Chase & Charli

"How in the hell did you manage that?" I ask incredulously.

My sister chuckles and says, "I bought an e-book on how to do it. It's amazing what you can find on the internet if you dig hard enough."

"But with computer records nowadays...that's not even possible anymore, is it?"

"It's still possible," she insists. "By the way, my birthday is June 2nd now."

"That's...this is going to take some getting used to," I mumble, mostly to myself.

I mull over why Charli...er, excuse me, Jessi would change something so cardinal to the core of her existence as her name.

"Jessi," I taste her new name on my lips, "have you talked to mom and dad to let them know you're alive?"

"Not yet, but I will. I wanted to talk with you first."

"How come you never contacted any of us? You could have sent a text or, heck, even dropped a letter in the mail...something. Anything."

"I know," my sister nods. "Trust me, I feel terrible about how all this must have affected you and our parents. Their PI almost found me once, you know. That's when I decided to alter my identity."

Jessi sighs lightly, obviously pondering how to word something.

"You don't know how many times I almost broke down and called you, Chase. No matter how bad it hurt, I had to stay away so I could complete my journey."

"Your journey?"

"I...I had to better myself...all on my own with no help from anyone else. I had to prove to myself I could do it, so I'd be...I wanted to be proud of who I am again. I needed to be better...so I could..."

Her words trail off. I wait a few seconds, but my sister doesn't finish that last thought. I think about what she said, though. She needed to better herself? I guess that would explain why her eyes are so clear and sparkling white with those bright, radiant blues in the center. Her eyes are so beautiful when they're not muddied by the bloodshot, glassy sheen of being high on something. It would appear kicking any and all of those habits had been somewhere on her list of accomplishments.

In the end I suppose being angry about three and a half years of silence from Jessi would serve no purpose. Do I have a right to be mad? Sure. With my sister sitting right here and that sweet, almost melancholy smile on her face...well, in the end I'm far happier she returned than I am mad she left in the first place. In reality, I want to see her to smile at me with pure happiness, no other emotions diluting it.

I decide then and there to completely forgive her and press on with my next question, though it's a question I've dreaded for a long time.

"Why did you disappear?" I ask in a small voice, afraid of the answer. "Why right after that night?"

All these years the only thing I could come up with was it's my fault. I should've never taken advantage of her drunken state that night so long ago. Thank god things only went as far as they did or my sister may have never come back.

As if she can read my thoughts, Jessi asks, "Oh jeez, Chase...you think I left because of you? No! Don't think that! Never think that! I left because of me."

"What? Why?"

"To be alone, to think, and to get my shit straight."

Her statement brings to mind her last ever contact long ago, that final video message she'd sent me. I had it memorized by now, and she just repeated, almost exactly, some of her words from toward the end.

"Buy why? Why did you need to vanish to do those things? I could have helped. I wanted to help, but you took that choice away from me."

My sister sighs and looks down when she explains, "Not that I'm blaming you, Chase, but you were the reason I had to go."

"So it was because of what I did that night."

"What you did?" Jessi laughs lightly as she looks back up at me. "You know, for such a smart guy you can be a little dense sometimes when it comes to women."

"Huh?" I ask, completely clueless.

"Do you know why you're in here?" my sister asks, placing a hand over her heart and tapping her chest lightly. "When I was sad you'd hold my hand. When I would cry you'd wipe away my tears. When I was proud you'd tell me how awesome I am. When I was angry you'd listen without judging. When I was happy it made you happy too.

"When it came to guys I always thought you were the rule, not the exception," Jessi continues. "When I started dating at fifteen I found out otherwise. None of them ever treated me a fraction as good as you did on your worst day. You are the exception, Chase. All the selfish, self-centered boys I went out with my whole life taught me that. And I stopped dating altogether when I turned seventeen. Until I graduated high school, at any rate."

"I remember," I say in a muted tone.

"I stopped dating because I realized something, and it turned my whole world upside-down. I realized the young man I was in love with was the one man in all the world I couldn't have."

Damn, my sister is right. I am dense. Her admission completely blindsides me. I had no idea she's felt this way for so long. To harbor those feelings for so many years, to have to deal with them for so long and have no one to talk to about it...a lot of how Charli was back then is beginning to make sense.

