Clinical Trials

There was a brief lull, so Hallie said, "So, Chad. May I ask what you do?"

"He's a Marine," Fran said, surprising her son.

"My older brother was a Marine," David chimed in. "In Vietnam."

He looked at Chad, tried to wink, then said, "A little before your time, young man."

"Yes, sir. It definitely was," he said, knowing that even Iraq was before his time and he'd been one of the last to deploy to Afghanistan during his first year on active duty.

Hallie waited for an opportunity to speak then told Chad she had the utmost of respect for anyone who served their country.

She glanced at her father then smiled at Chad as she said, "My dad and my uncle instilled that in me early on."

"It's an honor to serve," Chad replied quietly and sincerely.

"Are you going to make it a career?" Hallie asked in a way that told him she was genuinely interested.

"Well, I have ten years behind me, and I've heard it's all downhill to twenty."

He smiled back and got a little laugh from her at the pun.

"How about you, Hallie? What do you do? If you don't mind me asking."

The smile faded from her face just before she sighed and said, "That's a very good question."

"Her SOB of a husband walked out on her six months ago," David said before taking a bite and nearly choking.

"Dad. Get some water," Hallie said as she started to get up.

"I got it," Chad said as he handed the older man a bottle of H2O.

David reached for it and tried to take it, but his grip was weak and dropped it. The coughing got even worse, so Chad grabbed his mom's glass, stood up, then held it to David's mouth.

"Easy, sir. Just a sip, okay?"

He took a small sip, swallowed, then cleared his throat.

"Dad, are you all right?" Hallie asked from across the table.

She saw him place a hand on Chad's arm as he sat back down and said, "I'm fine, honey."

He looked at Chad and said, "Thank you, son."

Chad only nodded, but from that moment on the conversation waned as the reality of why they were there hit home yet again. Hallie never did tell him what she did, and he didn't ask. It seemed unlikely they'd talk again, and if they ever did he could ask her then.

"We should probably get going," Hallie said a few minutes later after watching her father like a hawk with every bite he took. Once she knew he'd had enough, that was her cue to excuse themselves from the table.

Chad got up as she did and told her it was a pleasure meeting her.

"You, too, Chad. And Fran? I hope we have a chance to talk again sometime."

"I'd like that, Hallie," she told him.

Chad saw David struggling to get up, so he grabbed the man's cain and handed it to him. He then moved closer and said, "You got it?" even as he helped the man stand up.

Chad could only imagine how difficult it had to be for a man who'd been strong and independent his entire life to know that he would grow more dependent on others every day for as long as he lived. He felt a lump in his throat but swallowed hard just as David told him he was fine, even though he clearly wasn't.

Hallie moved around the table, put her arm through her father's then thanked them again for asking them to join them for lunch.

"Our pleasure," Chad told her as they said their goodbyes.

"She's as nice as she is pretty," his mom said once they were gone.

"She really is, isn't she?" he replied as he watched Hallie until she left the room.

He turned back toward his mom and saw her smiling.

"I could tell you noticed."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Honey. I've never seen you look at a woman like that before. Well, not since your senior prom."

Chad laughed when he recalled the crush he'd had on a girl who was two years ahead of him in school. He started crushing on her when he was a freshman, and by then she was a college sophomore at Boston University, but to his tremendous surprise, she'd agreed to go with him when he asked her during a chance meeting out in town one weekend.

"You had it bad for her."

Her son laughed again and told his mom she was right.

Fran leaned closer then said, "And I'm right about Hallie, too."

"Mom. Come on. She's a...a little too old for me, don't you think?"

"Nonsense! Sure, she might be 35, but that's not...insurmountable...is it?"

"Thirty-five. No. I don't suppose it is," he said rather quietly as he asked himself why a few years made that much difference.

Feeling better, he said in a very chipper voice, "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be!" his mom said in her sunny voice, and that, too, caused another lump to form in his throat before he forced himself to smile as they headed back to the lobby.

Fran wanted to see her room, so the two of them used the pass key she'd been given during check-in. It was pretty spartan but looked comfortable enough for the amount of time she'd be staying in it. Fran was tired, so while they were there she laid down and rested until just before 2 o'clock.

