Closer to God

"Go find us a spot. I'll get the food." Danny said to Mattie.

A booth had just cleared out and Mattie swooped in. She looked over at Danny, still talking with Mark and Eric. Mark nodded when he saw Mattie and said something to Danny. He fished an open pack of Winstons from his jacket and offered one to his buddies. They lit up and continued talking when she saw Miss Treadway.

She came in alone, Mattie recalled. No one even seemed to notice she was there until she walked right up to Mark and Danny. The chaotic din of the crowd in the dining room swelled for a brief moment, but strangely enough, Mattie thought she could hear everything. The bespectacled middle aged woman took one look at the guys smoking and demanded they put out their cigarettes or take it outside.

"We're not at school, what's the big deal?" Mark said. He took a long drag and blew it practically in the woman's face. This provoked an eruption of laughter from the other guys. Hell, Jodie stood there behind the register laughing too.

"Put that cigarette out now, young man, or Monday I'll have a conversation with Coach Falconer and he can deal with you!"

"Fuck you." Danny said. More laughter erupted, this time louder. Miss Treadway looked in Mattie's direction, and for a second or two, their eyes locked. The older woman didn't even flinch. Mattie could hardly believe it. She's not at school. She's outnumbered. She's crazy! Miss Treadway's mouth stretched taut across her face. She said nothing and snatched the cigarette right out of Danny's mouth and pitched it on the tiled floor before stepping on it. The look on her face was grim and defiant, daring the senior football player to say something. "Hey!"

Mattie watched the scene unfold with awe. Miss Treadway snatched the open pack of Winstons out of Mark's hand and started to walk away. "Give those back, you crazy bitch!" Mark yelled. "Who the hell even let her in here?" He didn't care. They weren't on school property and, as far as he was concerned, this teacher had no power here.

But they were about to find out.

Danny lunged at the gym teacher. He reached for the cigarette pack and missed. "What're you doing, you fucking nutbar, I just bought those!" Mark screeched while Miss Treadway emptied the entire pack in front of him. A few cigarettes rolled towards her and she triumphantly crushed them under the sole of her blue Keds. A sardonic grin spread across her face; vulpine. She took about three steps over to Danny, leaned in, and whispered...something in his ear. What that was, neither Mattie, nor Danny's friends, ever found out. Miss Treadway simply turned and walked out of the Hoppity Sam without ordering anything that night. No one saw where she went. She just seemed to disappear into the darkness.

Danny, on the other hand, was suddenly quiet. He stayed that way for the rest of the night. He was pale as cottage cheese and his skin took on a strange waxen appearance. Mattie noticed the beads of sweat at his temples. His eyes were vacant. They seemed to stare at something unseen and distant. He barely touched his Buddy Bellhop burger. "Are you okay?" Mattie asked. "You look sick!"

"I don't feel so well." Danny muttered once they got back in his car. Mattie switched seats with him. It was clear that he was in no condition to drive.

"What did she say to you, Dan?" Mattie wondered. It must've been pretty bad.

"Nothing." Danny muttered. "I just...need to get back home. I gotta lie down."

"Dan, you sure? Cause it sure looked like she said some--"

"She didn't say anything, just drop it!"

Back at school on Monday, Danny broke up with her. When she asked what was going on, he just shrugged and said something about wanting to see other people. About a week or so after graduation, Danny Clevenger died. Mattie heard the news through Jodie. "Dan was at Eric's house." She said. "They picked up a fan belt for Eric's truck, and they were in the driveway when Dan collapsed. His mom said it was an aneurism."

"Young, lady, is everything all right?" The sound of Miss Treadway's voice shattered the horror of Mattie's recollection, dragging her back to the present. "I'm not sure you've heard a word of what I've just said."

"Ugh, I'm sorry." Mattie apologized. She winced, feeling a sharp pain behind her eyes.

"Headache?" Miss Treadway asked. Mattie nodded. "I think I have something that'll help with that; better than whatever you've been taking." She said. She stood and started for the door. "Come with me, it's in the PE office."

Mattie followed Miss Treadway back the way she came earlier, through the open doors of the main gymnasium. Varsity cheer practice was in full swing. Miss Larsson stood at the sideline watching and nodding along as the girls clapped and loudly chanted, voices echoing and swelling:

We've got the T-E-A-M!

That's on the B-E-A-M!

We've got the team that's on the beam!