"When I realized I love you like a woman loves a man it scared me to death. What scared me most is what I might say or do because of how I felt. I didn't want to lose you, but I couldn't keep you either...at least not how I wanted. It hurt too much. So, I began to distance myself...push you away little by little. It's my fault we grew apart."

Wow. My sister is really laying her heart bare.

"That night we went drinking I wasn't all that drunk, Chase. You were, but I wasn't. When I asked you to come watch a movie I knew full well what I was doing. My plan was to cuddle up during the show and try to put the moves on you. My heart ached at how badly I wanted to be close to you that night.

"When you fell on the couch me falling on top of you wasn't an accident. Then you put your arms around me, and I took it as a sign. I kissed you. I started that.

"The next morning I had to leave, but not because of what happened. That night was so beautiful and felt so right to me. I had to leave because I realized something. Back then I didn't deserve you, and you didn't deserve to be saddled with me and all my issues. I loved you then and love you now. I've done my thinking. I have my shit together. I only hope...that it's not too late...and that maybe you, even a little bit, feel the same."

I try to form words, but nothing comes out of my mouth. My sister sets her beer on the coffee table, gives me a soft smile, and stands.

She says, "Think about what I said. I'll see you later."

I lurch upright, still stunned at her heartfelt speech. Jessi gives me a quick peck on the cheek before heading to leave.

I finally break my vocal paralysis and mange to blurt, "Wait!"

I'm at a loss for further words, my sister's incredible revelation leaving me shaky and weak in the knees. I want to run after her, but my muscles feel rubbery. I'm afraid I'll stumble and fall.

She's already at the front door when she tells me, "Don't worry, Chase. I won't disappear again. I'll see you real soon, I promise."

Then she's gone, leaving me with her oath that I'd see her once more.

* * * * * *

It takes me a long time to fall asleep, for obvious reasons, and my alarm wakes me far too early the next morning. I take Shawn home, arriving a few minutes after nine. Lindsay lets us in, giving her little boy a big hug.

"I already fed him," I let her know as we walk inside. "Where's Larissimo?"

She smiles, her eyes twinkling with the afterglow of what must have been a great night for her and Larry, and she replies, "My manly man is in the shower."

"Oh, okay. Mind if I hang out for a while?"

"No, not at all. Thanks for watching Shawn last night, Chase," she tells me before looking down to her boy. "Did you boys have fun?"

"Yup," her son nods. "Me and Chase played some games, and I had some ice cream, and I got to meet Jessi. She's real nice."

"Oh? Jessi, huh?" Lindsay asks, her interest piqued.

"An old friend I haven't seen in a long time," I explain. "She just sort of stopped by randomly last night."

"Go take a bath, honey," Lindsay tells her son. "And make it snappy. We're going to the zoo today!"

"Awesome!" Shawn says, doing a little fist pump before heading off.

His mom turns her gaze back toward me. "So...spill the details," she grins.

"There's not much to tell," I shrug. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to anyone about Jessi quite yet.

Lindsay grouses, "Now that's just cruel."

"Huh?"

"Don't you know us housewives love gossip? It's like our heroin."

I have to smile at that. I relent somewhat, giving Lindsay the much abridged version of me and my sister's relationship.

"No, really. There's not much to tell. She was my best friend growing up, but we sort of grew apart during high school. I still ran into her quite a bit during college, but we kind of had our own separate lives by that time. We made out once when we were both drunk, but that was all that ever happened between us. Afterward she disappeared, and I didn't see her again for years...not until she showed up on my doorstep last night."

Lindsay's shrewd eyes scream she knows there's more to it than that, but her sensitive nature tells her I'm not ready or willing to talk about it. She lets me off the hook. "I see," she nods, those two words ending her line of inquiry. "Well, would you like to come to the zoo with us? We'd love it if you did."

"Sure," I accept her invitation. "Sounds great."

My phone chooses this exact moment to ring. I pull it from my pocket and look at the unknown number. It could be Jessi, so I hit the answer button.

"Chase's emporium of lonely hearts, Chase speaking," I jokingly answer.

I hear my sister's bright giggle over the line before she says, "Hi Chase. Good morning."

My chest flutters at the sound of her voice. I have the sudden epiphany that even that one, single night of her absence has left me longing to experience her again. Her voice...the sight of her...the intoxicating scent of her hair...her touch...her kiss against my cheek.

