Christmas Biology Lesson

"Biological fact is that males and females have reproductive organs that are different. This means that men and women have different roles entirely in reproduction. This has guided males and females down different evolutionary paths in terms of reproductive strategy.

"Males are biologically required only for sperm production and they evolved to be indiscriminate breeders. When mating, males evolved to be opportunistic rather than picky. Men breed across and down the social hierarchy. The technical term for 'across and down' is 'hypogamy'. This is another way of saying, 'anything that moves.'"

This got a chuckle from the table.

"Men do have a reputation for that, don't they?" asked Churan.

Her statement was met with many nods.

"Men are pigs!" declared Dorotea.

Greg watched as most of the women at the table rolled their eyes at Dorotea's comment.

"Females, on the other hand, are biologically required for egg production, gestation, and nourishment of newborns. They pay a very heavy price when child bearing and child rearing."

This pronouncement was immediately accepted by the women. They knew that part of what Greg was saying was true.

"Females have to cope with the consequences of breeding, so they are highly-discriminating breeders. Consequently, women pick and choose who they mate with very carefully. What they are looking for in a mate is someone who can ease the burden of raising children.

"Women evolved to almost always mate above or across the social hierarchy. They are loathe to mate with someone less desirable than themselves. They are not opportunistic breeders, they are strategic breeders. There is a biological term for this, which is 'hypergamy'

"So how does male hypogamy and female hypergamy play out?" Greg asked rhetorically. "Here's a hypothetical: Abe is a rag picker. He has a very beautiful daughter named Barb. Barb ends up marrying Craig, the average looking son of a rich merchant, rather than Danny, the buff son of a fellow rag picker. Craig chooses Barb as partner rather than Ellie, the ugly daughter of another wealthy merchant. That's how hypogamy and hypergamy tend to manifest."

"I don't get it," said Dorotea.

"In our hypothetical scenario: Barb prefers an average-looking Craig on a social level above Daniel, a more attractive mating partner on the same social level," said Greg. "Social status was more important than say, looks. Barb prefers a mate from higher up in the hierarchy. That's hypergamy. You follow?"

Dorothea nodded.

Greg continued. "To Craig, beautiful Barb is a more attractive mating partner on a lower social level to ugly Ellie, who is on the same social level. To Craig, looks were more important than social status. That's hypogamy."

"But it isn't that simple, women aren't always motivated by money!" said Dorotea.

"The word I used was status, not money, but I agree with your premise, Dorotea. Men aren't always motivated only by beauty either-- my example was deliberately simplistic to illustrate the principle." agreed Greg. "Women are motivated by a number of factors. They don't just look for wealth. They look for physical beauty, social standing, intelligence, wealth, and masculine traits, such as ambition and strength. All of these combine into a composite measure, which we call 'status'. The status of various men establishes a hierarchy. Women choose the best available status to them."

There were a lot of nods at the table this time.

"Men, on the other hand, have a different view of what status is. The woman's intelligence, personality, and wealth are examined, but appearance is weighted so heavily, the other factors are not nearly as important," said Greg.

"Anyone disagree?" he asked.

No one wanted to.

"Having defined the gender differentials vis-à-vis hypogamy and hypergamy, the million dollar question my colleagues and I research is: why did these different natures evolve? Does anyone want to lay down a hypothesis?"

Greg looked around the table. No one had the courage to offer an opinion.

"Here is what the dominant viewpoint in our field of study think: childbearing and child rearing is difficult and expensive. Females need support in terms of resources, partnership, and protection.

The practice of human pair bonding between the males and females was the result. When males pair bond, they give their mates resources, partnership, and protection. These are necessary for the raising of children and provide the most stable environment for it. What women are attracted to, are heuristical indicators of a male's ability to provide those things. Status is a composite score of those heuristics. Any objections to that?" Greg asked the group.

Again, no one gave an opinion.

"What do females give men?" Greg asked.

Everyone clearly had an opinion, but no one was willing to offer it.

"Pussy?" asked Radu.

The women all around the table frowned. The death stare Kailey leveled at Radu made everyone at the table distinctly uncomfortable.

