Chapter 21: Last Train

"What do you mean?"

He swallowed. "There's some tearing on your... I'm not sure what you call it, your reproductive area. I can heal it, but I would have to touch those areas to apply the disinfecting regeneration cream."

"And you're asking me if you can?"

"I know after earlier... it might be difficult for you."

She tilted her head, staring at him. "I just don't get you. You helped make that happen and now you're worried you might retraumatize me? One minute you're my friend and the next you're selling me out to Boz. Who even are you?"

"Whoever my family and my people need me to be to keep the kingdom functioning."

"And what about who you need you to be?"

"That's not a luxury princes have."

Always the politician. "Well, who are you to me?"

"Right now, someone who cares about you."

"And tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow I will laugh with my brother and my father as we listen to you scream."

"Don't you have any real feelings at all?"

"Deep feelings only lead to weakness and pain, as you are learning and it appears Rivuk has finally learned."

"What about Nylest? You love her. I mean, you have to to have been with her for so long."

"I haven't cared for that woman in a long time," Elihim said. "But she is the mother of my children and she is there."

"But you did, once?"

"She was interesting, once. She had thoughts and ideas about things, like you. But royal life has spoiled her and she's become just another vain princess. And I wonder, sometimes, what she would've been if I hadn't gotten her pregnant. But I think the germ of vanity was always there, her family was just too poor to properly nurture it."

"She was just "interesting" to you?"

"If you are asking "did I ever love her?" Then, no. But, for a while, I enjoyed her presence and I liked listening to her and perhaps that was caring for her."

"Do you enjoy my presence?" she asked.

"You are eroki."

"And I'm starting to think you've got a scat kink."

He gave her a sidewise glare.

"Tin Man with a scat kink."

"Tin Man?"

"He's a character from a movie. He cut out his heart over a girl or something and now he's searching for a new one but then he comes to realize he still had one all along."

Elihim smiled. It was a clever, bemused little smile, not the usual oily ones she was used to. "I don't know what you are attempting here, but, knowing you, I doubt you do, either."

"I just want to know if the man who's talking about putting his fingers inside of me might be getting something else out of it or if he actually just cares about me."

"Ah. I'm not trying to get something else out of it." Always avoiding, never saying how he felt, just how he didn't.

And for a moment, she felt she might be closer to the real him than she'd ever been. Likely closer than anyone had been in years. And maybe that little smile was part of it. Ultimately, he was right, she did need treatment before she messed around more with Carak and she really didn't want Lucian up in there. "Ok," she said, spreading her legs. "I'll give you a chance. But if you try anything, I will kick you into next week."

She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so vulnerable with her legs spread open and a man between them. Sex had always made her feel more powerful, more in control. But this wasn't sex. And it wasn't going to be sex. She looked up and saw the mirror on the bedroom ceiling. The Korsuch really were vain - it seemed like they had mirrors everywhere in this house. She could see Elihim between her legs, dipping his fingers into a jar of white cream. She didn't want to look at that. It made her skin feel uncomfortable. She looked at the wall, just at the bit of white where a giant plate mirror ended, instead.

She felt something cold on the rim of her vagina and sucked in air.

"Sorry," Elihim said. "I forgot to warn you."

More cold, but now it kind of felt nice. Her skin tingled from the cream as his fingers skillfully rubbed in more. She heard the whirring sound of the dermal regenerator and the tingling sensations increased. Was this the feeling of her skin growing?

"You have a few larger tears, so I'm going to have to go in deeper," he said.

She nodded. She felt his fingers plunge in. It was so cold, and the tingling, and suddenly it was like a little pop inside of her mind and everything felt warm and wonderful in the world. And then she realized what had happened as she managed to slow her breathing. Her face felt flushed as she quickly got up on her elbows and looked at the man looking up from between her legs. He appeared slightly stunned and flustered. Their eyes met; his cheeks went dark red from embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out.

"You couldn't help it. It was my fault," he said, somehow looking like a thirty year old teenager in that moment. "I didn't realize it was so sensitive."

He clearly hadn't meant to give her an orgasm, it had just kind of happened. But it had happened and now they were looking at each other and something was different between them. And she felt like if she asked him to do it again, he just might. And if she asked him to go further... She swallowed hard.

"I'll just finish up," he said.

More whirring, more tingling, her trying not to let herself go again, then she felt him wipe off the area with a towel.

