All Comments on 'Champions'

You have a talent may it turn to more inspiration and goodwill for you.

Sic semper tryannis

Please continue.

More please.

Its good, needs some polish but good non the less. Keep it up

This story was very entertaining. It has kept me busy for almost 3 days and i'm glad I've made it to the end. Nice plot twist at the end there, didn't see it coming.

Well written, i'd recommend finding a good editor/proof reader to iron out some of your creases and make this into a truelly epic tale.

Self publish the books, i'm sure people out in the world will buy it, i'll be one of them

JC

P.s. I'd be happy to edit for you, check out my works if you desire it.

This was a great story and I look forward to more when you have some. ThanK you for sharing this great story. Mechmanas

Excellent job! Thank you for sharing it. I'll look forward to reading anything else you post. Thanks again.

S

I like the world you have created. The story was fun and it was a very good read. Never dull and boring in any part.

This story is a long one, but well worth reading. It never seemed to drag or got into too little or too much detail. Great story arc and interesting characters and well thought out plot twists. It really conjours up the imagination and sets the scenes perfectally. Also, one of the few stories that actually try to get the military side of things correct (as far as I know). Brilliant work, if you do a sequel, I'll be looking forward to it!

A*

Excellent story, interesting plot, only issues very minor typos/grammar (eg. "their" not "there," if that sort of thing really bothers you, yeesh!!!) Very much enjoyed the character progression and authenticity of the dialog. That the author actually knows what he's talking about re: military tactics/terminology is most welcome. Have someone edit this and make extremely minor changes, and you're ready for print. Or a screenplay.

Thanks in large part to the contributions and suggestions from all of you I have published this on Amazon (specifically a very much improved version). It is presented under my pen-name "Kenny Michaels" and it is called "Awakening: Uncensored Edition (Champions (UE) Volume 1)". There is also a non-erotic version titled "Awakening: Standard Edition (Champions (SE) Volume 1)". There is a link on my profile to get you there faster. It is available as cheap as I could make it ($2.99). Sorry I couldn't get it any lower. But don't feel obligated to purchase it. The first draft of Volume 2 will still be here as soon as I can get it written. Decent sales of this work will just get it here sooner.

I honestly enjoyed your story great read will definitely buy your stuff on Amazon.

I'm truly amazed. I absorbed myself into this story as quickly I ever have with the best best books I've ever read. I have nothing but praise for this story and how you weaved it, and I can't wait for the rest of your books. Please don't stop!

I enjoyed it very much and am looking forward to the next two.

I have a pretty strong impression that your writing is cathartic for you. I loved this novel, and I think I'd love the rest of your work. But, here's the important thing: do it for you. I'm guessing that you will HAVE to write, since that's what writers do.

You might have a choice about what you write, maybe, but your fingers will itch until you start putting something down on paper (or the computer screen). Let it out and share it if it feels appropriate.

Best of luck

Congratulations on your book! Keep up the great work. I look forward to reading more!

Really a great story. Kept me hooked and wanting to read more. Would really appreciate if you follow up on it, its got a great storyline and has got the potential for being absolutely mind blowing, so you should keep writing.

I would suggest that you use an editor though, 'cause in this big a story, errors can creep up inadvetantly.

I dont want to sound forward, but I am myself an editor and would be happy to help.

{Ignore my profile name, wanted it to mean something and turned out something else ;-) }

Hello Mr Eagle101,

I enjoyed your story, the part of the story detailing your time Stan-side was interesting to read about, I really liked the way the story progressed, perhaps with new found magic the DPM uniform could be turned black/grey in an effort not to stand out. Whilst the aspect of the modern warrior being taken to another space/time/dimension has been done before, the way your story has progressed was enjoyable to read and is different. . I look forward to reading the next part of the story.

This story is arguably one of the best I've ever read on this site. I've been reading stories on this site, and damn near all others, for more than 15 years now... Please, holy what ever you want to believe... please keep writing this story out.

