"Do anything special, this week, Charley?"
"I had an abortion."
"Not quite; but the sperm was; and I got an additional surprise, too. Chlamydia"
"So, when Lydia Cartwright, and her gang, threatened to kill you, for being a stuck up, snotty nosed, southern slag, they were both making fair comment, and offering to do the whole world a favour?"
"Yes, you would be correct."
"Charley, you are a murderer."
"You deserve to die."
"I'm also a coward, and an idiot. Not just that, but an incompetent idiot. I would completely mess up killing myself. Maybe Lydia will kill me, after all; put me down, like a rabid dog."
"Why didn't you say, no, Charley?"
"I don't know. I did, sort of. I'm sorry."
Thus continued my internal dialogue. The one I have been having for the last month, most nights, until I cry myself to sleep.
Why don't we go back to the beginning?
The diving competition was on my eighteenth birthday. I have been diving for six years, and I used to think I was OK. I am scared of heights. Yes, really. That isn't a huge problem on the springboards, as you always look straight ahead. I'm a little short sighted, so the actual dive is always pleasantly blurred. Jenny, my new coach had been pushing me, really hard, to move up to the 5 metre platform. It's not even the highest, but it scared me shitless, and still makes me shake just thinking about it. I had only done twenty dives, off the platform, before the competition, but one of the girls was sick, and I was asked to make up the numbers, and move up to the seniors. I could think of nothing, but the 5m platform, for days. Why didn't I say no? Oh, I forgot for a moment. I am an idiot.
I joined the club, last year, shortly after we moved to Yorkshire. It is based at an Olympic sized pool. I also do water polo there. Previously I had dived at a pool that had two springboards only.
To say that I had settled badly in Yorkshire would be an understatement. I grew up in St Leonards, a run down town, on the South coast. I had always swum, often in the sea. My mates, and I, would often skinny dip in the English Channel, even in winter. I had been a keen gymnast, but fell badly, when I was twelve, and broke my wrist. I never got my confidence back. Diving seemed a logical progression.
My parents went through a messy divorce. One of them had to take me, and my younger sister, Holly. Mum got the short straw. Mum is from Bradford, and got a new job, and a tiny flat, near my Nan's. I have never made friends easily. Maybe I'm an ugly duckling. Ugly slag, more like. I was in trouble the moment I opened my mouth, and I have tried to keep it shut since. I don't know why I find Yorkshire people so aggressive. In fairness to them, I have always been a bully magnet. I am academically OK, nothing brilliant, and was hoping to go to university that October. That was before I got pregnant.
Back to the diving competition. It was in Stockholm, and involved a two night stay. The club was hoping to do well; plus our star, Jamie Knight, was hoping to qualify for the 2012 Olympics. I certainly wasn't. I liked the club, and had started to make tentative friendships. Jenny the coach was pretty hard on me. We had a "misunderstanding", when she made a pass at me, and she had been pretty cold since. I think I am a lesbian; in that I fancy girls, and have some pretty disgusting fantasies. I am far too scared to come out, though. She probably thinks I am homophobic.
I set a personal best on the 3 metre springboard, and was eighth, in that discipline, and twelfth on the 0.5 metre board. I basked in my few moments of glory, and felt a valued team member, but I could not stop looking up at the high boards. I had been to the toilet five times, before I took the long climb. I only had to dive, cleanly, into the water, and our club would come second overall. But, no. Jenny insisted that I do a half pike and full twist. Or was it a full pike and half twist? I panicked and entered the water, still twisting. I thought my right arm had been ripped off. I was winded. I gasped. I inhaled water. I panicked more. Everything went dark. Then I was on the poolside, vomiting into a bucket. Oh, the shame. We came third; all because of me. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Everybody was kind, which just made it worse. I spent four hours in a Swedish hospital. I had pulled muscles; nothing worse.
When I returned, in disgrace, to the hotel, my group were partying. Jamie had done fantastically, and was going to the Olympics. Good for him. It was his eighteenth birthday too.
I made an excuse, to have a bath, and go to bed early. I had just dried off, when my room mates, Cat, Lisa and Lizzie, burst in. All three appeared drunk, and were wearing black string bikinis. They threw one at me. "Put this on Charley. We guessed your size."
Much as I loathe myself, I am used to being half naked, and I dared not say no. There was a knock on the door. Cat opened it, and Jamie Knight was pushed in, by a noisy crowd. He was just wearing a pair of Speedos.
"Hi, Jamie," chorused the three women. They surrounded him and started running their hands over his smoothly waxed skin. His Speedos were starting to bulge, and Lizzie knelt down and shamelessly ran the tip of her tongue along what was clearly his stiffening cock. I could feel myself turning crimson.
