All Comments on 'Coffee and a Burn'

Pay back!

5

what is wrong? she did not say she was unmarried! she did not stay long with the main character on any date. if something romantic or erotic transpired is also not been told. If some love feeling got developed, it is not her mistake. So what will he talk with Mr Smith?

Maybe the coffee burn us kinda new. D

Hint never, ever go to the man's house and tell him! Guns are way too prevalent.

@ mathur_nk; they had dated at least 3 times. Even without sex that is 3 times too many. While this bozo may not be getting any nooky, who is to say the precedent or following bozos don't?

You knew it when you posted it - too little depth. Honestly, the ending is pretty final so adding to it wouldn’t move the bar too far to the right. If you ever want examples of 1-pagers that cover all the bases, read some of HDK’s stuff! 3.5*

This story left me confused, wondering what and how much I was missing.

Why did he call a man he knew only by the name Jones on his mailbox Mr. Smith?

There's no indication there's been any sex between the main characters, so the readers aren't sure how seriously Mr. Smith or Mr. Jones will take whatever the main character tells him, which makes for a less effective story when the consequences of the discussion aren't described at all.

As one other said, you accidentally switched the last name. When you write, use more unique names, it will help keep you on track. Don't think it needs more. She burned him, twice, but he's about to return the favor. Not bad.

Well, crap, I honestly didn't even notice the name change! And I read through 3 times. My brain just didn't wanna function. guess that's what I get for trying something new with a short piece.

Don't need to FTDS but 750s usually work better when they capture a key moment that defines the relationship or the change it's going through. Trying to squeeze too big a timeframe into that word count (unless you're doing jump cuts) makes it a little dry IMO.

My memory may be wrong, but I thought one half of FTDS has passed.

Finish it. The rest of the story, please. The Bear is waiting.

The BEAR

Well, maybe she cheats while he works every Saturday night, OR maybe they have an open arrangement and Saturday night is their playtime. Perhaps he should have given her a chance to explain before going to her hubby.

Turnabout is indeed fair play. thanks

Who is Mr. Smith? The mailbox said Mr. and Mrs Jones.

I wonder where her rings were when they first met at the coffee shop? Does she take them off every time she leaves the house without her husband, hoping to pick up someone? If so, it is possible that the husband will not even be surprised.

Smith or Jones? Kinda ruined it!

incomplete, leaving it up to the reader to make up their own conclusion. Doesn't mean in there relationship what she is doing is wrong. Doesn't even mean she is his wife! no rings worn at any time!

Smith/Jones…guess it doesn’t really matter.

That's why we need at least Beta readers, if not editors. When we read, we see what we expect to see, whereas something like this will jump right out at a new reader.

Jones or Smith whatever, too short. Not much there.

Why does he want to speak to Mr Smith and not Mr Jones. ?

Kind of sour grapes really ok he got burned just let it go and move on

Yes , we were told of this passing. FTSD has been missed As there are so many unfinished stories here

Smith? Jones

The MC must have somehow telegraphed his gullibility to Mrs Jones. That's the only possible reason she could have for thinking that he would fall for the "Don't call, text" ploy.

This story is a hot mess. So the MC was dating a married woman? Didn’t say they were having sex, just dating. He never asked if she was married, just assumed? Finds out she is married so is going to tell her husband? Good way to get shot! And who knows, maybe her husband was a willing participant. They may have an open marriage with boundaries she has not crossed. Best course of action is to simply walk away, or if necessary, run!

Gotta love the complete and total lack of integrity this story brings out in some people, if their spouses were cheating i can almost guarantee they would want to know about it so they could divorce rape their soon to be ex husbands in court, isn't that right, ladies? But if you ladies have a "fling" and your husband finds out, are they just supposed to suck it up and be a man about it?

Possible plot twists to explore:

1. The standard marriage, husband is told of the affair and initiates a divorce. Wife burns the boy friend down

2. Wife and husband are actually married for some reason (political, needs a green card, financial, whatever you can think of) but it is a marriage of convenience not romantic. They are free to have a discreet relationship but nothing that would jeopardize their “marriage “. The BF just ruined a good thing.

3. The situation was completely misunderstood, the house belongs to her brother and his spouse. She was spending the evening with him and was too tired to drive home.

4. Turns out that is the twin to the woman he’s dating. He now plants the seeds that his wife is cheating on him. Much drama ensues.

5. The next scene starts with her texting him about whatever plans they have for the next night. He responds by telling her he knows everything and already told her husband. She is confused and doesn’t know what’s going on. She convinces him it wasn’t her and she’s not married. He eventually comes to believe it. The ending shows her reporting to a “handler” that she has established a relationship with 2 high level crime families and ready to initiate a war between them.

If I were the husband, I would want to know. It was gutsy of him to approach the door. Interesting story.

Burpppppp!!!

I could see getting "Smith" and "Jones" mixed-up if the story were longer - but in less than a paragraph and a half?

Pretty bad.

This isn't a story, it is an opening to a story. Take it down and finish it, please.

A brilliant little gem.

Oh…… Good start, this can’t be the whole thing……

If you don’t carry this on you have to let others run it on,

So, is it Mr. Jones or Mr. Smith? This was more like an intro, not a story. Continue the story or allow others to finish it for you. This is everyone's biggest gripe about the 750-word story challenge. Almost none of the stories can be told in that short of a framework. I've seen comments for stories longer than 750-words. 3-stars

Kaboom! I like it.

Hey people, this is a 750 word submission. There is no room for more details or a continuation. The author seems amenable if someone wants to expand on this.

Do any of you read the author's comments? I gave you free rein to write an ending if you want.. I am, however, planning on writing a longer revised version of this that will end the same way.

I thought their names were Jones.

Finish the story and I’ll give you your *5.

The mailbox said Mr & Mrs Jones but he addressed the husband as Mr Smith? It wasn't even a page later, not even 5 paragraphs later and the name changed? 1

The Mail Box read "Jones", but he called the husband "Mr. Smith".

Dear author, I presented a few possible ideas for continuing the story yesterday. I am not a writer, so that was my contribution. A few minor discrepancies aside, I thought it was a good start

Just an intro of a story.

Question; did they have sex during their Saturday date? If not then what woukd MC ssy to Mr. Jones/Smith? Is dating without sex cheating? Maybe so. That's the confusion one gets when a story is done like a teaser.

An absolutely delightful snap shot of a failed potential relationship. I loved the ending.

It’s just the little things that trip you up……..as an author 3*

Very good snapshot. Way underscored. Well done!

I have read hundreds of these stores on Lit. And this is only the third time, a boyfriend ratted out his girlfriend to her husband. I guess this has always perplexed me. When I was single, I would not think of even having a one night stand with a married woman. Or have anything to do with another women, regardless of status, once I got married. Think about it. If all men thought like that, cheating bitches would not exist. The same if women followed a similar line. But as long as there are men with more power or money, we know that will never happen.

5 stars. Yah I'd have liked a BTB ending but this is 750, those short stories have different expectations and requirements. Thank you! Agree with Anon from 2 weeks ago, it's so rare to find an honorable guy in these stories who is inadvertently Another Man and when he finds out, behaves like a decent human being and tells the husband.