All Comments on 'Christmas Chickadee'

Great story!

5

Fantastic story — Thank You for sharing!

6, at least.

BRAVO!

Brilliant and beautiful. Thank you for lightening my heart with your fabulous story.

Enjoyed your story and was happy that it was so long.

I think this is your best story yet

It drips of romance--with a capital 'R.' It's always good to read a story where the couple has a happy ever after ending. Good luck in the contest.

Truly a moving piece of writing.

Thank you for the journey.

What a nice story. Very well written.

Well done. Good pace and believable.

Very well written. Usually, there's something in the stories here that hits a wrong note somewhere along the line, but this story rings true all the way through. Bravo!

A classy, well-written, romantic love story. Seldom have I read such a warm tale of two people from their first meeting, the growth of their mutual attraction, and culminating with the realization that each has found their soulmate. Thank you. I look forward to reading your next posting.

A WONDERFUL ROMANTIC STORY, AND THANK YOU

One of the better stories on this site.

However - page 2 - you don't drink Port with a meal - after a meal, yes - far too heavy and unfortunately ofter too sweet.

Thanks for the comment regarding Port wine. I should have gone with a light white wine. But I just couldn't resist-- I love a nice sweet red. Now I've been found out!

Rachel

I agree with the opinion of the chickadee.

I wish there was an epilogue - 5 yrs in the future, have one kid and one on the way. Show how he puts family before work. Ooooh, they name their kids after species of birds.

Thank you for a great story!! 5 stars ⭐️

This was a feel-good story that was unusual for Literotica. Unusual in the fact that the people involved in the Romance didn't smoothly fall in (or into) love, but sort of edged into it making some errors as they went based on failed earlier relationships. I found Andy's inability to recognize that he was alienating or at least annoying Dana by allowing days and weeks to pass without calling her really annoying. Of course, despite the fact that Dana considered Andy a real catch and perhaps above her somehow, she could have called him. I met a women under fortuitous circumstances many years ago and after several hours we went our separate way. I called her that evening and for the next 20 years (almost 19 years living together) almost no day passed without talking together or a phone call if we were separated. The Big C took her away from me, but we always managed to communicate or at least acknowledge that we weren't communicating properly. So communicating is always a two way street and last I heard phone calls go both ways.

I found Dana's analysis of her previous lovers of real interest. Being a male I don't necessarily understand how other men treat women and how the women can get hardened to being treated that way. Women are undoubtedly more assertive now than when I was a young man (I'm well into my 9th decade now), but there's still vestiges of male control over relationships and women seem reconciled to that as far as I can see.

I also was repelled immediately by the choice of Port as a before-dinner beverage. I find that most of the authors on this site know little or nothing of wine. There's the group who thinks that treating a companion to something called a "wine cooler" is a very sophisticated thing to do when it actually is a really low class, ignorant approach to beverages. I also know of no friends or acquaintances who come home and immediately go to the fridge for a beer. More low class habits. So, I'm a snob. Sue me!

This was a pleasure to read even if it was sort of obvious where it was going and at 9 pages was too long (as is this commentary). I couldn't understand why Sandra would have dumped Andy and then come crawling back. Dana was also apparently a pretty good catch (even if she does say so herself) and it's not clear why she was dumped too. I don't understand why the commenters are all clamoring for follow up either as part of the story or later chapters. I personally find that leaving the story hanging a bit allows me to fantasize the follow-up to my own satisfaction. Different strokes for different folks!

A well-written story where you come away genuinely happy for the characters. I enjoyed all the birding details.

One minor critique: Dana packs a pencil skirt and blouse for NYE but changes into a dress when there.

A well written gentle romance that really worked. The nonsense about when to drink Port is just that, who cares. This is the first story I have read for this years Holiday comp, the others will need to go a very long way to beat it.

Excellent story.

How far in the past is this set? Every time she answers the phone, which she has to run to get, it's with "Dana speaking." Any mobile phone has caller ID, as do many home phones, so is this actually set back in the 1980s (or earlier) when there was nothing other than a home or office phone?

It would also explain (at least in part) why Andy didn't ring during those days apart. Anyone with a mobile phone would find the time - in this case, possibly several times a day - to at least say "Hello."

The story is set in the early nineties, before the advent of widespread adoption of cell phones and the ability to text. I expect that many readers are too young to remember this transition--a time when cell or 'bag phones' for use in vehicles was at first reserved for upper management types; the rest were issued 'pagers' and went to a landline to return the call.

Most young people today are tethered to their devices and feel the need to respond to a text or phone call immediately. I often do not, sometimes taking hours, or even until the next day to reply. My story used this kind of lag to illustrate how important communication is between a couple, at that time, you had time to think about what your response was going to be, rather than blast off some comment you would regret later.

My story, "I Don't Text", similarly uses phones, to show how communication via electronic means is not as effective as face to face interaction- it can supplement, but not replace.

There isn't anything that replaces a passionate kiss or soft caress.