Greg decided to be conciliatory, "Radu isn't wrong in a general sense. Sex is a concrete manifestation of an abstract policy goal for men. The abstract policy goal for men is obtaining a genetic legacy. What men get through pair bonding with women is children. A man needs a woman to give him children."

This was well received as it gave women power not previously afforded. Everyone tittered and joked about how it was very obvious, but no one saw it. There were laughs and it eased the tension quite a bit.

Greg summarized, "So when males and females pair bond, it represents a compromise between the two sexes to get what they want. Females get support raising the child-- that is protection, resources, and collaboration. Males get exclusive access to a woman for the purposes of reproduction. That's how he can maximize the possibility for having a genetic legacy.

"It is extremely important to note that pair bonding in Homo sapiens is non-obligate. Some species are so hardwired to pair bonding that they cannot become aroused except with a bonded partner. Humans do not need a pair bond at all. That's why courtship and pair bonding rituals between human mates is so complicated. Historically, it is so complicated that most cultures took pair bonding completely out of the hands of the couple altogether. This modern notion that we have a right to choose your own partner and that we should choose that partner on the basis of love is a very recent development. Objectively, it hasn't been a very successful experiment."

Greg paused to see if there would be an objection. There wasn't one.

"Pair bonding, which is non-obligate in humans gets wrapped up in culture. That makes the topic more about anthropology and sociology than biology. The only parts of it that are in scope for biologists to consider are the parts which are universal across all cultures. Pair bonding itself is a human universal. There isn't a culture on earth that doesn't have a concept of marriage as the foundation of a family unit.

"One of the few universal rules within pair bonds are that males get exclusive access to a female. Exclusive access is significant. When pair bonding, the worst-case scenario for a male, biologically, is that his pair-bonded female would allow a non-pair-bonded male to impregnate her. In other words, the male in a pair bond is squandering the support he is giving to the female to support the genetic legacy of another male."

"What about polyandry?" asked Fatima. "I heard an NPR interview about a group in Tibet which practices polyandry."

"Polyandry is the proverbial exception which proves the rule," said Greg. "There have been cultures which supported polyandry. These have mostly abandoned the practice. The people of the Tibetan plateau and the native peoples on the Marqueses islands still practice it on a limited basis. Polyandry is generally considered to be a temporary response to peculiar localized conditions. In both Tibet and the Marqueses, there was insufficient arable land to support the population.

"In Tibet, there wasn't enough arable land to split the land and support two brothers and their families. Consequently, the brothers ended up a sharing a single wife. If they didn't do it that way, the younger brother would be sent away and receive no inheritance.

"There was a similar situation in the Marqueses Islands. The main difference is that the husbands who shared women were friends rather than brothers. In both cultures, there was significant absenteeism at play. One husband would travel for a year and the other stayed with the wife. They would then switch up the following year.

"In both cases, culturally, it was a temporary condition. If you eliminate the stress caused by the absence of arable land, the practice dies out. In Tibet, food is no longer scarce and the practice is now in severe decline. On the Marquesas Islands, the practice basically died out after a smallpox epidemic killed off 75% of the population."

Greg asked, "Everyone follow me on that?" He waited to be nit picked, but there was silence across the table.

Greg could see that several folks at the table wanted to ask about adoption or step-children, but none were brave enough to ask. Their lack of courage suited Greg just fine.

"What is the worst case scenario for a female?" prompted Greg.

Several people had an opinion, but no one wanted to go on the record. Dorotea shouted out, "When a man cheats on his woman?"

"What does cheating mean?" Greg asked. "Copulation outside of the pair bond?"

"Yes!" replied Dorotea.

"How is the female harmed biologically when a male copulates with another female?" Greg asked.

"He's broken his promise of fidelity," answered Dorotea.

"That promise to remain faithful is part of the marriage contract. The marriage contract is a social structure with theological underpinnings-- not a biological one," answered Greg. "Can we set aside theology for the purposes of this discussion?"

Greg laughed internally as he made this move. No one wanted to touch the third rail of religion.

"Cheating is such a loaded term. Can we instead say, 'Break the terms of the pair bond?'" asked Greg.

