. It's perfect."

"How much money are you hoping to raise?" Christina asked.

"We're thinking about a half million," Ashley said.

Brittany pursed her lips together. "You do realize that we are living in tough economic times, don't you? I mean, even we celebrities don't have bottomless pockets."

"Oh, come on!" Drew exclaimed. "This is for a very important cause."

"I know that," Brittany retorted. "But I doubt you're going to get many people to do it. The money just isn't there."

Kelly looked pensive. "I don't quite agree. I can think of a lot of people who would definitely come to this...this...what did you call it?"

"Jerk-A-Thon," Ashley replied.

"Yeah, Jerk-A-Thon. Let's face it girls, we're all rich. Every one of us. And I know several of my personal friends who would love to see the show."

"Well, you guys are the ones who are going to make it happen," Ashley said in a serious tone. "Mary Kate and I can only do so much. We already have a list of guys who are ready and willing to take part in the show. It's up to the rest of you, as our fundraising committee to put the machine in operation. You all know what you have to do, so let's do it. Any questions?"

"Yeah," Brittany asked. "Who are the guys?"

"Well, you probably know some of them already. Let's see, there's Craig and Barney, the little dwarf guy with the huge testicles..."

"Joey Balls!" Drew squealed. "I heard a lot about that mother fucker from Phoebe. What a laugh!"

"You won't laugh when you see the size of his nuts."

"And what vast amounts of stuff come out of them!" Mary Kate added.

Christina nearly spit up the liquid she had just drunk. "Jesus! I heard about that guy. How did you convince him to come? Doesn't he live in Australia or something?"

"He lives in New Zealand now," Ashley said. "But he got out of the circus business a long time ago. He's strictly freelance now."

This comment, made so casually, had the rest of the girls laughing hysterically.

"Balls for hire!" Brittany laughed. "Who else do we have?"

Ashley looked at her notes. "There's uh...that guy Tom Murphy..."

"Yes, yes," Mary Kate interjected. "You remember him, Ash. That place up in Vermont last year..."

"Right. His wife's name is...Abby."

"Uh huh. You were there Drew, weren't you?"

"I sure was. I have the cum stains on my Gucci handbag to prove it."

"That was some show." Mary Kate said wistfully. "You have to admit it rivaled anything Phoebe ever put on."

"You're probably right. We were literally awash in sperm that evening."

Kelly removed her shoes and put her legs up on the sofa. "Okay, Ash, who else?"

A smile came across Ashley's face. "Well you won't know this guy, but Mary Kate and Drew will remember him: King Matumba!"

"Ah, yes, "Drew said fondly, "the big, black guy from Africa with the humongous meat stick. I remember him very well."

"How could you forget him?" Mary Kate chuckled. "He was quite a character."

"And there is this other guy," Ashley began. "But I don't recognize the name." She looked at the other girls. "Is this one of your suggestions?"

"Are you talking about Anthony?" Drew asked.

"Yes. Anthony Riddle. Who's he?"

Kelly moaned loudly. "Oh, come on, Ashley. Haven't you ever heard of the "La Fontaine" club in downtown LA? The main room?"

"I know the La Fontaine club, but I never..."

"That place is known for its CFNM events," Kelly interrupted. "I went there once with some friends of mine to see a strip show. And the guy who brought the house down was this same guy—Anthony Riddle—otherwise known as..."

"Big Anthony." The look on Drew's face suddenly brightened. "He's my boyfriend."

A momentary silence came over the room, followed by some jittery laughter.

"Anthony Riddle?" Brittany finally said. "You're dating Anthony Riddle?"

"That's right," replied Drew. "He worked there for a few years before going into law."

"Are we talking about the same guy? The one and only 'Big' Anthony?" Christina asked.

"That's him."

"Holy shit! He's the guy who can have orgasm after orgasm without stopping, right?"


"Oh, my God!" Kelly exclaimed. "I can't believe you're dating him, Drew! Big Anthony was the guy who could shoot gallons of cum nonstop—like for a full minute or more. He just kept bringing himself off over and over again. I have never seen anything like it in my life. Is he still capable of the multi-orgasmic thing?"

"Oh, yeah," Drew replied with a wide grin. "He's still as potent as ever."

Suddenly the entire room was alive with excitement. Mary Kate especially wanted to know more about this wunderkind. "Oh, man! We have to see this!"

"Well, you're in luck," Drew laughed. "He followed us here in his own car but wanted to stop at a deli first. He should here momentarily."

"No shit!" Brittany squealed.

"Yeah, well don't get your hopes up. I just put his name down on the list as a joke. He got out of the business a long time ago. I don't think you're going to get him to perform for anybody."

Mary Kate smiled mischievously. "Well, maybe we can change his mind."

"Don't get any ideas," Ashley said sternly. "We're not here to force anybody to do something they don't want to do."

"But he'd be great for the show!"

"But he's a lawyer now."

"Just let me handle it Ash, okay?" She stole a quick glance at Drew. "That's if it's okay with you."

"Hey, look," Drew replied. "If you can convince him to do the show, that's fine with me. I have no problem with it."