Rachel

Great characters and a sweet story

This was so good! I couldn’t stop reading and I have things to do this morning ☺️ I was totally captivated by your characters and loved the bird watching addition 💖 I’ll be following you ,,,,,, Thank You

What a lovely romantic story, brilliantly drawn characters, some interesting activities and conversations. Well done.

I love this, it is one of the best romance tales I have come across.

Five stars, but deserves 500.

Hello Rachel,

I was wondering about the story time period. thank you for the "Phone Note" comments. Only the use of phones gave away the times. The story is timeless.

It is nice to read a romance of a growing love. Many horrible things happen to couples in the Literotica universe. You took characters with basic goodness and let the relationship grow in a healthy loving way. Thank you.

I do not remember the publishing date of Chickadee. I have seen your quality improve over time. You had some quotations left open ended and had a couple of stumbles in phrasing in this one. I do not see wrong words or distracting grammar. Your stories are easy to read.

I am still enjoying reading through your bookshelf. Thank you for sharing.

Nice story but a few suggestions:

When writing in the past tense, unless it is a direct quote one would not say ‘tomorrow I was going to...’, one would write ‘the next day I was going to...’

Their conversations were stilted and unnatural. People just don’t talk that way. Once into a conversation people rarely use the other’s name, though that are more likely to use words such as ‘Honey,’ ‘Baby’ or ‘Sweetheart’ once they are emotionally closer. People also slur words as in ‘gonna’ and ‘wanna’ and use contractions far more commonly than one sees in your conversations. I have found that it helps to read conversations that I have written out loud to see how natural they sound. I read some of yours and that were stilted and didn’t flow well.

Keep working on it. We all improve with practice. 5*

BTW, it’s nice to see that Overcritical didn’t slam you as he usually does.

This is the second time I read this story and this time I knew how it would end, but I noticed something different and that was the fact that it had been written by a woman and that completely changes the impact. The thoughts of a late-twenties, attractive, experienced woman are very different from the usual male concerns and viewpoint. If she is interested in the long term, the woman has to be very concerned with "pleasing" the man in a number of ways: attire, conversation, ego boosting, sexual satisfaction (with the whole dreadful idea of faking the orgasm in mind). Comparison with previous partners is inevitable and compromise for the sake of maintaining the relationship has got to be part of the thinking. From the male viewpoint much of this is quite foreign and it was revealing to read about it. Thanks for that. It's a 5+* now, but i guess that doesn't count.

A true Romance story I really enjoyed. Always enjoy a story from a woman’s perspective written by a woman. Won’t say some of the thought process isn’t a little “strange” and sometimes slightly surprising but I now take it as insight instead of irritating. Brought back some old memories. As for the weeks between phone calls, yeah been there done that. Caught strife for it but must have done something right lasted 46 years.

This was the first of your work I have sampled. Going to try a few more and add you to the follow list. Where else can I read an enjoyable story and get edumacated at the same time!

Cheers

SAGE

PS: I agree with your wine selection. I also prefer to drink what I like than be “proper”!

I had to look at the author profile to see who wrote this story. The perspective was unique and then discovered that a lady wrote this story. Bravo! This story is very well written and has a very good logical flow. What I noticed with this story was that the ending was thought out and was not written like "we have to end the story - let's write 20 words"

5 *****

Burninglove

Hmmmm....No actual conflict...A little too perfect?

It was more a journey through Dana weighing options...in her mind.

No harm done.

Neither of them had to overcome even minor obstacles...

It's kind of a lineup of Happy Pieces!

Love the story! Well written, humor, love, subtle passion, keeps the reader interested. Keep up the good work. Thanks.

SOMEBODY is an avid birder! Of the 3 stories of yours I read, 2 involved birding and the other involved solitary walks in a national forest. I’m with you there!

From a guy’s perspective she seemed to be waiting for him to make all the moves. I thought she could have kissed him first, to thank him for the Christmas present. She also seemed not to compliment him at all. But then I’m a guy, I don’t know what goes on in women’s minds! Loved the story, this one seemed especially sweet.

I think Dana was trying too hard to be classy and mature. She was pretentious and snobby. Andy seemed like a decent guy. Their whole relationship seemed to be guessing what the other was feeling about the other. And they seemed to stifled. Neither once brought out the wild side in each other. Two boring people. I guess there’s someone for everyone.

Dana's mother was fucking annoying!!

Seemed both were walking on eggshells arpund each other!!

Ignoring her for 2 weeks then coming to give her a xmas present with no explanation just didn't cut it!!

Too many gaps in this story!!

Why did he not make contact in 2 weeks?

What was the history of the gold chain?

Why did he not tell her more detsils about hus parents and grandparents?

Why did he not tell her about Sandra?

All about his past she heard from Carla..!!

SHE SEEMED DESPERATE TO HANG ONTO HIM BY NOT ROCKING THE BOAT ASKING QUESTIONS!!

HE SEEMED CLOSED OFF AND SUDDENLY MR ASSHOLE REALISES HE LOVES HER!!!