Charles & Midori Pt. 09

"Super standard and boring." Midori turned to Marty. "Believe it or not, Marty, your ma had the most boring wedding in the world. Watch the video sometime."

"You weren't there," Miki objected.

"You took five minutes to read your personalised vows, and you suck at poetry."

"Hey, bud, let's go inside for a bit." George shepherded Marty inside to the kitchen.

"Do you really hate me that much?" Miki asked.

"No, I hate you even more than that." Midori rolled her eyes and took another helping of pho. "My dislike of marriage has more to do with not seeing its point and hating that it's so expected of everyone. Weddings are just stupid and presumptuous. I've been to three weddings that collectively did it right."

"Explain," Mrs. D said curiously.

"CC and Brianna both escaped heavily Christian households and respectively identify as atheo-pagan and deist, so they had a secular ceremony with a Satanic officiant. Zoe and Luke got married on Halloween, so they and their guests wore costumes. Maddie and Blake planned their wedding around a music festival, so the ceremony and reception were done simultaneously as a luncheon. And all three of those weddings were adults only so that we could relax and be ourselves."

"That's collectively doing it right?" Mr. D asked.

"If I were to get married, I'd want a secular adults only wedding where we wear costumes and the ceremony and reception are simultaneous, so the whole thing's maybe two hours tops." Midori finished her beer and ate her last bites of pho. "I think Charles agrees with me."

"More or less, I suppose." Charles thought for a second. "Two hours, though? I'd rather get through it in ninety minutes, if possible."

"So you're serious about this?" Mrs. D asked.

"Of fucking course we're serious!" Midori was able to stop herself from yelling, but she did raise the volume. "Fuck me, it's like you don't believe me when I tell you about myself. Why is that? You didn't believe me when I said I wanted to be an artist. You didn't believe me when I said I wanted to learn guitar. You didn't believe me when I said I wanted to go to the States. What gives? Charles, stay right where you are."

"I have to use the bathroom."

"Either go in the yard or piss yourself. I need you to see this."

Charles stayed in his seat, crossing his legs and hoping this would end soon.

"What are you trying to prove?" Mr. D asked.

"I just laid it out. Charles can wait."

"Midori..." Miki came in. "I just think that we're family, so..."

"We share genes, but we're family in name only. You're my sister. My older sister. I relied on you to help pave my way while giving me the space to find myself. And yet I remember five times when you tried to make me a clone of you."

"Well, I'm talking about my wedding!"

"That was nine years ago! I'm not building a time machine!"

The two sisters glared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Charles tried not to grab himself, but he had had two beers with dinner, and they were having their way with him. Instead, he ground his teeth and tapped his leg, which slightly concerned Midori's parents.

"Is there a reason...?" Mr. D began.

"I warned him about shite like this, and now he's seen it." Midori ran a hand through her hair. "Go. Last thing you'll want is a bladder infection."

"Men can't get bladder infections," Miki commented as Charles ran inside.

"Are you serious?" Midori now wanted to smack her sister for a different reason. "They have bladders, right?"

"Yes..."

"So their bladders can be infected." Midori leaned back in her chair. "And you don't know what Charles has in his pants. He could have a vagina."

"Does he?"

"Fuck off." Midori got up and went inside. She knocked on the bathroom door. "Charles? You okay?"

"No, but it'll pass. I can't really tell you..."

"Well, you can't exactly show me, either."

"I didn't quite make it, okay?"

"How bad?"

"I'm going to need another pair of pants, and yes, I actually brought them."

"If I go upstairs and find only one..."

"Midori, please just get them."

Midori ran upstairs and found Charles's extra pants. Silently praising him for bringing two pairs this time, she came down and slipped them through the door.

"Now do you see?" she asked.

"Is there more to it?"

"I wasn't a perfect child, but my family is arseholes on one side and shitebirds on the other."

"You're becoming Scottish again."

"You've seen me get angry."

Charles came out of the bathroom and hugged Midori. She returned his hug before picking up his wet pants and taking them to the laundry room. They went towards the basement, but could hear George and Marty playing a game. They were not about to go back outside, so they went upstairs.

"I'm guessing no sex?" Charles asked.

"Marty's in the room next to ours, so no. You're gonna get killed when we get back."

"No masturbating either, then?"

