Christmas Biology Lesson

Greg glared at the folks at the table until they nodded or looked away.

"As I was saying, this was Emile's harem. He was the alpha. I defeated him in physical combat in front of you. What would that have meant, 8,000 years ago?

"Well, the first thing I would have done was castrate Emile. Then, I would pull his teeth. Then I would have removed all of his fingers except for the index fingers and thumbs on his hands, leaving only that for him so he wouldn't be totally useless as a slave. I then would have sodomized him in front of everyone. I would do this to demonstrate that I was superior to your previous alpha. It would let you know a new order was in place.

"Next, I would have declared the wives were all mine. The first man to object would have his throat slit in front of the others. I would then ask if there were any more objections. The stronger men would be castrated directly. The ones who were weak and sucked up to me right away might be left intact and put in charge of controlling the castrated ones later.

"I then would have then taken one of the wives in front of everyone. Probably the wife who put up the most resistance. I would make the point that resistance is futile.

"The slaves would all be put into a slave labor pool. The men would toil day after day growing crops for me.

"The women would be put in my harem and would start at the bottom of the status hierarchy. The wives I already had would beat you and starve you and treat you like shit. I would put you on a rotation and you'd all get your turn with me. You'd learn pretty quickly that the women with status were the ones who gave me children. If you gave me children, you'd be pampered and privileged and brought to my bed more often. You see, that's the ultimate status marker in the harem: the ones who please me the most get the most time with me.

"You'd use any means at your disposal to make sure I was successful at planting my seed in your bellies. Once you were pregnant, my whole demeanor toward you would change. I would shower you with compliments and tenderness. I'd spent hours snuggling you with my hands on your gravid belly, whispering how sexy you were carrying my child. When our child was born, I would dote on the child, showing just how fatherly and gentle I was with your offspring.

"You'd soon realize I was a good man who loved his children. You'd fall ass over tea kettle in love with me. If you gave me children, there's a pretty good chance you'd actually live out your lives as happy women. Eventually, you would come praise me for my strength, rationalizing that I protected you, gave you a good standard of living, and made your offspring more secure and more prosperous. In the same manner, you would eventually come to despise your previous husband's weakness. You'd do it all without even realizing how you'd been manipulated."

Greg leaned back in his chair and stretched. He looked each woman at the table in the eye. He was shocked to see that some of the women were extremely turned on by his narration.

"Why did people, 8,000 years ago, do stuff like this? They did it because in that time and place, humans actually believed in the concept that 'might makes right'."

Greg spread my arms out to indicate the entire room.

"So if 'might makes right' today, this is now my harem."

Greg noted that he could have heard a pin drop.

Greg looked each woman in the eye. When he got around the table he said, "Men, your wives belong to me. The only thing that would be left to do would be for me to decide which woman I would take in front of the room tonight."

There was a visible frisson. It spooked the absolute shit out of the party goers. Greg couldn't believe that they just sat there and took it. He'd never before thought that people that smart would be such sheep. He marveled to himself what a supremely weird moment this was.

He broke the silence. "Aren't you all glad that we don't believe that any more? As we spoke earlier, human morality and social systems have evolved. We now believe in individual rights. We believe in the right for a woman to self determine. We believe in the sanctity of marriage. We don't believe in maiming and castration as punishment. We don't believe in ownership of people anymore.

"The greatest force for change in the evolution of our moral systems in the last two thousand years was Christianity. It may come as a shock to everyone here, but I'm actually well grounded and knowledgeable in Christianity. As a boy, I was raised in church and despite being a strict evolutionist as an adult, I still understand what the church teaches. I admire it.

"For those of you who lack my knowledge and grounding, the salient characteristic of Christianity is forgiveness. Christ preached that we could be forgiven for our sins against God. A prerequisite of receiving forgiveness for our sins is a willingness to forgive others who have sinned against us.

"It's right there in the Lord's Prayer: 'Give us today our daily bread. And Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.' The whole concept of receiving forgiveness and forgiving others is baked right in. It is probably the most important technology embedded within Christianity.

"Gentlemen, I know you're pissed because to one degree or another, our wives have injured us by building secret relationships with that prick Emile. I ask that you would seriously consider forgiving your wife. Emile was charming, deceptive, convincing, and he was in authority over them. He duped them all.

