All Comments on 'Coach'

There is never any doubt about the ending, but pleanty of heat along the way

Yes, a novella, with a substantial helping of plot as well as erotica, but you actually made me care about these people and a track meet, as well as the sex and love between them. There are a few quibbles that keep this from being perfect--confusing to and too a lot--but you are a very solid writer; more, a storyteller, and I hope you can do something with your abilities.

I feel compelled to leave a comment, if only as a reward to myself for having gotten through such a long story. But seriously, I thought it was wonderful and well-written, though maybe a little anti-climactic at the end.

So well written. Long but worth the wait. The seduction was awesome.

A fantastic fem-fem story, great build-up and the sex was emotional and very hot-hot-hot! You created two great characters in Naomi nad Lynne, and handled their interactions with great skill.

THIS is how Erotica needs to be! Keep up the good work, and I hope to see more from you!

Maintain and Check Six!

Well worth the long read. You kept me in it, of course waiting for the good parts. :) Excellent story, makes me wish I was a lesbian.

Fantastic story but lack of proof-reading was distracting.

This was a great story with an espacially good ending;) well worth the wait. The rest of the story was also very sexy and i loved every minute of her fantasies.

I'm a male who (like most males) gets turned on by a good lesbian plot.

This story had everything in it...the long wait,the apprehension,the doubts,the life-like developments and finally the mind-blowing climax.

I've read that women love the wait and the build-up more than anything else...this story does give an indication of why.

I'm sure any woman interested in lesbian love would have absolutely loved this story...

This was a great story. I had to go back and read it twice because there was an error on the page, but I'm glad I got to save the ending for another day. You are a great writer and I enjoyed your other stories as well. You are quickly becoming my favorite author. I can't wait for your next story!

The story was very good. I had never read any of your stories before but i must say you wrote it really well.

Only negative comment is, you need to proof read your stories more as it can be a bit confusing when you go through mistakes but otherwise a fantastic read.

I just loved your story, the characters are so good..I read it and had a the greatest fantasies!Thank you!

the build-up was real good, and the situations were so realistic. I have never been sooo turned on by a story before. but the actual thing was abridged and a bit too short! anyway, i loved it and look forward to more from u!

Felt so real I would guess it was either based on fact or a long held fantasy. Very realistic. Held my attention through a very long piece of work.

Wow, a seriously great piece of work. I loved the way the sex was not gratuitous, but very sensual. Again, great job!

The first lesbian sex story that was believable! As a lesbian, I got a few ideas, and I could relate to some of the feelings! Thanks for a great job!

I got totally sucked in to this story. The characters were very well written and easy to like. You've captured the essence of what it's like to fall for another woman. It was also refreshing to read a story about romance and emotions and not just unbelievable sex scenes. Don't get me wrong, I love reading hot sex scenes... but sometimes I get hotter reading the emotional build up.

Damn! That was magnificent. Despite the small errors it was such an erotic read, thank god I had the foresight to save it onto disk and read it at home rather than at work & thank god for Vinyl (wipe clean) seating. I got so turned on and excited that I just had to.... well you get the idea. I'm still getting wet & horney thinking about it now. Got to rush off.

Love Jenny

OMFG, that was incredible, i always dreamed about my coach and I, it's just sooo hot, i used to get sooo wet reading that! excellent job!

This story is amazing. I didn't know if i wanted to read all eight pages, but after the first page you had me hooked. You are an incredible writer, i look forward to reading more of your stories.

fantastic read; you kept me interested. i think you based it on a true story and then changed the names afterwards (i do that too!) except you forgot to switch two names... great build up and breathtaking finish!

Wonderful, sensual and interesting throughout!

Excellent - Very long build up, but worth it to feel a connection with the characters during the climactic ending!

I am a guy who like women but your writing is so true to life.You come across as a very decent person

Very interesting and it is so realistic! I'd love to see a story like that as a movie. Porn movies these days have no plot to them. There were a few grammatical errors, but anyone who reads the story doesn't really pay much attention to them! It would be nice if this story were published and made into a book. I'd read it like crazy!

That was precious. I like meaningful stories with a lot of depth to them.

I wanted to give this 90% but can't cos of the scalars. I was awash in my panties (if I'd worn any - giggle) but did find the typos and missing words esp on page 6 irritating and distracting. Darling please check for writing quality! Erotic writing skill is unquestionable. Keep this up. Any hot blooded woman or man will be turned on by this.

judging from other comments.... im not the only girl you've left in a puddle.... :-P hehe... you definatly have a talent for it.

