Change of Rules Pt. 02

Alvin shook his head. "I'm in town for work not to serve you. I haven't been to see an attorney since I fired my last one. And who told you I'm seeing other people?"

Morgan's face went tight and she raised her eyebrows. "Al, I know you... You going this long without sex? Maybe you aren't ready to settle down with a girlfriend, but you would definitely be getting laid. You don't need to spare my feelings; I really was no longer your wife as soon as we both agreed to divorce. Fine, if you aren't here to serve me then why are you here?"

Alvin took a deep breath and gestured with his hands. "Since that letter shows that you are now fully disclosing everything, I want to know about that weekend. The full truth, I think I deserve to hear it from you."

Morgan frowned and shook her head. "Alvin, you already know. What purpose does hearing all about it again serve?"

Alvin folded his hands in front of him and said in a calm, but direct voice, "Please, Morgan. Starting from the concert. Tell me everything -- as you said, we're no longer really married so what harm could come from it?"

"Other than me feeling like a monster from seeing how it will hurt you to hear it, nothing. I mean what good is there? Just thinking about that night makes me feel such complete self-loathing that I'm physically ill?" A tear ran down her cheek as she shrugged. "Fine, I guess you are right you never did hear everything from my mouth. And since you heard it all already, this will hurt me more than you.

"I didn't really lie about how it began -- other than lies of omission. We met them at the show and Kirsty was flirting with all of them. When the concert ended, I refused to go to the club, and protested when they showed up at the hotel like I said. As you already know, I told a partial truth about Kirsty peer-pressuring me. She wasn't just calling me a prude, but too matronly and to stop being menopausal. If I have to be honest -- I felt old at the concert -- a majority of the women there seemed to be Kirsty's age or younger.

"This is going to sound really stupid, but I think I had a midlife crisis then and there. I was even thinking about us, and how boring and settled we'd become. Yes, we still had sex regularly, but it was 'quiet conservative sex' like Kevin was still in the other room. Kirsty's accusations started to feel like they were true and it really bothered me. I wanted to prove to my friends and to myself she was wrong, so I agreed to first drink and then smoke pot with those guys."

Morgan wiped her eyes and shook her head. "Believe me, I'm not trying to make excuses, but if I didn't agree to take the drugs or drink so much, I wouldn't have agreed to what happened next. However, I knew what situation we were in -- the three of us in a hotel room with three obviously young and horny men that were practically strangers-- and still decided to partake. Even though my judgment was obviously impaired, I do remember this little voice telling me it was wrong, but I didn't listen until it was too late."

"I don't think you're making excuses at all," Alvin said softly, "What happened after you started drinking?"

"Stop acting like you don't know. Don't you know how worse it makes this for me?" Morgan said starting to cry, "Kirsty and the guys wanted to play strip poker, and she used the same old menopausal prude argument to get me to agree. Once I did, so did Lana. Honestly, my memory about what happened after is a little fuzzy. I do remember how the guys looked at me once I was down to my underwear. It was the first time in a long time that anyone other than you looked at me that way. There was nothing but lust in their eyes. I can't remember the last time you looked at me like all you cared about was fucking me. Considering how old I felt that night, it made me feel good to be desired, so I let things go further. I foolishly trusted myself that things weren't going get out of hand.

"You asked if any of them fondled my naked tits -- at least one did once I was completely naked, but I'm not sure if more did. All I know is that my nipples were really sore once I sobered up. After playing poker, the next thing I remember clearly is all three of us girls completely naked on our knees as I watched Kirsty deep-throating one of the guys. I was so fascinated by how she did that, it barely registered that I also had a cock in my mouth with the guy holding me by my hair. That's how wasted I was at that time. Kirsty finished off her guy, and the guy Lana was sucking took his place. Maybe she stopped or he just wanted Kirsty as well. I don't know. That's when my guy pulled my hair hard and started fucking my mouth. I hated it, but I let it happen to finish. At that point, I just wanted it over. Are you sure you want to hear this?"

Alvin nodded grimly.