By the time they got to the room where the introductory class was being held it was nearly packed. Chad scanned the seating, and after realizing there wasn't any, he saw Hallie who waved for them to come over. She'd saved them two seats and had been waiting for them to arrive.

Chad helped his mom make her way between the rows of chairs and sat her down next to David who was clearly very happy to see her.

"Hello, young lady!" he told her.

Fran had no trouble understanding him and replied, "Hello, handsome!" causing her son to laugh and Hallie to cover her mouth as she looked at Chad who sat down beside her.

"I think they're flirting," she said after turning Chad's way and still covering one side of her mouth.

"I say more power to them," Chad quipped.

Hallie laughed and told him she agreed.

"I haven't seen Dad smile much lately, and your mom has that effect on him."

"She's pretty great."

"Yes. Yes, she is," Hallie replied just as a man in a white lab coat walked up to the lecture and tapped the mic.

He spent about 20 minutes talking in which time he introduced himself, the two other doctors, and the nursing staff. He went over the treatment protocol and the timeline so that patients and their family members would know when they would be required to stay at the clinic.

When he got to the placebo issue, there were a lot of groans in the audience.

"I wish that wasn't the case, but it's the only way we can know whether or not the new medication is working. And quite frankly, without a placebo group and tight controls, the FDA would never approve the drug even it works."

He paused then said, "We do, however, have every reason to believe this new drug will be very effective."

"How long?" someone called out.

"Pardon me?" the doctor replied.

"If it works, how much longer will we live?" he asked, being very direct.

"From three to five years. Potentially."

There were a lot of oohs and aahs as loved ones held hands and looked at one another in a way that said, "Maybe there's hope."

"But zero extra time for the placebo group," the same man called out.

The doctor lowered his head for a moment, then looked right at the man, and said, "Yes. I'm afraid that's also true."

"Well, I guess we all got a 50-50 shot," the man said to the group before remaining silent throughout the rest of the presentation.

The last thing the doctor did was give the mic to the head nurse who asked that everyone who's last name started with A through M follow the doctor who'd just spoken and N through Z follow another doctor who raised his hand.

"Is one of these groups the guinea pigs?" the same man called out.

She ignored the dig and smiled.

"No, sir. It's just for administrative purposes. And again, no one, not even the doctors or nurses, knows who will get the medication or the placebo."

"Great. Just great," he said with a little more sarcasm than before as people slowly filed out.

"I guess we'll be together," Hallie said to Chad as they stood up.

"Right. Decker and Emerson. First group."

"I'm glad," she told him before helping her dad get up and allowing Chad to do the same with his mother.

After getting everyone where they needed to be the doctors in charge of each group let the family members know they wouldn't be allowed to stay.

"We'll be done around 5pm for the day, and after that you're free to meet your loved ones in their rooms or go home, whichever works best for you. So maybe decide where to meet then we'll ask you to step out, if you would, please."

Both David and Fran wanted to go to their rooms, but David made everyone laugh when he said, "Fran? You uh, you could come to my room."

"What? It's a good 15 steps closer!" David said when the chuckling stopped.

"Well, I just might take you up on that," Fran told him as she set her hand on his forearm.

"See? I told you!" Hallie whispered, her hand again shielding her words.

Chad laughed then asked her if she'd like to maybe have a cup of coffee at the cafeteria.

"You really don't like me, do you?" she said so seriously it caught Chad off guard as he gave her a little head shake that told her he was confused.

She laughed then said, "I'd be happy to have coffee with you. Just not...there."

Feeling foolish, Chad kind of did a facepalm kind of thing as he said, "Gee, duh."

"So if you're buying, I'll drive," Hallie offered.

"Oh, I'm definitely buying," he replied as he sort of puffed out his chest to indicate he was a macho kind of guy.

That made her laugh her again as she said, "I'm so glad to have someone else to talk to who understands. I'm always worried, and I feel like I'm all alone, you know?"

"I understand. Completely. If you aren't going through it or have a loved one who is, it's pretty much impossible to know just how awful this is."

"Oh, don't get me started or I'll start crying again," Hallie told him as Chad opened the front door of the clinic for her.

"Are all Marines chivalrous?" she asked when he went around and opened her car door, too.

He tilted his head then said, "Well, that's one word for Marines."

