All Comments on 'Chat Room Hookup Ch. 01'

This is a very hot story. I can't wait to see if they get together again

I joined this site in hopes to someday finding a man to give oral pleasure too and letting him fuck my cute little butt. So far though no luck but I will keep looking and wishing. da.cd@frontier.com

I checked this out because the author asked for a look on the forum. It was a typical stroker with minimal plot but fine description and well-written enough for a typical-theme stroker. Not special enough to highlight in the forum, though, I don't think, and the disappointment at that held my rating down a bit. It's great if the author got off to it--I think there will be other readers who do too because they are looking for the same-same rather than something new and different. That's a good enough reason to post it to a Web site. The first sentence was chock full of numbers that should have been written out rather than given as numbers, and that continued--but at least that told me not to expect something special and different. The author certainly should continue to write--because most readers here, I think, aren't looking for something special.

I also read this because you asked on the Feedback Forum. I think you did a very nice job. You obviously worked hard on it to make it virtually error free. (and don't sweat the one or two minor typos...even the most experienced writers battle with getting it perfect). This reminds me a bit of my own first attempt at writing. Like mine, it just lacked a little depth of emotion, but no big deal. The D/s elements were a nice touch, and in my view, this is where you might want to go into more detail regarding the emotions/feelings in your next story. Part of this 'lack of depth' is the choice of first person narration, which can limit your ability to describe these deeper 'inner thoughts' of all the characters. But even the use of first person narrative, I thought you did better than many I have read. I hope you continue to develop your writing... and explore your own sexuality through erotic fiction.

loved it

"I'm an average guy, 6 ft. 200 pounds, brown but graying hair, in my late 40's " Never start a story with a description that you might post on a dating site. If you feel you have to do that (and you shouldn't as these details can come out over the course of the story) at least write it in correct form: "I'm an average guy, six feet tall and two hundred pounds. My hair is brown hair but graying now that I'm in my late forties."

All numbers under 100 need to be written out. And take out all the "actuallys".

What I liked was the way your described a man's desire to provide homosexual pleasure to another man, and not being touched yourself. That is a trait I admire and one that I share in real life.

Other's have commented on style and writing pointers, but I think real lust has a way of shining through when it involves gay sex. It is raw and primal. It is life changing and exhilarating. I encourage you to write more.

So welcome to the site! You can PM me anytime for a private chat here on Lit.

hard to believe that was your first try! excellent descriptions, well paced, excellent plot. i'll look forward to chapter two because i know that if it ended with you still in the hotel room, yu were bound to service room service.

Stop saying "cock." Two little pages, 82 repetitions of "COCK." Wow Must be a record. Dizzying.

Err...Keep it up!

Man, i wanted to be dressed up like that and used. I wish I could live out that one Sirs

Well I like the idea of exploring long held desires and seeing if the fantasy lives up to the real thing. I had a recent chat with a guy on a website and his profile talked about helping "repressed" guys explore their desires in a safe way. I really want to experience oral dominance with a hairy guy wearing a jockstrap and who has built up about 24 hours of his natural scent. He has invited me to explore this desire and he said he would rub my face with his uncut dick, push my face into his jockstrap like I fantasize about, I just need to give him a day or two's notice so he can let his natural scent build. I have to figure out a way to meet up with this guy because like the guy in the story above, I have thought about this scenario for about 25 years and I'm not getting any younger and I feel I need to experience man musk, verbal dirty talk and explore my oral submissive side that I have spent so much time thinking about. Hopefully one day soon I'll be able to relate a real experience instead of my fantasy. I just have to be careful I don't bring anything home but I do want to try this so bad I'm bound to sooner or later make it happen and hope this doesn't cloud my judgement about being safe as I try this.