Clowning Around

1. Running Away With The Circus

"So, tell me, why do you want to join the circus?"

He looked disinterested, reading my CV in front of him as if there was something useful to be found within. I coughed, wishing I had a drink.

"Well, I have been interested in acrobatics all my life, and thought it was time for a change of career." He looked up, mildly surprised. "I don't mind starting at the bottom. I'll work hard."

"I'm sure you will. However, you see..." He paused. "We don't have any positions for acrobats, we just don't have the time to train people, you need to really be from a circus family."

"Oh..."

I sighed. I had realised this may be the case. I resigned myself to failure, back to the office job again tomorrow.

"Look. If you don't mind working, we do have a position which may be of interest." He stood up and walked me out of his caravan and towards the back of the big top. The circus was on its annual visit to our town and I wanted to escape with it, leave behind the oppressive boyfriend, the dead-end job and do something fun with my life. The mythical 'running away with the circus' come true, as it were.

He pushed open the tent flaps. As I stepped into the backstage area my breath was taken from me by the sudden splash of an ice-cold bucket of water. I gasped, my arms flailing and my mouth open in a shocked 'O'.

"That is, it! That is how you take a bucket of water..."

I wiped my eyes. There was a man standing before me, an empty bucket in his hands.

"I am sorry, miss!" He grinned. "But that was a perfect reaction!"

"Well, this could bode very well." The ringmaster put his hand on my now damp shoulder.

"Jane here wants to join us and I think she could have a role with your team?"

"Clowns?" I spluttered.

"Please." The man bowed. "Not just clowns, madam. We are masters of the comedic arts, practitioners of mirth. You don't need to take that tone with us."

"I am sorry... But I'm not a clown?"

"You're a natural..." He smiled. "So, would you like to give it a try?"

I wanted to say that clowning was beneath me, but it was at that moment the lights in the circus ring came on. I stepped forward in awe, the seats were empty but I could feel the power of the audience. I looked back and the clowns were smiling.

"My goodness, she has it! She's hooked!"

"Just what am I supposed to have?" I stuttered.

"Sawdust in your blood! I can see it in your eyes. You want to be out there; you need to be in the ring. Look, give it a try tonight. See if you enjoy it... "He winked, holding out his hand. I grasped it, shaking firmly.

***

The first performance was about to start. I had been told to sit in a seat ringside, the clowns weren't going to tell me what was about to happen, I was to be a stooge. Someone who would be taken from the audience and invited to join the act. I sat nervously as the seats beside me filled. I had no idea what was to happen to me. All I had been told was to wear a swimsuit beneath a summer dress. It had seemed like a strange request, but he had told me it would prevent any issues, without quite explaining what those might be. I'd shrugged and so here I was.

The lights dimmed; the circus band played. Here was the ringmaster, resplendent in a red coat. I started to relax slightly as a juggler and then an aerial artist performed. Then the band struck into a jolly tune, I started to tremble as I watched the man I had seen before now in huge clown shoes and a painted face joined by two others.

They ran around the ring, honking a horn and banging a bass drum. Then they asked for someone from the audience before I could react, his hand was on my arm. "This lovely young lady. Now, what is your name..."

"Jane... " I stuttered.

"Jane! What a lovely name..." He grasped my shoulders and drew me into the ring. "Relax kid and enjoy the ride!" He whispered in my ear. He turned back to the audience. "Now Jane... Smell my flower!"

I knew what was coming as I leaned into his lapel; however, I was unprepared for the force of the stream of water which hit me in the face. I staggered back as a flow of water knocked me from my feet. I was aware of a swanny whistle from the circus band and then being grabbed by two of the clowns and being helped back upright. I gasped. The audience laughed, cheering at my misfortune.

"Oh, Jane... Was the flower too overpowering for you... She fainted ladies and gentlemen! She needs rousing. Maybe a lovely slice of pie?"

"Pie?"

"Oh yes... A delicious pie will help her recover won't it boys and girls?"

There was a cheer from the audience as the second clown brought out a paper plate piled high with fluffy cream which had been coloured shocking pink. He presented the plate to his colleague who held it in front of me. A shudder went down my spine, I knew where this was going.

