All Comments on 'Christie and the Bachelorette Party'

Most of the story played out as a lesbian themed story, NOT a loving wives story. Sneaking in a husband at the end didn't change that. You're in the WRONG category. Secondly, you need a good editor. Your grammar is awful. You misspell things (no biggie), you dangle participles, you have run on sentences and, in general, have no writing skills to speak of. On top of all that, these were thoroughly unlikable characters, doing some really dumb things and their dialogue was inane at best. Even for a fictional story this was simply awful.

1 star

Where Christie's husband has the divorce papers in his hands when he meets her at the front door with the TRO and advises her he is suing the Trucking Company owner and getting the bank manager fired for violating their morals clause.

but lots of sexy action. Not a fan of the abusive interplay, either. Keep writing, think you have some good stories in you.

I loved how she was picked up in a gay bar by a hot blonde. And I also loved the fact that both of the women were married and enjoying the freedom that comes from being open minded. Definitely a Loving Wives category story since the wives were getting some sex on the side. Please write more.

I have the option of being critical of what you write. If you don't want objection to your material, why write it? Nothing here to like, regardless of your writing mechanics.

Your preamble stated this was a slutwife story if you don’t like it move on, you’re only interested in feedback about writing style, grammar and development.

The writing style is cliched, nothing new was attempted.

Grammar was ok with only a few minor slips.

As for development, there wasn’t any, in either character or plotting. The protagonists started out sluts and remained so throughout, so not much to develop there.

The storyline was predictable, following a tried and tested formula.

I admire all those who put their talent (or lack of) out there for all to see and to comment on, my concern is why take all that time and effort to write a story that is the same as practically every other story on this subject.

Originality reaps rewards, readers will readily follow authors that shy away from the formulaic storyline, you need to throw away your slutwife story template if you ever want to get more than 84 followers.

As my old English teacher used to say as he gave me a clip around the ear ‘Must try harder’.

bad grammar skills, but very hot story line. I can't believe the number of brainless twits who criticized the characters in your story. were they only reading stories on Loving Wives that exemplify church approved marital couplings???! I would enjoy to do a rewrite of this same hookup.

Same sad stuff

terrible. Wrong category? ‘Nuff said.

lose "slut" and you'll improve

Nothing in this mess to be constructive about. Try again.

This needed much work.

You wrote as if abdicating from story telling to simply put random ideas on a page. I re-worked your opening paragraphs until I was fully disillusioned by your tedious effort. They follow this.

Don't drink and write.

One of Christie's nursing students who had graduated after the past semester was going to be married, and had asked Christie to be in the wedding party. Flattered, she'd agreed.

Other women among the wedding party had organized the bachelorette party. Christie knew some of the other women attending and chose her dress to be less the teacher and more a fun female. In a purple halter top dress, with a plunging neckline precluding a bra she finished her makeup and jewelry just as it was time to leave. She slipped on a pair of heels-also purple-and drove to bride to be house where most of the wedding party was waiting.

Sam had returned to nursing school after failing to force a living from her hopes of being an artist. The expectant young woman was one of the more conservatively dressed in her fake wedding dress. The other women had become friendly with each other on a superficial level during planning for the event, and ranged in age from early 20’s to late 30’s. Christie was among the older people, but blended in with the provocative dress.

They trooped out to a rented limo after it had pulled to the curb. Being relieved of driving responsibilities also released the women of drinking concerns. As was planned, the limo driver delivered them first to the gay club they'd decided upon. It allowed them to drink and have fun dancing without the constant groping a regular club could invite. The maid of honor had opened a bottle of champagne upon departing Sam’s. The bottle was finished as they pulled up to the club. It had been an hour's drive, and all were now giddy.

The atmosphere was upbeat, and they danced as a group, and often with people from outside their group. Christie caught sight of a taller blonde in a red dress. At first glance, the blonde seemed nervous at being alone in a gay bar. As the night progressed Christie took notice of the woman checking out other females in a sexually curious pattern. The red dress was easy to spot and the unknown blonde danced with many of the women from the wedding party.

The "girls" were all having a blast. Some club patrons were a little too inclined to touch them in unwelcome ways, but agreed it was better than a hetero club. Christie, however, didn't mind at all. She was actually becoming stimulated by a stranger groping her, and rarely discouraged it.

Initially the writing style came across as odd, it didn’t flow very well and the language used in the story varied widely as well from different extremes, verbose to crass. Overuse of the word slut didn’t help either. Overall it was very erotic, your very harsh critics seem to have missed the point that both couples appear to be in open relationships.

I found a few weird things that impacted on the story, one was the supposedly gay bar; “Some of the guys-and several of the women-were a little handsy“

Surely if the patrons in a bar a groping members of the opposite sex, then it’s just a bar? Another odd thing was labelling the women as lesbians, surely there both just bisexual. Then there was the huge emphasis on using the terminology of slut/ whore. When men have casual sex they don’t get branded as sluts, so why put the label on women? It’s ridiculously judgemental, women are entitled to the same sexual freedoms as men.

RE: those who hate the concept of sex outside of marriage...

The category of “Loving Wives” covers a huge range of sexual activity with the occasional mention of husband/ wife. Whilst it can mean strictly monogamous it also includes positive and negative cuckolding (spelling?) or in other words where some or all parties are consenting and where some are non consenting. My personal preference for erotic stories are where all parties freely consent regardless of anything else that goes on in the story.

It’s because of the polar opposites included in this category that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. The epithet of if you don’t like it then don’t read it applies which is why I always endeavour to check the tags before reading so that I can avoid stories with content that is a hard limit for me. Try it, because it brings it’s own rewards. Nightmares and turn offs are avoided.

I don’t have strong religious views and see marriage as a social contract has the couple (or more) agreeing to love and care for each other. If the married parties decide on an open relationship then whatever they do with other people is pretty much the same as if they decide to use sex toys to give a boost to their sex lives. They love their husband/ wife but a random addition is just hot sex without any attachments, I’d rather have a real cock than a vibrator any day it doesn’t mean I love my husband less or that I’m in love with my vibrator. Obviously sexual attraction is required. It avoids the double standards bullshit of partners cheating on each other. In an open relationship it’s not cheating when all parties know and approve, it only works with absolute love and trust.

Tess (UK)

Felt like some part of the sequence was missing. How did she openly become a slut?

Its fun when garbage makes me laugh.

This should be listed under the "queer" category. Yuck