Clinical Trials

"It was so important to him that he found reasons to blame me. Often. I got so bad I couldn't take it, and told him he had to choose. He chose...."

Using the voice of the old knight from an Indian Jones movie, Chad said, "He chose...poorly" with a British accent. Hallie didn't laugh either because she didn't think it was funny or more likely because she hadn't seen the movie.

"So here I am at 42 wondering if I'll ever have a child, and my one-time husband has already remarried and his new wife is pregnant."

That pushed Hallie over the edge. Chad reflexively moved closer and put an arm around her.

"I'm so sorry."

"Thank you, but I'm the one who's sorry. I asked you to keep things light then I dove right into the depths of my own...shit."

"We all have a steaming pile of that kind of...stuff somewhere in our lives. We do our best to avoid it, but it always there, stinking up the joint."

Hallie couldn't help but laugh and when she did a bit of snot flew out of her nose.

"Oh, my gosh. I cannot believe that just happened," she said as she grabbed some napkins and started wiping. She held the nasty, wet paper out then told Chad she needed to go freshen up.

She came back a couple of minutes later and was all smiles, at least on the outside.

"Okay. I promise not to...stink the place up again."

She even tried to laugh, but Chad could see it wasn't working.

"What do you like to do for fun?" she asked, hoping to stay away from the sh...poo.

"I love running. Um...bicycling. I'm kind of a gym rat and a fitness geek and I'm into nutrition and...other boring stuff like that."

"That's not boring. I need...all of that. Or at least some of it. I've become a complete slug the last year or so."

"Do you enjoy walking?"

"I used to."

"You want to go for a walk?" Chad asked.

"You know what? I would. Yes, that sounds really nice."

They only walked for about 20 minutes because Hallie didn't have the kind of shoes for anything more. As they strolled along Chad asked her what she did for work.

"Oh, boy. I said I wouldn't stink the place up, so we should avoid my job. Suffice it to say that it...stinks."

Chad laughed, but Hallie didn't. She stopped him and apologized.

"Chad, I can't believe how bad this first conversation has gone. Every time I answer a question, I say something negative. And that's after telling you I'm not a negative person. Twice. Whatever credibility I may have had with you has to be long gone."

"If you'd talked to me during my first and only tour in Afghanistan, you'd have run for the hills. I was down on everyone and everything, and I was always an optimist before that."

"But war is a little different than everyday life. Maybe you're just being too hard on yourself."

Chad's best friend had been blown up by an IED and lost both legs. Another Marine in his platoon had been shot and killed, and two others had been wounded. Sure, he had a reason for the negativity, but he hated the way feeling like that affected him as it poisoned everything else in his life.

When he got home he went out of his way to be as optimistic as he possibly could about every facet of his life no matter what happened. He didn't share the gory stuff with Hallie, he just told her that things had been bad and that he'd made a conscious decision to change his outlook.

"So as bad as I feel for my mom, I'm not letting this make me see things in a glass half-empty way even though she may well get the placebo."

"Do you think your mom will get the drug?"

"I don't know. All I know is that she's the most optimistic person I know, and I'm going to stay as upbeat as I can. Regardless."

"It's hard, isn't it? You have no idea which one your parent will get, and even if they get the drug there's no guarantee it'll work for them. But we have to hope, right?"

"Yes we do," Chad agreed. "And I'm hoping we can do this again."

"Walking?"

"And talking," he replied with a smile.

"As long as it's just walking and talking, I'm sure we can."

"That's fine. For now."

The smile on his face made Hallie smile, too.

"Don't make me show you my driver's license again," she said, pretending to be fierce.

Chad laughed a little then said, "Right. Because it scared me so much the first time."

"You should be scared," she said, giving no hint as to why she was saying that.

Undeterred, Chad let her know that whether or not to be scared was for him to decide.

They were still facing each other, and after he said that, Hallie felt something vaguely familiar, and that scared her.

"Ummm...we should probably get back. They ought to be finishing up soon, don't you think?" she said, barely even glancing at him.

Chad had lost all track of time, and had to glance down at his watch.

"You're right. It is about that time."

They walked quietly back to his car then drove in silence back to the clinic. Just before he shut the car off, Chad asked a question.

"Is it me or is it the circumstances?"

