All Comments on 'Claire, The Unknown Redhead'

No ending

He should have just stick it up her and shot his cum deep up inside her unprotected pussy

Don't leave storys half written

Thanks for the feedback. The plan is for this to be part 1 and hopefully do a few more, leaving it open ended and lead to the next one

Really hot story - and if it's based on a true story, I'm looking forward to hearing more.

I think the story ended at a fine place -- a natural stopping point & leaving us wanting more.

Would love to read more character development too.

A good plot, girl tracks down boy she fancied at school and good graphic sex but it all seemed to happen too fast for me.

As with foreplay in sex so the reader needs to have some literary foreplay, tease me, excite me, will she won't she, make me want to turn the page, leave me begging for more, they kiss in the park and her hand brushes against his erection - was it accidental? she nearly made him cum in his pants - she leaves with a knowing look - maybe tomorrow - that kind of thing.

Now your reader is gagging for it.

See what I mean?

Start with what you've already written and expand it, rewrite it so that it make you beg for it :)

Good luck and contact me if you like.