All Comments on 'Christening the Hot Tub Prequel'

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Thank you

This is pretty vanilla stuff. Try using the imagination. also, use and editor. I know everyone thinks they don't need them but they do. In the section marked "Saturday" I had trouble figuring out the time line. In the space of 3 paragraphs you got from Bryon bulding the green house to it being done without any time passage indicated well enough.

Use quotes. It was interesting your use of italics for the phone conversation but after about 3 sentences I have to work at remembering who is speaking. Make them pay attention to WHAT is being said.

What is the motive for this tryst? Just horney? Then say so. I am a big one for motivation even if soemtimes there isn't any. Then tell us so. "I was horny so we fucked" is better than nothing adn as valid, I suppose. Please quit using the tired old "I drank too much". I'm old enough to know that if you are that drunk, you are probably too drunk to remember enough to write the story. Use different motives.

Like I said, you used everything that has been used before and done nothing differnt, so I have to give you a 50% for lack of any originality.

So, try to exercise that imagination. And get an editor. An editor would have told you everything I just did and you would have made a better story.