"Do you think she wants it, boys and girls?" The cheer was deafening. "I can't hear you? Does she want it?" Again, the crowds went wild with cheers and applause. He played the audience until, when I had actually thought, he was going to spare me he flung the plate into my face.

I stood stock-still, the shock of the pie freezing me on the spot. Slowly the plate peeled away causing another rumble of applause, quietened by the amount of foam in my ears. I reached up, wiping my eyes slowly, mostly in shock.

"Did she like the pie boys and girls?" Cheers and stamping of feet. "Do you think Jane would like another pie?"

The applause was deafening, a second pie was brought out and this time, after much build up pushed into my features, the plate twisted so that I was completely engulfed. Before I could wipe my eyes, I felt the other two clowns sandwich my head with pies from the left and right.

"Oh Jane, take a bow!" He pushed me down, and as I bent to take a bow the clowns slammed a huge pie into my rump! I sprung up which caused a roar of laughter.

"Oh, boys and girls... Jane is all messy. She needs a wash. Shall we give her a bath?"

While I stood, my mouth flapping like a fish out of the water, a large bathtub was rolled into the ring by the other two clowns.

Oversized with huge taps and two steps at the other end. I was helped to the top of the steps, and plonked down on the edge of the bath, for some reason they didn't let me look at the water beneath.

"One!" The crowd joined in shouting, two and three before he shoved me firmly in my chest. I fell backwards, landing in what I had expected to be a deep bath of water but seemed to be instead filled with thick batter. I was engulfed in the creamy white slop, sinking beneath the surface before rising spluttering.

The bath was deep, up to my waist, and slippery. I emerged, coated in a layer of thick batter before my feet slid from under me and I disappeared from view again beneath the white mass. I eventually struggled to my knees and grabbed for the side of the bath, my head resting on the rim, batter dripping from my face. The clowns helped me to my feet but I soon realised I was being pushed forwards, flying from the bath onto a mat below, a mat which was covered in inches of flour. I landed in a white cloud before eventually struggling to my feet, looking a cross between a statue and a ghost.

I coughed, spraying clouds of flour. The audience, which had been laughing erupted into applause. I could just about see people standing, clapping and stamping their feet at my performance.

I paused taking a bow which was rewarded with another pie to my rear, I stumbled forward in a pratfall and landed back in the flour causing another white cloud to rise. Again, the crowd applauded wildly.

The clowns stood me upright. I staggered forward and they gestured that they would clean me. Naturally, I was hit with two buckets of brightly coloured slop, red and blue which dripped from my body. They held their hands up in mock shock, grabbing at my dress and pulling. There was a tearing of fabric and the dress was torn in half with a clown holding a side each. I quickly tried to cover myself, of course wearing my one-piece costume beneath but playing along for laughs.

The clowns grabbed me, holding me horizontal and flinging me back into the bath which was swiftly pushed out of the ring by two stagehands. I emerged from the batter in the half-darkness of the backstage area where one of the stagehands helped me safely emerge from the bath and showed me towards a makeshift shower set up in a small tent behind the big top.

I glanced in the mirror, I was thick with white batter from head to toe, totally humiliated. And had loved every moment!

2. Taking a Bow

I washed off and found that a pair of leggings and a circus polo shirt had been left for me, I towelled myself dry and dressed before making my way back into the big top.

"There she is!" I was grabbed in a massive hug, the lead clown who introduced himself as Francis held me at arm's length. "Look at her lads! She is a natural! Didn't I say you had sawdust in your blood!"

The other clowns shook my hand and introduced themselves as Steve and Roy. I blushed but their compliments were genuine. They were still in their clown costumes and told me I should be ready to take my bow in the procession at the end of the show. I hadn't thought I would be given that opportunity but waited nervously as the performers came in and out of the ring, sharing greetings or compliments.

Francis nodded to me, the band was playing rousing music and the performers had formed up behind the curtain. Suddenly the lights were on us and we were parading into the ring. As they saw me the crowd went wild, Steve tapped me on the shoulder, showing that there were three pies hidden in a plinth behind us, he gestured to his face and pointed to the others. I needed no encouragement, I reached for the pies, first slamming one into Steve's face and another into Roy's. Finally, I stood in front of Francis, the crowd cheering and slapped the deep pie into his features.