"Nope." She lay on her bed, looking at the ceiling. "When I was eight or so, my sister and the cunts she calls friends told me that I would never grow boobs and I'd be lucky to even be a practise girl. I asked them what that meant and they all just laughed."

"This was more than just sibling teasing?"

"They did this at school in the middle of the cafeteria and made me a laughingstock for the rest of the year. I told my parents, and they talked to her, but she went unpunished. Meanwhile, I'd been socially murdered, with only Zoe and Rachel in my corner. We moved and changed schools the next year, so I was able to get something of a fresh start, but the year after that, she ruined me again."

"And trying to make you like her?"

"I was exaggerating a bit, but those are different incidents from when we were much younger. They're less important, actually."

"I'd note them for your therapist."

"The notes I've made for my therapist will fill the Death Star's trench. I'm just glad your family's better."

"There's dark sides there, too."

"But your family's dark sides are deeper under the surface. I'm not saying my childhood was absolute shite, because it wasn't. The four of us did have some legitimately loving times together. But most of my childhood memories..."

"You don't have to tell me."

"What would you do if you somehow got me pregnant?"

"After establishing that I wasn't having a nightmare, I'd ask what you want to do about it, and hopefully get some Plan B or something."

"I'd reimburse you for the Plan B and probably snip your tubes myself." Midori sat up. "All babies should be wanted, right?"

"Are you telling me...?"

"That I wasn't planned, yes. They'll never say it, but it's pretty damn clear. The condom broke or Da had been snipped too recently, and when Ma felt funny, she pissed on a stick to see if they were about to have another."

"I'm glad they did?"

"What makes you think that's helpful?"

"I mean, I have you because of it..." Charles put his arm around her and kissed her.

"You do. It's not that I wish I didn't exist, or anything like that...okay, maybe a bit. But going through life knowing the open secret..."

"We all have to deal with our lives eventually." Charles paused. "Eventually...I'll have to talk to Molly."

"About the past?"

"We have forgiven each other. But now I want to know why, which I am perfectly aware will likely bite me in the ass."

"Why did you forgive her?"

"I cast the first stone, so I got what I deserved."

"Infidelity is not a time to fight fire with fire."

"Well, I still deserved it."

"No, you didn't." Midori locked eyes with Charles. "You didn't deserve to be cheated on, and neither did Molly. You both fucked up. You both eventually acknowledged to yourselves and to each other that you fucked up. You talked about it, and I would have never guessed that went on between you until you told me."

"This evening's been awkward enough."

Charles and Midori woke up earlier than they wanted the next morning. This was largely because Marty burst into their room wanting to play, but also because Mr. D wanted to talk to Charles. Charles got dressed and got into the car with his sorta father-in-law.

"You really love my daughter, don't you?" Mr. D asked after a while.

"We've known each other almost two years, and twenty of those months we've been official," Charles said. "Something like that, anyway."

"When's your anniversary?"

"Sometime in July. One of our friends would know."

"You don't know your own anniversary?"

"We don't care about that too much. I love Midori, she loves me, and we're as happy as two can be. Mental issues aside, of course."

"What did you think about last night?"

"I think that's an issue for the four of you and maybe some therapists. My quick, knee-jerk opinion is that family is not just blood, and no one should be obligated to attend an event, regardless of what it is or whose it is. One of my cousins got married last year, and I wasn't there. My immediate family was annoyed, his immediate family was annoyed, but when he sent the initial invite a year beforehand, I told him that in short, I don't do weddings and I wish him the best."

"Why don't you do weddings?"

"Before I answer, are you trying to tell me something?"

"No, I just want to know your intentions with my daughter."

"That's a weird way to consider her life, but the short answer is that I want to be her partner for the rest of our lives. As for the weddings, I'm going to answer your question with a question."

"Go ahead."

"You love your wife, yes?"

"We've been married forty happy years."

"I asked if you love her."

"I do."

"If marriage did not exist, would you still be with her, all else being the same?"

"Of course."

"Would you invent marriage, then? Would you turn to her and say that the two of you deserve tax breaks and social praise just because the two of you have committed to sharing a toilet for the rest of your lives? And yes, I know it's not quite as simple as what I'm saying, but I think you get it."

"I get it. I think I'd have to get back to you on the answer, honestly."