Thank you - I just had the most wonderful time reading your story - I will look forward to more

is also in scottsdale its closer! =) great story! GO CARDNALS! ftw

A very good story. Enjoyed it. Would've gotten 5 stars but had some editting errors.

The story was pretty damn good until it got to the part where they had sex for the first time. Suddenly, it felt more detached, like you were just watching it instead of being in it. And then it seemed to rush towards the end of the story. Still a good read. Keep up the good work.

one, great story.

two, not gonna lie it was pretty arousing.

three, GREAT story. i love it. :)

This is the BEST story I've ever read on here. It actually had depth and I loved the fact that you didn't make it like a porn. It was actually erotica and you should consider getting yourself published if your not already:) Great Great story:)

jim turned into steve?

Terrific story: you show some real talent. But just like Lynne there are some points you need to work on. Steve and Jim, let’s just say you lost your concentration.

It may not make much of a difference to friends or, perhaps, even a composition teacher but little mistakes can keep you out of the pro ranks. So, assuming you really want to write professionally, you'll need to correct all those little things that nobody cares about. Oh, but they do care! Enough to accept or reject. To say pro or recreational writer. On Page 7 and elsewhere, we have 'to' instead of 'too'; on 7: "she has put my arm around my shoulder” (?); "the tub it was oversized” - scratch 'it'; and when distance, or motion, is involved, you want farther not further. Pretty silly chicken shit, right? For a dilettante yes, for a pro, no.

If I took this much time to point little things out to you, then take that as your compliment. And, I'd love to be between your thighs. The Eagle

Liked the story and the premise; it just needed more sex quicker. Maybe detail coaches previous lesbian sex action in detail. Or a scene with Naomi & Jim.

I live just up the road from where this story is set. I know you must have spent some time in Tempe because your depictions of downtown are so accurate. While that may not resonate with all your readers, it made the story that much more real for me. Thanks!

This story was simply fabulous! I'll respectfully argue with parputter69...this story had a perfect & realistic build up. Sex in every other paragraph or right from the start doesn't always make a great erotic story. This wasn't a trashy wank story...this was a wonderful erotic love story & nothing should have been changed. It was a perfect story & is a must read!!!

Loved it! It could use a bit of editing (you called Naomi's boyfriend Steve once) but I overlooked it because it was such a great story. I disagree with the previous commenter that it needs more sex, ESPECIALLY a scene between Naomi and Jim. This is a lesbian story, and such a scene would have been a HUGE turn off for me. As it was, it moved at just the right pace, the build up was perfect, and it was believable. ~ L

Nice job. Any chance of more?

Excellent buildup and characterization. The text is replete with grammar errors, though, so it would benefit from the attentions of a very nitpicky editor. :)

I have read this story more than once and every time it's better. I would love to see more!

Love this read it more then once but on page 7 u changed naomi's ex bf name to steve but still think its ace

Just fucking WOW. Even though Jim decided to change his name to steve, ;).

Can't tell you how much i love this story, thanks for sharing! Please keep on writing!!

loved the story great writer please make more

Loved every word! I know I am a hopeless romsatic, but I wish there had been more love-talk in the lasc chapter.obviously they are deeply in love and it would be great hearing them pledge their love for each other.

Each time I read your piece, each time I fall in love with it.

Thank you so much for your writing and for our pleasure ; )

So, until next time...

I absolutely love your story, so we written and sexy!

Thank you,

L

great story-wonderful pacing and character development. exquisite plot: but i had a time with jim becoming steve. maybe jim was bi-personality . Five stars, for sure.

A few minor things marred this story. At one point Naomi became Sheri, at another Jim became Steve---perhaps your typing fingers were moving faster than your mind; it happens. There were a few silly spelling mistakes (eg you wrote 'through' when you meant 'threw') and a couple of places which read as if you had missed a few words out: these all surprised me because you are a very good writer. But these quibbles apart, I enjoyed "Coach". It was carefully plotted with well-rounded, believable characters. I'm one of these people who enjoys a long story and you had this one just about right. A five star effort.

We read and picture the story

But name changes and proof reading works.

I did enjoy the feel of teamwork .

Keep going . Practice does make a good story

I really liked this story....The whole "Steve" thing confused me for a second, lol. Overall, with a bit of proofreading, your stories will be excellent. I will be reading this one again because I loved the content so much! Thanks for sharing!

I loved this story, its one of the dozen or so of my all time favorites. I fell hard for one of my professors when I arrived at Cornell, ah puppy love. My junior year, she invited me back to her place, I was practically cumming walking along with her and as soon as her tongue licked my clit, I did cum and many more times making love to each other that weekend. Puppy love consummated.