Christmas Wish

Sandi laid the garland on the fireplace mantle.

"There, all done," she said to the empty house.

She sank into the recliner, tears in her eyes. Christmas was her husband's favorite time of the year. He loved to decorate the house.

Putting up the decorations always reminded her of their time together. She hadn't been able to enjoy the holidays since he died. She only put out token decorations in his memory.

Chris would have the whole house decorated. She'd worry over him up on a ladder attaching lights to the roof, even though it was a single-story house.

Their artificial tree, and a simple garland on the mantle was all she could stand to put up now.

"I miss you, Baby."

She drank her hot toddy, letting herself cry, remembering better times before her love died.

****

As Christmas approached, Sandi shopped for gifts for her family. She loved to dote on her nieces and nephews.

"Sandi, are you coming over for Christmas Eve?" her sister-in-law, Cheryl asked. She picked at her lunch.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it. Are you letting the kids open one present before bed?"

"Like I could stop them if I wanted to," she rolled her eyes. Cheryl had started the tradition a few years ago when they had been hounding her one Christmas Eve.

Sandi smiled, "they get so excited about their gifts, sometimes I think they like getting to open something before Christmas Day, that you could give them anything and they'd be happy."

"Heh, can you imagine Stacy unwrapping an empty box? I'd be the worst parent ever, and she'd be sure to tell me so."

Sandy laughed. "Colin wouldn't mind too much though."

"No, wouldn't bother him a bit. He'd be happy with a box to play in. Sometimes I think he's part cat. Last year he was more interested in the box his new bike came in."

"He got over that eventually. Is he still riding around the neighborhood?"

"I can't keep him off it. I have to bribe him with food to come in."

"Sounds like his mother! You were the terror of the neighborhood. Your mother could never keep you nailed down."

"Speaking of Moms, I was talking to your mom. She was asking me if you've thought about meeting anyone."

"Seriously? How can I think about looking for someone to replace Chris?" Sandi felt her face get hot. How could her mother even suggest that? Chris left a hole in her life that wouldn't ever go away. Finding someone to date? It was hard enough just to be without him, she couldn't think of someone to take his place.

"I miss him too. He was the best little brother." Cheryl smiled, though a tear rolled down her face as she thought of him. His death shocked everyone.

"How do you do it?"

"I have my moments when it hits me he's never going to come through that door again. He was such a ball of energy. But I have the kids to take care of, and they are a big distraction. It's hard to focus on missing him when they need me too."

"He would have been such a great Dad." Sandi was crying now. Cheryl hugged her and rocked her. "That's why I love Stacy and Colin so much, I can love them instead."

Cheryl held Sandi and comforted her as only a mother can. "It's okay to be sad, Sandi. I see the same energy in Colin and it reminds me of my little brother. Of what a great dad he would have been."

Sandi let Cheryl comfort her. They would always be bound by more than marriage; they were bound by grief and love for Chris.

****

The closer to Christmas, the worse Sandi felt. Everything she saw reminded her of Chris. The happy families reminded her of what she couldn't have, and never would.

She wanted to crawl into bed and sleep until spring, just so she wouldn't need to think about it anymore.

It was Christmas Eve. Sandi was getting ready to go to Cheryl's house to watch her niece and nephew open their one present before Santa came.

"I don't know if I'm up for this tonight." She tumbled onto the bed and closed her eyes.

She startled awake. She looked around, confused. It was dark outside the window.

She heard a noise from the living room. Worried, she crept down the hall. She had a small bat in her hand, ready to use it on whoever was in her house.

Standing by the tree, someone was adjusting the few ornaments she put on the tree. She could only see his back. She felt goosebumps raise on her arms, and she went cold.

I can't be seeing this, she thought. She stood frozen, staring.

He didn't notice her and touched ornaments here and there, turning and adjusting them just so. Just like Chris would do. Every time he passed by the tree he would futz with an ornament.

The room was dim, with only the white lights from the tree proving any light. He turned slightly so she could see his face.