"Fair enough. But that's marriage. I don't do weddings because...okay, I think I know how to word it. Let's say Midori and I invited you over for a cookout, but we only made enough food for ourselves. Not only that, but the societal rule (for lack of a better word) is that by accepting our invitation, you agree not only to forego food while you're there, but also to watch us eat."

"Now you've had a meal, so to speak."

"I don't like watching people eat, figuratively or literally. Not only that, but think of the way weddings are generally done. They're usually all day affairs when, like Midori's friends, the ritual and the meal can be done simultaneously, and people who want to do other things that day have the time to do them."

"You're really not going to marry her, then?"

"Would you prefer that I did?"

"Yes." Mr. D parked and cut the engine. They were in an empty parking lot, surrounded by empty stores (making Charles think he was about to be a character in a slasher flick). "I know I'm a bit of an old fashioned old man in some ways. I freely confess I was a bit uneasy when Midori first sent me a picture of the two of you, which I know makes no sense when I grew up in Brazil and my wife grew up in South Africa and our other daughter has already married someone who's half Aboriginal Australian. I know not everyone wants to be married. But when it's in my family..."

"With all due respect, D-san..."

"Just Akashi, please."

"With all due respect, Akashi, and I apologize for cutting you off, but Midori is her own person. She may have swum from your loins and sprang from your wife's, but that's it. She's autonomous, and she decided of her own volition to be with me in the arrangement we like best." Charles touched his phone to stop the ring. "You don't have to like it, but that's our life, and we're happy with it."

"I know." Mr. D took a breath. "I know. I'm just trying to get there, especially since I've now seen you in person."

"Hence this clichéd scene?"

"Yeah." Mr. D chuckled. "I did the same when I met George."

Charles checked his phone, seeing that Midori had called him. He texted her saying that everything was fine and it looked like they might be heading back soon.

"Are you planning on having children?" Mr. D asked.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sure you two have...had sex. So I was asking if..."

"What we do with our genitals is our business, Akashi, but no, we're not having children in any sense. They're expensive, and I'm actually surprisingly bad at taking care of myself."

"What about Midori?"

"She's better at basic self-care than I am, and she's not great at it, either. If I get really depressed, I don't eat. If she gets really anxious, she pulls out her hair. And both of us are very prone to using beer as medicine." He thought for a second. "Don't tell her I told you this, but we had a really low point back in March where our only meals were two or three cans of beer spread throughout the day while we moped around listening to alt rock from the 90s. Would you want your grandchild growing up around that?"

"Sounds like you both need therapy, if you don't mind me saying so."

"We're going to make arrangements for that when we get back."

"How'd you two come back around?"

"Her friends came by to take her for a girls' night, and it became girls' night with Charles when they saw my state. One of her good friends is my ex girlfriend, believe it or not."

The two returned to the house. Midori pulled Charles into the rental car and drove him to meet Zoe.

"Zoe came to Canada a few years before I did," Midori explained. "We've known each other since we were about six, and we've helped each other through many a hard time. What did he ask you about?"

"Marriage and children."

"Of course."

"I think he's making an effort to come around."

"I know. I just need Aori to do the same."

"By the way, he told me to call him by his first name."

"You called him san, didn't you."

"I hope that wasn't inappropriate..."

"I don't think so, but I'm no expert on keigo. My parents mostly taught us basic words, when to use what particles, and how to talk to your boss vs. your friends. I've never taken any classes, and even the few relatives I have in Japan insist on speaking to me in English. The Ds and the Ys are Japanese in name only in that way, I guess. If he told you to call him Akashi, call him Akashi." She tapped the wheel. "Did you spill anything to him?"

"I just told him about March. I told him not to tell you, but he didn't comment on it."

"That's fine. They know I have issues. Now he knows you have issues."

"I'm guessing this is Zoe who's married to Luke?"

"Aye. Heads up, her hearing's deteriorated over the years, and her accent's always been thicker than mine."

"Does she sign?"

"I know Luke does, but I'm pretty sure she never learned. Zoe's gonna speak for as long as she's able." Midori parked and sent Zoe a text. "Not that it matters, but I think my parents really do like you. Marty thinks you're cool, and I guess George might find you tolerable."

"Miki doesn't like me much, does she?"