I suddenly understand with sharp clarity that I've fallen in love with my sister, and I begin to wonder how long I've felt this way. Did I merely suppress this feeling those many years ago, fooling myself into thinking it was something else?

"Oh, is that her?" Lindsay says under her breath.

I nod and reply to my sister, "Hi Jessi. It's really good to hear your voice again."

"Invite her to come with us!" Lindsay whispers and pokes me repeatedly in the shoulder.

I give the woman a faux-irritated glare and swat halfheartedly at her jabbing finger.

My sister asks, "So...whatcha up to?"

"Just busy being stabbed in the arm by Shawn's mother's dagger-nail spear-fingers."

Jessi laughs and asks, "What?"

Lindsay stops poking, but gives me a serious look and mouths the words "invite her".

"Lindsay and her family are going to the zoo. They invited me, and she wants to know if you'd like to come with us," I explain.

"I'd love to! What time should I meet you there?"

"What time should she be there, Lindsay?" I ask.

The woman leans closer to my phone and says loudly, "Meet us by the entrance at eleven, sweetie. I'll make sure Chase washes behind his ears."

Jessi giggles. "I have a feeling I'm going to like Lindsay a lot," my sister says over the phone. "Chase, are you okay with this? Because if you're not I can totally beg off."

"Yes, it's fine," I assure my sister. "It's more than fine. I'd really like to see you again. I'm curious, though. How did you know my phone number?"

Jessi giggles uproariously at me before she manages to say, "Seriously, Chase? You haven't changed your number since you got your first cell phone."

* * * * * *

I see Jessi up ahead but still a small distance away. She stands near a very large, very lush topiary shrub that's been trimmed and trained to resemble an elephant with it's trunk in the air. It even has two white faux-tusks protruding from it's mouth. The stark natural beauty surrounding the zoo's entrance is dwarfed in my eyes by that of my sister.

She's wearing a thigh-length summer dress, it's mostly white fabric covered by a floral print of blossoms in light blue, reddish-orange, and yellow. Jessi is lightly scuffing one of her sandaled feet back and forth against the pavement as she waits, her introspective gaze pasted downward and her hands folded together behind her back.

As I notice her, there's a tiny, nagging twinge of guilt when the first thought in my head is how sexy my sister looks. Then her eyes lift, and she sees me. That upsetting shame evaporates when she gives me a smile so warm and happy that my heart melts in response.

"Is that her?" Lindsay asks when Jessi waves in our direction. "Aw, Chase. She's gorgeous!"

My sister always was at her prettiest with that honest smile gracing her lips.

"Dude," Larry utters in agreement, asking with a laugh, "How did you manage to let her get away?"

I don't respond, mostly because of the way my sister looks right now...the way she glows with beauty in the bright summer sun...she's taking my breath away. It's more than how she looks, though. It's the fact that I know how she feels, and I know her smile is for me and me alone.

Jessi waits as we approach, an excited sort of look coming over her face. I think she's worried about the impression she'll make on my best friend and his wife. She fiddles anxiously with the shoulder strap of her purse once we're there.

"Jessi, this is Lindsay and Larry," I introduce.

"It's so nice to meet you," Lindsay greets her warmly.

My buddy Larry greets her as well, both adults giving her a handshake, and my sister returns their salutations. Jessi already knows Shawn, who I'm pretty sure she already won over last night.

My sister bends down slightly to give the young boy a hair-ruffle, saying, "It's really good to see you again, Shawn."

"You too," Shawn replies, smoothing out his hair when she's done mussing it.

As we make our way over to pay for admittance to the huge zoo, I can't help but feel like an idiot teenager who's standing near his crush. I'm so flustered and clueless. What do I do? Do I hold her hand? Do I put my arm around her? Should I simply walk beside her?

Once we've paid and we're inside, my sister solves my dilemma by placing her hand in mine and glancing up at me briefly with a shy smile. Oh my god, she's just as nervous as I am! Then it hits me...of course she is. I know how she feels, but she doesn't know how I feel yet. I squeeze her hand lightly and give her a soft, warm smile. She smiles and seems to relax somewhat.

We wind our way through the zoo at a leisurely pace, and my best friend and his wife engage Jessi and I in small talk. I forget who brings it up first, but the subject of work comes around.

"Well," Jessi begins when Larry inquires what she does for a living, "I just barely graduated with an associates degree in paralegal."

