All Comments on 'College Siblings'

Good story, but it needed some editing. Hope to read more soon.

The story is a reasonably good tale. However, there were many errors. You had spelling errors, such as "while his lard ass father sat in here yanking his pud for all he new." The word you needed was "knew." You varied between telling the story in the first person and the third person. There were problems with verb tenses and there were omitted words. Some people may say that we "English teachers" shouldn't worry about these problems, but if you have any intelligence, you can't help but notice the errors and they interrupt the flow of the story. Literotica offers free editors and you should take advantage of that to make your stories even better.

While I did enjoy the story in both the time line (back ground), and general entertainment value. There are many errors that take the reader out of the flow. It is one thing to tell a good story that everyone can follow and enjoy, and another to tell one that the reader is constantly trying to figure out the sentence. Also you changed Stephanies name to Melody for a couple sentences when she showed up with the parents, I really think you have a lot of potential to be a really good story teller, but you should read through, and/or have someone else edit your work before send it in for others to read. Please don't take these constructive criticism negatively, I really like the story in concept, I just think that if you cleaned up the grammatical errors you could be really great.

That is Fucking sexy i loved it and u should keep up the story's i came like 2 times on this

Editing my friend is key to a great story

I liked the plot quite a bit and i like the characters as well. The only slightly bad thing about this story was i felt things between the siblings happened to quickly. With more of a build up and possibly more teasing from Stephaney and more doubt and worry from Jason this story could have gone from being good to being great.

Pretty good storieline, but you could use an editor. There are lots of good volunteer ones to assist. I would like to see a follow up chapter 2 with better flow. I hope you do this as you show some real raw talent. IMHO

Pretty good story but please let something happen to the parents in the second chapter. A car wreck, house blows up, etc..... They deserve something very bad to happen to them. I hate to see shitty people get away with acting like they have. Come on author and give us a little revenge!?!?

But like most of the commenters here I really want a continuation where he gets his revenge on the "parents", preferably one where they know it was him & realize the monster they created.

But I agree with several other posters here. The story itself is very good, but you should proofread and edit, or find an editor to do it for you. It's your first story, though. I've only published one myself, but after reading a lot of them on here, I can see where you need some fine tuning. Quotation marks, contractions, and misspellings were abundant throughout your story. Other than that, I like the plot, but please make the parents suffer in chapter 2. Your hero really needs to beat the shit out of his father the next time he says "you were never good for anything." Good job for your first time!

For your first posting, if there is going to be a chapter 2. Please get a proof reader, this could help. It was not a bad read, keep it going . Good luck........ .......LAROC

Hope to hear more from you in the future and would like to also see a Ch. 2 on this one as there a lot of things they can learn together to make a good story for several Chapters.! "5" all the way.**

I liked the story, I really felt for him, but it all happened a little too quickly with Stephaney, there could have been a little more build-up beforehand, a few hints that she felt the way she did so it didn't just jump out at the reader. Otherwise, a great first effort, and I definitely want to see a second chapter, preferably where he gets some payback in!

liked the story could have used a little more build up but very good all in all .hope you keep writing .

I hope they become a couple and get revenge on their parents, and never see them again. Wow revenge would be soo sweet, I really like and believe in incest romance. It would be awesome for them to get married and be husband and wife.

A bit overdone with the family thing - I can't really imagine parents showing such extreme favoritism toward one child and treating the other like shit that way. Maybe something like that happens now and then, but certainly any self-respecting teen boy would find a way to carve his own life and not be treated totally as a slave. Either that, or he would end up as a subservient to just about anyone.

Aviator, did you reread your story before submitting it? If you did, you should have certainly seen most, at least, of your grammer and spelling errors, and could have corrected them.

Aside from all that, you told a good story, one that had a plausibility, one that had a good flow to it. But, as others have said, it would be much better with editing.

i really liked this story. only improvement is maybe more detail. :)

Jason deserves all the good things he can get. And Stephanie seems to be on the road to becoming a good influence for him. Give Jason some chest hair -- he seems to be a mature, solid guy who has had to "make it on his own." Their lovemaking could be longer, with Stephanie enjoying his body, tracing her fingers through the chest hair, reassuring him that he IS a worthy older brother.

