by RedHairedandFriendly
DC:
That's the way lady. It looks like your great writing again. Ronnie W.
...I know you'll do better than the first version of this story. Just don't get in such a hurry! It was my honor to edit this one...the storyline was great to start with, and your description of the feelings, both emotional and physical, was, as usual, right-on. Keep me in business, but don't do this to me again...lol!...
Slow down with your writing and let the fluid of thought flow. Make is sound as if the story was unfolding right before your very eyes. I loved it but it did seem a bit hurried. I love your work anyways!!! Keep up the good work!
Not having read the previous version, and having read a number of your other works, I personally did not find this hurried. Breathless with anticipation perhaps, but not hurried. I did like the way you developed a conclusion instead of leaving the story (as so many do) after the successful bonk and thus leaving the reader hanging! I also have a fond hope - when I write, most of what I write is drawn in part from my own experiences. I hope that you have had these experiences. You sound a lovely woman. My thanks to you. Regards, Michael
Patience! Even though I enjoyed it immensely, I, too, felt rushed. Should you choose to rewrite it again, I suggest you give us more of their backgrounds, and expand their time together. I do like that YOU gave us a good ending rather than leaving us to create one of our own. Continued success.