Changes Ch. 11

Valerie chuckled. "So you know she's attached to you," she said softly.

Heather looked at her silently, now making sense of where this was going.

"I know Nessy. If she wasn't sure about you, she would not let Jules get attached to you." Valerie looked at Heather, her eyes soft. "Heather I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I'm just looking out for my family."

Heather nodded, averting her gaze, dread permeating every inch of her being.

"I hope you've thought about what it means to be in a relationship with my sister. It means you're not only an integral part of her life, but Jules' life too." She was quiet for a moment before continuing. "I hope you have considered the ramification of this going south, beyond the obvious heartbreak."

Heather looked up, her eyes betraying the hurt, the doubt that she felt at the moment.

"There's a 5 year old child who will be directly impacted by every personal decision you and Nessy take. I hope you've considered that."

Heather's heart was thundering against her ribcage. Her mouth was dry and she couldn't seem to string together two coherent thoughts.

"If you're not sure, please think about it before forging a deeper bond with Jules. I can't stand to see her hurt. Not for a second."

She nodded, her brows furrowed, her heart oddly burdened with guilt.

-

Heather had settled on the couch after endless pacing. Even today she knew that Valerie hadn't said anything untoward. It was a legitimate concern. One that had escaped Heather. They had driven back home in near silence. Jules was exhausted and Heather could not shake off the feeling of impending doom.

"Heather?" Vanessa asked, her brow furrowed. "What's on your mind?"

Heather shook her head.

"Did Val say something?"

"No," Heather cleared her throat. "It's nothing."

"Hon, talk to me."

"No really, it's nothing."

Vanessa sighed. Then with a grin she looked at Heather. "Ice cream always cheers Jules up," she said softly.

Heather looked at her, her heart brimming. "I love you. I love you so much," she said, tears threatening.

Vanessa looked back to check if Jules was awake. She was dozing.

"Honey," she said softly. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"Once we get home I'm fixing you a nice bath. We can talk after."

Heather nodded. Maybe that's what she needed.

Once they reached Vanessa's home Heather put Jules to bed and gave her a big hug. "Gnite Heather," Jules mumbled sleepily. "No bedtime story today," she yawned.

"I know love. You sleep well."

"You too," she said.

"Love you, little one," she whispered running a hand over Jules' head.

She sat next to Jules watching her sleep, unable to help the tears rolling down her cheek. She sat there for a long time and when she looked up she saw Vanessa's silhouette at the door. Quietly Heather made her way to Vanessa and stood in front of her. She'd been crying too. Vanessa drew Heather to her and softly kissed her. Heather tasted her tears and felt doubly guilty. She held Vanessa tight.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what, hon?"

"For not talking to you."

"It's ok, I know you will, when you're ready."

Heather nodded, "I will."

"C'mon, let's fix you that bath," Vanessa said softly, closing Jules's door and leading Heather to her room.

"Will you join me?" Heather asked. "Just want to be close to you."

"Yes," Vanessa whispered, kissing her.

-

They lay side by side in the tub, their legs intertwined, Vanessa's hand casually resting on Heather's thigh. They occasionally kissed or snuggled closer, but for the most part they were lost in their own thoughts.

Heather tried to rid her mind of what Valerie had said and for the most part she could. But every few minutes this feeling of dread would take her over.

"Hon," Vanessa whispered.

"Hmm? Heather turned towards her.

"You keep tensing up," she said, caressing Heather's thigh.

Heather sighed. "I know,' she said resting her head against Vanessa's shoulder. "Can we go to bed?"

"Of course. Let's wash up."

Vanessa drained the tub and turned on the shower. "Let me," she said, washing Heather down. Her hands ran over her curves, washing off the soap, her eyes locked on Heather's. Wordlessly she wrapped a fluffy white towel around Heather and one around herself before leading Heather to bed. She kissed Heather and lay down facing her.

"I love you," Vanessa whispered.

"I love you too," Heather said, kissing Vanessa. Their breasts touched, making Heather moan. Vanessa kissed her back tenderly, her hand stroking Heather's hip. Vanessa's tongue traced her lower lip before dipping in, touching Heather's tongue, flaring a spark in her belly. Heather moaned again, her desire consuming her.

Once they broke the kiss, they looked into each other's eyes, conveying need and pleasure their roving hands brought. Heather's hand moved south, settling on Vanessa's mound, her eyes seeking permission. A sharp intake of breath and an imperceptible jerk of Vanessa's hips told her what she needed to know. She ran a finger along Vanessa's slit, the warm wetness making her hiss.