"Oh no. Please no," she could barely whisper. The bat fell from her hand and clattered to the floor.

He turned at the noise and a million-watt smile lit up his face.

She fainted straight away.

****

Sandi woke up in the arms of someone gently holding her. He held her, strong arms wrapped around her. She could feel the warmth of his chest on her face. "Chris, I miss you so much."

"I miss you, my love."

She froze when she heard that voice. It couldn't be! How could she be hearing his voice?

She slowly lifted her face off the chest and looked up. Her husband was looking down at her, his crooked grin just as she remembered.

She felt her heart breaking all over again. Was she dreaming? How was her love holding her after all this time? Was she going crazy, had she finally broken?

"Sandi, it's me."

"How? What?" She couldn't finish her thoughts.

He squeezed her and she melted into him, all the tension leaving her body. She savored the feeling of him holding her. She hoped this feeling could last forever.

He kissed the top of her head. "Why did you leave me? I miss you so much."

"I'm sorry. I wish I could be here with you."

"It's so hard without you. I don't know if I can do it. Sometimes I wish I was dead so I could be with you again."

"Sandi, look at me." She looked at him.

"You can't think like that. You have a long time here, and you need to live."

"How can I live without you? I have a you-shaped hole in my heart. I see happy couples and my heart breaks all over again. I see parents with their kids and it kills me that weren't able to have any of our own together."

He held his hand over her heart. "I'm here, I've always been here. I'll always be with you." He tapped over her heart, "you'll always have me with you."

"Stay here with me. Stay forever." She whispered into his chest. As if wishing could make it so.

"I can't stay, but I'm always with you." He held onto her, and she felt safe and warm in his embrace.

She sat up and looked at him. She wanted to burn his face in her memory so she'd always remember how he looked. If he couldn't stay, she'd savor every moment while he was here with her.

She reached up and touched his lips with her fingers. They were just as she remembered. She smiled at him. "Make love to me. I need to feel you one last time."

He bent down to kiss her. He laid her down and covered her mouth with his. She felt the urgency from him. His hand roamed along her body, caressing her. She squirmed from the sensations.

He unbuttoned her shirt, and pulled it apart, revealing her basic black bra. It wasn't sexy, but it was beautiful to him. He caressed one of her boobs and felt her nipple stiffen under the material.

He lifted the cups over her breasts, not taking the time to finish taking it off. He sucked on a hard nipple, rolling the other one in his fingers. She was squirming under his touch.

"Oh Baby, keep doing that." She held his head against her, his curly blond hair between her fingers.

His hand moved down her belly. She giggled and jerked as his touch tickled her sensitive skin. He always this effect on her.

He unbuttoned her pants and slid the zipper down. Then he slid his hand under her panties and found her clit. He rubbed it gently.

She moaned, "Oh yes, baby. You are making me so wet. I love how you are making me feel."

His fingers slid along her slit while he teased her clit with his thumb. She rocked her hips as his touch got her worked up. "Don't stop, " she said as she pushed her pants and panties down, and kicked them off. They were stuck on one foot, but she barely noticed.

"Love, eat me, please. I need to feel you." He shot her his lopsided grin, and slithered down her body, kissing her skin along the way. She giggled again as his kisses tickled her belly.

He took her clit in his mouth, his lips over his teeth, so he could put pressure on it without hurting her. His finger slid into her pussy, her arousal evident from her leaking juices. It slid in easily and she moaned from the feeling of him sliding in and out.

His tongue teased the tip of her clit, as he fingered her.

He kept this up, teasing and enticing her until her hips bucked up, and she screamed out, "Oh Chris, yes, yes, yes. I'm coming!"

He slowed down and stopped as she wound down from her orgasm.

She caught her breath as they lay there. She hadn't been with anyone since him and hadn't wanted to. She didn't even touch herself.

It was as good as she remembered. She wished it could be forever.

"Sandi, let me make love to you. Let me give you something that I couldn't before."

She looked at him and knew what he meant.

"Yes please, my love, give me your gift," she said, a huge smile on her face.