And yes, once it is done, you should ABSOLUTELY consider getting it published. Some of it will need to be edited for public reading... but this story is absolutely amazing! It will go far if you will it!

Every once in a while a story comes along that is so far above the rest that merely giving it the maximum five stars possible feels inadequate. This is certainly one of those. Everything about it from the character development to the pacing and plot are satisfying and professional.

I am particularly appreciative of the length. It's extremely rare to be able to enjoy a complete story without all the annoying back and forth that usually interrupts the story's flow.

Thank you so much and I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of the rest of your tale.

Nthusiastic

Publicly or privately, "Just kudoes." I think that's how it's spelled...To be sure enough of yourself to share this is fantastic. To be able to read and enjoy it as I have, is also fantastic. Thanks for the real enjoyment I found in this story, and I do hope I get to finish the story.

looking for the 5 star button

First let me say that you boys in the 101st are almost as sharp as us Leathernecks 😉- so I'm not surprised that you knocked out a good story. I especially liked the realistic details on David's kit (I too much preferred the Mk. 48 over the standard M249 as a LMG) but I also thought you did a good job with the magical and mythological side of things. I'm not sure if you have read Flame of Cytherea, another good literotca story, but there were some overall similarities between the stories that you might want to check out as a reference. I too began writing as a way to deal with PTSD and difficulty finding a decent job after a life in the service, and eventually convinced myself to post on literotca, though I've only recently begun to actually take care to edit and try to write entertaining stories for the sake of my few readers. I will definitely endeavor to read any other works that you submit.

-Lucius Grey

Formerly Cpl. 1st SOB, USMC

The writing and content were phenomenonal, and there were very few if any continuity or grammatical errors. I'm definitely looking forward to what comes next!

Great work bud. Your indepth details of US Army tactics, techniques and procedures blended with the fantasy world and a common sense protagonist really sucked me in.

The erotic scenes were good, but I have admit that the actual characters and story was my main focus.

Can't wait to see what's next. Conjuring Claymores, Mk34 and Carl Gustavs against heavy cavalry?

I very much enjoyed your story and encourage you to continue writing.

I am waiting!

Great story telling. I look foreword to the next Installment or book!

I will be awaiting the next installment with bated breath!

I have just finished your story and must admit I did not see the twist at the end, nicely done. Your writing and story telling is of a high level and I enjoyed the way you painted the picture of the story in a flowing tapestry.

I agree with a previous comment, every good writer needs a good editor. It will resolve some of the things that a writer with his head in the story will not see, whole to close to the trees scenario.

Added you to my favourites list and will be looking for the next instalments, don't leave us hanging.

You Have a Great Talent! Use it! Please Continue This Work! Hooked! Need More!!!

I have also read a lot of stories on this site and have enjoyed many of them, but as of this moment your story is my favorite so far, its beautifully written and hits many of the things that interest me. it was a story i couldn't stop reading, that's the best of praise.......So, Thank you

Yes, please continue your writing and this story! It's the best I've read of its type.

Semper Fi.

had no choice but to vote 5 stars

i spent two evenings chewing through the story

conclusion i enjoyed it although some elements i found grating/annoying

however for 37 pages that in the most part i found fun, interesting, engaging, entertaining ..it deserved a 5 star vote

On the question of whether you should continue?.

i would say YES

on the question of wether you should attmept to Self Publish?.

at this point i would say NO

(reason being i would advise finishing the 1st three books / 1st trilogy and then reflect on any tidying up / editing / plot changes / corrections you might wish to implement , before exploring publishing)

so all that leads into the most important Question

Are you the Author Enjoying Writing this Tale

Are you Enjoying the process & having fun

can you see yourself continuing to enjoy the process through at least the next two books ....

IF the answer to that 3 part question is YES .YES , YES

then what we the reader/viewer thinks is pretty much immaterial

godbless & ty for sharing your writing with us

I really enjoyed your story and am looking forward to further installments.