They're really hep to the jive!

Come on, North Haskell High!

Skin 'em alive!

The cramped little PE office was open and Miss Treadway opened the top drawer to the file cabinet behind a desk cluttered with books and papers. "You'll have to excuse the mess." She said. "A few textbooks were moved in here during vacation because the janitors were painting and straightening a few things up next door. Everything should be moved out and back in order on Monday...so I'm told." She retrieved a small first aid kit from the drawer, opened it, and handed Mattie a small bindle of packets wrapped in a rubber band. There looked to be about four packets total, about the size of a postage stamp, maybe a little larger. "Here, this might help." She said. "I'd wait until you're home if I were you."

Mattie looked at the bindle of packets in her hand. "What is it?" She asked. "Pills?" They didn't feel like pills. "A little powder is all." The gym teacher said. "Put a little of that in some milk or whatever you like to drink before bed--no alcohol." She warned. "Should ease the pain and help you sleep."

A tall ebony apparition quietly eased through the door of the cramped little office, filling the frame. "Hey, CJ, thought you'd be gone by now." It was Coach Falconer. "Package came for you down at the main office. Thought I'd bring it up."

A tall ebony apparition quietly eased through the door of the cramped little office, filling the frame. "Hey, CJ, thought you'd be gone by now." It was Coach Falconer. "Package came for you down at the main office. Thought I'd bring it up."

"Probably those books on tennis strategies I ordered." Coach handed Miss Treadway the package wrapped in plain brown paper. She glanced down at the return address and nodded. "Thank you, Joseph, you are a dear!" Mattie laughed.

She couldn't help it. Joseph? Coach turned to leave, but paused when he heard the girl laughing. His eye bounced between Mattie's hand and the open first aid kit. "I see you're giving the new girl a headache already." He said.

"I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't." Miss Treadway flatly replied. Coach rolled his eyes. "Don't listen to anything that woman says!" He told Mattie. "She's crazy, but that stuff really works." He said, referring to the bindle in the girl's hand. "Had some rotator cuff pain the other day and that stuff cleared it right up!"

"Oh, really?" Mattie's face lit up, suddenly relieved by the man's glowing testimony. "Yeah, just make sure you ain't going anyplace soon. Puts you right to sleep." Coach said. "I gotta go. See you ladies bright and early Monday!"

Miss Treadway closed the first aid kit and stowed it back in the file cabinet drawer. She retrieved the package Coach brought, gestured and asked Mattie to switch the light off before leaving the PE office. "I'm sure you heard Joe say bright and early. That means 7:30."

"Got it." Mattie said. She stepped back in the hall and started for the stairwell. She turned and said goodbye. "Have some fun this weekend, but not too much." Miss Treadway said amiably. "See you Monday morning!"

*****

Outside, Mattie headed back to her car. Once there, she tossed her folder onto the front passenger seat and looked at the little packets in her hand. By the size and feel, they definitely contained some kind of powder and not pills. For a second or two, she thought about tossing them. As she started for home, she wondered if the school nurse knew Miss Treadway kept drugs like that in a first aid kit. Did the principal even know? But Coach Falconer said it worked, whatever it was. "Maybe it's fairy dust!" Mattie laughed to herself. Still, the thought made her a little uneasy.

She had bigger, more pressing, things to think about now. Her last semester at Blake College was about to start, and she's getting to spend it student teaching at her old high school, how great is that? Mattie was disappointed that she wouldn't be spending her semester working with Mrs. McBride, but Miss Treadway seemed nice. And with those little packets, she probably meant well. "She's crazy, but I'll give her a chance." Mattie sighed. "I owe her that at least."

Mattie finished her last shift at the Comet a little early. Her co-workers Tom, Jake, and Hildy stuck around to celebrate. Jody was there too. She closed the pro shop early and Hildy brought two large pizzas from the tavern. Tom and Jake brought a couple six packs of beer and the five of them sat around lane 27 till about an hour or so after closing. The tavern was still open. Tom and Jake suggested getting some more beer, but Mattie made her excuses and went upstairs to her apartment. Her head started hurting again.

She went to the cramped little kitchen and opened the fridge, grateful for the blast of cool air against her face. The pain was getting worse. It had gone from a persistent dull thudding to a stabbing, shooting pain behind her eyes. She needed something for the pain, but she couldn't find any aspirin. Then she remembered Coach Falconer's teasing: "I see you're giving the new girl a headache already."