Mary Kate smiled satisfactorily and took a large gulp of her soda, exulting in the ecstatic reactions of her colleagues.

Just then Ashley's cell phone rang. She picked it up and spoke for a few seconds, then put it back down on the table.

"Anna!" Ashley called out.

A short moment later, the pretty brunette appeared in the hallway.

"Yes, Ms. Olsen?"

"That was security. Drew's boyfriend, Mr. Riddle, is coming. Would you please let him in?"

"Certainly, Ms. Olsen."

Anna, still with broom in hand, scurried from the adjoining room toward the foyer. A few minutes later a tall, handsome and muscular young man stood at the entrance to the parlor. He stood about six feet tall and had brown wavy hair and blue eyes. He looked something like Leonardo DiCaprio but had a more business-like demeanor, dressed as he was in a three-piece, pinstriped gray suit. Ashley invited him to sit down, which he did, right next to Drew.

After introductions had been made, Anthony turned his attention to the twins.

"I really liked your new book, ladies," he said, smiling first at Ashley, then at Mary Kate. "Really excellent. I read it from cover to cover in a few hours."
"Well, honey," Drew began. "It is a coffee table book. There's not much text."

"Yeah, well, I enjoyed it."

The twin sisters both thanked him and had Anna bring him a soda.

"Where are the other girls?" Mary Kate asked the housekeeper as she handed Anthony a glass.

"They are all working upstairs, Ms. Olsen," she replied. "As you instructed."

"I may have need of them shortly."

"Yes, miss."

Ashley looked at her sister askance. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing," the younger sister replied coyly. "Just chill out."

"She's got something up her sleeve. I can tell," Drew snickered.

"Who me?" Mary Kate said with mock innocence.

"Yes, you!" Ashley chuckled. "I know that look."

Mary Kate ignored her sister and directed her gaze at Anthony, who was now gulping down his soda. "I hear that you used to work as a stripper at La Fontaine," she said bluntly.

"That's right," he replied. "But that was a long time ago."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"The money was good."

"So why don't you do it anymore?"

"I'm a lawyer now. Do you know of any lawyers who moonlight as strippers?"

Ashley looked a bit perturbed. "Oh, come on, Mary Kate. Give the guy a break."

"I'm just asking him a question," she replied hastily.

"Anthony is a big time attorney now," Drew said kissing him on the cheek. "I would think the two occupations are mutually exclusive."

"Does he know about the show?" Kelly asked Drew.

"Yeah, I know about it," Anthony interjected. "But if you're thinking about asking me to get involved, you can forget it."

Mary Kate said nothing. She just stared at the very handsome man and in her mind's eye she saw him fully naked on stage at La Fontaine, furiously jerking what she believed must be an enormous dick in front of a crowd of wild and screaming women. Her intent stare made Ashley uncomfortable.

"I know what you're thinking," she said softly to her sister. "Remember, it's not just him. It's Drew's feelings you have to consider to."

"She just said she has no problem with it," Mary Kate said defensively. "Just go with the flow will you?"

"We've heard about you," Christina said to Anthony. "Drew told us all about it."

Anthony shrugged. "It's no secret. The entire world knows what I did before I went legit."

"No," Brittany said. "What she means is, we know about the quality of your performances."

Anthony laughed heartily. "Oh, that! Yes, it's true. Whatever my darling Drew told you is true."

"I know it's true," Kelly said with certainty. "I was there in the audience back in 2006 when you were doing the midnight show."

"Really?" Anthony said looking rather pleased. "And what did you think of my performance?"

Kelly giggled loudly. "Are you kidding? It was fucking great! Two of my girlfriends told me that they came from just watching you shoot that massive load of yours!"

Everyone in the room broke out with laughter.

"God, I wish I had been there," Mary Kate said absentmindedly.

"Well, I'm sorry but I don't have any DVDs of my shows, otherwise..."

"Otherwise what?" Mary Kate said excitedly, "You'd let us see them?"

"If I had them, yes."

"I'd love to see that!" Brittany said, looking a little flushed.

At this point, with the conversation tending to get progressively lewd, Mary Kate ordered Anna to bring another round of drinks for everyone—this time it was hard liquor. "And open those windows," she instructed the housekeeper. "It's getting a little warm in here."

As Anna went about fulfilling her duties, Mary Kate continued to play her little mental games with the handsome attorney. She noticed as they talked more and more about his former profession, that he, too, was not immune to the stimulating inferences about his sexual capacities. When he described for the women in detail one of his rather prodigious feats of ejaculating continuously for over a full minute, she saw that his cock had grown hard in his pants. Everyone else noticed it too and Drew lost no time in letting her hand fall gracefully between his legs.

When Anna returned with bottles of liquor and wine, the guests partook of their libations freely. Mary Kate and Ashley, however, each nursed a glass of white wine, refusing to allow themselves to succumb to the numbing effects of alcohol.

"I really don't know any guy who can manufacture such huge quantities of sperm," Drew began, already feeling woozy from just her second glass of gin and vodka. "That big schlong of his is almost more than I can take."

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