Colleen and the Leg Trick

Meredith had never fancied herself a matchmaker, especially not for men and especially not in the workplace. But Mike was such a sweet guy, and never in her life had she stumbled upon such a perfect match as he and Colleen would be. She just had to figure out how to bring them to one another's attention without breaking confidence.

There was no point in beating around the bush.

Especially not Colleen's bush, when she knew how much Mike would appreciate it!

"Say, Mike," she said over lunch with him and her own true love, Patty, "What do you think of Colleen?"

"Colleen from downstairs?" Mike asked. "Oh, she's great! Such a ray of sunshine." Dropping his voice in case Jim, the upstairs manager, happened to be around, he added, "We could really use a manager like that up here, couldn't we?"

"Coast is clear, Mike," Patty said. "And yes, we certainly could." She gave Meredith a surprised look, but couldn't very well question her in Mike's presence.

"Well, I certainly agree with that," Meredith asked, leaving unsaid that Jim wasn't aware of her relationship with Patty. But what I meant was, well, are you attracted to her?"

"Who isn't?" Mike said. "Yeah, she's gorgeous."

"I'm not, particularly," Patty said, giving Meredith a knowing look.

"Wait a minute," Mike grinned, having noticed the furtive glances they were exchanging. "Are you thinking of asking her to a..."

"Not for us, Mike!" Meredith said. "We're pretty sure she's straight. I meant for you!"

"Oh!" Mike laughed. "Yeah, I wish someone like her'd give me a second look, all right."

"What makes you think she wouldn't?" Meredith pushed.

"For one thing, she must be taken," Mike said. "But even if she isn't, outgoing gals like that never go for introverts."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Meredith said. "I've never heard her mention a boyfriend, and a good talker needs a good listener."

"And Mike, you really need to stop assuming anyone nice wouldn't give you a chance," Patty added. "I know Sandy hurt you, but you don't want to mope forever, do you?"

"True enough," Mike said. "Yeah, I guess Colleen is great, but I don't really know her well enough to judge, you know?"

"That's what first dates are for," Meredith said. "Getting to know one another better. I think you should give her a try."

"I'll think about it." Mike looked at his watch and stood up. "Sorry to run out on you both, but I've got to run over to HR. Something about a problem with my insurance."

"So what else is new?" Patty said. "Sorry to hear that."

"See you soon, Mike," Meredith said.

As soon as Mike was gone, Patty turned in her chair to stare at her partner. "What on earth brought that on?" she demanded.

"Brought what on?" Meredith grinned coyly, hoping to avoid the question.

"You know what! Setting Mike up with Colleen? Where'd that come from?"

Meredith took a long sip of her diet coke, and tried to gauge how much she could share without betraying Mike's trust. "I discovered this week she's perfect for him," she said.

"How so?"

"Can't tell you," Meredith said. "But Mike has a...something he really likes about women, that's hard to find, and..."

"Oh my God, Meredith, the leg trick?" Patty was struggling not to laugh.

"That was my first clue," Meredith admitted. "I saw her do it yesterday, and it's true!" She could tell when Patty read between the lines, for she burst into that naughty laugh she always let out when sex was involved.

Unfortunately, her laughter caught Jim's attention, and he stuck his head in the kitchen door. "You ladies done with your lunch yet?" he snapped.

"Just finishing, Jim!" Meredith said, forcing a smile as Patty got herself under control, both women wondering once again just what sort of a conniption their boss would have if he knew about their relationship.

"Then get back to work, please," he said. "There's plenty of stuff to be filed, if you've got time for that.

"Of course we do," Patty said. Normally she avoided the dingy, windowless file room like the plague, but any chance to be alone with Meredith was welcome. Especially now that someone else's dirty little secret was involved.

"So Mike likes..." Patty began as soon as they were alone and ostensibly working on the loose files. But even she couldn't quite get the words out.

"You know I can't tell you that," Meredith said. "He told me in strictest confidence."

"What kind of man confides in a dyke anyway?" Patty said. "None of my male friends ever do, not like that."

"None of mine except Mike either," Meredith answered. "But we've got that kind of rapport, we can talk about anything."

"Except me, I hope," Patty said.

"Of course," Meredith said with a grin. "He knows how I touch myself but not how I touch you."

"You didn't tell him how you masturbate!"