Morgan started to cry. "I nearly puked after he came, I know I spit it out all over me and got up to clean up, but then I was pushed onto my back on the bed. I'm so sorry, Alvin, but once he shoved his face between my legs, my brain decided to just turn off and enjoy it. I turned and Kirsty was riding her guy facing away from me while he fingered her asshole. I remembered thinking that looked so hot and couldn't wait to try it with you. Lana was face down on her knees, but looked even more out of it than I was. I heard her protest when her guy went inside her, so he grabbed some lotion or whatever. He repositioned her so her head was facing away from me. I watched in fascination as his cock pushed right inside her asshole. I think she passed out about the same time he was entering her because she stopped really making any sound or reacting once he started pumping hard.

"At that point, I was worrying about Lana so much that I wasn't even thinking of the guy with me until I felt him spreading my legs more and ready to penetrate me bareback. That's when I started listening to that voice and knew what we were doing was so wrong. I freaked out, scaring my and Lana's guy. I yelled and threw pillows, bottles, whatever until all three of the guys got dressed and left.

"I made so much noise that hotel staff came to investigate. Kirsty, who seemed way more lucid than me and definitely Lana, who was still passed out, smoothed things over so we didn't get kicked out, but I was still freaking out. I was so upset over what happened -- especially what I did -- and I was worried about Lana who had a bit of blood coming out of her ass.

"Kirsty talked me into just cleaning up and getting some sleep. In the morning, Lana was as upset as I was and seemed to be walking gingerly. I tried to get her to go to a clinic, but she insisted she was okay. Initially Lana and I wanted to confess. Ironically, I argued lying would just make things worse. Kirsty convinced us that the truth would just end all our marriages. Somehow, she came up with the baseball rule thing and we could tell the truth without telling the truth to ease our consciences. Selfishly, I agreed.

"Alvin, I felt so guilty when I saw you at the airport, I nearly lost it. Kirsty whispered to both of us to stick to the plan or we'd all be divorced. Well, it worked for them at least. And when you got suspicious, I tried to stick to the plan but I felt so guilty. No, guilty isn't the word for it. Ashamed and terrified that I was losing you -- that I might deserve to lose you. And then, finding out about you and Kirsty, I went over the edge. I was so angry at her for causing all of this, and I was hurt that you could so casually do that with her. Of course, that moment might have been the only frail thread of a lifeline I had to confess and salvage us.

"Oh Alvin, I swear how I treated you wasn't me trying to be a bitch. Of course, I was jealous and hurt, but I also directed all the shame and anger I felt towards myself on to you. With all my emotions out of control, I don't think I really knew what I was doing -- just reacting. You acted remorseful, so I just responded like you were to blame. I know that made things much worse, and I hate myself for that almost as much as for what we did in that hotel room. Unless you have any specific questions, that's all I can really say about what happened -- except for that I truly am sorry, as little as that helps."

Alvin was quiet after she finished, letting things process in his mind. Alvin wondered if he was again being naïve, but from all his time with Morgan, he saw no sign of any deception -- only regret and remorse. He fully believed her, and it wasn't as hard listening to her side as he imagined. Maybe it was because of the time that passed, or how he always pictured was way worse than what she just described. It sounded like she was barely sober enough to consent and Lana sounded like she wasn't. It did make sense Roger forgiving her when the worst part took place after she passed out drunk.

"Can you please say something?" Morgan said, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes, "I knew telling you would be a bad idea."

"No, I'm glad you did. I do appreciate you finally telling me the truth," Alvin said calmly. "Thank you."

"Finally - appropriate choice of words. Finally, but nine months too late. I hope it helps you get closure." Morgan said almost bitterly.

Alvin was silent for a moment and then nodded. "Thank you again. Well, I better get going. Good bye."

Without looking back, he rose and walked out of her apartment. Just before he closed the door, he was certain that he heard Morgan starting to cry loudly. He just took a deep breath and headed back to the hotel. Even though he had plenty of time to meet the guys, Alvin was not in the mood for any company. That brief time with Morgan was a painful reminder just how lonely his life was in Timmins.

