tagHumor & SatireCoco Dynamo Ch. 03

Coco Dynamo Ch. 03


Asterisk: Some or all of the advice listed here is purely fictional. It should not be used unless desperate and/or horny and/or looking for a laugh. And, much of the advice is given from a fictional woman about women, so it's cobbled together from my own insane imaginings, rumors, urban legends, social myths, advice I've read, advice I've been given, wrong tips, correct tips, Sage learnings from the Internet, and my own relationships. It may not be exactly what a woman would say, hell it probably isn't what a woman would say. So ignore my own ignorance...or at the very least laugh at it. And, remember if you don't like it, then why in the hell are you reading it?


Coco and Ben were relaxing. Relaxing for them meant different things for both of them. Coco was building a model, the EMD F40PH about half complete, various pieces of plastic and bottle of glue were spread around on the glass top of the coffee table. Ben was practicing martial arts with a pool cue, one that was stored in two pieces and screwed together. He had one half of it in his left hand, the lower half, and used the fatter end as a mace. He was smacking and whacking a huge metal hat rack, which was extremely bottom heavy and durable. He was hitting it fairly hard and wasn't even phasing it. Heavy metal filled the room, Coco was actually reaching a substantial level of head banging, as much as she could get away with while building a model.

Their apartment had three rooms, normally it would be occupied by two people, roommates, each in one of the rooms that were to the sides of the room they were in now. The "common room" was about the size of a suburban house's living room. The half near the door had no carpeting, which made it ideal for martial arts work, the exposed hardwood floor resisted all damage. The other half had an eggshell colored rug, on which there was a black leather couch, glass coffee table, and a large television in it's own little stained-wood center. A large glass window, with sliding door, served as the back wall of the room, opposite the front door. A kitchenette was actually at the front of the room, next to the front door, it was to your left, if you were entering the apartment.

A small hallway near this kitchenette lead to the bathroom on the frontside of the apartment and the room that acted as their bedroom on the rear side. There was a massive bed covered in layers of comforters, end tables of polished, stained oak, lamps shaped like gorgeous Greek men and women, and a large shelving unit that contained the TV for that room. Also on this, were their favorite comics and books kept close for easy ready, a few statues, and the DVD collections: several TV series ranging from Futurama-to-The Shield-to-Babylon 5, movies, a few Anime things, and lots of porn. Henry's computer was also in this room, as were several naughty things, including a sex toys in various locations, a collapsible brass stripper pole, and a sex swing hanging from the ceiling on the far side of the room in front of it's sliding glass door.

Past all the furniture, nearer the rear of the common room on the right, was another small hallway, which lead to a storage room slash study on the hallway's right and had another sliding door on the hallway's left. Here they kept all the weaponry that Ben collected (European and Arabic swords, Eskrima sticks, pool cues, and boxing gloves), all the spell books Coco read (in four forms of arcane writing), the collection of comics Ben brought to the relationship, various sci-fi novels, stacks of pornography and pin-up books, the models they both made, toys and baubles they acquired over the years, Doctor Who scarfs, a shelf that contained one miniature of each of the 493 Pokemon, artwork collected from cons and shows, and a massive collection of coffee mugs. All of this was encased, displayed by, held up, and protected by stained oak shelving, stands, brackets, and half-inch thick glass.

The balcony stretched across all three rooms, common, bed, and storage/study. It was a wooden deck almost as wide as the apartment, and stuck about five feet away from the house. Several light chairs and lounges were out there, along with a grill, rain collector, window socks, pinwheels, and plants. They lived in a climate that had seasons, so this stuff was about to be put away or covered, to protect it from the impending winter.

Coco had on a tight black tank top and gray sweat pants, her complex red and black hair was in pulled back in a severe and tight tail. She was curling her toes into the carpet and slowly bonding pieces of the train together, a gaze of almost cartoonish concentration on her face. Ben had on blue jeans and a navy blue t-shirt emblazon with a Nintendo controller, the words "Know your Roots" spread above it, and his hair in a ponytail. You could barely hear the clack-clack-whack-snap-clack of his pool cue mace on the heavy metal hat rack over the heavy metal music blaring from the speakers. In fact, he almost missed the knocking on the front door, only hearing it because he stopped for a second to take a breather. He was mildly confused why the knocking sounds persisted, even though he was still.