The applause was deafening and stayed with me as we went back into the semi-darkness.

***

"Well, this deserves a drink!" Francis pulled out a bottle of Champagne. "I'd been saving this, but I think young Jane here deserves it." He popped the cork and we sipped the cold liquid from chipped mugs in his caravan. "You were amazing. It takes skill to perform as you did. Skill or..." He paused.

"What?"

"No... Nothing. Let's drink..."

We polished off the bottle and the other two lads left to go to their caravan. I took a proper look at Francis, he was a handsome man, in his thirties, with a fit body and chiselled features. He'd poured me glasses of rum and coke and we'd been laughing.

"Earlier... When you said it was skill or something else...? What did you mean?"

"Well, you either learn how to clown. Hours of training and timing. Or, well, you may be a natural. Tell me honestly. You enjoyed that, didn't you?"

"Oh, it was fun..."

"No, I mean..." He gulped. "Sorry, you 'really' enjoyed it... Didn't you?"

Shit! I blushed, I noticed he had also turned a shade of red. I had seen him watching me, after the first pies and then as I sunk into the bath of batter, my nipples betrayed me. The feeling of the thick goo seeping into my bathing suit had... Oh, God, this was wrong. I said as much.

"No..." He said quietly. "There is nothing wrong with wanting the slop. If you are lucky, the job can be so much more."

"But... It's wrong..." I whispered.

"Why? Out there, in the ring, you are on a high. Just you and the audience. It can be... Powerful..."

"But it..." I gulped. "I almost came, that can't be right?"

"Follow me..."

***

The big top was silent. There were a few lights dotted about, but otherwise, it was just us. There were the props from the show. The bath was standing alone, still, the deep, summer warmed batter within it. He reached into the bath, drawing his hand out covered in the thick, white paste. I watched longingly as it dripped from his fingers.

"You're transfixed." He smiled. "I bet you are wishing you could go back in there..."

I stuttered, but it was true, the bath was calling to me. He nodded, taking my hand and leading me up the steps. He stood on the top step for a moment before stepping into the bath, his jeans disappearing into the mass. I gasped as he stepped fully in, the white slop reaching the tops of his thighs. He held out his hand to me. I paused for a moment, but then stepped in. The batter was so smooth, like a thick cream and so beautifully warm. The evening was cooling now, but the bath had held its heat. The warm batter caressed me as my legging covered legs sunk into it. He sat down and I did the same, the oversized bath allowing us to sit comfortably facing each other. He dipped his hand in again and brought it out, caressing my face with his fingers, allowing the warm mess to ooze down my soft skin. The level of the bath was almost up to the bottom of my breasts, covered only with the polo shirt. My legs were beneath the surface, my body throbbing as I felt the weight of the batter caress me.

"You see, nothing wrong in this. We are two clowns in a bath of slop. How totally natural."

His smile was so genuine, I leaned forward and kissed him before I realised what I was doing. I slid back in shock at my actions. He smiled, leaning forward and our lips met again, his hands, thickly covered in batter reaching for my chest. Oh, as the thick paste was smoothed across my hardening nipples I was in ecstasy.

"I don't want to rush anything. But I think you need this..."

I wanted to grab him there and then, he had seen through me, found my Achilles heel, my sexual weakness, one which I had not even realised myself that I had. I reached forward, slowly starting to unbutton his shirt. I pulled it open and started to smooth batter across his chest, feeling his muscles become taut beneath my hands. I dipped down into the slop and felt his excitement. He laughed.

"I'm sorry, you are just so very sexy and..."

I didn't let him finish, diving forward and kissing him hard, he slid down and soon we were beneath the surface. We crested the batter and laughed as we looked at each other's bodies, completely covered in white paste.

He grabbed my polo shirt, pulling at the seams, tearing the fabric until I was exposed to him. I slid his shirt from him, we both caressed our bodies, exploring and touching as we kissed.