Hope you add more to this please

Over all this story flows well and is very exciting. Unfortunately there are a number of spelling/word usage errors that make it a bit like a scratchy recording. Please make the effort to recruit a skillful editor to help you clear up the minor issues so it's top notch when you're done.

I have read this story before, everything is the same the only difference is the names. I'm not saying you didn't type this, I'm just saying it's very weird that these two stories are so close to be the same.

I have also read this story before. I suppose I could do a search to find it, but I bet you could too.

For this story I do have to agree with the second comment on this thread/story on, 03/19/2013, "SmallTitFan", and many others. This story has a much used theme, however it has possibilities as a continuing saga, especially since the brother and sister, Jason and Stephany, have just reaffirmed their sibling childhood friendship and established a much promising incestual future!! That's the good and potential of this story.

The bad of the story is, as many have commented on, the usage of good writing is missing--improper usage of punctuation, and in many cases missing; numerous words misspelled, incorrectly used and even transposed with others; sentences chopped, lopped and not making any sense. All of the first page and several paragraphs of the second page are used for introduction of the story, which in itself is not bad; however, the sexual "awakens" in Jason and, within the next paragraph or so, he and his sister are fucking, no foreplay, no thought process of their "sudden" attraction to each other--except for the suddenness of the sex like a deviant sexual predator and a store-bought whore. There is no emotional process leading up to their sexual encounter--for both their first from-start-to-finish sex coupling--and after two rather quick fucks the story is ended.

As a writer you have accomplished the hardest part and that is starting; you've done that in all your radiant glory. However, Rome wasn't bult in a day. To put up a building or even a less-involved house, the contractor/builder starts with the first of many, even thousand, of blocks. It's a process that comes with the good, the bad and ugly (to paraphrase the movie title of one of my favorite actors). Take all comments with a grain of salt--it's a learning process.

I liked it nice story I must admit it has a formula that has been done before but its not a copy it has its own flare but you should work on spelling errors

this does not need a good editor it needs DELETING it sucks and is totally unrealistic. there is no way in hell he would allow his sister to move in with him. when he got the letter he would call the house and tell them to go to hell since they never payed for ANYTHING they had no right to push the bitch on him. you totally ruined the story with the twilight zone plot delete and stop writing.

This started off really really good and had me hooked into seeing how it would turn around. But like so many other stories I've read, it did a 180 so fast that it ruined the story for me. He absolutely hated this girl, his sister, Princess Bitch, and just because he saw her naked he starts to want to get to know her? It really fell downhill for me when he stared at her for 10 seconds. Really?

no way he would ever want anything to do with his bitch sister. as soon as she got there he would tell her he wanted no contact with in any way, he would getup early and get home in time for bedand when home he would be in his room with the door locked. keep your stories BELIEVABLE AND ATLEAST SOMEWHAT REALISTIC. the only way to fix this is to delete and either rewrite or just throw it away and stop writing or stealing as some have suuggested.

I like the premise of the story but it does need work. What stands out to me is that at not point did he stand up to his family or show any outrage he got crapped on just acted like a pussy and took it. Beyond that I would have loved to see more build up between the siblings relationship that developed in stages and over a longer length of time into a passionate and caring romance also the sex scenes need to more detailed with foreplay and all. I left thinking that big brother got his orgasm while his sister is left unsatisfied.

All in all its not a bad story it is just the beginning of what I imagine being a great story just as I'm sure in time you will evolve into a really great writer such as loveae and many of the other great authors who have posted

Great story but what happens to them?

After concerns that his checking her out was not going to be reciprocated, Jason was perceived by Stephany as having the right equipment to keep them both enjoying their close relationship. Now the both had sex on tap & all the privacy they would require - provided Jason didn't get her pregnant.

A long term relationship was there for them.

Great story & I as entranced as it progressed. Top marks.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story. I loved the background of the family dynamic and the buildup of the siblings having sex. I hope you continue with the story. I think it would be cool for the parents to get some payback at some point.

The story was ok, but the errors were so annoying!

paragraph ruined the whole story for me. I like the build up.

What a great start to a brother and sister finding love against all odds. It is truly a shame that a story with so much potential is left unfinished, I just can't understand why authors abandon stories like this. There is much that could be told about these two in college nd beyond. Well done to this point 5 stars