I have read almost every epic story on lit.

but yours is Above the epic .

please continue....

Keep it up. You have a natural talent

Keep up with the good work.

some grammar mistakes but over all a very enjoyable read thank you and please continue.

The title says it all.

I would sincerely hope that you do continue to write the stories for David, and perhaps share them with us here or let us know where to get access to them.

I'll be mentioning you in my next continuation as a place to come while i'm away writing, sorry but your story is just too good to miss.

JC

MORE MORE MORE!! PLEASE!!!

Excellent work. Great plotline and I really enjoyed your storytelling.

It gets very disheartening to find that most of the really good stories in SciFi are unfinished. Yours is realy good so far. 5*

I hope to see a second book/chapter to this work. I've got to find out what happens to the trio.

i have read it 4 times now and it is so good rated it 5/5 but there were some issues for me cause i was a bit triggered when i read it due to david's behaviour towards laura i think + i became a bit mad that i started hitting my self with things and started bashing my head in the wall while shouting while kept getting mad at david for his behaviour every time i read it but still fucking loved it.Dont stop posting dude keep it up.

Cracking opening chapter. Really sets up your story and characters well. Looking forward to the next instalment.

Enjoyed to story and would like more.

It's dangerous to make the heroes to powerful in the beginning. Nothing to gain from doing stuff. It's hard to level up when you have more magic then you can handle already.

I have just finished reading after three days of nonstop reading fucking amazing!!!

Excellent story, imossible to stop reading, i just spent my entire day off reading it. Thank you for this great tale. Please finnish the saga you have planned for the trio. The plot just begs for more.

Really good story and looking forward to reading more from you.

Any updates for a sequel for this piece? It is one of the better plots on here and has enough twists to make an engaging read with just enough sensuality to make it fun.

Just a quick reminder that updates on the status of this series can be found on my main profile page. I am working on Book 2 again, and my original goal of having it ready by Veteran's Day has been pushed. Now I hope to get it posted no later than January 2017. Don't forget to check my profile page for story updates.

Looking forward to your future installments this is one of the better ones I've seen. Should be on the Hall of Fame with Dream Drive and Three Square meals

Great story here. You picked a perfect spot to break at, leaving me fulfilled and still anticipating your next work.

Very interesting. I was happy to see someone from the armed forces using their knowledge to paint a character as interesting as David. Looking forward to seeing what more you might produce in this setting as well as doing ping you will decide to share it with us.

Very, very good. Definitely continue your writing. I'm looking forward to your future books.

After 36 yrs and finally forced out in ´03...this old jarhead says ´Thank You´. The gear changed a lot from ´67 to ´03 but the drills the same....watch your 6 and thank Sky 6....

Hello, I appreciate your efforts with both the story and Afghanistan.

Please complete the David series. If not the whole nine then at least the first three to round out the first story line.

I do understand that you are unpaid for your time and intellectual property on this site so if you do publish elsewhere please inform us some how.

Oh and I can just imagine a guy in camo cruising an a ancient world on a horse with a LMG. What a picture.

Anonymous comments should be banned.

Thanks.

I loved this story sooooo sooo much it was a very good read.

Absolutely Amazing. I hope you choose to write and share more someday. And good luck with your job hunting.

Please complete the next part of your story/plot - the battle between the champions and David's part in saving the day. This is a very good story and I beg you to continue. Your writing skill and talent is top notch!! Pleeeeaaasssseee!! I can see David's feelings towards the acolyte champion thawing and eventually having her in a threesome outside of the ceremony!!

I am a very avid reader and have read story and novels for over 20 years. This is one of the very best I have ever read very well composed and written I just feel straight into it just thanks for it and please continue I will make sure to keep checking back to see if you have more just awesome. Excellent

All I can say is MORE!!!

Outstanding, more please

Thank you for sharing this story. I hope that you continue writing. If you decide to publish, please let us know where we can purchase more of your work. I have paid for many books not nearly as good as this one. Good luck with your job search.