"He told me how he did," Meredith said. "I find it fascinating, you know, even if I never need to touch a dick again. Come on, you must love the way touching it just right can reduce a man to a bowl of Jello!"

"It is kind of cute," Patty said.

"That's the third time you've gone over that folder," Meredith said, "And you're wiggling."

Patty laughed. "Okay, you caught me. All this talk about you and Mike playing with yourselves...you've never done it together, have you?"

"I wouldn't do that to you!"

"Good answer. Now how about doing it with me?" Patty set down the folder and retreated behind the row of filing cabinets in the middle of the room. Shoulder-high, they offered just enough time to get one's pants zipped up again if someone else came in the room.

"One of these days I'll think ahead and wear a skirt to work," Meredith added, unzipping her jeans as she followed Patty around the cabinets.

"Don't bother, you know you'll never get me into one," Patty replied. She already had her pants open, and welcomed Meredith's hand in her panties and lost no time in returning the favor. "Ooh, I wasn't the only one turned on!" she declared as she found Meredith's pussy wet to the touch.

"Oh, I've been wound up all morning, thinking about Mike and Colleen, and then coming in here alone with you..." Meredith let her voice trail away as the luscious sensation of Patty's fingers took over.

"Enough about them for now," Patty whispered. She longed to pull Meredith close and kiss her, but it was just too risky. If Jim found out...but the danger only heightened her pleasure as Meredith rubbed her just right. She could see in Meredith's eyes that she was hitting just the right spot as well.

Gazing at one another in sweet silence, they rubbed each other to a deliciously frustrating silent orgasm. When it was over, they chanced a quick kiss and then zipped their pants back up. Anyone who had walked in would have seen them at a respectable distance from one another, and anyone but Jim would have been able to read between the lines and be perfectly fine with it -- everyone else in the office knew and didn't care in the least about their relationship.

"I have got to get you in here after hours one of these days," Meredith said as they returned to their filing.

"I don't know how you can stay quiet like that," Patty added; Meredith's loud and delightfully profane responses in bed were a running joke for them both.

Mike had not heard about Colleen's leg trick. If he had, he surely would have understood just why Meredith was suddenly interested in playing cupid for them. But he hadn't, and so as he walked back from HR, he could only wonder what might have inspired that.

He was, though, intrigued at the whole idea. Meredith and Patty having conquered the taboo of workplace romances, Mike nevertheless felt his instincts trying to think of any reason not to. But the only one he could settle on was that the lovely, vivacious downstairs manager surely wasn't interested. Colleen was indeed, as he had said, a ray of sunshine. Pleasantly plump with lush brown ringlets and bright blue eyes, she had a good word for everyone and a wonderful way of leading her team rather than directing them -- absolutely nothing like Jim's button-down management upstairs. A trip downstairs was always a pleasure with Colleen there to say hello to.

Was that worth risking to ask her out?

Mike was still trying to decide when he got to their end of the building and near the foot of the stairs. Colleen was there at her desk, typing away, her dark brown curls looking as adorable as ever over the edge of her monitor. Mike tried to evade notice as he headed for the stairs, but of course she looked up and gave him that smile of hers. "Hi, Mike!" she said. "How are you today?"

"Pretty well, thanks," he said. Feeling there had to be more to it, he added, "I like your sweater."

"Thank you!" she rubbed her sleeves enticingly with both hands. "Nice and soft, perfect for a day like today."

"Oh, I like that," Mike said.

"You like what?"

"Nice and soft. It's...endearing."

"Endearing!" Colleen laughed. "Thank you, Mike!"

Mike was still grinning when he got to the top of the stairs. "Something amuse you downstairs, Michael?" demanded Jim, who was standing over Meredith's desk.

"Nah, just a nice day out there," Mike said.

"Wonderful," Jim said. "Just don't let that distract you too much, understood?"

"Of course." Mike sat down at his desk and got back to work.

"So that's what I expect next time around, do you understand?" Jim said to Meredith.

"Yes, sir," Meredith said. And to everyone's relief, Jim retreated to his office without another word.

As soon as the coast was clear, Meredith came to Mike's desk. "Dare I ask what you really were so happy about?"

"I think you know," Mike said.

"Colleen?"

Mike nodded.

"Great!" Meredith said. "So what do you think?"

"I just can't, Meredith. If she says no, it'd be so uncomfortable from now on. I don't want to risk that."