"There, it's all taken care of." Their eyes met again and this time the air felt pregnant with the words not being spoken. She could see him swallow, see his arousal at his waist. He could probably tell she was feeling the same. She got the sense the only thing about her he couldn't read was her mind. "Do you want me to go inside of you?" he asked.

And she did.

And she didn't.

And it was so tempting. Who would care? Who would even know? Or if she just sucked him off? He was into that, right? And if she did, maybe things would go easier for her. No, she didn't want to think about it that way, as transactional. That was an excuse. If she was going to do it, it was because she wanted it. And she didn't want it. Not now. Not with him. Not when she'd just gotten the man she loved most in the world. Not when he was in the cell waiting for her right now.

"No," she said.

"I understand," he said, pulling back from her. "It's probably the last thing you want right now."

It wasn't, but she nodded anyway. "Thank you for understanding," she said and took his hand. That was definitely a mistake. It felt like something passed between them in that touch. His eyes widened slightly.

He took her hand in his. "I want to take care of you, if you'll let me. None of this - none of it has to be as it is. I can stop it, right now. I can declare that was punishment enough and you can come to stay with me under house arrest and I will take care of you."

She shook her head. It did have to be as it was. Because what she wanted was the one thing she couldn't have, could never have, with him. He could never be Carak.

He drew back, sadly. "It will get worse. But if you ever need me to, just ask and I promise, I will take you in and take care of you."

"Why?" she asked.

"You might not appreciate how much it means to have someone to talk to who doesn't lie to gain your favor and might actually shed a tear at your death."

Would she though? He'd done so much to hurt her. But she probably would because she'd known him and he was dead, even though he was awful. And maybe because it was sad he'd been born into a family that made him as bad as he was and that was the only life he'd ever known. Maybe if he'd been born a normal Nobillo, he wouldn't be such a piece of crap. And that was sad. It sounded like unless you were someone like Boz, it royally sucked to be a prince.

Then it hit her. His promises weren't just the words of a man in a fit of passion but the words of a prince of the Nobillo. She shouldn't just treat them as an idle promise. If what he said was true and Rivuk had actually abandoned her, she might need him. "No matter what happens?" she asked, a new intensity creeping into her voice. "You'll take me in and take care of me if I ask you to?"

"No matter what."

"Promise me," she said.

"I swear it on my honor as the First Prince," he said, placing a fist on the center of his chest.

"You could just be lying, there'd be no proof of it."

"Then I will put the proof on your skin, if you like."

"I don't want everyone to know." What she really meant was she didn't want Rivuk to know she'd struck a deal with the devil.

"Then I will use a nano-tattoo, like they use for your prisoner number."

"What prisoner number?"

"The one on your hand." Elihim got up and walked to the office she could barely see reflected in the mirrors while she checked her arms for tattoos that were clearly not there. He came back with a hypodermic needle and pen and held a black block to her hand, suddenly a number appeared on the back of it in black ink. "They don't fade this way." He took out the needle filled with black liquid-looking stuff. "There, now where do you want it?"

She turned her arm over, showing the pale white of the underside. He injected the black and began to write with the pen in words she couldn't see. He finished with a flourish and held the block over them.

She had no idea what it said.

How had she lost so much language already? But she could make out his name and that was enough.

"Now, know this won't stop me from killing you if it is not invoked. I cannot guarantee-" He was interrupted as Lindsay pushed up her brow to his, knocking his glasses from his face.

"I'm sorry," she apologized awkwardly and was about to reach for them when he embraced her and they fell back onto the bed.

He laughed. It was a real laugh and she realized she'd never heard one from him before. "It's nice to know I didn't pledge my troth for something imagined."

Lindsay nodded, but didn't break the bond, just rolling her head against his. "I'm never going to use this. I don't like you, Tin Man," she said, maintaining eye contact.

"A strange way you have of showing it," he chuckled, his fingers digging into her back.

"And you don't like me."

"A strange way I have of showing it."

"Take me back to my cell," she said.

"That'd be for the best, I don't want to have to explain my absence any further. We'll go when you release me."

"We'll go when you release me," she said.

"Then we may be here for a while," he said, his wings curling around her.

His feathers were so soft and downy, not like Rivuk's at all. It was so warm she couldn't even feel her nakedness as she pressed her body against his. She didn't want more than this, but she wanted this right now, and she didn't want to let go of him, manipulative silver-tongued snake that he was. She didn't know why. Something in her was driving her to act this stupid, but she didn't know what, only that it was like someone lit a fire in her and what she wanted and what she didn't want were getting all tangled up at the moment.

