Clothes (Re)make The Man

"Dammit!"

"What is it?" called my wife Danielle, who was in the kitchen doing dishes.

"These damned underpants. The waistband is squishing my stomach right where my belt is." I wriggled around in my easy chair.

"Honey, maybe if you didn't drink so much beer you wouldn't have as much fat to get squished."

Just what I needed, being reminded that I need to lose weight. But surely even thin guys had this problem.

"Even thin guys have this problem!" I yelled to Dani.

She came to the door. "Well, Lee, you don't need to wear underwear when you're just sitting around the house. You could go au naturel."

"Then my nuts just dangle and I'd end up squishing one of those," I countered. "That's much worse. You women don't have that problem."

"We women have other problems that you don't even want to imagine," said Dani. She walked into the living room drying her hands on a dish towel. Smirking, she said, "You could always try women's underwear. Panties have just a thin band of elastic."

I didn't even dignify that suggestion with a reply. I just rolled my eyes and went back to watching the game. I twisted around in my chair until I had relieved the torture somewhat.

The next day I was in Target, looking at gas grills. Ours was getting old and would need replacement. I decided to look at denim trucker's jackets in the clothing department. On the way to the men's section, I walked through the women's department. Boy, there sure are a lot of different types of panties, I thought. That brought to mind Danielle's joke about women's underwear. Hmm, wonder what size I would wear. I glanced around. Nobody was anywhere near me so I peeked at a sizing chart. Looked like I'd be about a nine. Just for a laugh, I found size nines on the rack. No way these could hold in my boys! I chuckled. I gave a pair of plain white ones a feel. They did feel nice and soft, and the elastic band was tiny.

Leaving the women's section, I got to the men's clothing. I looked through the jackets and found one that was okay and not too expensive. I decided to check out and go to Home Depot for more grill research. Passing back through the women's clothing, I saw that panties rack again. Curiosity got the better of me. I walked casually by the rack and grabbed the ones I had felt, wrapping them in the jacket I was buying. I went to self-checkout so no nosy sales clerk could laugh at me. I checked out, put on the jacket and stuffed the panties into a pocket. I'll just try them on once and then throw them away, I decided.

The next Saturday, Dani went to visit her mother, about an hour's drive away. I thought I'd try on the panties just to see if they alleviated that constriction my tighty whiteys caused. Closing all the shades and drawing the curtains (can never be too careful!) I pulled off my pants and underwear and slipped on the panties. Well, they seemed to be about the right size but they felt very different. At first I tried tucking my junk under, but that led to everything flopping out of a leg hole. I pulled the panties down and then back up again, and things fit okay. Surprisingly, the "extras" the panties weren't meant to hold didn't pull the waistband down. At least that was good.

I put on my jeans and sat in my Lazy Boy. I reclined and wriggled around some. The discomfort was mostly gone, although my belt and the jeans waist did still poke my belly. I decided to watch some basketball wearing the girlie stuff, but I kept an eye on the clock. I'd need to change back before Dani got home.

In the next two weeks, I indulged in panties-wearing whenever Danielle was out for a good stretch of time. I got used to the silky fabric and even kind of preferred that to my cotton briefs. Once, I forgot to change and had to wear the panties around the house for a while. Danielle didn't notice. I was extra nice to her so in case she somehow spotted the undies she would be more inclined to give me a break.

After two weeks, I realized the panties were getting kinda funky, and I knew I'd have to wash them. I just threw them in the bathroom sink and scrubbed them with hand soap and rinsed them. I knew it would be dangerous to hang them up like the instructions said, so I threw them in the dryer on high for a few minutes.

When the dryer alarm went off I took the panties out, but found that they'd gotten all out of shape and the elastic had come partly loose. Shit, I thought. Just when I was getting used to them too. Well, I guess that's the end of that experiment. I stuffed them in the bottom of a garbage bag and threw a lot of trash on top, then took the bag out to our trash can.

I went back to wearing my usual briefs. They felt really uncomfortable now, though, and rough feeling. I thought long and hard about what to do, if anything. I decided it wouldn't hurt to look at panties on the Amazon website so I did a search. There were way too many choices. I finally narrowed it down to a few that I thought would fit, and were cheap, but the reviews weren't good. So I looked at more panties and saw some five-star ones. They were a little fancier and more feminine than the ones I'd had, but there was no lace and they were available in black, a manly color. They only came in a five-pack but they were still fairly inexpensive. I ordered them and clicked on having them sent to an Amazon delivery box at the 7/11 store a couple of blocks away.

When I got the email notice that my package had been delivered, I told Dani I was going on a beer run. I went to the 7/11 and bought some beer and some beef jerky for cover, then went to the box and retrieved the package. I stowed it in the tool box of my truck where Danielle never looked, figuring to bring them in when she was out some time.