He received mostly nods, Gerhart had a look of dawning realization on his face. He was just a little quicker than the rest.

"Ok," Greg said. "Hypothetical: It's World War II, Andy is from the Kansas. He left his wife Betty and their kids at home and went off to war. He became a navigator in the air corps and was sent to England.

"He was a crew member on a bomber. One day, Andy was awarded some R&R and went to London. In London, he met a beautiful young English gal named Colleen. They formed an instant connection. He invited her to dinner, they got drunk, and their evening culminated in a sexual liaison. The next day, Andy went back to his unit and never saw Colleen again. After the war, Andy returned home to his wife and they raised their young family together.

"Here's the question: biologically, did Andy break the terms of his pair bond?"

"Of course!" answered Dorotea.

Gerhart, however, got it. "No, he did not!"

Greg was extraordinarily relieved that it wasn't him dropping this bomb.

The table all turned to Gerhart, who smiled. "Biologically, what a woman gets from the pair bond is support for raising a child. The worse case scenario for Betty would be that Andy would remove his support for Betty and give it instead to Colleen. Andy clearly hasn't done that. Biologically, therefore, Andy has lived up to the terms of his pair bond."

The women at the table actually sputtered for a minute trying to come up with a counter.

"But he broke his promise," said Dorotea.

"That's theology, which is out of bounds," reminded Churan gently.

Greg decided to take a chance. "If you think that this view is bullshit: consider how married men conceptualize fidelity. The same man who shamelessly flirts with a woman at his office and tries to bed her, goes apeshit when his wife dances and flirts with a man at a wedding reception. Why does that happen? Is this man a hypocrite? Is he insane?"

Greg left room for people to respond. No one did.

With a smile, Greg concluded, "Or is he encoded with millions of years of evolutionary wisdom that says what is cheating for a man is different than what is cheating for a woman?"

The group stewed on this. Greg knew he was being a bit disingenuous with that argument, but no one called him on it.

Greg advanced to the next step. "Now consider an alternate scenario: Our man Andy went to London on R&R and met Colleen. They fall fell love, but being religious, Andy and Colleen refuse to copulate. However, for the next nine months, Andy gave his pay check to Colleen instead of sending it home to Betty. Betty was back at home struggling to feed her children and keep clothes on their backs. By a religious moral definition, Andy was completely faithful, but biologically, was he?"

Gerhart smiled, "Of course not."

It was the men this time who sputtered to come up with a counter-argument.

Gerhart then shocked Greg by inquiring about the obverse scenario.

"What if," stated Gerhart, "while Andy is in England, Betty starts having an affair with Steve, the foreman at the airplane factory where she works. Has she broken the terms of her pair bond?"

"What would you say?" Greg asked Gerhart.

"I would say, yes," answered Gerhart. "She has broken the pair bond."

The woman all vociferously disagreed with this.

"If he can get away with extra-marital copulation, then she should as well!" growled Kailey.

It somehow didn't surprise Greg that this argument came from her. It wasn't just what happened to Kailey in Vancouver that stayed in Vancouver. What happened to her in Atlanta had stayed in Atlanta. What had happened in Chicago stayed there. What happened in London had as well. That was why Greg would not allow Quiara to attend conferences with Kailey. Sadly, Emile didn't know any better when it came to his wife Elodie, and sent her off to Vancouver unaware of the circus atmosphere Kailey surrounded herself with. The consequence was that Elodie fell.

Greg didn't blame Kailey as much as he could have for her indiscretions. Kailey's husband Radu had been banging at least one of his graduate students each year for the last decade. It was well known by the faculty of the University. Radu got away with it because of tenure and the fact that his academic reputation was stellar. Greg once did some cocktail calculations about how much Radu was spending at the University Inn in a year entertaining his lover. The amount was big enough that he wondered if Radu qualified for a volume discount. The only thing Greg blamed Kailey for was dragging Elodie into her mess.

"Ah, you're speaking of justice, Kailey. What exactly constitutes justice?" Greg asked and shrugged. "That's a topic for the philosophers, the criminal justice faculty, or maybe even the theology faculty to consider. There is no such thing as justice in biology."

Kailey wanted to reply, but she couldn't think of anything to say.

