All Comments on 'Chubby Niece House'

I would love to know where this goes from here. It is very sexy so far.

The spelling and the grammar are just atrocious. And the story seemed to be put together by a 13 year old. No matter what people say from this point on, this just wasn’t good.

holy crap that was hot. please do more on this one.

Story has so many possibilities in it's continuance. More of this type of love than we'll ever know.

Very nice short story. I would like to read more, but if I could make a suggestion. Would you have them speaking more and getting them closer together. As in discovering each other. As in loving each other. Get me interested in the story as well as them having sex. Thanks for your time and imagination.

When some is talking it's best to put quotes around the spoken words. It helps the reader follow along.

Try using a few, otherwise it’s too much work for your readers for too little reward.

For example,

<P>

"I'm going to cum, Leslie."

<P>

"Cum in me uncle Daren, please."

<P>

"Oh Leslie sweetie," I moan as I squirt into her sweet pussy. My niece drops to her knees and cleans my dick. Her big tits sway as she licks and sucks.

Please see all the other comments. I barely got into this and gave up. Commas and quotation marks, that’s the ticket!

Fat ain't cool . . . .