Morgan was partly right about Alvin hooking up. Alvin did go out drinking alone about a week into his new job in a bar where he was probably the oldest patron. After tying one on, he ended up in bed of an average looking girl no older than Kevin. She woke him up at four because she didn't want her parents to catch them. After his look of panic, she assured him that she was nineteen and showed her drivers license as proof. Still surprised that he had sex with someone half his age, Alvin did his walk of shame down the block where he called for a ride to get his car. Alvin felt so low and a little guilty, since he was still technically married to Morgan. He decided to not put himself in that situation again.

Seeing that Morgan seemed to be living just as lonely a life as he was also upset him. Alvin couldn't just turn off caring for her -- if he could then none of this would hurt so much. He did want her to suffer and be alone when he moved out. After their talk, it was clear that Morgan didn't want the same for him, and now he realized he didn't want her living like that either, especially in the slums. However, Alvin had a hard time imagining being as happy with anyone as he once was with Morgan. Hearing how Roger was working to fix his marriage, as well as the points Mark made, had Alvin thinking that not giving Morgan a chance to atone had been a mistake.

Alvin spent the next few days doing what he did best at that time, immersing himself in work to distract his thoughts from anything Morgan. He didn't even contact his friends, knowing there would be no chance Morgan wouldn't be the topic of conversation. Bob also made a point to 'check-in' routinely on how things were going. Those check-ins were mostly spent with him trying to make Alvin offers to take his old job back.

On his second last night, Alvin was unwinding after a long day watching some television before turning in. He wasn't even paying attention to what he was watching, until a segment on some documentary series fully caught his attention. On it, a middle-aged wealthy man became depressed after his wife died that he basically lost the will to live. She died in a car accident where he was driving so his guilt contributed to his deteriorating mental health. The man wanted to die, but before he attempted suicide, he went out of his way to punish himself. He purposely got rid of his wealth by donating or wasting money over a period of several months. The man then essentially lived as a hermit in squalor deliberately to punish himself until he finally took his own life.

Alvin fell asleep with the television on, but woke up in the middle of the night after having a nightmare about returning to their old house, and discovering Morgan's body in the bathtub. He slept maybe ten minutes after that, really shaken by his dream.

In the morning, he was distracted by both the dead man's story on TV, but also what both Mark and Roger had been saying about being worried about Morgan. Alvin couldn't help but think that how she was living was to punish herself for what she did to him. While honestly Alvin still didn't know what he wanted in terms of Morgan and his relationship, he did know that he didn't want her suffering and definitely didn't want her to harm herself.

Just before lunch, he texted her: Hi Morgan, can you meet me again today? Maybe pick a place and we can have dinner?

Her reply was, I don't think so. Not meeting in a restaurant.

Alvin shook his head, a little confused by her response. He typed: Okay, a lounge? Coffee shop? It's on me.

Alvin regretted the last line too late. That documentary got to him. Besides where she was living, he had no reason to think Morgan gave away all her money.

Her lengthy response came almost twenty minutes later: Look, Alvin. I told you I'm living where I am because I WANT to not because I HAVE to. If you are worried about being seen in that part of town, we can meet where you are staying. I assume a hotel. AND it's not a money thing I don't want to meet at restaurant or whatever. I don't want to look like an idiot bawling my eyes out in public. Whatever it is you want to talk about, I'm sure will trigger me. I can grab pizza from Leaning Tower Pizzeria if you want to eat dinner together.

Alvin took a deep breath and typed: Sorry, I did want company for dinner as well as discuss some things. I didn't mean to judge. Pizza sounds good. Bellport Plaza, room 303. About 6?

Her simple response: K.

Even Bob, doing another of his usual 'what will it take to get you back here' check-ins, noticed that Alvin was distracted for the rest of the day.

He just said shortly after lunch, "Morgan?" When Alvin nodded, his old supervisor didn't pry, just patted his shoulder and left.

Alvin ended up back at the hotel around four. He changed out of his suit into jeans and a t-shirt, not wanting to look too fancy. The next two hours seemed to drag as Alvin kept going over in his head what he wanted to say. He knew he wanted to make sure she was okay, but part of him also debating about whether he should be like Roger and give her a chance. For him, it wasn't the cheating, at least not the deal breaker, it was being able to trust her.