Since she was sure Jim still had an ear out for them, Meredith opted not to argue the point. She would just have to nudge Colleen closer.

A lucky coincidence provided Meredith with the chance to do just that the next morning. It also gave her another look at Colleen's "leg trick", and reassured her that her memory wasn't playing tricks on her with the first time.

Meredith had heard about Colleen's "leg trick" before that week. But the upstairs staff were exempt from the downstairs meetings (although "exempt" didn't feel like the right word to Meredith, compared to the atmosphere upstairs), so she hadn't actually seen it until that week.

"Morning, Meredith," she said this time, and Meredith smiled in reply. "Let's have a roundup, everyone!" she called out, just like the other day. To Meredith she added, "Sorry again if we make too much noise."

"No problem," Meredith said. "I'll keep it down over here."

Colleen laughed agreeably as she always did with such comments, and stood in front of her desk as her staff gathered around in a circle. Meredith did her best to focus on her work, but it was hopeless -- she would not miss out on another glimpse at Colleen's legs.

Once again, she got to wondering if Colleen might not be straight. After all, Colleen herself had never said anything on the topic at work that Meredith knew of. It was Patty who had issued that proclamation one night, when they'd both confessed to fantasizing about their colleague. "The way she dresses, and that hair? No way, dear. Sorry."

"Stereotypes!" Meredith had retorted.

"Stereotypes exist because some people fit 'em," Patty had said. "How many dykes you know own that many skirts?"

"None," Meredith had had to admit. She'd never even seen Colleen in pants.

But hope was a stubborn thing, and today Meredith once again had to stifle a laugh as it occurred to her that Colleen was a perfect example of what straight guys liked to think lesbos were like. Mike had said so a time or to, though he hadn't been talking about Colleen in particular.

"Come on, everyone!" Colleen clapped her hands to quiet the idle chatter as the team came together. As that didn't work, Meredith gave up on even pretending not to watch.

"I want to talk about the archive budget!" said Stanley.

"You always want to talk about that!" said Diana. "We've all got tight budgets to deal with, Stan."

"Whoever's been smoking just outside the front door, clean up your damn butts, will you?" called out Jeff, who always lived in his own world in the stacks.

"Folks, come on!" Colleen clapped her hands again. "You know the drill!"

The cross-talk didn't die down at all, much less stop.

"Ladies and gentlemen..." Colleen's voice sounded edgy for the first time, and Meredith had given up on even trying to concentrate on her work.

"That's it!" Colleen said, not unkindly but quite loudly, and once again Meredith was treated to the remarkable sight that had so shocked and delighted her two days before. Colleen grabbed at her skirt with both hands and lifted it up to reveal a pair of calves as hairy as any man's.

The bickering stopped.

"You all just wanted me to do that, didn't you?" Colleen said, bringing on a laugh from the others as she dropped her skirt back into place. "All you have to do is ask, you know."

Meredith looked back down at her book to avoid detection, but she didn't see a word on the pages. It was true! Colleen and Mike belonged together!

Thanks to the beautiful distraction, it took Meredith until well after the team meeting was done to complete her research. By the time she did manage to finish, she spotted Colleen heading for the break room. Perfect.

"Can I join you?" Meredith asked, relieved to see she and Colleen had the room to themselves for the moment.

"Certainly!" Colleen said. "Nice to see you spending more time down here. I can only imagine what it's like up there with Jim."

"Oh, you're not kidding!" Meredith poured herself a coffee and sat down. "We're all jealous!"

"Well, Jim's bark is worse than his bite," Colleen said. "I used to work for him, you know, before I got promoted."

"I didn't know that!"

Colleen nodded as she sipped her coffee. "That's why I try not to be too bossy. I've seen how lousy it is for morale."

"Well, you do have an advantage," Meredith said with a grin. "Jim couldn't very well pull off the leg trick."

"The leg trick!" Colleen laughed. "Is that what they call it?"

Meredith nodded. "And I really admire you for that. It takes guts!"

"Oh, really, it just takes being sick and tired of trying too hard to play by someone else's rules," Colleen said. "I just woke up one morning, just after my last boyfriend dumped me actually, and realized, why do I care what men think anyway?"

"Love it," Meredith said. "Of course, some men like that."

"I have yet to meet one," Colleen said. "Sorry, you don't want to hear my dating woes. You and Patty are just lucky you're out of that miserable game."