"Don't close your eyes," she whispered to Vanessa. "Please."

Vanessa nodded, groaning at how good it felt to have Heather touch her this way. She moved her own hand to Heather's mound, drawing a whimper from her.

"I want to touch you too," Vanessa said softly.

"Please," Heather nodded moving her legs to accommodate Vanessa's fingers.

They moved against each other's fingers, their eyes locked together, their breasts touching.

Vanessa moaned, kissing Heather, her hips bucking wildly as she approached her orgasm. "Oh honey," she whispered into the kiss. "You're gonna make me cum," she moaned, tensing up and shuddering. Heather felt a surge of emotion. Vanessa's face scrunched up in pleasure, soft cries escaped her as she came, god she looked so beautiful. She wanted to remember this, this feeling of immense joy she got from making her feel good.

Vanessa opened her eyes, breathing hard, and gave Heather a soft smile before kissing her. Her fingers found their way back between Heather's legs and resumed the gentle circular motion she knew Heather loved.

Heather moved against her fingers, her own fingers digging into Vanessa's hip. "Ungh!" she moaned as she felt herself move closer to the point of no return. "Vanessa," she whispered as she sought out Vanessa's lips. She found them and latched on as her orgasm gently consumer her. It wasn't the most intense, but it took her breath away.

She looked at Vanessa and saw the fire in her eyes. "I love you," she whispered, a little breathless, more from the feeling in her heart than from cumming.

Vanessa kissed her nose, "I love you too," she said, pulling Heather close.

They lay there like that, Vanessa lazily tracing the length of Heather's side with her fingers, when Heather said, "Nessy is such an adorable name."

Vanessa chuckled, "Yea, she's always called me that. Actually, she's the only person that calls me that."

Heather nodded.

"Heather?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you happy?"

Heather frowned, "What do you mean?"

Vanessa propped her head up on her hand. "I mean, have you been happy these last few months?"

"Yes, without a doubt," she said. "You make me happy."

Vanessa nodded. "Do you think something's missing?"

"No," Heather replied. "I don't think there is." Then after a moment she turned to Vanessa. "Why, do you?" she asked softly.

"Honey," she said tenderly, interlacing her fingers with Heather's. "When you're around, I feel... whole. I feel complete."

Heather smiled, snuggling deeper into Vanessa's shoulder. "I'm going to hold you really tight, tonight," she said, her voice muffled.

Vanessa chuckled. "As long as I can breathe, I won't complain."

Heather stayed awake long after Vanessa had fallen asleep. She watched her, willing her steady breathing to lull her into a calm.

-

Next morning Heather woke up to find herself alone in Vanessa's bed. She sat up and checked the time. Almost 10! Vanessa must be ready to leave for work! She quickly put on some clothes and rushed down the stairs. "Vanessa?"

"In the kitchen!" she heard Vanessa call.

"You didn't wake me," she said, entering the kitchen.

Vanessa smiled, "You looked so peaceful, I thought I'd let you sleep."

"But you always wake me," Heather mumbled.

"I know," Vanessa said kissing her. "But I had to get Jules' bag ready. She's spending the night at Joe's tonight. And I forgot to do it last night."

"Oh, how come she's going there on a Monday night?"

"Joe's not in town next weekend. So he wanted to spend some time with her."

Heather nodded. "How does it work? If he is away on his weekend, does he take her the next weekend?"

"There's no fixed schedule," Vanessa said. "We figure it out as we go. Ideally he spends every other weekend with her and picks her up from school every day."

"He does? I didn't know that."

"How do you think she gets home? She's done with school around noon on most days."

"Oh! I... I guess I didn't think of that."

Vanessa grinned. "You see, it's a well-oiled machine. We check in every day to ensure we've got it covered."

"So he takes her home and you pick her up from there?"

"Yea, sometimes he brings her over once I'm home or drops her off at Val's."

Heather frowned. How the hell had she missed this? Sure, she'd picked Jules up from school once but she just thought it was a one off. Normally Vanessa left work around 4 and Heather stayed in till 6 or 7. So she'd never really had to think about the careful coordination between Vanessa and Joe.

"Why the furrowed brow?" Vanessa asked kissing her forehead.

Heather shook her head. Everything Val had said the previous day coming back to her. "If I don't hurry up, I'm going to be late for work!" she said, grabbing the mug of coffee Vanessa had put in front of her.