He moved up and kissed her gently. She felt his tongue work its way past her lips, searching for her tongue. He'd always loved caressing her tongue with his.

She felt his hardness on her hip and needed him in her. She held him in her hand, it was pulsing with his heartbeat. She guided him to her entrance.

He slid into her, filling her for the first time in years. She felt complete again. Her love was with her again, where he belonged. "Oh yes, Baby, give me your love!"

He made love to her, sliding his hardness in and out of her, bringing her the pleasure to feel whole, even if temporarily. She held onto him, unwilling to let him go. She was at peace now.

After giving her pleasure, she felt his cum fill her up. She thought about how the thing they wanted most was to raise children together. She couldn't be with him, but she had the next best thing. She knew that he had just started a new life inside her. It wasn't rational, but she knew the instant that it happened.

She cried tears of joy as she welcomed the child in her mind.

****

Sandi heard the ding of a text message. She had several missed calls and texts from Cheryl.

She was back in her bed, tucked in, and snuggled under the covers.

****

Cheryl opened her door and hugged Sandi.

"Merry Christmas!" Sandi said, loud enough for the kids to hear.

"Aunt Sandi!" A pair of voices yelled as they barreled at her.

She kneeled to hug them together in her arms. "Merry Christmas, you little munchkins. Santa left some presents at my house, he asked me to drop them off here for you."

They lit up, thinking of what Santa brought for them. "Put them under the tree with the other gifts, okay?"

"Okay, Aunt Sandi."

Her niece and nephew tore into the gifts, exclaiming at them, one by one. Sandi watched them with a smile. It was early, but she was sure they'd have a cousin soon.

After opening the myriad presents under the tree, Cheryl and Sandi sat for coffee. Cheryl was almost bouncing waiting for the scoop.

"So, what happened last night?"

"I was getting ready to come over and wasn't really feeling it. I love the kids and didn't mean to miss it, but I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was late. Something woke me up. I heard a sound in the house."

"What!? What sound? What happened?"

Sandi held her sister-in-law's hand, "it's okay, nothing bad."

"Okay," Cheryl's shoulders dropped as some of the tension left her. "Tell me about it."

"I heard something and when I went into the living room, I saw him."

"Who? Who, did you see?"

"I saw Chris. He was standing by the tree, adjusting ornaments. You know how he'd always be touching the tree, 'fixing' something every time walked passed by it."

Cheryl smiled at that. He couldn't help himself; he wanted the ornaments to look their best.

"When he turned and smiled at me, I fainted. I came to, and I was in his arms. Cheryl, he was there."

"Sandi, this is crazy. He couldn't be there. There's no way."

"I know how it sounds, and believe me, I wouldn't believe it either. But he was there. I missed him so much, and he came back to me. I can't explain it, and I don't need to, but it was Chris."

"Honey, you must have hit your head or something."

"Cheryl. It wasn't anything like that. He was there," Sandi calmly explained. "There's something else."

"What else could there be?"

"We made love, and he gave me the best gift I could ever ask for, besides having him back with me. He gave me a child. I know he did, I can feel it already."

Cheryl didn't know what to say. She was worried about Sandi. She hadn't dealt well with Chris's death, and this seemed like the final straw. But Sandi looked happy, at peace for once.

"Cheryl, I know it sounds crazy. I can barely believe it. But it's true."

Cheryl hugged her sister-in-law. "I don't know what to think, but you look happy."

"I am, for the first time in a long time, I am."

****

A year later

Sandi was finishing the decorations. She had gone full out on the decorations for Christmas this year.

The last year had been the best since Chris had left her. She thought back to the Christmas before and smiled at the memory of her love coming to her. She felt a touch on her cheek. She knew that he was there with her. A tear slipped down her cheek.

"Gurggle."

She turned at the sound. "Hello, my sweet thing. How was your nap?"

She picked him up and tucked him against her. She looked down at her son. He was all his father.

He smiled at her, and her heart melted in happiness. She finally had what she had wanted with her husband, and she couldn't have been happier.