The next weekend, Dani went to her mother's again, so I went to the truck and got the package. Back in the house, I tore off the plastic envelope and pulled out the panties. They were in another plastic bag, of course, so now I had a bunch of trash to dispose of. I stuffed the panties way in the back of my clothes closet and put the incriminating packaging through the garbage bag routine.

I enjoyed these panties more than the original pair because they were of better material and were really soft. They slid onto my torso like a dream. What am I saying?! "Like a dream" is girlie talk. Oh, well. The beauty of having five pairs was that when one pair was dirty I could just wear another pair. It took me quite a while to get to where I needed to launder them.

This time I mostly followed the laundering instructions. I threw a couple of shirts in the washer as camouflage and washed those and the panties on cold. I put all the laundered stuff in the dryer on low and took out the panties after ten minutes. They were still a little damp so I used Danielle's hair dryer to finish drying them and then returned them to the back of my closet.

I was watching an old Bruce Lee movie when Dani came home. I heard her bustling around, putting away groceries and so forth. A few minute later, she stuck her head into the living room and said, "You did laundry?"

I remembered my shirts in the dryer. "Just a couple of shirts," I said. "I forgot to take them out of the dryer."

"Yeah," said Dani. "They're kind of wrinkled from lying in there. You're supposed to take them out immediately. Oh, well, at least you did some laundry. I approve. Anytime you want to do laundry, feel free." Then she added, "Just don't do my slips and undies. They need special treatment."

"Heaven forbid I touch your undies. Unless, of course, you're in them!" I laughed. Boy, if she only knew.

I'm an auto mechanic who works at a small independent garage. Next day at work I was finishing up a transmission fluid flush. It was a hot day and I had my coveralls unzipped to my chest, wearing only my briefs. I had the fluid exchange machine out back pumping out the old fluid into the recycle tank when I dropped the hose. Transmission fluid, filthy brown and hot, sprayed all over my front, on my coveralls and my chest. It was running down my chest into my crotch so I unzipped and dropped the coveralls, grabbing a couple of shop cloths to sop up the mess. The other mechanic, Dwayne, said, "Oopsie!" and laughed. I felt really stupid, as I should have. I hadn't been paying attention.

Greg, the owner, looked out from the office and said, "What's going on?" Dwayne said, "Lee just got a trannie fluid bath." Greg walked out and when he saw my coveralls down around my knees said, "Jesus, Lee, wanna get arrested for indecent exposure? Come inside or pull up your uniform." I waddled into the shop area and stepped out of my coveralls.

Dwayne observed my body and couldn't resist kidding me. "Wow, Lee, you've really been putting away the cheeseburgers, haven't you! My girlfriend's boobs aren't that big." Greg joined in the joking. "Lee, is there something you aren't telling us? Are you on a trans mission? Get it, "trans" mission?"

"You'll never make it as a comic in Vegas, Greg," I shot back.

As I dragged my clothes to the restroom to clean up, I was really pissed off. Neither of those guys were in great shape either, but I had to admit I'd gotten a bit chunky of late. It was mostly Dani's fault for cooking all those great dinners of friend chicken and mac'n'cheese. I cleaned off as best I could and got another pair of overalls from the storeroom. Good thing I wasn't wearing women's underwear today, I though gratefully.

That night in the shower, I bent down to pick up the soap I'd dropped and noticed my flabby moobs hanging down over my flabby gut. I'm going on a diet! I said to myself. I'd switch to light beer. That should do it.

I decided to take up jogging, too. The first day I went jogging was agony, but I got better. Somewhat better, anyway. One thing that bothered me was the way my boobs bounced around. It was uncomfortable, and I imagined that people could see those tits flopping around inside my t-shirt. Hmm, wonder if...nah, I don't want to get a bra. My weight will be back down soon.

Afte a month of jogging and light beer, I had only lost six pounds. I tried picking up the pace on my runs but I just got out of breath quicker and those boobs bounced even harder. Fuck it, I thought. I'll get a sports bra just to wear while I'm running. Since I suited up in the bathroom and went right back to shower after my run, I didn't think Danielle would get wise, and it would be less embarrassing than having breasts jouncing around inside my shirt.

Another order to Amazon added a sports bra to my secret clothing stash. I had had to figure out my bra size with the help of my tape measure and some string, and I did pretty well matching it up. I found I was a "B cup". I was familiar with what cup sizes are from reading amateur porn stories on the web. Most of the women in those stories seemed to be "D cups" or "DD cups", though. Probably I had been a "C" before my health regimen started.

I don't know what it was, but I started to relax more. It might have been the sleek feel of the panties and lack of squishing, or it might have been from the jogging, now up to three square blocks. I started washing all my own clothes (mostly to disguise the you-know-whats). Dani was very pleased, if somewhat mystified. She started giving me hugs for no reason.

I even helped with the dishes one night, drying the dishes she washed. When we were done, she put her arms around my neck and said, "I don't know what you're doing different, but keep doing it." Then I got a big wet sloppy kiss. This being Sunday evening, it was one of our prime times for sex. I whispered, "Wanna?" and waggled my eyebrows. "Okay," she said.