I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't.

She poured herself a glass of milk and stared for a second at the little packets she'd tossed on the counter earlier. Miss Treadway meant well, didn't she? But she said no alcohol. "I only had one or two beers." Mattie muttered. She reached for a packet and tore it open. "Coach said they really work. Maybe if I only use a little..." She dumped a little of the powder into her milk. The white substance bobbed on the surface till Mattie submerged it with a spoon, creating a mini vortex as she stirred. She brought the glass to her lips and drank. There didn't seem to be an apparent difference in taste. Satisfied, she gulped the rest of it down and went to bed.

Mattie didn't remember falling asleep, but she must have. She had no memory of taking her clothes off or even getting into bed. But that searing, stabbing pain behind her eyes weakened and disappeared with the last gulp of milk. The bedroom was dark but she left the light on in the kitchen and the bedroom door was open. Mattie could've barely described what happened next.

The wall at the foot of her bed stirred a little so she sat up. It startled her and she wanted to be sure she saw what she saw. Mattie stared at the wall in the darkness, trying hard to resist the urge to blink. It happened again. There was a kind of rippling and the wall heaved, in and out, like it was...breathing! It scared the hell out of Mattie, but she couldn't look away. She tried to call out for help. Jodie lived across the hall from her. Maybe she'd hear her if she screamed loud enough. But no sound would come out. The window was closed and the air felt heavy; almost suffocating. The curtains were closed, but a faint glimmer of light from the street below seeped through. It drew Mattie's eyes back to the wall, rippling unobtrusively. The sight of it was fascinating and hypnotic, so she just sat there watching.

After a minute or so, the ripples faded and dissolved completely. Then the wall heaved again, in and out, drawing more breaths. The craziest thing happened next. The wall became distorted and deformed. It bowed a little at first, and then Mattie watched as a bulge erupted from the surface that slowly took on the shape of a human head. A slim and sylphlike human shape pushed out from the surface. It moved slowly, struggling to free itself from the ancient plaster prison of Mattie's bedroom wall. But it succeeded.

A vague humanoid entity leered at the foot of Mattie Askeland's bed. The girl screamed, throat straining, but still no sound came out.What the hell is this thing? What does it want? Is it real, or am I just seeing things? But it was real. Mattie was sure of it. A strange feeling suddenly came over her. Maybe it was shock. Maybe it was runaway fear. She sat there speechless, feeling trapped, yet this being just stood there like it meant her no harm.

As far as Mattie could tell, the rearing figure was female. Her body, white and completely featureless, pulled away from the wall. Long taffy like strands of white strayed from the entity's arms, billowing like gossamer strands of melted marshmallow. Her body was lovely and graceful. Mattie's eyes went to the two white featureless swells of her breasts. Below that, her belly was rigid and flat. The entity, strange and alien, resembled a mannequin in abstract form. It was beautiful.

Mattie's lips quivered, straining to speak. She wanted to know if what she saw was real or not. She tried again to speak, but no words came out. She felt the mattress sink a little beneath her when the leering entity came closer. "Oh my God!" The words broke through at last, and a strangled cry escaped her lips. The entity sat on the mattress in front of Mattie near the foot of the bed. The girl just stared in fear. She tried to process the sight before her eyes, but words failed her.

The entity had no face. The head, balanced on a graceful, swanlike neck, was as smooth and white as the wall she'd come from. Mattie noticed, on either side of the head, the twin shell-like protrusions. She guessed they were ears. Dread swelled in the pit of Mattie's stomach when she saw the slash stretched across the lower part of the head. Fine ripples appeared around the edge as it parted. It was a mouth, crude as it was.

"Oh, God, don't hurt me!" Mattie pleaded. Her breath came in quick, hitching gasps. The air felt thick and soupy. Mattie started to panic and her hand went to her throat. The entity slowly raised a hand. The air around Mattie felt lighter now, and cooler. Her chest heaved as she took a deep breath.

Slowly, the entity leaned towards Mattie. She felt the touch of the strange being's body against hers. She felt that slit of a mouth, parted, pressing against her lips. The kiss they shared was soft and reverent, almost...pious. Mattie's eyes closed against the sight, now opened. They shared another kiss and then Mattie felt a sort of swelling, overwhelming exhilaration. Her heart was racing.