"Christmas is the celebration of the Incarnation: we celebrate the fact that Christ became flesh and dwelt among us. He came to earth to bring us forgiveness. Although I am personally supremely pissed at Quiara, in the spirit of the coming holiday, I'm going to try my hardest to take a soft approach. I am going to make every effort to find a way to forgive her so that we can reconcile. I hope that you men will embrace the spirit of the season as well.

"If you don't and choose to be a hardass about it, you are declaring that you choose to live in the 'might makes right' world. And I will remind you all, in that world, your wife now belongs to me."

Greg stood up, walked over to the door, and opened it. There was a member of the wait staff waiting there. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes sir," announced the head waitress.

Greg stood back out of the way and the waitress rolled in a cart filled with desserts. A second cart came in with a couple of magnums of champagne chilling in ice buckets.

Greg addressed the group again. "As a gift to the group and as an apology for ruining your Christmas party, I took the liberty of acquiring a few magnums of Veuve Clicquot champagne for the group."

Greg watched as the women blushed and made furtive eye contact with each other.

"Gentlemen, you don't know this, but each time that Emile took our wives to the Le Coucou to enjoy a gourmet meal, he asked the wait staff to bring out an unopened bottle of Veuve Cliquot in an ice bucket. Emile told the women that if they chose to spend the afternoon making love with him, that he'd pop the cork for them to celebrate. It was an extremely powerful manipulation, wasn't it ladies?"

Several women blushed. None of them responded.

"As a fitting way to celebrate the removal of Emile from your lives and as a thorn in our sides, I bought some Veuve Cliquot for the group."

With a pop, the first magnum was opened.

Flutes were quickly filled and passed out. There were quite a few shocked faces looking into their glasses of Champagne.

Greg raised his flute and waited for everyone else to do the same. "To husbands and wives!" Greg pronounced.

The group repeated, "To husbands and wives!"

As everyone started to drink Greg said, "All of them members of my harem!"

He drank his flute down and said, "I'll leave it to you to discuss how to handle Emile. Merry Christmas everyone."

***

Greg was waiting in the car for quite a while before he saw the Language Department members come out bundled up in their coats. In pairs, they got in their cars and left.

Some were talking excitedly. Some were arguing. Some were deathly silent. At least one couple, one Greg didn't expect to recover from this evening, were in an embrace and both were crying.

Elodie came out at the end with Quiara. Quiara saw Greg and gave him a gesture which he took to mean, "hold on a few minutes".

Using the key fob, Elodie located the Odyssey Greg got for her. Quiara walked to the van with her and Elodie cried as she took it in.

Quiara helped her get in it and get the seats and mirrors adjusted. Greg could see her demonstrating the controls. They both had the same model van, so Quiara was able to help Elodie with it all. Quiara then sat in the passenger seat next to Elodie and they talked for a while. I knew they had a lot to discuss.

After about twenty minutes, Quiara got out of Elodie's van and walked over to our car. She was crying her eyes as she got in the passenger seat.

"Greg," she said, "I'm so sorry. I never..."

Greg held out his hand and said "Stop," gently but firmly.

She stopped right away.

Greg said, "I want to speak first and I want you to just listen, OK?"

Quiara nodded.

"I've been seeing a counselor for anger management and to try to figure out whether it was worth it for us to reconcile. She has helped me out a lot. The fact that I didn't kill that Asshat in that room, or at the least, viciously assault him, is an absolute miracle. Do you understand that?"

Quiara nodded.

"My counselor has me convinced that I owe it to our kids, to you, and to myself to find a way to get over this and stay together. She helped me develop a game plan. This game plan is predicated on radical honesty.

"My counselor says that people who are caught cheating often fall into a pattern of denial, partial truth, minimizing, rationalizing, and outright lying. They practice all the various forms of deception because the stakes are so high, there is a perverse incentive to lie.

"Cheaters do this in the hopes that if they can ease their partner over the initial shock. They think that this will give them enough maneuvering room to preserve their marriages. They think they are justified to lie to preserve the relationship. They comfort themselves by rationalizing that they'll make it up to their spouses later. She says the impulse to do this is a misguided kindness.