She laughed again then got in and waited for him to close the door. She started the car as Chad was getting in, and by the time his seatbelt was on, they were moving.

"The French Press Bakery is just a few blocks away," Hallie said as she pulled out onto the street.

"That sounds great," Chad told her having never been there or anywhere else in Needham other than a couple of trips there when he was very young.

"The coffee's good, and it's just a very nice little cafe."

"I'm in," Chad responded as Hallie smiled at him.

"You seem...older," she said a minute or so later.

"Uh-oh. Older than...what?"

She laughed yet again then said, "I just meant that for someone your age, you seem...."

"Older?" Chad offered causing her to laugh one more time.

"Sorry. It's just so nice to not only have someone to talk to, it's...wonderful...to have a...decent man...to talk to."

"I take it you might be comparing me to your ex?"

He smiled when he said it, but Hallie's face got serious when he mentioned her husband.

"I...I didn't mean it like that. I wasn't even consciously thinking about him when I said that, but perhaps that's what I was thinking."

She drove in silence for a few moments then said, "He really did a number on me."

"I'm sorry, Hallie. Do you maybe want to talk about it?"

He saw a tear in her eye and apologized. There were tissues between them so he pulled one out and gently handed it to her.

"Thank you. And...I apologize for getting emotional, but with my dad and my ex, it's been a tough year."

"It's okay. You've been through something awful and.... Well, something else awful."

She dabbed her eyes then said, "It's the old 'when it rains it pours' thing, I guess."

"I'm available anytime you ever feel like talking."

"That's very sweet of you, Chad. But I'd prefer to talk about anything but that, if that's okay."

"Of course," he told her. "Sometimes having someone who understands allows you to talk about other things."

"How are you so smart?" Hallie asked with a sweet smile and no hint of sarcasm.

"This is a little like going to war. Only someone who's been shot at understands, but that doesn't mean you want to talk about the bad stuff. You just feel comfortable because the other person knows."

As he spoke, she looked over at him and smiled. This time it was a different smile. Not just one borne of politeness but more of.... He wasn't really sure what it meant, but it felt like they'd just established a connection of some sort. One deeper than their parents' common illness.

When they ordered, Chad expected Hallie to ask for fancy drink of sort like a skinny latte mocha no whip, if that was even a thing. But she ordered black coffee which made him smile. She saw it and asked what it was all about.

He fessed up and told her, and she kind of flipped her hair and said, "I'm full of surprises, Chad Decker."

He laughed as he also ordered plain, black coffee because in his world, putting anything in it made it stop being coffee.

"It's good," he said after taking a first sip at the table she chose.

"It is," she said, taking one of her own. "And so is the company. Thank you again."

"You know having you to talk to is important to me, too, right?" he told her.

"Normally I'd make a joke about you being blind or me being a desperate, middle-aged woman, but none of this is very funny, is it?"

"Normally I'd accuse you of fishing for a compliment, because 30-something women aren't exactly middle aged. And beautiful women know they're beautiful, so you must be goin' fishin'."

Hallie was taking a second sip and nearly spewed it.

"What was funny about that?" the 6-foot Marine with the white-sidewalls haircut asked.

"Um...30-something. And fyi, I wasn't fishing. However, I am flattered, so thank you very much."

"I'm missing something here," Chad said as he took a closer look at her.

"It's the makeup."

He did another little head shake and told her he was lost. Again.

"Makeup. It hides those little crow's feet lines and wrinkles and...."

"Stop," Chad said, putting his cup down.

It was said so gently it took Hallie by surprise.

"You know, I was...staring at you. When you walked in with your dad."

Hallie was now staring herself, but it was more of an 'I don't understand what you're talking about' sort of look than an actual stare.

"My mom was talking, but I was having trouble listening."

He looked at her then said, "Because of you."

He waited for a moment then added, "And your crow's feet and wrinkles."

Hallie feigned hurt, but Chad didn't stop.

"The truth is, there aren't any. And I have no idea why your husband left you, but he's...an idiot."

Hallie felt herself tearing up again, but for a different reason.

"I'm sorry," Chad said when he noticed. "I didn't mean to bring him up again. I only wanted to tell you that you're...beautiful, Hallie. And I don't just mean externally which is truly beautiful, but after talking with you just this little bit, I'm pretty sure the beauty runs far beneath skin deep."