"What is it you seek?" Just now, she heard a voice speaking softly to her."What do you crave?"

Mattie didn't hesitate to speak. "I want to be a teacher." She said with conviction. "I want to be the best at everything I do so that others look up to me and come to me for advice."

"Trust in me, and you shall find what you seek. You shall indulge in all that you crave."

A thought she'd always kept secret rose to the surface, drawn out, it seemed, by this strange visitor. Mattie always wondered what it was like to kiss another woman, but fear held her back. Sometimes she'd see a well-dressed woman passing by on the street or down at the A&P where she often stopped for groceries. She recalled the embarrassing crush she had on this girl in her methods class last semester. She was already teaching at Kent Junior High as a music teacher. Her name was Lucinda Ekdale.

Mattie was embarrassed to admit, even to herself, that Lucinda was absolutely gorgeous. She had these moist bee stung lips and lustrous long hair that fell in waves of deep umber. She never spoke to Lucinda, not even in passing. She never got up the nerve. Memories of high school had a way of bubbling up to the surface. Mattie had heard all the rumors about Miss Treadway and Miss Larsson. And even though they were, allegedly, just rumors, the kids in Mattie's class were ruthless.

They'd keep it mostly to jokes, whispered or uttered out of earshot in the halls and the locker room. The guys would even get in on it, calling both of them names like bulldagger, carpet muncher, or lickalotopuss. Treadgay was another one, though the girl who said it claimed she'd done it on accident. Mattie didn't know about that, but it was pretty funny at the time.

Downright hilarious!

But deep down, the whispers and jokes haunted Mattie. Accusations and condemnations wrapped in laughter and furtive glances were still accusations and condemnations. Mattie couldn't deny the fact that, she too, often laughed and went along with the whispers and jokes in spite of her burgeoning curiosity. She and her classmates stripped both teachers of their humanity, always keeping them at arm's length though none of them could really think of a good reason why they did it. Needless and senseless cruelty, Mattie guessed. As for her, she joined in because she feared the possibility that one day she might just turn out like Miss Larsson, or Miss Treadway.

And we can't have that, now, can we?

The entity's arms drew Mattie into its embrace as they shared another kiss. The feeling, when Mattie parted her lips, was euphoric, almost...religious. Their tongues met, brushing together while the being's mouth mirrored the movements of Mattie's lips. Her eyes were closed, but Mattie sensed a change taking place. The featureless slash of a mouth took on a sensual softness while their tongues collided. Mattie's breath caught in her throat. Her eyes opened and she pulled away.

"God!"

The nearly featureless being barely moved. In the darkness, Mattie thought she saw the vague outline of lips underneath a nose that opened to reveal a pair of nostrils that weren't there before."Haita, the Shepherd." Mattie watched the newly formed lips speaking with a distorted female voice.

"What...are you?" Mattie wondered aloud. "Are you actually real, or am I dreaming?"

"I will give you all that you seek, all that you crave. But I will not be questioned anymore."

"But--" Mattie abruptly cut off as they shared another kiss. This one was soft and languid; the kiss of two lovers. Mattie relaxed, sinking against her lover's smooth and pallid body. Nothing mattered anymore but this moment and the kiss shared between Mattie and this being, this...angel. But seconds later something changed. Their tongues touched, brushing together, but then it felt almost as if the being's tongue grew longer. It probed Mattie's mouth to the back of her throat.

Panic seized Mattie. She gagged and tried to pull away but she couldn't. Her eyes opened, staring at twin featureless orbs on either side of the entity's nose. Eyes. White and formless. Mattie wanted to scream, but she couldn't even breathe. The ivory female lips clamped over Mattie's, and sucked. It felt like something deep inside her was being drawn out by force while those blank eyes stared gravely into hers."Faith and trust is what I demand. No questions. No curiosity. No hesitation and no doubt. I shall leave and never return."

It was then Mattie decided that it must be God himself, or one of his angels, come to pay her a visit. Faith and trust are tribute. Her success in the classroom the reward. Their kiss broken, Mattie said: "I trust you, Haita. Help me, please. Kiss me again."

And so it was done.

Their mouths met again, and this time, Haita's pallid flesh was warm, almost hot, to the touch. She wasn't just kissing Mattie. Haita took the girl's essence into her still smooth and featureless frame. In her mind's eye, Mattie saw a tiny black dot. The dot grew larger and larger, stretching out and away like a vortex.