All Comments on 'Christmas Bachelor Auction'

Loved it, what a sexy romp. I hope you plan to write more of this story. Please don't leave it like this.

There's a lot I like about this story, but I found it hard to read. You should find someone to proofread your work, and/or go through a couple more drafts. The whole thing feels like it's just a few corrections and adjustments away from being one of the best.

This wasn't a bad story but it was so corny, people crying and acting ridiculous.

The story/plot was nice. It needed a glossing touch by an editor, but still nice. Once it reached the sex scene it was like you cut it out of a low-grade porno, rather than continue the sensual, loving seduction. Then it ended in a confusing manner that felt rushed and trashy.

Prefect, loving and caring with all the feeling one can give. This is one of the best ever. Hoping to read more of this family and Lynn wonderful life.

What happened to the assholes of a dad, how did he reconnect with his mother, and who's the that was named. It sounds like Lynn is Mrs. Clause.

i hope you'll write chapter 2. how did the mom get involved, does bill marry his sister, does he fuck lynn? i think its well written, and the 3 main characters are fully developed. its an enchanting and sexy story line. we just need more!!

I really liked the first 2-1/2 to 3 pages. But it felt like a different story the rest of it. It also felt really rushed at that point.

It was going great until the nipple pain, which was totally uncalled for. Then at the very end, he gets both sisters and his mom pregnant? WTF? By all prior accounts he loved Donna and only Donna to that degree. What started as fairy tale romantic incest turned into low grade family porn. 4* is way generous.

The end is SO confusing! His mother?

Good story, but the end confused me. I hope you write a second chapter and explain it.

a love story with an EASY 5 star rating that went to a generous 1 star with the last few lines of the story...why absolutely blow the whole story in the end???

The story started of great, got extremely confusing at the end. I read the last part multiple times and am still left consfused. Reminded me of W.E.B. Griffin books. Great till the end. As the end feels rushed

The conclusion had nothing to do with the original set-up.

Where did cinderella get the $150000? She bought the date but how did she pay for dinner, the carriage, skating? Who and how many lived in the apartment? Mom? Dad the drunk? How did the Christmas dinner get organized? So many parts of the end of the story that have nothing to do with the beginning. And WTF is up with Mrs Claus?

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This was such an amazing story from the beginning. But involving the mum and even Jane at the end was uncalled for. Jane already found John, Donna and Bill were perfect. But your blew it at the end

An outstanding story, but a bit confusing at the end. Editor missed a few “your” when they should have been “you’re.”

Echoing what almost everyone else has said. The first part was good then just became a confusing mess that threw away all the build up

great loved it. more to come?

It was a wonderful story but why did it end with out knowing what happened to Bill and Donna?

That is a fairly old statement, but it's true. There was no clue anyone was playing a game. Perhaps some Christmas magic flowed rendering everyone a bit lost in space. If I wake up and find the dad; I'm killing him adding extra kill just so it hurts more. I can easily see Lynn, Mrs. Santa? wanting to hit Bill up. Who the fuck is Karen? Why is this line in there? "All four women are pregnant (Donna, Jane, their mother, and Karen), father to three of them." Is Karen the father to three people? At that point I shook my head a bit and read on. Then the game comes up that Lynn gave to "their" mother. Reference points are meant to connect the reader's mind to something. The game and crap like "I told you about the kinky things they did playing the game I gave his mother, didn't I? "That night his mom and Jane took John for a ride. In the morning Donna took the mother, and the three of them (mother, Bill, and Donna) went at it for hours." Just where the fuck did that shit come from and how does it fit in with the story?

Enough of criticizing you; I liked the story pretty much up to the last page. I knew Lynn's pov was coming and that she would be Santa's wife. You had a nice, romantic story going on until page 4. Perhaps a chapter can be inserted to connect the dots to something like the kinky game.

RS

I wanted to like this story but I couldn't. It was confusing from beginning to end. Lots of spelling errors and misuse of words. Too many characters with little or nothing to make them interesting in anyway. No plot, just a lot of hardly believable events presented in no particular order. I nearly couldn't finish the story and wish I hadn't.

If you write more stories please take some time to think about what it is you are trying to relate to people. Good writers don't confuse their readers - it isn't in their best interests to do so. Your story had possibilities but you got lost somewhere in the telling. In any case, thanks for sharing and I'll be looking for improvement in your future works.

Of course everyone loves happy endings, both in and out of bed. :-) Please write more.

A wonderful story about love and the joy of giving. A (very) modern day version of “It’s a Wonderful Life” or even “Scrooged” (the Bill Murray one). A gentle argument that true love should not be bound by conventional norms.

This isn’t just some physical rutting between horny siblings.

Now, about ‘Lynn’ ........ Hmmmmmm!

Interesting the way you have everyone fucking everyone

Wish I was part of the family.

Can't wait for the next EPISODE.

The two women and the child are living hand-to-mouth, and barely surviving. Where and how does she acquire the $150,000 to pay for the auction?

Think about it. Lynn (Mrs Santa) has all the money she could ever need. She was granting a little girls Christmas wish. I enjoyed it.

A beautiful and romantic tale.

Very nice Mrs. Claus;)

The whole story feels like it was written by a woman. And surprisingly correct and complete. The later stories seem much worse worked out.

Am I right and it's not one author but several?

I still Believe in Santa Clause

Anonymous over 4 years ago

Reminiscent of another

The story started off great, got extremely confusing at the end. I read the last part multiple times and am still left confused. Reminded me of W.E.B. Griffin books. Great till the end. As the end feels rushed.

That was me the first time I read this, Sad to say I only gave it 4 stars back then, I've updated it to 5 stars now, and knowing the ending is explained in other chapters That confusion is gone.

Looking at it now my comments then should have been about the money, that was not explained, and the addition of others, and maybe the fact that you made Mr. & Mrs. Claus into horney ole goats...LOL

I love how you've progressed as an author since then. I realize now my W.E.B. Griffin comment was praise as he is a famous and popular author (that I was reading at the time) and your storytelling is of a similar vein. Thanks for Sharing.

That was an impressively good story. You have a real talent for story telling. Thank you. I truly enjoyed reading it.

This is a really great story. It shows that not all stories have to be sex, sex, sex in order to be enjoyed. Very sweet, loving and just down right great.

That was a truly classic story filled with love. Been a while since I have enjoyed one as much as that! Great job!!

I'm reading this on Christmas Eve, and bawling my eyes out. Fantastic story, thank you.