"I don't miss it at all," Meredith agreed. "Sorry your luck hasn't been better."

"Speaking of which..." Colleen looked uncharacteristically shy all of a sudden. "What's the story about Mike?"

"Mike?" Even Meredith could hear how unconvincing she sounded. "He's a wonderful guy. I wish he weren't so shy, but he's great, really. Why?"

"He told me the other day he liked my sweater," Colleen said. "It was a nice thing to hear, but it kind of surprised me, and I wondered if he might be flirting with me."

Since Colleen looked like she was hoping that was just what it was, Meredith said, "Yeah, that does sound like him. I know he does like the way you dress, too."

"Oooh!" Colleen let out an almost girlish giggle, and wiggled a bit in her seat. "I do like the sound of that!" Then, to Meredith's disappointment, she added, "But I'm more than my clothes, and who knows what he'd think of the rest of me."

"There's only one way to find out," Meredith said.

"I suppose. But -- well, I'll put it this way, Meredith. Does he know about the leg trick?"

"I don't think so." Meredith was bursting with temptation to spill the beans, but she just couldn't.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Colleen said. "If you'd heard about it, chances are everyone upstairs has."

"Well, if Mike has, it didn't stop him from flirting with you the other day," Meredith said.

"That could just be him looking for something nice to say, though," Colleen said. "No, if he's keeping me at arm's length, there's a reason why."

"I don't see why he'd compliment anything about you in the first place if that's what he's thinking," Meredith offered.

"Oh, so he likes my clothes." Colleen smiled, but it looked forced. "Looks can be deceiving."

That comment brought another issue to Meredith's mind. It wasn't specifically hairy legs that Mike loved best, and who knew if Colleen was also hairy elsewhere? But it was nothing she could address right away. "I guess," she said, opting to switch gears. "But Mike's a gentleman, that much I know."

"I'll think about that," Colleen said, polishing off her coffee. "Might need another of these," she added, eyeing her empty cup. "Tonight's my gym night."

Meredith had to force herself to keep a straight face at the opportunity that offered. "I've been meaning to start going to the gym myself," she said, and it was actually true -- the gym in the basement was open to all employees, and she'd had a change of workout clothes stashed under her desk for weeks, but had never actually been to the gym. "Mind if I join you tonight?"

"That'd be delightful, Meredith," Colleen said, standing up. "See you there?"

"Sure!"

Meredith hoped she might get a word with Mike about what she'd learned, but Patty joined the for lunch again and so it wasn't to be. She was, at least, able to regale them both with the revelation that Colleen was single. "She's lonely, too," she told them.

"She sure doesn't act like it," Mike said.

Meredith repeated what Colleen had told her. "Looks can be deceiving." She gave Mike a meaningful look, knowing all too well that he would never get that meaning. If only she could tell him! But she couldn't.

Meredith wasn't crazy about going to the gym. It felt so utterly voyeuristic. She tried to persuade Patty to follow her, but she refused. "I already spend enough time being emotionally stripped naked by Jim during the day," she said late that afternoon as she was preparing to go home. "No need to strip literally for any of our fine friends."

"Aren't you the least bit curious about Colleen?" Meredith pleaded.

"Not the way you are, Mer," she said. "Anyway, that's another thing. If you want to concentrate on her in the shower, you won't want me there to talk to instead of her."

"Good point," Meredith conceded.

She stayed at her desk until the last round of good-nights had wafted up the stairs, and then waited to hear Colleen clearing up her desk the way she always did at the end of the day. When that telltale sound had come and gone, Meredith picked up her duffel bag and headed for the back stairs.

Meredith tried to be inconspicuous when she walked in, but thanks to the mirror along the wall, Colleen spotted her from the treadmill where she was working up a glorious sweat in a white t-shirt and running tights. Since she smiled and waved. "You made it!"

"Sorry I'm late." Meredith felt free to enjoy a furtive look as she waved back. Her plump thighs and hips looked fantastic in those tights, and Meredith found herself a touch jealous of what Mike might be in for. She also couldn't help but be a bit amused at the open secret as to why Colleen was wearing tights while most everyone else in the room was in shorts. But she could hardly fault her for that.

Colleen proved to be quite serious about her weekly workout, as Meredith had to busy herself for over an hour before Colleen at last said she was heading for the locker room. "You did a good job of keeping up for your first time," she said to Meredith. "Am I going to be seeing you here every week now?"