Hallie looked over at him with an odd look on her face.

He put the car in park then looked at her.

"If you don't want to go out with me because...well, for any reason, that's your call. And even if it's just due to the stress from dealing with ALS and its issues, that's fine, too. I'd just like to know if you find me...unappealing."

She looked at him for another second or two after he finished then chose her words carefully.

"No. It definitely isn't you, Chad. I think you're wonderful. You're exactly what I'd be looking for...if I was looking for someone. I will admit that the age difference kind of...I don't know...freaks me out? Bothers me? But it's more that my husband bailed on me, and yes, I am having a hard time dealing with my dad's ALS, but it's not you. You're pretty great. Maybe even wonderful."

She smiled to try and mitigate the sting her words might cause, and she got one, albeit a small one, in return.

"Okay. Fair enough."

He went around and opened her door and helped her out. As she stood just inches away from him he told her that none of that meant he was going to stop hoping her feelings would change. The resolve she felt while explaining this to him was weak to begin with. Knowing how he felt coupled with what he just said shredded what little was left, and as she held his gaze she felt her heart pound in her chest.

"I'm glad you feel that way," she said, forcing herself not to kiss him.

She stepped aside so he could close the door, and as she did he took her hand. He gave the door a shove then moved even closer to her than before.

"Tell me you don't want me to kiss you right now, and I'll stop trying."

"What? Kiss me? Chad...I just met you," her brain said as her heart hoped he would.

"We did just meet, but I know there's something here, Hallie. There's something between us, and I know you feel it, too. So can you honestly tell me you don't want me to kiss you?"

His words were soft and gentle, and she ached to be held and yes, to be kissed.

Hallie's mouth went dry. As she tried to speak it came out as more of a hoarse whisper.

"No. I can't."

"No?" he asked with a smile as he tilted his head a bit to get her to look at him as he gently brushed her hair back.

Hallie could only shake her head, and she found it impossible to look away once she made eye contact. As he leaned in to kiss her she was mercifully able to stop staring as she closed her eyes and kissed him back.

"Just so you know I'm very persistent," Chad told her when their first kiss ended, that smile back on his very handsome face.

"I think I like persistence," she was able to say, a real-but-still-unsure smile on her pretty face.

"So how about we go see how 'Mom and Dad' are doing?"

Hallie laughed and loved the way it made her feel. She also loved the way that Chad squeezed her hand as she walked.

"Should we let..."

She looked at as they walked then used his turn of phrase.

"Mom and Dad" know? Should we tell them that we...."

She stopped, so of course, Chad did, too.

He turned toward her and asked, "Tell them what?"

"I don't know. What just happened?"

"I kissed you, Hallie."

She gave him a playful shove then said, "Be serious, Chad."

He tried to look as serious as he could and deepened his voice and spoke like Clark Gable in a movie.

"I kissed you, Hallie."

"Stop!" she said the way a teenage girl would. "You know what I mean."

"Can't we tell them we that we enjoyed walking and talking and that we like each other? Or that we both like black coffee?"

She narrowed her eyes a little then laughed.

"Okay. All of that is true, so let's go with that. The coffee part."

"Just not that we kissed, right?"

She put her arms around him and smile again.

"Not unless it comes up. Is that okay?"

"Hand holding? Can we hold hands when they're around?"

"Chaaaad. Stop!" she said in the same adolescent way.

"Or what? You won't kiss me anymore?"

"Ha! Like I'd want that," she told him, a real smile now on her face as she kissed him to show him that would not be okay with her.

After Hallie said, "Now be nice, okay?"

"I make no promises," he told her. "But I will try."

"Good. Now let's go see what's happening with the folks."

"The folks. I like that," Chad told her as they held hands the rest of the way in.

Once inside Hallie didn't hold his hand as they went to his mom's room first, but it turned out that she wasn't there.

"Maybe she's answering questions," Hallie suggested.

"Yeah. Probably so."

They strolled down to her father's room and heard a woman's laugh.

"I think we found her," Chad said when he recognized his mom's laugh.

"Well, well. Look at you two," Hallie said as she saw the happy look on her father's face. He could still smile although it was a little lopsided, and Chad's mother was clearly enjoying his company.

"We were just talking about running away together," David said, the words a bit difficult to understand.

