All Comments on 'Champions'

I think the story is very very good I thought you were military think you for your serves keep the work I hope to read more

It is an exceptional story. I thank you for your service btw. I wonder, do you get tired of hearing that, I know I do. There were a couple of typos and a few word placement issues but other than that, your grammar was excellent.

I love your story so far and expect to continue to do so with the next chapters. Cheers and good wishes to you and yours, may you find comfort and happiness in your journeys, where ever they may take you.

I'm retired Navy spent 2 years in that shit hole side by side with the 101st, 82nd, 3rd and 7th SFG. Your story was great! It is nice to have a true perspective in the story. I still fight my issues and can sympathize with you and David. Thank you for sharing as it means a lot to those of us on here who've been in the shit.

V/R

Chief

Irrespective of my thoughts on the morality of your message vis-a-vis the righteousness of your main character, it’s a damned good story. Well written, gripping with a nice balance of action and erotic sex. Your stand on right and wrong are clearly laid out. The reader can choose whether to agree, disagree or stop reading. I read non- stop and can’t wait for the next instalment! I wish you well fighting your demons and hope that the society that sent you Afghanistan does the right thing and invests in your re-integration to civilian life and rewards you for your service.

I’m 10 pages in and can’t read any more. Probably the most brutally boring piece I’ve ever read.

The story was excellent and I enjoyed the author's perspective as a veteran. Authentic.

Also, very good social commentary on bleeding heart pacifists. Kept chuckling.

Honestly, I would pay, wish I could pay, for a story of this quality.

Truly excellent.

I also liked that he stuck to his own morality.

Do please continue writing, as what you have to say and write about is important not just for yourself but for others as well

As a British Army veteran, I served long tours in Northern Ireland, spots globally with the United Nations, as well as NATO in Bosnia. So I know exactly where you are coming from when I say that your life experience transferred to your characters is a valuable and needful insight into war and its effects on those who find themselves caught up in it. The worst type of writing is when people try to write outside of their own experiences, relying solely on their imaginations and the superior experiential writings of others. So please do keep going. Am now going on to read the other 2 parts to this story, knowing they will be just as engaging as this first part

-Mankus-

When I first started reading this story I noticed different stuff than I normally read at this site. I'm not a big fan of the magic stories. This has turned out to be one of the best stories I have read anywhere, and really encourage you to continue this wonderful story. Thanks for your service. AF vet here.

First, I just want to say, "Thank You for your Service."

Second, gonna go read the next one momentarily.

Third, if this were a book, I would've bought it and 'read the hell outta it,' so please, keep going.

Thank you for protecting our freedom here at home and serving your country with Honor. You and your kind are greatly appreciated for all of your sacrifices.

Second of all; thank you for sharing this fucking AMAZING tale with us. If you were even half as good of a soldier as you are a writer, then you must have been one fearsome son-of-a-bitch on the battlefield. :-)

This is only the second time I have ever given a story 5 stars in all of my years reading on this and other sites... and quite honestly, it deserves more than 5 stars in my opinion. Keep up the good work.

I agree with all the others so far looking forward to reading the other chapters

excellent

I have read many many stories here. A couple similar to yours. The biggest problem i have with them is they r never finished. In my humble opinion for what its worth i think you have done a great job. I have loved reading every word so far. I hope u continue with this story line to a finish. And if the rest is as good as this part hell yes its good enough to self publish n ill even buy a copy even though i have read it here. Thanks for all ur hard work n good luck on the rest.

I absolutely LOVE this story, a good mix of Shogun (I don't know why, but I think the part about a military guy learning a new religion really reminded me of it), Stargate (Gods known on Earth being separated into different planets) and some fantasy elements; truly a really great novel to read!!!

Hooah

I love this story. It shows an understanding and certain heartache that brings it to life and gives it that can't put down status. It needs to be completed and published. I personally think with a little careful professional editing on completion it might even be good enough to publish properly. God knows I have read way worse on the shelves of public libraries. There are publishers out there that specialise in authors like you. Great work better read.

Way too much blah blah in between everything that matters. Yes we need some of the filler for details and to strengthen the story. When I just feel like skipping through pages to find the meat my mind is not being intrigued enough.

You suck bad. You get the mind going and some blood flow then cut off to stupid shit. Kill all the momentum going for the story. Hard to keep reading. Hangers are good but not writing the whole story in constant stop and starts.

I’m sorry but no. Being from earth first thought to everyone screwing everyone is going to be “I’m not sure about this”. Sharing a woman with several people is not an automatic hell yes moment. She going to get passed around and I might have to feel another guy’s leavings in her. Don’t know if I want to do that. Whatever it’s your story just wish it was treated more realistic from the guy from earth.

Loved it. Interesting twists and turns throughout. Intricate plot. A lot of incomplete story threads... I'm already salivating for more.

Great story I can't wait to read the rest of it.

Excellent story, especially so since this is your first "publication". Thank you for your service, brother. HOO-YAH!

