Cleaning Up Her Heart

It had actually taken him a few minutes to realize that he had no idea where she lived. He finally thought to call his friend that had originally given him her name as a housekeeper. He kept his tone calm and explained that she had left something behind and he wanted to run it over to her. By the time he had her address, almost an hour had passed. He sped off to her house, but managed to get pulled over by a police officer. Although he hadn't gotten a ticket, he had been sharply dressed down by the officer for speeding. When he arrived at her door, he was fit to be tied.

And then Nicki opened the door all sleepy eyed and half naked. Gabriel had lost his cool and begun shouting at her. Her lack of remorse and her ability to counter his anger made him even angrier. When she invited him in, he refused to give the joy in his heart a chance to blossom. Instead, he turned again on her in his anger. And now, Gabriel was truly wishing that the floor would open up and swallow him. He had just insulted her and her husband beyond belief and she was still acting with dignity and poise.

The air was filled with electricity between the two of them. Finally, Gabriel threw his hand up over his face and half sat, half fell into her couch. With is face buried in his hands, he said, "God, I'm so sorry. I had no right to say that. I'll go. And, you don't have to come back to my house. I'm so sorry." He stood up and took an unsteady step toward the door.

Nicki's anger left her in a heartbeat. She was close beside him and reached out to steady him. He looked down at her hand on his arm and then up into her eyes. He didn't see anger there any more. In fact, he wasn't sure what he was seeing, but he didn't want to stop looking. It was like looking into a pool of liquid blue, tranquil and inviting.

Softly, Nicki said, "Gabriel, please sit back down. It's ok. You didn't know about my husband. And you did find my bra in your bed. You have to have wondered what in the world was going on! But I really would like to explain."

Gabriel let Nicki sit him back down on the couch. When she went to turn away to sit in a chair, he grabbed hold of her hand. She gave him a quizzical look, "Yes?"

Gabriel shut his eyes as though he were trying to do something difficult and wasn't sure how to go about it. "Please sit beside me," he whispered.

Nicki's eyes widened, but she slid down beside him. He didn't let go of her hand.

"My bra was on your bed because I take off my shirt to wash your shower. The bra got wet today and I decided not to wear it home wet. I simply forgot to pick it up when I got all the supplies. I am sorry that I did that to you. I would never have left it there on purpose."

"So you clean my shower half naked?"

Nicki could have sworn that she saw a hint of a smile on his mouth. She had decided not to tell him that she took off her shorts too, and now, since he was almost laughing at her, she was glad she hadn't. "Yeah, I hate to go home looking like I've been in a wet t-shirt contest!"

That actually did get a chuckle out of Gabriel. The action transformed his face from ice-cold stone to human. And it made him so handsome it nearly took Nicki's breath away. "Look, would you like a coke or something?" she asked.

Gabriel looked at her in surprise. "You're not going to throw me out and never see me again?" he asked.

"Well, it's not like I see you a lot now! But no, I'm not going to throw you out. I was just getting ready to go forge around in the kitchen for some supper when you rang the doorbell." Now why on earth had she told him that? She could kick herself. It sounded like she was begging him to take her out - at least that's what it sounded to like to her own ears.

Gabriel was still holding her hand and his eyes flashed. "Well, I wouldn't mind taking you out, but I'm afraid that most of the restaurant goers would want to eat you the way you're dressed!"

Nicki stared at him with wide eyes. Never had anyone, her dead husband included, suggested that she might be desirable in a sexual way. She felt the wheels in her brain struggling to digest what he had said. Finally, her inner self rejected the thought that he might be serious. She stood up off the couch and said, in a cold and hurt voice, "You don't have to make fun of me. I know I'm not that much to look at, but you don't have to rub it in." She started across the room, leaving Gabriel watching her go.

Gabriel was totally confused and it showed on his face, had Nicki bothered to look at him. Gabriel made a sudden decision that, although he didn't have the foggiest notion what had just happened, he wasn't about to let her out of his sight until he did understand. He leapt off the couch and crossed the room in three quick steps (he really was fairly tall!). He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her around to face him. She refused to look up at him, staring resolutely into his chest. "Nicki? What did I say? I'm really new at this and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. What is it?"