She blinked three or four times then said, "Where were you 20 years ago when I was falling for the wrong man?"

Chad got that puzzled look on his face again and that made Hallie ask why.

"Well, I...were you...I mean, did you fall in love when you were 12 or 15?"

Now it was Hallie who was doing the head shake thing.

"I'm...confused."

"Yeah, there's a lot of that going around these days," Chad replied with a smile. "I honestly thought you were between 32 and maybe 35. And so did my mom."

"Oh, my gosh! I love you both!" Hallie blurted out with a laugh and a smile.

"See? I'm right. You really are beautiful. Especially when you smile."

Rather than play it off or make a joke she thanked him instead.

"It really is nice having a...a very nice man to talk to."

Chad told her 'likewise' then posed a question.

"Would you be willing to tell me if you really meant it was 20 years ago that you were falling for the wrong guy?"

Hallie sighed then nodded.

"Yes. I am 100% serious."

The little head shake got huge as Chad said, "You can't be serious."

Hallie laughed as she got out her wallet from her purse and handed him her driver's license.

Chad saw her date of birth, looked at her again then shook his head.

"Wow. I'm...shocked. Seriously."

"You're sweet. And now you know, so you can stop thinking about...that. Dating. Or whatever."

She was clearly flustered and tried to regain some control.

"Let's just have some coffee and talk about pleasant things. Deal?"

"Hmmm. Yeah, I don't know about that."

"What? Why not?"

"Well, it's not as though showing me your driver's license changed my opinion of you. I still think you're beautiful, so I'm not sure I can promise to restrict my conversation to butterflies and kittens."

She smiled happily then said, "See. I'm right. You are sweet."

Rather than push the issued, Chad decided to play along. For now.

"And chivalrous. Don't forget chivalrous."

Hallie laughed happily and promised she wouldn't.

In spite of her request to talk about pleasant things, Hallie was the one who asked about his mom's diagnosis then answered Chad's questions about her father's.

"This is just a...heinous, unfair, horrible disease," she said as a way of venting her frustration and inability to do anything.

"I agree. Even with something as nasty as cancer there are treatments in most cases. Radiation, chemo...."

"Surgery," Hallie chimed in. "No, you're right. This just isn't fair."

She sighed and said, "Then again, life isn't fair."

"No. It isn't. It can be cruel and capricious."

Hallie sighed again then said, "So can love. Trust me."

"Anything you want to talk about?" Chad asked as casually as he could.

"No, I don't want you to think I'm a negative person. I know I sound that way, but between my ex and now my dad, it's been a challenge to see the sunny side of life these days."

Chad smiled then sang, "Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side. Keep on the sunny side of life."

Hallie sat up straight and her eyes opened wide.

"My dad used to sing that when I was a girl. And I had no idea you could sing."

Chad laughed and told he couldn't even though he could. Not well enough to make a living at it, but he could hold a tune and had been told he had a pleasant singing voice. He had sung in a church choir in his youth but since Afghanistan he didn't sing too much anymore. It took everything he had to remain positive and upbeat, something that occasionally proved too difficult to do.

"Just in the shower," he said as he tried to laugh politely.

"No. You have a very nice voice," Hallie insisted. "I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you."

"Won't that hurt?"

Chad said it so seriously she didn't get it for a few seconds. In the interim, he leaned over and literally put an eye on her shoulder just as it hit her.

She laughed then pushed him away.

"Oh, my goodness. That was...awful!"

"Yeah, but I made you laugh, so I'm taking credit for it."

She laughed again then told him yet again how enjoyable it was to talk to him.

"I said I'm not a negative person, but the way my former husband left had a pretty big impact on me."

"How so?" Chad asked, hoping to get her to continue talking.

"Kids," she replied. "I always wanted one, but after four miscarriages, I was told to quit trying. I was 40 years old, and my husband of ten years told me he wanted a child before he was too old to raise one."

"Was adoption a possibility?"

"For me, yes. But not for him."

She shook her head and sighed yet again.

"He said in no uncertain terms, 'I am not raising some other man's child'."

"Wow. That's...harsh."

When he saw Hallie tearing up he tried to change the subject, but she went right back to it.