"But I can barely walk, so we're gonna hold off," he said drawing another laugh from Fran.

"Isn't she a little young for you, Dad?" Hallie said just as she remembered kissing a much-younger man just moments ago.

"Young? She's not that much younger, and besides, Fran's a hot little filly," her father said as he tried to wink at Fran.

"Oh! Listen to you!" Fran said, another laugh coming after her words.

"Mom? Are you smitten?" Chad teased.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe a little. I do know I enjoy talking with David. That's not a crime, is it?"

"Not in my book. Hallie?"

"No. Not at all. That's allowed. Encouraged even," she said with a little laugh of her own.

Chad asked 'the parents what was next as he remembered the movie by the same name.

"We're done. We can leave. We were just waiting on you two lovebirds to get back," David said, prompting a flash of redness in Hallie's cheeks.

"Dad! What's gotten into you?" she asked a little too defensively.

"Did I call it or what?" he said to Fran who laughed again.

"I believe you did," she replied as she looked at his daughter and her son who were standing so close to one another that their arms were touching.

"What?" Hallie asked, again a bit defensively.

"Okay, okay. We're busted," Chad said as he put his arm around Hallie.

She initially flinched and felt bad for doing so as she quickly put her arm around him.

"But we're not running off. We're just...."

She looked at Chad who just shrugged.

"Enjoying one another's company?"

"Right. We like talking to each other," Hallie quickly added.

"Talking. So that's what it's called these days, huh?" Fran said with a happy look on her face.

She'd already made peace with the fact that her days were numbered, and all she wanted from this life was for her son to be happy. She would never see a grandchild, but she longed to know her son had someone to love and care for him.

"I think we need to get our parents--the folks--out of here," Hallie announced as she pretended to be offended.

"We could all go to dinner," David suggested. "My treat."

"Fran's hungry, too," he added.

"I guess we could do that," Hallie said as she looked to Chad for a reaction.

"It's a little early, but...sure. Why not?"

"Early?" David mumbled. "It's nearly five o'clock. That's an hour past my dinner time already. I'm starving!"

Everyone laughed as they slowly made their way outside. Chad helped David get in as his size made it very difficult for his daughter who was 5'7" tall and weighed 120 pounds, a good 80 pounds less than her father who stood 6'2". He'd already lost around ten pounds because eating had become such a chore.

"How about we follow you?" Chad suggested. "Your dad will be choosing the restaurant, so we'll just go where you go."

"That sounds good," Hallie told him, wanting to say she liked the idea of Chad going where she went very much.

They spent nearly two hours eating and talking, and for most people, dinner time was just beginning when they got ready to leave. Those two hours allowed all four of them to form a bond that would last for the rest of their lives--however long that might be.

Three Months Into the Clinical Trials

Hallie grabbed her phone and called the number she dialed several times a day.

"Chad? Hey. Dad was able to eat granola cereal without any trouble, and I couldn't wait to tell you!"

"That's so awesome! My mom has been able to put her cane away, and I gotta tell you I'm really feeling hopeful for both of the folks."

"I know! I haven't been this optimistic since...well, since you kissed me for the first time," she bubbled happily.

Chad laughed and told her that was a moment he'd never forget.

"Nor will I. That moment changed my life," she said very sweetly.

"Really. It must have been something really special then, huh?" he replied as though he was trying to understand how or why it changed her life.

"Yeah. That was the first time I felt hopeful. For myself. And I...."

She wanted to tell him that was the moment she fell in love with him, but neither of them had said the "L" word yet, although Hallie had come very close a couple of times this past week.

"Are we still on for dinner tonight?" he asked.

"Definitely. My dad's really excited about seeing your mom. And his speech is so much better in just the last week. It's like this new medication is helping. Really helping."

She looked around to make sure he wasn't nearby then quietly said, "The downside is I can't get him to shut up!"

She laughed, and Chad did, too, because they both knew their parents had received the drug, and most of all because it was working for them. They hadn't been told that, of course, but the results in both of them were so dramatic that had to be the case.

"Guess who's driving me there?" Chad asked.

"Your mom? She's driving again? That's incredible!"

"It is. And you're incredible, too...honey," he told her, using a pet name for the first time.

