All Comments on 'Chicago Nights Ch. 02'

i live in chicago and you must also or at least did,fiction yes but very close to the chiago only a few people know about,would have gave it a 10 if poss.hope you write some more about chicago mabe a different catagory,but with the same flair.story kept me intrested,felt like i was there, now will read your other stories,keep up the good work. jimwho chicago

By far, one of the most interesting submissions in a long time - please keep it up. We appreciate your efforts and time spent to draft a tale worthy of paid printing. On the side, since this story is linked to the other effort - we hope that particular slut wife dies soon from a painful and slow death. Perhaps the manipulated grandparents will care for the bastard child?

The author has panache and courage to put this up here.... All his pieces are fantastically complex,

I want to praise the writing which held my attention despite this not being a story I enjoyed. This may just be a matter of my taste but I found the brutal treatment of the girl disagreeable. She wasn't developed as a character sufficiently to make the torture more than gratuitous and neither was she sufficiently developed to bear the weight of the plot. So what if she went off with Adrian? I don't know what it means for him without knowing more about her. Adrian was fine as a character - because we have the back story. But given the centrality of his injuries to his personality I would have liked to understand better whether he was improving and in what way. Sorry if this comes across as negative but I thought you would want to hear what I really think - and also remember that any reaction, positive or negative, is evidence of your ability to hold an audience. I want to read more stories from you.

And Sir Thopas, what is your research subject? Are you teasing your readers to divine it from your writings?

Waited a long time to see what would happen next in Adrian's life. Didn't see this coming at all, but wonderful story-telling. Here's to the next installment.

Well done. When I read the story I had to go back immediately for a re-read. Even when I am reading about really undesirable people, and repulsive situations, my interest stays high, and is rewarded in the end (although I agree that the beating scenes made me squeamish and I could have done without them if the story could have been continued otherwise). Nicely crafted.

The story is dark and hard to take at times, But SirThopas makes us care about these very damaged souls, and feel their pain. I admire his work enormously.

Thanks, ohio

man, i could pay money to read this and you are offering it for free, please find it in your heart to write more and entertain us poor readers, also the story of adrian seems unfinished. thanks for the effort and the sharing

Any chance of a follow-up re Laura?

Just being selfish

Sure would like to see at least some kind of happy ever after for Adrian and Ella - those poor characters deserve it. Riddle was intriguing.

L and A part 1

A with a touch of L part 2

Both leaving more open than closed - need a set to tie it all up.

btw: riddle was a touch obvious to me .....

Like your style just need some closure.

Thx

Two whipped dogs survive to get to sanctuary. The trouble with short stories is that everything has to be used, not much room for red herrings. So it was pretty obvious from the start that Adrian and Ella would bond. The riddle was like poetry, the meaning is in the mind of the reader. The action in this story was sort of beside the point as the puzzle of the situation ended up being the plot. So even as the reader was preening himself at figuring out the ending before it really began, it was only the first layer of the onion.

A very fine story! Sir Thopas, like your namesake, you entertain your fellow pilgrims in the travel of life.

Chilley

At long last he gets something good in his life. Bravo! Five stars.

An update, for those few interested souls:

I've been getting an increasing number of e-mails lately (seven can seem like a lot, under these circumstances). I'm posting this response I gave one kind author under several stories in the hopes of reducing that volume.

I have, in spite of my aching hands, been doing a lot of writing. Sad to say, its been almost entirely limited to the technical. I was contracted by a publishing company that functions within my field to produce a book on a particular concept, and its been a year of extremely slow progress on the insubstantial that. There's been so much revision, in fact (and all at the behest of marketing, to the detriment of the product), that I am preparing to lay down a "move forward or let's all go home" ultimatum...which is like murdering your career with a sulk, I suppose, but I've always preferred the dentist's drill to the waiting room.

I have been offsetting this tedium by working during the periods where I wait for my editor to respond on turning a short story I published in a lit nag into a novel. This is also slow going, as it involves some amount of pidgin English and I'm not overly familiar with the dialect. I am pleased with the results, but it can often mean an hour's research to get a single sentence right.

I actually have added a lot of notes and ideas regarding some of my intended Lit works, but it's hard to find time to produce them. My running joke is that the high end textbook gets built by a committee of idiots, when really it's the Internet fiction that needs an army of wizards to see through to the end.

If you know any wizards, you know where to find me. If not, I promise that someday will still be a day.

Dark, but not quite dystopian, I like your view of Chicago. It mirrors my own experience there.

Two lost souls wander off into their uncertain future, but strangely, filled with hope.....something neither has felt for a very, very long time.

5*

One detail, Adrian went from a silver LaCrosse in "Sails" to a green Taurus in "Chicago". How'd that happen?

Also, your work is causing increasing stress. You hands hurting is symptomatic of the stress as much as the excessive workout. Try time at a batting cage. Name the balls after your stresses and swing like you mean it.

The large motion activity will give your hands a much needed respite from the movements you excessively demand of them, the the hitting balls will help reduce the stress overall.

You also might try dictating using a word recognizing software. It will ease your fingers to rest a bit.

Now I'm being greedy, as I thoroughly enjoyed both stories and fear you may not get a third installment on the theme out.

Take care, ST, we need your stories, your skill in telling them and your eloquence in the delivery.

Oh, one last thing. It's "customers", not "costumers". The first is a client, the second someone who prepares clothing for plays, Halloween parties, etc........

You've missed that very consistently. Please do not,take offense, it is only meant to remove a point of confusion and potential embarrassment.

Cheers!

A real pleasure to read

Congrats. A dark, disturbing, well-written tale. Four out of five. Not normally my cup of tea, but I enjoyed it and I am glad to see what happened to Adrian after his accident.

Now I have to go and see what happened to Laura. Cheers, Steve

Thank you...

That was really really good. Thank you.

Sure, you goofed up his car in this one but it's not all that bad. I think the Adrian before the accident was a weak sister and that is one of the reasons that Laura jumped ship for a meaner dick. Most women I met when I was young enough to still want to meet them and single enough to date them wanted, and I quote, a man that was just a little bit of an asshole, not someone who could be pushed into anything just to please them and I think that Adrian needed a bit of that injected into him before. And the accident freed up the Stranger who is just below the surface in all of us. He is the part of us that makes us strong and fiercely independent. I liked this conclusion and I really like your writing. I know how you can get busy with life and it's little annoyances so good luck with that and hope to see some new stuff from you soonest. And a costumer can be a customer, never doubt that. 5 stars, of course.

Miss the rest of the story. These are rich, complex characters. Where to they go? Please continue the story!

Mad Dog talking to Adrian's Stranger kept reminding me of the Malkavian playthrough in Vampire Masquerade: Bloodlines. Nice.

That was an excellent story with fantastic writing.

I read the original last year but didn't know there was a sequel. This was an awesome tail. I would like to know how they made out in Adrian's third life.

Just a minor detail, but it wasn't a green taurus that Adrian was driving in the wreck, it was a silver LaCrosse. As I said - a minor detail, but i wonder if there is any significance to a green Taurus.....

I really enjoyed this.

This was a very good story and well told.

Come back and write another.

this was quite boring

Fantastic, so disappointed you are not writing anymore.

This story tore me up so bad. Thank you for the great story