The newfound tenderness in Gabriel's voice and the rawness of NIcki's emotions had tears running down her cheeks. She was determined not to look at him, but he put his hand under her chin and guided her face upward. Nicki kept her eyes closed, therefore she was totally unprepared when she felt Gabriel's lips press against hers. The contact caused her eyes to fly wide open. But as soon as she saw that his eyes were shut, she couldn't help herself. Her own eyes shut again, and she responded to his kiss. The kiss seemed to last forever.

As Gabriel pulled away, he looked deeply into her now opened eyes. "I don't know what I said, but I promise you that I didn't mean to hurt you again."

Nicki lowered her face again and said, "It's just that I know that I'm not attractive and it really hurts when people tease me about it."

Gabriel couldn't believe what he was hearing. He again tilted her face up to his. "Do you have any idea how much I have fantasized about you? Do you have any idea how beautiful I think you are? Don't you have a clue what you do to me?" Nicki was looking at Gabriel with doubt in her eyes.

"Look, I know that this is really forward of me, but here . . ." Gabriel took Nicki's hand and placed it on the front of his pants. He was hard as steel and straining at the cloth. It felt like he was on fire.

Nicki's eyes widened in wonder. "What. . .?"

"Well, honey if you don't know what that is, maybe I do need to question you more about your husband!"

Now Nicki's face turned bright red, "I know what it is, I just don't know why."

Gabriel looked at her with a "you have got to be kidding me" look on his face.

"Ok, Ok, I know why, but why me? What made you hard? Is it really me? Or are you always like this around women?"

Gabriel laughed, "Well, I'm actually not around too many women just in their t-shirt and panties, but I'm pretty sure that this effect is directly due to the fact that it is you in the t-shirt and panties."

Nicki just stared into Gabriel's eyes in wonderment. His face was so beautiful when he smiled. Suddenly he was kissing her again, and she lost herself in his kiss.

Finally, Nicki broke the kiss. "Look, I . . . this is going really fast. Let me go find my shorts and let's go get something to eat. That is, if the offer is still on."

Gabriel swatted her on the behind, "Go get dressed!"

They went to a local Chinese restaurant and wolfed down some pan fried noodle. As they talked, they found themselves more and more drawn to each other.

When Gabriel took Nicki back to her townhouse, he stopped to kiss her outside on the door step. She turned to look at him, "You can come in and stay if you want to."

As Nicki said it, she lowered her eyes, not wanting Gabriel to see that it was an offer she really didn't want to make. Nicki wanted Gabriel alright, but she figured she had to make this offer to keep him interested in her. Without sex, she was pretty sure he would figure out that she wasn't worth his time and effort. But, with sex, maybe she could keep him with her until he could see that she could be useful to him - doing his housework, keeping his bills paid, taking care of his errands, etc.

But Gabriel has seen the distress in Nicki's eyes as she lowered them. He again raised her chin in his hand. "I really want to take you up on that more than almost anything in the world. The only thing I want more is for you to realize that I really am interested in you - the whole you - not just in how much you excite me sexually."

Nicki's eyes widened in amazement. Gabriel continued, "I know that we just started this relationship. I really want to continue it. But I won't stand by and watch you put yourself down. I believe you are beautiful as well as smart, funny, and sweet. And, more specifically, I believe you are physically beautiful - not just beautiful inside. I don't know what has happened to you to make you so certain that you aren't, but I want to stay around long enough to expel those demons. And I can't do that if you think that all I am after is sex. I'll wait on the sex until you believe that you are much more to me than just a release for my sexual energy. And when we do make love, I want you to understand that I am truly making love to someone who I believe is my equal, and yet, infinitely more than I'll ever be. Does that make any sense? Or have I blown you away completely?"

Instead of answering, Nicki threw her arms around Gabriel's neck and kissed him passionately. The kiss left them both breathless and aching, but they managed to disentangle themselves and say good night.

Both of them dreamed of the other all night long. And they slept very well.

Nicki awoke to a sense of dread. She was certain that the morning light would have brought Gabriel back to his senses and he would avoid her from now on. She was shocked when the phone rang at 6:30. "Hello?"