Dani followed me to the bedroom. As usual, she quickly undressed and lay on her back on the bed with her legs slightly spread. I ripped off all my clothes and approached the bed. I believed in getting right to it, especially when there was another NFL game starting soon. But tonight I looked over at Dani, really looked, and wanted to do things differently. Must have been that soft look she gave me. She wasn't even checking messages on her phone!

I crawled onto the bed between her legs but instead of giving her a feel and then slipping it in, I parted her legs, then leaned and kissed her belly button. She gasped. I don't know whether it was from pleasure or shock. Maybe both.

I lowered my face until my mouth was by her pussy. I give it a little lick. Wow, it smelled and tasted good! I rarely did this for her. Time constraints, you know.

She raised her pelvis so I could get to her a bit better. Assuming that meant that she liked what I was doing, I did it some more. I really began to get into it and found I couldn't stop. That was mainly because she had her thighs clamped around my head and was pushing my face into her pussy with her hand.

Dani gave a loud scream. I was afraid I'd bitten her clit or something but then I saw that she'd just come really hard.

"OH MY GOD, LEE!!" She seemed to be impressed. And I hadn't even gotten my dick in her yet.

The rest of the evening was just as good. Better, even. I missed the first three quarters of the game but there wasn't much scoring anyway. At least, not by the football teams.

My helping around the house seemed to be an aphrodisiac for Danielle, so I tried to do more of it. I did all my laundry and some of her more sturdy stuff like jeans. She still didn't trust me with the delicates. She didn't know I had delicates of my own. I also dried the dishes while she washed, often enough for it to be noticed but not so often that it became one of my duties. There are limits to everything.

Our sex life was much better, too. I had success with the oral warm-up exercises. Dani returned the favor, which was fine with me, let me tell ya. I'd gotten the impression before that she wasn't crazy about doing that, but she made the effort and even seemed to enjoy it.

Things went along like that for a while. I got used to wearing the panties whenever I was home but I switched to man mode when I went out. The panties became my preference, though I never would have admitted that to anyone. Sometimes I forgot I was wearing a bra when I was jogging. I almost pulled off my sweaty t-shirt in front of Danni while I was wearing the bra one time, and had to plead urgent need to visit the toilet to cover. There was a new normal around our house and I gradually forgot to be paranoid.

That was my downfall.

One Saturday when Danielle was at her mother's, I did a combined load of our laundry items including my panties and bra. I sat in my easy chair while the washing ran and read a Louis Lamour western. Gradually I got more and more sleepy and finally I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up when Danielle tapped my knee. I looked up and saw her holding up four sets of panties and a bra. "What have we here?" she asked.

I leapt up. "I'M NOT GAY! I'M NOT GAY!" I yelled.

Then I saw that she was laughing. "Oh, I don't think you're gay," she said. "The way you've been acting in the bedroom lately, at most you'd be bi."

She looked at me. "So, what is it? Bi? Trans? Or just plain nuts?"

I was at a loss. The best I could come up with was "You told me to wear panties."

"What??"

"Well, you remember the squishing from my underwear digging in, right?"

"And..."

"And I came up with the solution. Actually, you came up with the solution. You told me I could wear women's underwear instead. I just followed your advice."

"Lee, I was joking. Anyway, if I ordered you to do something, you wouldn't do it." She tilted her head and said, "So what about the bra? This is your bra, right? Not your girlfriend's bra that she forgot?"

"Oh, god no. I mean, yes. I mean, it is my bra. I'd never cheat on you." I gave her what I hoped was a loving smile but it was probably more of a sickly grin.

"And how did you come to be wearing a bra, Lee?" I could tell she was having fun with this.

"Well, the guys at the garage made fun of my tits."

"So you decided to make them stop teasing by showing up wearing a bra?"

"No. I decided they were right to call attention to my flab so I thought I'd try to lose some weight by jogging but jogging meant jiggling and to stop the jiggling I got a bra. Did the trick, too."

"Another mystery solved," she said. "Look, Lee, why didn't you just talk to me about this at the beginning?"

"I thought you might divorce me," I replied.

"Why would I do that? It's not like you are a murderer or something. I admit, it's a bit strange, especially for you, but I could have lived with it. I can live with it if it make you happy."

"Really, Dani? You aren't going to leave me? You aren't going to call your mother and tell her I'm a weirdo?"

"She already knows you're a weirdo, Lee."

She walked over to me, put her arms around me, looked up and said, "But you're my weirdo."

Far from disapproving, Dani helped me with my wardrobe. My exercising finally began to pay off and I lost two inches around the waist and one cup size in my boobs. Dani went to Target with me and we picked out a bra together. We got some nice panties, too. She even surprised me for my birthday with a sleeveless denim overall dress. I found that I like wearing it to watch the games.

I don't even draw the curtains anymore.