"In reality, lying is the worst thing that a cheater can do, because the foundations of trust are already broken. The deception by the cheater shows the wronged party that their partner simply cannot be trusted any longer. Do you understand the point my counselor was trying to make on why radical honesty is important?"

"Yes, Greg," said Quiara.

"I could test you for honesty. I could ask you for an explanation without telling you anything that I know. I could then use your own lack of knowledge of what evidence I have against you to tempt you into deception: denial, partial truths, minimizing, rationalizing, or outright lying.

"There are valid reasons for me to do this. If you told me exactly what I already knew, it would help me relax, because it would show me you were serious about coming clean and that you really wanted us to continue. If you acted deceptively, however, I would draw the conclusion that you aren't trustworthy. Are you following me?"

Greg waited for Quiara to nod again. She did.

"I was going to do just that, but my counselor convinced me it was a bad idea Any misstatement on your behalf would be the evidence of perfidy that I was looking for. It would basically guarantee a negative outcome. So, I will tell you right off the bat, I know a lot more than you think.

"Something didn't sit right with how you and Emile interacted the night of the facuity ball. My brother recommended an investigator. I've had him watching you ever since. He basically worked the job for expenses as a professional courtesy to my brother. I have transcripts of every conversation you had with Emile at Le Coucou. Video too. I also have every text you exchanged and every email he sent to any of your personal accounts-- even the secret "MeVuelvesLoca" account you don't think I know about. I think I know everything there is to know," said Greg.

Greg thought this would make her nervous, but Quiara actually looked relieved. "Then you know that I never had sex with him," she replied. "Thank God, I was so worried that I'd never be able to convince you."

"I know you didn't have sex. I also know that you were utterly complicit in Emile's seduction of you for more than a year," Greg replied, "You liked being the object of his attention and you invited him to try over and over. You kept secrets from me. You even kept secrets from Elodie, your best friend. You were not honest with me about where you were on the days of your secret lunches with him. The worst of it was that you accepted the gift of that bracelet.

"That one haunted me because you'd never be able to wear it around me. The only reason I could think of for you to accept it was if you didn't plan to be around me much longer," Greg answered.

"No!" said Quiara. "I would never leave you! Never!"

Tears streamed down Quiara's cheeks.

"So you were just going to keep it hidden away forever, only wearing it when you manage to slink away for your next secret rendezvous with him?" he asked.

She started to speak, but Greg shut her down.

"We are going to talk through everything that happened and why, Quiara. You will have a chance to come clean. Like I said, I have a game plan.

"The fact that I am a scientist means this will be both good and bad for you. The good is that I will have an open mind and I will let the chips fall where they may. I will let my observations, rather than my anger and resentment, determine what comes next. If you are open and honest, we have a shot at overcoming this.

"The bad is that I will require proof. I will not be swayed by mere sentiment. I trusted you for years because I was convinced you loved me and you had your priorities straight. Now, I am no longer convinced you love me and I'm morally certain you don't have your priorities straight. If you did, you never would have accepted the bracelet. For that reason, there is no 'for old time's sake' in this relationship any more. Trust is the true foundation to a marriage relationship, not love. My trust is shot.

Quiara nodded while she mopped at her nose with a tissue. She understood and accepted this.

"As I said. we'll talk it all through. We'll probably talk it to death. Tonight, however, I am going to ask you only one question: are you willing to commit to the lengthy and painful process of putting this relationship back together? In other words, are you willing to pay a heavy price to stay married to me?"

In his minds eye, Greg had imagined the scenario of asking Quiara this question more than a dozen times. Each time, he pictured himself being cold and emotionless while he asked. He never envisioned asking it while emoting and nearly losing his shit. Unfortunately, that was exactly how it went down.

Quiara was suddenly all over Greg. Her embrace wasn't passionate nor was it tender. It was desperate. "I love you Greg. I love you more than life itself. I'm not letting you go. I know I screwed everything up. It was my fault and I will do whatever it takes to recover. You name it and I'll do it. You're going to have to scrape me off of you."

When Greg pulled himself together, he put the car into drive and accelerated. They drove off together, moving forward.