In the comment I wrote earlier today, I encouraged you to let us know if you published your work elsewhere. Obviously, I had not read your Biography section. I have now and I just bought the Kindle edition on Amazon. Thank you for continuing to write.

Just finished your first book of Champions really enjoyed it understand your military assessments I was in the 101st back in the mid-sixties. I am waiting patiently for your next book hope it's every bit as good as the first keep riding hope everything works good for you

Paps

I am really looking forward to the next installment, one of the best I have read here.

If your aim was to give back to the literotica community then mission very much accomplished. This was an imaginative and well-paced story with several characters that are easy to like and some exciting action, both erotic and otherwise.

Since you asked for honest feedback, I have a couple of thoughts.

First, as a minor point, for my taste as I was reading the detail of military gear, jargon and tactics was interesting but a bit excessive. Having read your comments at the end I can see that this was important for you, and it certainly helped add realism, but in future installments it may be worth breaking it up into smaller chunks.

Second, and more importantly, it would have been good to see David have more of a learning journey. It's clear that you as the author sympathize (and presumably identify) with your protagonist, but it can get a bit grating when everyone else's emotional developments consist of realizing that he was right and they were wrong. You deal in an important moral issue - the limits of violence on the one hand and pacifism on the other. There's plenty of scope there for any individual to have doubt, make wrong decisions, evolve. At one point David does reflect on how his cumulative (but justified) actions change him, but that doesn't seem to lead anywhere. Towards the end, having Eros lecture Laurena in exactly the same terms as David did is a bit heavy handed as a divine endorsement of our hero's viewpoint. Stories like this are more effective when the main protagonist is a bit more flawed (or recognises his flaws) and undergoes a development of his own.

I hope these thoughts are helpful. In any case I salute you: you created a thoroughly enjoyable story and I for one am looking forward to what happens to your characters next. Thank you for sharing it.

Awesome Story!!! Two things, (1.) It's spelled altar, not alter. (2.) I do hope you continue this story.

I SURE HOPE THERE IS MORE

Ummmm, do I want more?

HELL YES!!

Good story, as in believable characters, quality plotline, great action sequences, originality (very important), and low error frequency. Yes I want more, yes I believe you may have done bad things during war, but- I have learned not to judge, but give thanks wehere thanks is due. On that note, as (not) your commanding officer, I order you to keep writing, keep living, and go mountain biking once a week.

This is a ridiculously impressive story, both in its length and its depth. Your character building is some of the most impressive I've seen on this site, your plot lines are masterfully interwoven with just the right amount of complexity to keep your readers entertained throughout. You sir, are one of the best writers I've had the privilege of reading. Please continue your craft!

Would very much appreciate more of this. If you ever publish anything on Amazon I would certainly purchase it.

Old Jungle Bunny5e9e

Amazing story please Write mote

Absolutely write more. Please continue.

As the title says, I just love this tale you've written and the world you fabricated for it to inhabit. This has to be the third time I've read it and honestly I can't get bored of it. There are no pulled punches in the narration, no jarring shifts in pacing or scenery. It comes across as someone telling a very real story of their own. Going through it doesn't have me feeling like I'm reading but rather like I'm getting immersed in the words and pulled along for a literary fantasy ride.

Your experience of actually being in theatre and having real experiences to relay into your storytelling shines through constantly throughout. That "been there" aspect is just one of those things that adds an edge of realism that can't be matched by any amount of research. No time spent in a library or on a computer can come close to that of being out there with boots on, gun in hand, marching around in 100 degrees of BS everyday for several months. That time spent allows you to be a step above any other author that tries their hand at soldier-themed stories. Myself included.

So thank you for writing this awesome story, it has made time spent during the hurry-up-and-wait game that much more bearable.

Cheers, and Chimo.

Dark Pulse.