"What about we stay in?" Vanessa asked, stepping behind Heather and wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Vanessa!" Heather exclaimed, turning around. "I have work to do!"

"Awww, c'mon," she said teasing her earlobe. "You can get whatever it is you need to do done from here."

Heather relented. Spending one on one time with Vanessa would maybe help her get her mind off things. They had breakfast, lounged around the house, chatting but Heather had this constant nagging feeling that something was not right. Vanessa of course realized.

"Wanna tell me what you're thinking?" she asked casually, munching on some nuts.

Heather didn't respond.

"Heather?"

"Vanessa, I think," she shook her head. "I think I have some thinking to do."

"About what, honey," she asked.

"About... us."

"What?" Vanessa asked, taken aback.

Heather looked down. "I need to think."

"Heather," Vanessa said, panic in her voice. "What... what is it?"

"I need some time, Vanessa."

"But," Vanessa said forcing Heather to look at her. "Time for what?"

"I, I'm not sure. I don't think I can..."

"I don't get it. You were fine before lunch yesterday. What happened? What did Val say?"

Heather shook her head. She suddenly desperately needed to get away. If she stayed, she wouldn't have the strength to do this later. She had to get away to think. To figure out what she had to do. But Vanessa was right. She had to give her an explanation. It wasn't fair to just run out.

"Why are you crying?" Vanessa asked.

Heather wiped a silent tear. "I love you both so much," she said holding back a sob. "Jules and you, you've become so so important to me," she said in a thick voice. "I can't imagine my life without you."

"Then don't," Vanessa said softly. "I don't know what Val said,"

"No, Vanessa," Heather interrupted. "She's lovely. Don't... don't you go blasting on her for this."

"But she said something and it's... it's made you all... all quiet and mopey. And you want to...think!" Vanessa sad, her shoulders dropping.

"I need to. Please, Vanessa. It's not easy. But I need to."

"Last night you said you were happy. What happened?"

"I know. I am. But there's other things... Please, I need you to understand."

Vanessa sighed. "Ok," she said. "If you, umm, if you can't talk to me about what you're feeling, then, I guess..."

"I just, I need to take some time. Please," Heather said, welling up.

Vanessa nodded. "I understand," she said softly.

"I'm sorry," Heather whispered, tears streaming down her face. Vanessa's dull eyes looked at her for a second before turning away.

"Can't you tell me what's bothering you?" she asked, the effort it took to keep her voice under control very apparent to Heather.

Heather shook her head and Vanessa stood up suddenly and swore, taking Heather by surprise. She looked at Vanessa's back, saw her take a couple of deep breaths before she turned around to face Heather.

"I'm sorry," she said and Heather could see her chin quiver for a second before she pulled herself together. "I understand," she said softly. "I really do."

Heather nodded. "Thank you," she whispered, wiping her eyes, her breaths coming in heaves.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes when Vanessa looked at her, "Heather," she whispered, "C'mere," she said patting space next to her.

"No, Vanessa," Heather spluttered. "I need to go," she said wiping her tears with her free hand, standing up.

"I won't stop you," she said, her voice controlled. "I promised, some months back that I'd, I'd be patient. That I'd be ok if you changed your mind." She took a fortifying breath. "I haven't forgotten," she said wiping a tear. "Just know that I'm here. I'll be patient. Like I promised."

Heather was silently sobbing. She hugged Vanessa, burying her head in her neck, breathing her in. Vanessa hugged her back.

"I'm sorry," Heather whispered. "I just need some time."

Vanessa nodded, "I love you," she whispered before Heather closed the gap between them and kissed her. It was a kiss that she hoped conveyed her love, her doubt and a promise, that she wasn't being selfish.

"I love you too," Heather said. "I have to go now."

She had to take her purse and her laptop from Vanessa's room where she quickly packed a few important things. She turned to Vanessa, "Bye," she whispered, unable to keep her tears in check.

Vanessa nodded. "Wait, don't drive like this. Your eyes are almost swollen shut. I'll drive you."

Heather shook her head. "I'll take an Uber. Will pick up my car tomorrow."

"Ok," Vanessa said. "Let me know you reached safe?"

"Yes, I will." Heather held Vanessa's gaze for a second and it took her all the strength that she had to turn away and walk down the stairs. She looked back and saw Vanessa standing at the top of the stairs, hugging herself. Vanessa waved a brief goodbye before turning away and when her form disappeared, Heather walked out the door with a leaden heart.