She let her head drop to his shoulder. "You didn't ask me about the camps," she said.

"Why would I?" he answered. "When I know you don't know where they are."

Her heart froze and her grip slackened. "How long have you known?"

He pursed his lips as though thinking. "I've known since you arrived there was nothing new you could tell us we didn't already know."

"Then why are you imprisoning me? Why are you beating me? What about this morning? What about that?" She pounded on his shoulders with her fists. "What about that! What about THAT!" Why was she screaming? Why was she crying? She'd enjoyed this morning. Maybe it was just that it wasn't how she would've chosen for Carak to find out, or how she would've chosen to spend their first day as lovers. Or maybe it was because Carak had been forced to contemplate suicide all night over it. They'd made the man she loved most hurt and no amount of happiness today could ever wipe away the pain of yesterday's despair.

He let her go but didn't break eye contact as he sat on the bed. "Because you said you wouldn't, not that you couldn't. Even if you could, you wouldn't, and until you are willing to, you're a liability to my kingdom."

She sat up and glared at him. "I'm a liability to your kingdom but you want me to suck your cock."

"I don't see what one has to do with the other." That wasn't a denial. He definitely wanted her to suck his cock.

"I could bite it off and there goes the kingdom."

"Then I wouldn't be expected to have sex with my brother's daughter the moment she's old enough to reproduce. I fail to see the negative."

Lindsay just stared at him, open-mouthed. He knew about Deneta.

"You think I don't know? I can feel it any time she even so much as walks into the room. As much as I dislike my wife, I don't want a child bride. And yes, I am aware there will come a time my duty will force the issue, but for now, let's leave things as they are, for my sake as well as his."

And she was suddenly wondering how much he did actually know about everything. And she was scared. And then his arms and wings were around her and his brow was pressed against hers again.

"It really is like it's just empty in there," he marveled.

"Jerk." She pushed against him and he let her go. She didn't like that. She grabbed him and pulled him back in. She didn't know why she needed it, but she did. "I'm not going to do anything with you," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"If you were, it would've already happened. Are you ready to go back now?"

She nodded.

"This visit never officially happened," he said into her dark hair.

She nodded again. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to know about anything that happened here. Even though nothing really happened at all, Rivuk would still be pissed. If he wasn't done with her already, basically kissing the same older brother who was screwing his first wife would probably do it. "It was nothing, you just let me get cleaned up and healed a few of my injuries."

"I am sorry, Lindsay," he said, pulling back and standing up. He held out his hand for her. "I know what will happen when I take you back there and I'm taking you back anyway. Say the word and I'll take you from it."

She took his hand and let him pull her up. She was honestly desperate for her prison cell right now. To forget all of this in Carak's strong arms. She saw his glasses beside the bed and picked them up. "Don't worry, Tin Man." she said, sliding the glasses onto his face. "I'll scream extra loud just for you."

He caught her hand and kissed it. "I know you will," he said, sadly. A prison tunic flew into his hands. "Here, get dressed. There's no chance they won't talk if you come out with even less on than you came in with."

"Yeah," she said, slipping the tunic on.

She followed him into the grassy yard and through the door to the prison and back to her room. The guards opened the door. She was shocked by how white it was. She hadn't seen it really white in a long time.

Elihim did not look at her, nor acknowledge her; he only addressed Carak. "The prisoner has refused to talk. You have your orders." He pushed up his glasses with a single finger to the bridge and turned away.

The door slammed shut and he was gone.

"What did he want?" Carak's voice was full of concern.

Lindsay frowned. How did she explain it when she wasn't even sure? She rubbed her forearm. "He was just playing the good cop to Boz's bad cop to try to manipulate me into something, I don't know what. Maybe he wanted to get me to sleep with him so he could record it and use it against Rivuk. It didn't work, obviously. I just wanted to get back to you." It sounded like something the brothers would do, but some part of her couldn't help but wonder if some of what Elihim had done was sincere. If he really did care. But she couldn't let herself think that way. She'd made that mistake too many times.

"I'm so glad," Carak said, embracing her.

They sunk to the floor and Carak gently laid her on her back. This was what she needed. This was who she wanted it with. She couldn't remember wanting it more in her entire life than she did right now. She screamed with pleasure as he pushed inside of her.

She hoped Elihim heard her screams as he left the prison.