Totally worth it, I truly hope to read a sequel at some point, no rush. I have a brother in the armed forces myself and have nothing but respect for those who have and who are currently serving.

I have read my fair share of "Earth soldier in fantasy setting" type stories on this site myself. This is easily one of my new favorites. I look forward to reading it again!

Please continue writing this story....

Mikey

Having served myself, I understand reintegration issues. I really enjoyed reading this story and hope to read a sequel. Thanks for your service and have a great day

You really don't need to reiterate every Proper Noun (PN) as it's Own Acronym (OA)

Hello all,

The re-release of Volume 1 has been submitted to the Literotica OverLords. Volume 2 is in the hands of my editors, and will be on here soon.

The plot is engaging... the twist at the end was fun. I feel that you add far too much detail that doesn't serve a purpose. If it doesn't develop a character, setting, or help drive the plot it's a waste. More time spent on developing fun/witty believable dialogue is always a plus. I thought the song sung by Eros was awesome.... a touch more editing and it would have been fantastic.

Please continue with your writing. :-)

Excellent , I find no other words to describe it

Well written story. I am looking forward to reading the continuation. WELL DONE!!

well written, plenty of action, and a fair amount of humor. look forward to your other stories

Really enjoying the story and the references to military life bring back a few memories of my own. I hope you continue the story and let peace find its way into your life again.

Nicely written, good characterization! Please continue to write! Thanks for Your Service to Our Country! May You find Peace !

I loved the story and have not checked to see if there is more. ... please let there be more. I believe it is your right to defend yourself and those you love from being hurt or kiled. This story I one of the best I have read in a long time. Thank you for your service to our country. There were quite a.few.good laughs along the way through the story, I can't wait for.the next chronicle.2

You certainly did a nice job interweaving the experiences of your military career into the story. Thank you for creating a good story. I look forward to more from you. Last but certainly not the least- Thank you for your service. Welcome Home!

I enjoyed it immensely, looking forward to more. Make sure to let everyone know when you decide to publish or make some reference to ScreamingEagle101. I will buy the whole set.

Thanks a lot for your efforts in writing this, ScreamingEagle101. Anyone can see that you're very detail oriented. Loved the modern combat scenes, and the seamless and self aware nature of your work. Please keep it going! I would love to buy it even, if you sold on Amazon. A few spelling mistakes here and there, but an editor will fix those easily.

It becomes jarring for most reads that aren't into being operators. The repetitive use of m4 or m9 could been replaced with carbine or sidearm giving easier flow and transition. Likewise, mentions of in visual pieces of gear and their components only slow down the story. The safe can be said for individually counting shots fire and on target which seemed to make it harder to read quickly and in pace with the tempo of the story.

Overall it's the clarity and over detailing that derails the plot and slows your story. A problem I have writing as well.

Hope to see more,

An Old Cadet and Former Guard

simply fantastic thanks 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

OK, for some odd reason, the image of Jon Bernthal was stuck in my mind for David throughout...including trying to read it in his voice.

Only other character I could put a face on was Eros as Ricky Gervais!

Do not stop writing. I have rarely read anything as descriptively accurate as these combat scenes. Dave's talk with Laurena after her fight in the woods to help her through her angst of taking lives was spot on. Well done.

I have not had the privilege of serving, but have always wanted an idea of what it was like. Thank you for a great story and your service to our country. please continue sharing your stories and best regards......Steve

I'm really digging ur story. Keep writing about a thousand more and everything will turn out fine. :)

First and foremost , reading fiction is and ever should be a time to suspend belief and just enjoy the story (and if it happens to be a well written story , even better ). Second , although there are a few homonym problems , so what ? Third - although I never served in the military , I spent 20 years in fire and EMS and have my own ghosts , you sir, have nothing to apologize for , use your energies to find healing and balance . I look forward to the remainder of this story and hope this note finds you doing well . Tex.

Legitimately more engaging than some printed novels I've read. Keep it up.