-

How her heart ached every time she thought of that image. Vanessa standing at the top of the stairs, putting on a brave face, turning away because it was too painful to watch Heather leave. She'd done that to her. Heather had done that.

It was time to make amends. Heather checked the time. Past 4 in the morning. Vanessa would be here soon. She lay down on the couch. Closing her eyes she tried to think of something besides the image that hadn't left her in the last 2 weeks.

-

The next thing Heather knew was her phone ringing incessantly. She sat up, trying to locate it, half asleep. "Why the fuck am I on the couch?" she thought as she found her phone under a cushion.

"Hello," she said sleepily.

"Hey."

"Vanessa."

"Yea. I'm on your street. What number house is it?"

Heather jumped up.

"Oh you're here?"

"Yes."

"Oh god what time is it?"

"Past 8," Vanessa said, her voice betraying her nerves.

"Fuck, sorry," Heather said, running to her door. "I'm coming out, hang on."

"Just tell me the house number, Heather."

"It's 232 A, she said squinting at how bright it was outside. I see your car. 3 houses down, on your right."

"Yes, I see you."

"You can park in the driveway, behind my car."

"Ok," Vanessa said hanging up.

Heather stood on the porch steps, squinting, watching Vanessa park, her heart hammering. Vanessa turned off the ignition and took a second to collect herself before looking out the window at Heather.

Heather caught her eye and they stayed like that for several seconds, gazes locked, 10 steps and the car window separating them. It seemed like it took forever but must have been only a few seconds before Heather took a step towards the car. This broke the spell and Vanessa opened the door and stepped out.

"Hi," she said almost shyly. "You're barefeet."

Heather looked down at her feet, surprised to see blades of grass sticking out between her toes. "Oh," she said. "I am."

Vanessa chuckled, "Always a sleepyhead," she muttered.

Heather looked up, not reacting to Vanessa's joke. "You look... you look beautiful," she said softly and for a second she saw a flash of unmistakable pain and hurt and maybe even anger, before Vanessa smiled.

Swallowing her guilt, Heather held out her hand and led Vanessa inside. "Uhhh," she said, trying to fill the silence. "Did you get traffic?"

Vanessa shook her head.

"Ok, good," she said. "Can I get you something? Coffee, water?"

"Thanks, I'm good," Vanessa said, still standing by the door.

They stood awkwardly for a few seconds before Heather took a step closer and tentatively reached out to hug Vanessa.

Again Vanessa chuckled, "It's ok. You can hug me. I won't bite."

Heather wrapped her arms around Vanessa and as always, buried her face in her neck, breathing her in. She felt Vanessa's arms around her and she sighed. This was it. This is where she belonged. No two ways about it. She felt so much relief that she knew she'd start crying if she didn't put distance between them, so she hastily stepped away, avoiding Vanessa's eyes. She sat on the sofa and Vanessa sat down next to her.

She looked up and again, plain as day, she saw the hurt in Vanessa's eyes before Vanessa masked it with a smile.

"Will you just sit with me for a minute?"

Vanessa nodded scooting closer to Heather and allowing her to rest her head on her shoulder. Heather sighed, interlacing her fingers with Vanessa's. They sat quietly and Heather had never been more comfortable in her whole life. She absentmindedly caressed Vanessa's hand with her thumb and heard her breath hitch before Vanessa pulled away.

Heather looked at her questioningly for a second before her gaze softened.

"Vanessa, thank you for coming," she said, her voice breaking. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything," she said as the tears came.

Vanessa looked at her kindly, shaking her head.

"No," Heather said thickly, "I'm sorry for shutting you out. Mum was right, no good came of it."

"Heather it's ok," Vanessa said softly. "You had...have doubts. It's understandable."

"Yes, and I, I didn't know how to talk to you. I didn't know!" she sobbed.

Vanessa looked on, her gaze soft but made no attempt to physically console Heather.

"I should have tried," Heather murmured amidst tears. She looked up at Vanessa and reached forward to kiss her.

"Heather no," Vanessa said, jerking back.

Stunned, Heather backed away, "Sorry," she said softly, standing up and pacing the living room. Fuck, she thought. She won't even kiss me.

She stood in front of Vanessa for a second before kneeling down, so that she was at eye level. Vanessa looked at her before turning away.

"Vanessa, I'm sorry I hurt you," she said, forcing Vanessa to look at her.

Vanessa shook her head, shutting her eyes.