"Hey beautiful! How did you sleep?"

Pleasure surged through Nicki's body as she heard Gabriel's voice on the other end of the phone. He had just called to make sure that she was ok with what had happened the night before. Nicki could barely contain her happiness that this incredible man cared. He promised to call her later and they rang off.

Nicki's day was spent feeling like Cinderella after the ball. Every one of her housekeeping chores seemed like a dream and she floated on air all day.

Gabriel, on the other hand, was having a different sort of day. His attorney called him to let him know that she had finally been able to catch up with his ex-wife's lawyer. Apparently, his ex-wife was getting remarried (which meant an end to the alimony). And, moreover, had decided that she didn't really want the responsibility of raising their daughter now that she was a teen-ager.

Mandy was actually 14 now, and Gabriel's ex-wife found her exasperating. She wanted Gabriel to have full custody of Mandy. Gabriel's lawyer asked how he felt about this and almost lost her eardrum when Gabriel shouted out his joy! He had always wanted his daughter and he would take her anyway her could get her. The lawyer said that he actually didn't need to do anything yet, that it would take awhile to get the papers drawn up, but that his ex wanted him to come get Mandy as soon as possible. Gabriel agreed to get pick Mandy up the next morning, since it would be Saturday.

It was only when Gabriel hung up and started to dial Nicki's cell number that he realized that he might have just ended his relationship with Nicki by taking his daughter. He stopped dialing in mid-number. He sat there holding the phone, lost in his sudden uncertainty. The operator's annoying, pre-recorded voice, informing him that if he would like to place a call, he needed to hang up and dial again, drug him out of his stupor. He laid the phone back into it's cradle. What was he going to do?

Nicki and Gabriel hadn't talked about having children yet. "Hell", he thought to himself, "we haven't even talked about our next date yet, let alone marriage and children!"

But Gabriel couldn't lose his daughter. He didn't even really know who she was now. It had been almost 9 years since he had lived with Mandy and her mom. It just wasn't the same getting to see her every other week-end. He wanted to really be her dad and now, he was getting a second chance. He couldn't give that up.

As sure as he was about his feelings for his daughter, Gabriel was just as sure that Nicki was meant to be in his life too. Maybe if she couldn't handle the daughter thing they could still date. No, that didn't feel right. Gabriel already knew in his heart that he was ready to walk Nicki down the aisle. So much for all his "women aren't worth the effort" logic. He just didn't know what to do - how was he going to tell her that there was suddenly a lot more to him than just him - now it was a package deal.

Gabriel made it through the rest of his day, but his work certainly suffered. He couldn't remember any of the figures he had looked at and none of the proposals made any sense. Finally, he gave up. It was 4:50 and he was wiped out. He decided to pack up and head home.

When he opened his door, he noticed that something was wrong. He heard some noise that wasn't right. He began following the noise down the hall and began recognizing it. It was the sound of water running. He was so tired of that damn old toilet. Just when he least expected it, it got stuck and ran all day. Now, his water bill would be out the roof. As he went down the hall, he kicked off his shoes and pulled at his tie. When he threw open the bathroom door, he realized that it wasn't his toilet. It was his shower.

"What the. . . " With all the steam in the room, he couldn't see through the glass shower doors. He pulled the door open and reached in to turn off the water. As he stuck his arm in, someone grabbed him and jerked him into the shower. He almost fell, as he was caught completely off balance.

Gabriel struggled to stand up right and figure out what was going on. His glasses were completely fogged over so he yanked them off and finally took in the scene inside his shower. It was Nicki, completely nude, with the water running over her body. She was looking up at him with those big blue eyes and giggling uncontrollably.

"What are you doing?" Gabriel bellowed. He was still completely dressed, except for his shoes.

"I'm cleaning your shower and now I'm going to clean you!" Nicki replied. She reached up for his head and forced it down to her lips.

Gabriel wasn't sure if he was enjoying this, after all he had never been fully clothed in a shower before. But Nicki's lips were helping him understand that this might not be all bad. As he finally began responding to her kiss, Nicki began unbuttoning his shirt. Her hands ran all over his chest. It was thickly covered with hair and Nicki loved it. She moved her lips down his neck and bit at his sensitive skin. He was moaning and beginning to run his hands over her body. He liked the way her skin felt under his fingers.