Ben turned the music down and answered the door. Their neighbor Tim was there, a little tongue tied when asking to come in.

"Hey guys," he said, moving to the middle of the room. Tim was a kindred spirit, he too was a massive nerd, but he made Ben and Coco look mildly well adjusted. Tim was a true otaku, a nerd that focused on an obsession, a hobby that grew from nothing into the focus of the person's whole existence. An otaku was actually not looked down upon in the vast layers of Nerddom, this hyper-hobbyist was almost an elite, actually was an elite, depending on who you asked. In Tim's case, he followed the standard morays of his kind, that is, he obsessed with anime and, by extension, Japan.

Ben and Coco had been in his room once, he had invited them over for dinner. They had to doff their shoes at the door and sat a low table in the center of a tatami mat covered living room. As Tim prepared sushi (which Coco liked but made Ben sick) they looked around his place. There were paper hangings scrawled with sloppily-inked Japanese characters, which were Tim's attempts at brush calligraphy, apparently these were temporary, developing, and ongoing. Posters of Evangelion, Cowboy Bebop, Lucky Star, and K-on were permanent fixtures on the white walls. Figures and statues of anime girls in various states of undress and in submissive poses were spread around the side-tables, shelves, and on the TV. The rest in this part of the room was fairly normal and standard stuff, but then they saw the shrine like bedroom he had.

Now that's were things were weird. Ben said, seeing everything in the room, "my God, it's full of sta—loli!"

There were several hug pillows featuring anime girls in pre-coital poses placed all over Tim's bed, like a pillow harem, stacks of Newtype magazine back issues, more statues/figures, Shounen and Seinan manga series were stacked across six-level shelving units, and cornucopia of miscellaneous collectables spread and piled everywhere. Several ships and robots hung from the ceiling on fishing wire, various mock battles between major mecha series were frozen in time, only rotating slightly as air moved about the room. All of this was around a bed and computer desk. The bed's sheets were Gurren Lagann-based and the computer had a fairly vulgar piece of hentai as the desktop background.

Ben and Coco took all this in and could only think: Hmmm, I wonder who's collection of crap is larger, ours of his. Then he showed them his closest, boxes stacked from floor to ceiling, filled with things he didn't feel deserved a place in the shrine/shelves around the bedroom. They conceded defeat, for the time being.

Now Tim was in their living room, figiting more than usual.

"Well, guys," he began in his low, dumpy-ish voice, "I have a date tomorrow night, and I need help. She's really cute and loves anime and I really have a crush on her and I just asked her today and she said yes and I just don't want to ruin the date awkwardly."

Tim was about six inches shorter than Ben, he was over-weight, but in a jolly sort of way. He was like a young, shaven Santa in shorts with scraggly black hair. He had big, round glasses and usually had a backpack full of the anime stuff or college work he had to work on.

"Oooo, you stud," Coco demurred from the couch. She was checking the train's placement on a wooden stand, before resuming the building, "who's the lucky lady."

"Oh, she's a really cute girl from my class," he absent-mindedly moved to the couch and flopped down, his weight causing Coco to push some tweezers through a window, the clear plastic piece clattering to the table then to the floor. Her looked hardened.

"Sorry," he bowed his head, "I'm just really nervous. I mean, you guys have been together for so long, I think you'd be perfect to give me advice. I mean, I just need the basics of how to, uhhh, interact with a girl."

"Interact?" Coco asked, on the floor now, looked for the small, clear plastic bit she had dropped.

"He means sex, Coco," Ben said, screwing the cue stick together. She rolled her eyes at him, tweezing the tiny piece of plastic and setting it back on the table.

She laid the tweezers down and pressed up against Tim, arching her back slightly so her breasts were almost in Tim's face. She swirled her finger in his oily hair, "you mean handle one of these," she said in a deep, sultry voice, her body writing slightly and subtly. Tim chuckled in a low "hur hur hur" way.

Ben had the pool que whirled up to a terrifyingly fast speed and he swung it like a baseball bat, knocking the large heavy hat rack over. Coco cleared her throat and moved back to the model.

"So what kind of advice?" Ben asked, picking up the hat rack and standing it in it's place, making sure the hardwood floor wasn't damaged. The pool cue had shattered and splintered from the hit. He continued, "Talking? Foreplay? Sex? Positions? Oral? Anal? Bondage? Fluids? Bodily or Lubricant? Threeways? Fourways? Bukak--"

As he was listing these, Coco and Tim were staring at him, there mouths gaping further as he went. Ben said, "well...let's just start at talking then."