Hallie was so moved when she teared up immediately, and when she responded, she said, "I feel the same way about you, too."

She wanted to call him 'sweetheart' but she was having a hard time talking at all, and for the first time she really, truly believed that he loved her.

As they got ready to sit down to eat David said, "So Franny. Hallie tells me you're driving now."

"I am! I almost feel like my old self. And no comments about being old," she warned all of them with a laugh.

"Not from me!" David said, holding his hands up as he did. "I was just thinking, though. Now that you can drive, maybe you and I can go on a date sometime."

Chad looked at Hallie who was already smiling. It was no big secret that their parents had taken a shine to each other. Neither had mentioned dating as it felt like it might be some kind of jinx to even say it, but with both of them slowly improving each day, it was the right time to bring it up.

"I think that would be very nice," Fran said.

Chad and Hallie had the same idea and he spoke for them.

"Maybe we could double date sometime?"

"Double date? Nah! I might wanna kiss your mom, and we don't need our kids giving us the stink eye," David told them, his voice now strong enough to be clearly understood.

"Kissing, huh? Guess we're gonna have to have 'the talk'," Chad said very seriously as he and Hallie tried not to laugh.

"How do you think you two got here?" David growled as though he was offended, a twinkle in his eye.

"Dad? Are you saying it wasn't the stork?"

He waved an arm and said, "You kids just sit down, would you?"

All four of them laughed as they filled their plates, talked, and ate.

Just before dessert David asked, "So how about you two? When are you both gonna realize you're in love?"

Hallie's eyes became wide as saucers, her jaw dropped, and a look of horror appeared on her face.

Chad reached over and took her hand then said to David while looking at his daughter, "Right now."

She saw the look on his face and knew it was coming.

"I love you, Hallie Emerson."

Both Hallie and Fran teared up as she said it back to the younger man she loved.

"I can't think of a better time to say it than when we're all together and 'the folks' are doing so much better."

"I knew Chad loved you from the first day you met," Fran told her.

"Well, I can't top that, but I want to tell Fran how much I like being with her and how much her friendship means to me."

Chad nearly choked up when he saw a tear fall from his mother's eye.

"Are you just gonna yap or are you ever gonna kiss me?" Fran said to David.

Without hesitation he leaned over and kissed her. Thankfully, it was a quick peck, as neither 'child' wanted to see a real kiss. And yet that little peck inspired them as they kissed one another, too. More than a peck but less than...inappropriate.

"Well, now that your mom and I have that out of the way, maybe a double date would be okay," David said getting a laugh from all of them.

Two weeks before Chad's humanitarian non-transfer was up the four of them went on a second double date. David wore a suit and Chad was wearing his dress blues as they splurged and went to the fanciest restaurant in the area. Chad had already spoken to David and was hiding a ring inside of a pocket.

He stood up and tapped on a glass and the entire restaurant turned to look.

"I apologize for interrupting, but I have something very important to say."

He looked at Hallie who was wearing a gorgeous dress and looked stunningly attractive.

"It's actually a question."

He fished out the ring, then got down on one knee as several 'ahhs' came from some of the women there as Hallie gasped and covered her mouth with two trembling hands.

"Hallie Emerson. I love you with all of my heart. I can't imagine my life without you in it, so..will you...."

Before he could say 'marry me' Hallie was shrieking, "YESSSS!" and holding out her hand.

Chad stood up then picked up his fiancé and twirled her around as every person in the restaurant applauded and/or cheered and whistled.

"You're marrying up, Marine!" an older man called out.

"Yes, sir, I am!" Chad called back with laughter and chuckles following.

One woman who'd already had a few said, "I don't know. He's pretty damned hot!"

Several other women cheered and Hallie called, "It's okay! He is hot. But he's MINE ladies, so BACK OFF!"

The man who told Chad he was marrying up paid for their meal and wished them well. He was a retired Marine colonel who'd flown F-4s and then F-18s while on active duty.

They chatted for a few minutes, and the subject of making Warrant Officer came up. Warrant officers outranked all enlisted personnel and were junior to all commissioned officers, but they had the experience younger lieutenants needed.

"Good luck, Chad. I hope you make it, but either way, you're a very lucky man," the retired colonel said as he handed the young Marine a business card.