I'm a little blown away. My sister went to school and got a degree? In legal studies? I know an associates degree only takes a couple years to earn, but...wow.

"Any luck finding a job yet?" I ask.

"Actually, yes," she replies with a sly grin but doesn't elaborate.

Our conversation meanders as much as our feet as we take in and talk about the many beautiful animal exhibits, how gorgeous the day is, et cetera. I'm pleased to see Larry and Lindsay are warming up to my sister quickly. Jessi always was charming, witty, and funny, but now I add confident to the list. She seems so sure of herself...except for when she flashes me her shy, nervous smiles.

Before I know it an hour has passed. It's a bit after high noon, and Shawn asks his parents for lunch. We stop briefly so my sister, Larry, and Shawn can use the restrooms, leaving Lindsay and I by ourselves for a minute.

"We're ditching you," Lindsay declares bluntly.

"What?" I say and give her a confused look.

"You and Jessi."

"But...I thought you all were getting along great with her!"

"No, it's not that you dense, dense boy," Lindsay says, punctuating her words with two quick finger pokes into my shoulder. "You don't need the rest of us playing third wheel on your date."

On our date? I guess my continued look of confusion speaks better than any words could. Lindsay gives me the heavy sigh / eye roll / face-palm trifecta.

"You two obviously need some time alone to talk," she says.

"I suppose so."

"I know so," she says. "It's pretty clear she has strong feeling for you, Chase."

I nod wordlessly. I already knew that much.

"Tell her how you feel about her, you dope."

"Huh?"

"Chase, I've never seen you look at a woman the way you look at Jessi. Not even Caia lit that fire in your eyes. If you don't go after Jessi right now I'm...I'm...I'm gonna kick your butt!"

It's a little startling to hear how passionate Lindsay is on the subject. I never knew she cared so much about my love life. It's heartwarming how much she wants to see me happy.

Lindsay's voice calms as she continues, saying, "If you don't go after her you'll regret it for the rest of your life, Chase. She could disappear again, and it might be forever this time."

The thought of that happening causes my heart to lurch in my chest with an actual, physical palpitation. "Okay," I nod solemnly. "You're right."

"Of course I am. I'm always right. Just ask Larry," Lindsay kids around with a big grin.

"All this time I never realized how truly awesome you are, Lindsay," I compliment and crack a joking smile. "You know...if you weren't already married..."

"Pshh," Lindsay utters with a dismissive gesture and a chuckle. "Save the sweet talk for Jessi."

We wait until the others return before my best friend's wife puts her little plan into action.

It's pretty slick how Lindsay insists Jessi and I go to the Treetops Cafe since this is our first time here, then proceeds to announce she's in the mood for the Sabertooth Grill. Larry catches on to his wife's scheme and gives me a wry little grin as we part ways, promising to meet up before we leave the zoo for the day.

Jessi clutches my arm in hers, placing a hand on my bicep as we walk. She places her head against my shoulder with a contented sigh. We don't speak for a time, allowing our gentle physical contact to be our words. My sister and I follow Lindsay's directions, heading back the way we came, taking the right hand fork up Parkway, and walking toward the Aviary Trail.

Out of the blue, we both begin to speak at the same time then stop, smiles spilling onto our faces as we laugh.

"Go ahead," I say.

Jessi nods, but then pauses for a long moment before speaking. "Did you think about what I said last night?"

"Yeah," I nod slowly, stopping to turn and gaze into my sister's sparkling blue eyes. "About all I did last night was think about what you said."

"And?" Jessi stares at me expectantly, her eyes begging for my "and" to be the words she wants to hear.

With my fingertips I sweep her long, brown locks behind her ears before placing my palms against her cheeks. I can't help it. I'm in love with her, so in love I don't care about any long-term consequences that might come of us being together. I lean down, both of us closing our eyes as our lips touch. Our kiss is soft, oh so soft, and my heart hammers at the thrill of knowing I'm finally with the one to whom I'm meant to belong.

My kiss tells her what's in my soul, and as our lips part she wraps her arms around me and holds tight. She buries her face in my chest and cries silent tears of joy, and I know with complete certainty neither of us can deny what's between us anymore.

CHAPTER 4: Our Love

It feels like my whole life up until now has been one, single book. The last page has been scrawled, the cover closed, and the volume put up on a shelf. Perhaps at some future date it will be pulled out, dusted off, and read for the sake of reminiscing.