All Comments on 'Closing Time'

I personally do not care for stories which are full of "I heard" type of comments. For example change:

"I feel your hard cock against my leg, pressing into me."

To:

"Your hard cock was pressing against my leg."

In other words less of the "I" type of writing.

Okay as a story but lost me with the overuse of personal pronouns.

you need a dictionary and an English grammer book. Acceptable premise, etc., but very weak on words/definitions, but spelled correctly. Or was it right definition/spelling but wrong usage. Get better, but Thank You.

It's a kinky story and I love it!

do you use 'where' when it should be 'were'? One star for stupidity.

Using present and past tense verbs mixes up the clarity of the story. Also bad typos -

my DDD (was that really necessary?) breasts "giggled". Hey - I'd buy a ticket to hear that!

Now it's suddenly a four part series

Reread it again and it is überhot

love it

J