"Greg, I want to hear more about your premise that Betty was unfaithful when Andy wasn't. They were more or less the exact same scenario." Greg was very surprised to hear his own wife ask that question.

As one, every head at the table swung around to look at Quiara. They wanted to know if she and Greg were going to disagree and fight. They were disappointed when they saw only open curiosity on Quiara's face.

Gerhart broke in and answered the question, "The answer is clear, Quiara. Betty gave away Andy's right to genetic exclusivity."

"What if she doesn't get pregnant?" asked Quiara. "His genetic legacy hasn't been compromised." Greg noted with pride that his was a superb question. Again, he was struck with admiration for his wife.

Gerhart looked at Greg. "Whether or not she conceives doesn't matter," answered Greg.

Quiara frowned. "Why not?" she asked.

Greg responded, "Betty knew better than anyone on earth that pregnancy was a possibility. Birth control is, at best, probabilistic. We talk of birth control in terms of percentages and not abosolutes. There are only two known one-hundred percent effective forms of birth control: complete sterilization, and the word 'no'."

This got a laugh from Gerhart, Churan, and Chen. Everyone else was horrified.

"As soon as Betty allowed Steve to enter her," continued Greg, "she broke the terms of her pair bond. A condom, when used properly, is 96% effective. Four out of hundred times Betty allowed Steve to penetrate her, the condom would have failed and pregnancy would have resulted. If she somehow managed to use birth control effectively to avoid the logical consequences of sex, the risk was still there. She wantonly put Andy's exclusive right to a genetic legacy at risk."

Greg marveled at himself as he said it. He'd been magnificent so far. At this point, he'd argued so effectively, no one dared oppose him. All he needed now was a good segue into his final topic.

Emile gave it to him when he shouted across the table.

"This is, how you say, total bullshit!" Emile suddenly said in his heavy French accent. It was the first time he'd spoken in Greg's direction all evening.

Emile was an impressive figure. He was ridiculously good looking with a chiseled granite chin, finely coiffed salt and pepper hair, and manufactured fingernails. As a young man, he had been a professional tennis player and he maintained his fit and athletic physique. He also had the finely bred manners and smug superiority of the French upper class.

Emile was also very tall. "193 centimeters!" Greg's wife Quiara had once gushed at him, as if the metric system meant anything to the daughter of a machinist from Pensacola, Florida.

Emile's figure was especially impressive when he was angry. He had been pissed from the time they sat down to dinner because Greg pulled Quiara away from the seat Emile saved her next to him and sat her next to himself at the far end of the table.

"How so?" Greg asked Emile.

"Saying that a man is unfaithful because of how he spends his money instead of where he places his cock is absurd! Ridicule!" screamed Emile.

The entire table flinched. Not so much at his language, but at his vehemence. His tone was dripping with anger and hatred. Heads swung back and forth looking at Emile and Greg to figure out what was going on between the two.

"Oh?" replied Greg. "Hypothetical: a married man purchases a hundred thousand dollar sedan to impress the married women he was trying to seduce. At the same time, that man's wife does not have a working car and she was struggling to get her kids to school every day. You wouldn't consider that infidelity, even though he isn't providing her the resources and cooperative support she needs to raise her kids?"

Greg knew that Emile bought an S-class Mercedes last year because Quiara had described it rhapsodically after she was first invited to ride in it. Greg also knew that his wife had been secretly driving to Elodie's house each morning, driving her and Elodie's kids to school, and then driving Elodie and herself to work. This added nearly forty minutes onto Quiara's commute every morning. She did it to support her friend, just as Kailey had been driving Elodie and her kids home every day.

Emile was instantly enraged by Greg's hypothetical. He knew Greg was talking about him.

At this point, Quiara started trying to physically drill a hole down through the top of Greg's foot with her heel, but Greg was determined. He kicked Quiara's foot away from him so hard, Quiara shouted, "Ow! Greg, what the hell?"

Greg leaned forward and looked contemptuously at Emile. "You don't think it is infidelity when a married man spends nearly $2,000 a month taking women who aren't his wife to dine on gourmet French lunches at Le Coucou?"