"Yeah," Tim said, "I need advice for them, you know, act."

Coco smirked, "okay, we'll give advice. Hobble over to your apartment, take Ben with you, and I'll be along shortly."

Ben and Tim went to the neighboring apartment. The two sets of rooms were next to each other on the second floor, Coco/Ben's was a corner room, Tim's next to it. Ben wondered in passing, if Tim was able to hear the nighttime activity in his bedroom. Tim's place hadn't changed, except for additions to the hug pillow harem and statue/figure collection. The chatted idly for a short while before Coco came in. Ben chortled and Tim just stood there staring.

Coco was in a red tube top and black leather miniskirt, but mostly covered by a white lab coat, complete with rectal thermometer in the breast pocket. She had glasses on that were thin-framed and gold. Her hair was in the same tail, but she pulled two strands of bangs out on either side of her brow. Being ever so classy, she stood on a pair of clear, lucite, high-heeled, stripper-style shoes.

She pushed her glass up her nose and said, "tch, tch, tch, we have got a sorry case here."

Tim smiled like a pervert and said, "yeah teacher I've bee--"

She tapped him on the head with a ruler, "no, that's not how we talk to a lady!"

Ben smirked at the word lady, with the way she was dressed, looking away to hide the grin.

"First things first," Coco said, "we have to fix your clothing. No matter how into anime you both are, you need to make a nice first impression, and cosplay just won't do it."

Coco moved into his bed room and slide open his closet doors, they folded against themselves in both directions, revealing his boxes (on the floor) and sets of clothing (on hangers). She looked at the clothing, her mind working. She put the ruler in a pocket on the lab coat, and began shuffling and digging.

Ben said, "on our first date, she had a long black number, no where near the average outfit she wears and considers 'fancy'."

"Indeed," Coco said. She was pulling outfits of Tim's out, shaking her head forlornly, then pushing the items back in. She pulled out a set of overalls, but they weren't full leg overalls, but overall shorts. A powder blue shirt was underneath and it had a little, yellow cap hanging with it. She looked at him with a "oh come now" look.

"That's a fun one," he began, "it's a mock up of elementary...what..."

Coco just looked at him, a small shake of her head keeping him quiet. But she smiled slightly, telling him this was just a put on. Actually, Ben wondered if he would be able to catch glances like that.

"Well, one thing, Tim," he said, a little unsure of how to but this, "women are subtle and complicated. Think of that HG model up there," he pointed to a Gundam hanging from the ceiling, then went on, "and men are simple. Think of the thing that model is holding," which was a cartoonishly spiked mace. No recourse from Coco meant that he was more right-than-wrong. Not entirely right, but the advice work well-enough, though she may give him a talkin' to about it later. Or not...

"Here we go," she found a black school uniform from the outfits, "now we're getting potential."

She pulled the black slacks and black jacket off of the hanger and laid them on the bed beside Tim, who was contemplating the complexities of the fairer sex. She began digging again, but a few seconds later came up with a light blue, button down, dress shirt.

"That should work," she said, "it's as simple and elegant as you have. Wear the coat open, it doesn't matter if you tuck the shirt in or not. On a later date, you can nerd-out and go crazy with your normal weird clothes. But for the first one, simplicity beats all. Ben over there had an all black thing going on our first date. He was drab but it worked for him, and for me, obviously. Oh, and you'll need black shoes and a black belt to go with this...a REAL belt with a BUCKLE."

When she mentioned a black belt, Tim shot up excited at the prospect of showing off his Karate black belt on the first date. He sunk back down at the mention of a buckle.

"Now," Ben said, "what else do you need?"

"Well," Tim said, reluctant and embarrassed, "love advice is next then."

Coco had a questioning look, as if she were asking how far this should go. Ben put in, "well, we can demonstrate any question you have. Hell, you can take notes if you want."

Coco's head jolted to look at him, but got only "ha!" out. Tim actually pulled out a composition-style notebook and a pen. Coco suddenly realized how far the demonstration she and Ben may have to give today, but stayed relaxed.

"First question," she said, boldly.

"Well," Tim was still in his shell, "it's not perverted, but what would you be put off by in this room?"

