All Comments on 'Cindy Lou Seduces the New Stockboy'

You need to study the culture you are writing about. First of all, "Carlos" would signify a Latino of some sort. This is further emphasized by dark skin and black hair. As such, most Latino men do not carry rubbers or condoms, because it is part of their culture to have as many babies as possible to ensure adequate care by their offspring in their older years. Secondly someone as old as "Carlos" in that culture would have fucked several times already.

It is obvious that you do not know much about Latino culture as I read this story.

First of all I'd like to say it was a good story... Secondly I'd like to say that DON87654 is full of shit. Some Latino men DO carry condoms because they are not ALL interested in having "as many babies as possible to ensure adequate care by their offspring in their older years." Also it is totally possible that 'carlos' would be a virgin if he was as shy as portrayed, it doesn't matter that he seems to be Latino, anyone can reach the age of 18 and still be a virgin.

Obviously DON87654 is a racist when it comes to Latino's. Maybe his daughter ran off with one? Or maybe his wife? I don't know or care, all I know is that he has unfairly stero-typed ALL Latino's as being breeding dogs...

Shame on you for saying such things, I just hope you're not spreading your evil views to children. One of you is definately enough!

Hey, Don. This is a really hot story. Who cares about details like that, even if they are true?

i just came accross your series and its great. please continue. who in the hell cares for some small details. you rock!!!!!!!!1

this a realy great story cant wait to read more. As far as DON87654 he is a racist ass!!!!!!!!

More descriptive, possibly big worded, details.

Don sounds as if he got HIV from some Latino who did not have a condom when passion overcame sanity. There are as many latins who carry condoms as there are any other ethnic group. Perhaps he will reflect on the shallowness of this thinking. Good story.

i wish i was there!

Where were you when I needed You.......Ah well mine was almost as good

A very very good story, but as someone who also writes I feel I should say how I think your story could be improved as opposed to just telling you the story was great and leaving.

I think you would be able to make the story more vivid for your readers if you focused more on the characters and their privates as opposed to the fact that one of them is going up and the other is pushing up as she comes down - they are fucking; we know that. So try to describe what it looks like as opposed to what they are doing because then it allows the reader to imagine what it feels like. Also some more basic character description would help. We didn't know what Cindy looked like for a while. I know you probably don't want to just list her attributes because it feels 'cheap' at times but it is effective nonetheless.

Couple of small grammatical errors and allright is not a word - alright or all right would be acceptable.

I always like when they are overwhelmed by their first experience - too many people say first experience is disappointing and for a woman (like me), painful, but mine was good and exciting and I think that’s why I love these first time stories!