Cat is a 22 year old, busty blonde. She licked her glossy lips, and came over to me. "We are going to give Jamie a present. It's traditional for the most junior team member, to deliver it. That's you. Sarah and Katie are far too young, and we're not even letting them watch."
I was shocked, when she kissed me full on the mouth, and forced her tongue between my teeth. What was I supposed to do? I did nothing, as she undid my bikini top, and pushed her already bare, huge tits, into my rather humble ones. Had she guessed my true sexual orientation?
Apparently not; as she released my mouth, spun me round, and laid her head on my shoulder, pushing my 34Bs upwards, with her hands.
"Lovely little tits, eh Jamie? Just a nice handful."
I was looking at my first erect penis. Lisa and Lizzie, were both naked, and were squatting, either side of Jamie, licking his thighs. Thanks to Cat, I too was now naked, slack jawed, and glued to the carpet. My bald pussy was dry as a bone.
Jamie did have a fantastic body; broad shoulders, slim hips and wonderfully defined muscles. And a huge cock. Well it looked huge to me. Like every member of the club, he was smooth and hairless. I did not fancy him. I was feeling really uncomfortable.
I gulped as Jamie swayed over to me. He had clearly had quite a few drinks. He grabbed my tits and squeezed. Hard. I yelped. I could feel myself getting redder; and I was about to cry. Cat pushed me to my knees.
"Touch it." She said.
It was hot and hard, but the skin smooth. I was getting more and more scared. She had me pull down on Jamie's foreskin, and my eyes must have been like saucers, when the glossy, purple head appeared. A little bit of fluid, was visible at the hole.
"Oh shit," I thought, "I don't want to."
I licked up the salty goo.
"Lick down the shaft, and suck his balls."
"No, please, no," I whispered.
I obeyed. The skin of his sack was rough. I could only get one testicle in my mouth at a time. One of the girls was running her finger up and down my slit. I had fantasised about that, but this was not fun. Not at all.
Lisa put her lips around the rock hard organ, and it slid inside her mouth, until her nose was touching his belly.
"Now you do it."
"Do I have to?"
Clearly if I wanted to be accepted, I did. "Oh God," I thought, "I'm not just going to have to suck him off; am I?"
I would have said "Are they all this big?" were my mouth not full. I could not see who was licking my pussy and bum hole. I wished they would stop.
A hand, on the back of my head, tried to push the cock further into my mouth, but I started to gag, and bit down.
"Bitch", the boy shouted, and withdrew his cock. I was really crying by then. Two of the women laid me, on a bed, on my back. My knees had become fixed together, but they prised them apart. I finally found my voice.
"Please, I want to stop now."
Cat slapped me hard; front and back handed.
"It's too late for that, you cock teasing slut. Now spread those legs wider. You've got a sexy little body there, girl."
I felt pressure against my pussy lips, then agonising pain, which shot up to my belly button. It was like all my worst periods, added together, and multiplied by ten. I stifled my scream.
"Fuck she's tight," laughed Jamie.
"Not slack, like Cat," laughed Lizzie.
I had clearly descended, from human being, to inanimate fuck doll.
I was not surprised to be flicked over, on to my stomach, and taken from behind. At least now they could not see my face, and I could bite, and cry into, the pillow. The three women were getting louder, and their comments more obscene, as they encouraged Jamie to pound me harder and harder. I was waiting for him to bugger me, when he let out a big sigh, and announced that he had come. I dared not move. Was I supposed to thank him?
"What the fuck's going on?" a new voice screamed. Coach.
I remained frozen. "Surely it's pretty obvious," I wanted to say.
Then much giggles, and the sound of people exiting the room. Then just my muffled sobs.
"Charley pet, sit up. Oh fuck; this doesn't look good."
She bellowed again.
"One of you drunken slappers had better go and get some ice. Can't you see how her eye is closing? And get Jamie back to his room. One of you get into bed with him, and leave the door open. Make sure plenty of people see you. He was never in here. Understand.
"You've bled quite a lot, Charley. Are you having a period?"
"No," I sobbed. I was mid cycle and knew enough biology to guess the consequences.
"Fucking hell. You're a virgin, aren't you?"
I could only nod, and try to disappear into the duvet.
Jenny held the ice to my eye, and hugged me.
"Look, sweetheart, my first time was pretty crap too. It gets better, with practice. Men can be a bit rough sometimes. You've all had a bit too much to drink. Jamie has really raised the club's profile; let's not ruin it eh? You're not the first to badly mistime a dive, and collect a black eye. Good girl. You do right by me, and I'll do right by you."
I was stone cold sober, unfortunately.
I pretended to be asleep, when the drunken women finally rolled in. Maybe, if they made crying silently, an Olympic sport, I could be in with a chance of a medal.