Nicki finally managed to get his shirt completely unbuttoned and slid it off his arms. She hadn't undone the buttons at the cuffs, so the shirt momentarily acted to pin Gabriel's arms to his sides as he struggled to get the shirt completely off.

However, Nicki wasn't in the least bit interested in helping him. She took the opportunity to begin lightly kissing his nipples. She stuck out her tongue and ran it over one of the pointy nubs and Gabriel's entire body shuddered with desire. He finally managed to drag off his shirt and grabbed Nicki's hair and pulled her head back to meet his lips in a burning kiss.

Nicki wasn't happy that Gabriel continued to be clothed, though, so she dropped to her knees and began working on his belt. Gabriel kept his hand in Nicki's hair, moaning as she brushed his throbbing erection through the material of his pants. Within moments, Gabriel felt the cool air blowing across the bare skin of his ass as Nicki pulled both pants and briefs down in one smooth movement.

This time, instead of letting him struggle, Nicki helped Gabriel step out of his pants and tossed them aside. Gabriel reached down to pull her up, but Nicki slapped his hands away. Instead, she moved back up his legs and grasped his erection. It was pulsing in her hand. She noticed the drops of water on his skin and licked them off with her warm tongue. Gabriel almost lost it right then. Nicki moved her hand up and down his shaft for a few moments and then engulfed him in her mouth. She took as much of his erection in as she could and lovingly tongued every part she touched.

When Gabriel wasn't sure he could take anymore, he whispered hoarsely, "Shall we move this to the bedroom?"

The water had begun to cool as their passion had warmed up, so Nicki thought the bed was a good idea. She leaned back and turned off the water before standing up. Gabriel's shower wasn't large, so when she stood up, their bodies were touching from head to toe. Gabriel pushed his hands in between their bodies and rubbed Nicki's breasts.

"Mmmm. . ." was all that Nicki could manage to say. She slid open the shower door and stepped out. Before both of her feet ever touched the ground, Gabriel had picked her up. She squealed in surprise, but he didn't let her go. She gave up and snuggled into his chest.

Gabriel laid Nicki on the bed and then stood up. He stood over her looking up and down her body. It made Nicki very uncomfortable to have him staring at her naked body, but she was determined to let him do it. With an emotional move that she had years of practice doing, she divorced her body from her mind and cut the feedback system.

Gabriel's eyes called for Nicki to acknowledge herself as his sexual partner, but she couldn't do that without being forced to see herself as a sexually attractive being. And although she really liked sex, she would have had to admit, that ultimately she liked it because she knew that she could give her partner pleasure. Sex really had little to do with her deep inner self.

Well, maybe it had a lot to do with her deep inner self. She knew that a man (most men at least) liked to have sex with a woman (or two if he could manage it), and that she had all the required parts to have sex. She also knew that she could please a man sexually because she was curious and daring and adventuresome in bed.

But the bottom line was that she never thought of the man as really wanting to be in bed with her, Nicki Marsh. There was always the fear that if she wasn't good enough, he would quit wanting to be in bed with her. She never allowed herself to relax and let the man really pleasure her. Oh, she might act like it every now and then, but that was all part of the "pleasing him" process. She longed for the ability to trust a man enough to believe that she was something special, but she had never felt that way and now she wasn't sure that she could even if it was true.

However, Gabriel wasn't just any man. He had been through his own share of emotional hell and had ended up in therapy dealing with his own demons. When he saw the light dim in Nicki's eyes, he knew she had left her body. And, damn it all, he wanted her back.

After a few moments, it was obvious that Nicki wasn't going to come back with just his eyes begging. Gabriel dropped to his knees beside the bed and swept her into a sitting position with her legs hanging over the bed. He crawled in between her legs so he was actually looking her in the eye.

Nicki moved to kiss him, but he stopped her, "No, Nicki". Nicki looked mortified and he momentarily lost his nerve in the sight of her pain. But he plunged on for the sake of winning her heart. "Nicki, I told you that when we make love, I want you to know that I want you - Nicki Marsh. The look in your eyes says that you don't believe that yet."