Easy, she thought, "well, the harem of anime hug pillows. That's the main thing. The bed sheets are a little goofy, too. You could just turn the pillows over and change the bedding."

Tim turned the pillows over. The tops were, apparently, the softcore sides, which featured the girls in come hither poses but clothed. Tim flipped them over. The backs had them in more vulgar positions, panties askew, girl juice dripping in places, and lots of blushed faces.

"Okay," Coco reacted, "we'll give you some normal pillow cases and matched bedding."

"...right," Tim said, writing it down, "I can understand why those aren't good. I mean, do girls really show that much panty or whatever, like that?"

Coco blushed a bit and actually stumbled over the question, looking to Ben, who just nodded. She began, "ahem, uhhhh, it depends on the girl, I guess. Here I guess I gotta use a visual aid."

She pulled up the leather skirt and showed him her pink thong, rotating in place show it's front and back, "these panties are a thong, T-H-O-N-G, oddly it's singular while panties are plural. Several girls don't like them, several do, it's a matter of taste. I have a feeling the girl you'll be seeing will have on normal white, cotton ones. Asking to see them or smell is considered bad practice in most circles."

As she spoke, his pen flew across the page, Ben actually giggled. Coco pulled her skirt back down and said, "also she won't dress like me, and may never will. I happen to like latex, leather, and outfits. Some woman and/or girls may not like them. Especially with these," she poked her foot up, showing the absurd, clear, high-heels, "I find it humorous, wearing this here. Some girls may just roll their eyes and murmur to friends. And she probably won't just just show you her panties."

"I see, I see," Tim said, "now what do I say at dinner and stuff?"

Coco said, "okay, since we're past the cloths part, let's go in the living room and get more comfortable."

Which is what they did, Coco and Ben sitting close together on the couch, Tim in the big wicker chair he had on the other side of his low table.

"Just be natural," Ben said, "if she likes anime on a level close to yours, you should just talk about that. Just don't fly into hentai land or anything gross like that."

"Mmhmm,mmhmm, we already talked a little bit about it at school," Tim said, only make a note or two.

"You can talk about anything, I guess," Coco said thinking while she talked, "just be careful not to offend. If she is a perv, she'll probably jump right to it. And, you should know if things are going well, she'll smile and look at you with a pleased look. She may even touch your hand across the table!"

Tim swooned at that prospect. Then asked, "what about kissing her?"

Coco's eyes lit up, she said in forced baby voice, "have you never kissed a girl?!" she reached over and pinched his fleshy cheek, "HAS OUR WITTLE TIMMY WIMMY NOT KISSHED A GWIRL!"

Tim laughed and pushed her back, his face beat red. Ben said, "alright, here's what we'll do, me and Coco will re-enact bad kisses. Coco will smack me with this throw pillow, which you could pretend it being her open hand."

Coco like this idea and readied the pillow.

Ben began: "Don't," he grabbed her shoulders and shoved his tongue into her mouth, she gagged a bit, forced him back, coughed in an exaggerated manner, and smacked his head with the pillow, messing up his hair.

"Don't," he squeezed her breasts really hard and made for her mouth again, the pillow struck.

"Don't," he slurred a little dizzy now, but grabbed her butt and didn't even get his head forward. Whack! He shook his head dizzily. He murmured, pinching the bridge of his nose, "didn't need to be that hard, honey."

Coco was pleased with her performance. Ben added, "well, those are extreme examples. Just don't paw the girl, at least, not until she wants to be pawed. Kiss like this."

He moved close to Coco, gently pushed one of her bang strands of hair aside, looking longingly into her eyes. He gave her a gentle peck on her lower lip, she returned the peck on his upper lip. He pecked again, she pecked again. They did this for a short time, the kisses getting deeper with each go. Tim scribbled down a note but looked on in semi-awe.

In between the kisses Ben said, "If you must *kiss touch her *kiss somewhere *kiss, make it *kiss here," he touched the back of her knee, gently running his hand around the area, rarely moving to her thigh or calf, but when he did that, it was a gently movement rather than a full squeeze.

When they pulled away, they both had small, cat-like smiles on their faces. Coco whacked Ben with the pillow.

"Okay! Okay! Enough with the pillow," he exclaimed, wrestling it away from her, "no! No! Bad girl!"

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