Fifteen minutes early, Morgan knocked on the door. She didn't have her glasses, but was still wearing minimal make-up like before, dressed in just a loose sweater and sweats. They did their awkward greeting like they were acquaintances, and not a couple for a majority of their lives. While they ate the pizza, they talked mostly about Kevin, which made them relax more and actually talk like themselves. Once the pizza was gone, Alvin realized he better get to whole reason he asked her there.

"Morgan, there is something else I wanted to talk about." Alvin took a breath. "I...ah... was talking with Roger. He and Lana are a little concerned about you, so I wanted to see how you are. Despite everything I still care about you and never did hate you -- if you thought that."

"They asked you to check up on me? Why the fuck is everyone so worried? I mean I haven't really talked to Lana much and definitely not Kirsty - except to tell that cunt off." Suddenly she started crying as her eyes flashed anger. "Why the fuck did they get to keep their marriages and not me? I screwed up really bad, but at least I never fucked anyone or gave you the 'present' they gave their men. Yet, they get to live happily ever after and grow old as a couple."

"What do you mean present?" Alvin leaned forward.

Morgan took some breaths as she wiped her eyes. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "They both got chlamydia and gave it to their husbands. I know I could've caught something. From unprotected oral and that bastard's naked cock was pushing right against my hole when I stopped him. I made sure I was tested. I didn't know whether you worried about that or not, but I got my last clean test three months ago. That means I was completely clean when we last made love. Not even a cold sore. I got the paperwork if you don't believe me -- I know that you don't have any reason to trust me anymore."

"What do you mean your tests were clean? I did get chlamydia," Alvin said a little sharper than he intended.

"You caught chlamydia from Kirsty?" Morgan looked more shocked than angry. "I thought she was lying when she said you two fucked while we were screaming insults at each other the day I quit my job. Sorry, I have no place to judge. I'm just surprised that really happened."

"I did not fuck her." Alvin insisted and then looked towards the ceiling as he closed his eyes briefly, "But the doctor said it could be spread through oral sex. I guess you are right -- I caught it from Kirsty."

Morgan frowned. "You thought that was from me? Why didn't you say something?"

Alvin wasn't about to say that it was because he was sure she was still lying and did fuck someone. He also assumed since he only listed Morgan as people he'd been intimate with, that she was notified.

He rubbed his neck and shrugged. "I guess it didn't matter at that point."

"Well, it would to me. Giving you an STD would just be icing on the cake, wouldn't it? Look, Al, I'm fine, really. I'm working on myself. The last thing I want is you worrying about me." Morgan pulled out her phone and showed him a picture of a stack of books on a computer desk. "See, I'm actually taking a couple of online business administration classes from MSU. So, Kevin and I are kinda classmates. In fact, I plan to move to East Lansing once we're divorced to find a job and finish a diploma or something part-time."

Alvin eyes narrowed. "So, you expected to be divorced right away and planned to move to attend college with Kevin? He knows?"

Morgan again frowned and looked away. "Not about me moving, but he helped me register for my classes. I'm sure he knows our marriage is over and the divorce is just a formality. Not sure if he told you, but I told him the truth why you left me. Not the exact details, but enough to give him the full picture. I appreciated you being diplomatic with him, but he deserved to know it was because I was unfaithful stopping short of intercourse and completely disrespected you by covering it up. I also didn't mention your indiscretion, because I fully deserved that and am over any anger that I felt at the time towards you. Back then, Kevin still thought I should go crawling on my knees and beg your forgiveness. You'd just left town after our divorce was denied. He didn't understand I crossed a line that I can't return from. And I was right, wasn't I? You couldn't even bear to be in the same room with me for what, ten months? Shit, it has been that long, hasn't it?"

"Morgie, I...." Alvin started and he paused and smiled while looking at her, the beautiful woman he planned to grow old with.

Her eyes went wide and she started to cry as she angrily pointed at him, "No, don't you fucking say now you're thinking about giving me a chance. I spent months alone just crying my fucking eyes out. I finally got to a point where I didn't hate myself for losing you so much that I wanted to die. I can't go through that again just because you're getting sentimental."