Great story. I think you tying in all

The different story lines is good. If people don't like your style let them start writing how and what they want. Those of us who would rather read than write are happy with your work. Thanks

Awesome story

Loved the LOTR Troll reference.

I would suggest that you definitely have talent and I look forward to the two following books. I hope you do write the remaining 2 trilogies after that as I think it would be a shame to leave things unfinished.

Only on the second page, this looks like it's going to be a fun story! (Wow, wasn't expecting to see ol'e Victory or Death here; I was D co. 1-32 Armor, 2nd ID and got out back in '96 before the unit was re-designated as a cav unit.)

Aboslutely top notch. This is the second or third time I have read it. Do you have any other things you have written? This is salable work!!!!

I read through some of the other comments and it appears that I am not alone.

A really excellent story with a good plot and characters. My only gripe is the way the story starts, I think there is too much terminology/acronyms, whilst being accurate I do not think they add a great deal to the overall story. I like that the ending allows for further development and look forward to see how this may pan out. 5* for a well planned and thoughtful tale.

excellent story, well told. I look forward to more of the same.

My 2nd trip with you in this adventure. I envy your talent, and the only problem I see is I want to read more. I will look forward to more from your pen. Do not give up your writing. -

Wow. Without pissing in your pocket, this was the best story that I have read, true. A bit disappointing at the end, but that is what a good story does - gets you thinking you know what the end will be (like David waking up on earth) but the end is totally different. I like your writing style, and coming from a military career I could empathise with your David’s character and the reasons for his decisions. Be safe, Bill Az from Down Under.

I was hoping after 37 pages to have at least some kind of resolution within the story, obviously not so. I’d agree with the comment re excess acronyms etc at the beginning, it got very tedious, I don’t know if the author is a serving member of the Army, or wishes he were, but for those of us that haven’t it’s off putting, write for yourself by all means, but if you publish publicly it’d help to cut down the jargon. An interesting point is that most of David’s training of Sapphire & Laurene was in guns and unarmed combat, where was his magical offensive training? Being more familiar with his own magic would have been just as advantageous in a combat situation as teaching guns etc.

I really liked your story, but it just ended with no finish. There could be so much more to your story, but of course it's yours to do as you wish. I get that you wrote it for yourself, and honesty the very detailed that went into rifles and pistols did not add much to the story for me. While I did enjoy the info about the milatry, all the acronyms which I had no clue what they mean again over kill. I have to be honest a lot of the details and info added nothing to the story and I swiped ahead. That said I will be checking in the future for additions.

I loved the story and your way of telling to me.

More please

Engaging story. Better edited than at least half of what we see on this site. My only real note is that you cannot fuck your way through a cervix. If you bottom out, you bottom out. The space will, however, eventually stretch to fit whatever size fills it on a regular basis.

So sorry that I can only give this story five stars, it deserves many more. Several times David had me laughing at his fuck filled tirades when the crap hit the fan. Like some of the other commenters, I was kind of let down by the finish, or rather non-finish, but I see there are two more volumes to read. Just hope they are as good at this one and they wrap things up for us. Thanks

AS both a Combat Vet and one who has seen the many horrors that it brings, This was a refreshing tale. Hope you continue with ur writing.

i loved it, brother.

I have really enjoyed your story. Thank you!

This is a true piece of literature that deserves to be published so it can be enjoyed by all. I was thrown by the last comments of Eros but I imagine those are some of the thing to be straightened out in future works of yours which I would be thrilled to delve into. Nothing gives me more pleasure than a good story that has some of its basis built upon facts to give it that push of reality in a fantasy world. I look forward to hopefully enjoying many of your tales both here and wherever else you show your work.

Be well and stay safe.

J.D.

Great Adventure story. I am looking forward to the next part and, yes, you should keep writing. Some people may not like it and that is the case with many books and stories. Just write for yourself and how it helps you as well as those who enjoy your literature.

Fantastic story, kepp writing and thanks for your service!

First, add my voice to the cohort urging you on. Second, however, the heavy use of military terms and acronyms didn't (in my opinion) add to the story. A sleeping bag is a sleeping bag, an observation post is just that, and the other minutia aren't necessary too the story. On the other hand, what's an M4, or M14?

I guess what I'm saying is give some thought to what the readers of your tale need to fully appreciate it. The weapons, ammo, the loudout. Much of the rest just gets in the way.

Having said all that, five stars is the least this story deserves.

I wish to thank you for your service to start with. I not been to the 'stan' have been in desert and other environments. Your touch of reality was refreshing without bogging us down in to many details. So please continue writing. I found I able sleep without the nightmares or at least not ones I remember. My wife even thanks you. Lol.

Page 24 he goes against everything that has come out of his mouth. Shocking/ disgusting there isn't a loving wives title to warn you

Superb storytelling.

Please keep writing, your story is very entertaining an interesting. Lots of potential with excellent subject matter capable of spreading in several directions. Nice job you are talented!

Nice twist and ending. Be good to read more.

Did writing this story help you with the nightmares and flashbacks? I am assuming that it is very therapeutic and is a good way to unload a troubled soul.

Love and sex are two different things