"May I?" He reached his hand below the surface, I felt him pull open my leggings and gasped as his finger slid across my mound, glancing on my clit which caused a burst of energy to flood through my body. Lubricated with the batter he slipped his fingers into me. I grabbed for him, my hand circling his stiff cock soon we had found a rhythm both pulsing in the heavy mess. He was so hard, so big, I dreamed of him inside me, but as he thrummed with his fingers, flitting at my clitoris I knew I was seconds from the orgasm I had held back during the show, I could hold back no more and gasped. I felt his muscles tighten and soon we were gasping before slumping into each other's arms.

I kissed him deeply.

"Welcome to the circus..."

3. Rehearsal Time

We eventually left our warm bath after snuggling into each other's arms. I wasn't like this. I never did this sort of thing on a first date, let alone with a colleague, but, for whatever reason, this felt right. There was something about Francis, a humility beneath the showmanship, he had been so gentle not pushing but enabling me, allowing me to have a level of sexual freedom and no longer did it feel wrong.

We had showered together, gently washing the layers of flour paste from our bodies and shampooing our hair in the water. Then he had led me back to his caravan, he said I could use it, he could bunk down with the other clowns. I'd smiled and grabbed hold of his shirt. Thank goodness there had been spare uniforms in the backstage area, our clothes had been sodden, thick with batter and were being washed, as we slept in a huge washing machine in one of the lorries.

As we woke and stumbled out there were no knowing looks or comments made, we were welcomed with the others as we sat at long tables in the sun eating fruit and toast. Francis had suggested that we carry out some rehearsals. He said I had been a natural, however, it was always better and safer to have some practice and the lads had some new sketches they wanted to try and were keen that I became involved.

Steve and Roy were lovely, both in their thirties but with a sparkle of mischief in their eyes. They joked and pratfell around at breakfast, causing laughter amongst the other performers and stagehands. We were to be here for three more days before moving on. It would be a chance for me to see if the circus life was for me before we left my town and, if I chose to stay, my life behind in this provincial hell.

***

I laughed as the two clowns brought on the huge box. Turning it round I saw that it was a washing machine, at least a comedy version of one. At least five times bigger with a huge porthole door. The idea was that one of them would get inside and it would tumble them. Curiosity got the better of me and I opened the door and peered inside at the huge drum. I shrieked as I was grabbed and flung into the drum, with the door slammed shut. I slammed my fists on the plastic but the door had locked. There was movement and the drum started to turn.

I panicked, but found there were loops for my hands and feet, I slipped them in and was able to take the gentle rotation. It was only for a short time before the door opened and Steve looked nervously in.

"Sorry, but I couldn't resist. Oh, you found the handholds? The drum is padded too... Come on, I'll let you out."

"No..." I giggled. "How did it look?"

"Oh, amazing!" He beamed. "I have been working on this for weeks it looked great. It'll look even better with the water and powder."

"Okay..."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, do the rest of the sketch..."

"No... No... It's too much. I'll be going inside."

"Look, will it look better with the stooge getting washed?" I watched the smile grow on his face.

"Okay. Just bang on the door when you want to stop." He slammed the door shut and the drum started to turn. Slowly first and then quicker. Then, as Roy pressed a huge button, water surged in. This was different and needed to take a breath before I was submerged.

I had done a few rotations when Roy added washing powder. This caused a flood of foam into the drum before it spun at high speed for a few seconds. At the end of this, the door flew open and the drum tipped causing me to slither onto a waiting crash mat. I staggered to my feet, dizzy, falling down in a heap.

"Bravo!" Francis ran forward and helped me up. "Amazing Steve! Jane, are you sure you're happy to do this?"

I did a perfect spit-take, spraying a mouthful of water into Francis's face. He hugged me.

"Oh, you are a total star!"

***

The applause that night was greater than ever. The washing machine sketch had gone down a storm with me playing a snooty character who the audience was itching to see receive her comeuppance. When I was flung into the machine by Roy and Steve there had been a massive cheer.

I had flopped out onto the mat like a floundering fish and told them, quietly, to do it again. They had asked the audience should I be washed again which had created a cheer from the children and I had been shoved in for another ride. This time, Steve flung in bags of flour so I came out white and gooey.

I had tried to walk away, pratfell into a huge laundry basket and been rushed off stage, showered and ready to take my bow at the end of the show.

***

At the end of the week, we were almost ready to leave. I had to decide if I wanted to stay with the circus and my new lover or stay in an office job... Oh, what a tough choice...