"You've made me happy, and we've been together for almost as long as we've known each other. She can't fucking stand you, and I am glad."

They got out of the car as Zoe and Luke came out of the house. Charles looked at the woman and transman approaching him and his partner. Midori and Zoe flipped each other off before hugging and squealing.

"Are the States still better than Canada?" Zoe asked.

"Yes, that's where this guy lives, and I like being around him." Midori thrust Charles forward. "Charles, she's Zoe and he's Luke. Zoe is mostly me and some of you, and Luke used to be me before he became you."

"Does she do this every time she introduces someone to you?" Charles asked.

"You're the first person she's introduced to us," Luke said. "I made a similar joke first when I met her, so don't worry about it. Luke G."

"Charles T."

"And I'm Zoe H." Zoe gave Charles a surprisingly hard punch to the shoulder. "Cannae believe Midori took a liking to you, but I'm glad she did."

"So am I," Charles said, rotating his shoulder. "What did Midori mean by what she said?"

"One Chinese grandmother, one Indian grandfather, one Thai grandfather, and one Senegalese grandmother," Zoe clarified. "Luke here's just another Latvian Jew."

"Another trans Latvian Jew, thank you very much." Luke kissed his wife. "One who loves other pussy havers fiercely."

"Oh, we can top them." Midori grabbed Charles and kissed him, grabbing his ass and looking over at her friends. Zoe increased it by putting a hand on Luke's crotch in a way that Charles and Midori could see from their position, but a passerby would not notice at a glance. Midori could not touch Charles in an equivalent manner, so she simply gave Zoe the finger and followed her inside the house. "Looks like you're planning for another."

"You mean a child? Automatic no." Luke laughed as he brought beers for everyone. "My uterus was always defective."

"And I just don't like sperm." Zoe sat on her husband's lap. "So, tell us, Charles."

"Tell you what?"

"Everything. Midori told us how you met and how long you've been together. Tell us about you."

"Well..." Charles stole a nervous glance at Midori, who simply took a sip of beer. "I'm American, I'm a geeky metalhead, a skeptical atheist, and I'm cis and ace." He shrugged. "If you're Midori's friends, I'm guessing you have some idea what we do for a living."

"What do you do with your libido?" Zoe asked, causing Charles to almost choke on his next sip. "Sometimes you just need something more than fingers."

"We fuck often enough," Midori said, putting a hand on Charles's knee. "It took us a while to get there, but we've found what seems to work."

"Do you always ask people this?" Charles asked.

"Only good friends of close friends," Zoe said. "This is a judgement free house, and if Midori's stayed with you this long, you're automatically cool with me."

"Well, I like certain areas of my life to be private, especially if they involve my private area," Charles said. "How long have you two known each other?"

"One day as friends, two years as partners, and ten years as spouses," Luke said. "I think that's right?"

"Sounds right to me," Zoe agreed. "And you transitioned...?"

"Six years next week." Luke took one digital frame off the wall and scrolled back a

few pictures. "That's who I was back then."

"You kept these?" Charles asked in legitimate surprise.

"I don't like how I look in those pictures, but they were from happy moments during that time," Luke said as he scrolled. "Even I can't get rid of them so easily. Oh, here's

a good one. This is us at NYCC."

"Okay, jealous."

"That was where we met...shit, who was it?"

"Eh?"

"Who did we meet at NYCC?" Luke asked while signing. Zoe kept looking at him quizzically, so he texted it to her.

"Oh, that was the one where we met Blue Isaac Jackson," Zoe said. "He was still just Isaac Jackson at the time."

Charles quickly relaxed and found himself enjoying the visit. The two couples talked for hours over beer and PlayStation All Stars (Charles and Midori had forgotten how much they'd enjoyed that game) before Luke suggested something slightly

egregious.

"We're still young enough, so let's go clubbing!" he declared around 2147.

"I'd rather not," Charles said.

"Come on, it'll be fun," Zoe added. "I'm not gonna be able to hear shite in a year, anyway, so let's do this now."

"Midori?" Luke asked. "You in?"

"Why not," Midori said (ignoring Charles's optical daggers). "I haven't been...actually, since I met him."

"Loud, shitty music in a crowd of strangers with whom I probably don't have much in common," Charles said. "Have fun without me."