Come As You Are Ch. 07

"I'm sorry... I just... it's a weak excuse I know, but I've just been sticking to a 'no guys' rule this week..."

"I understand that, but three times in less than two minutes? Doesn't exactly do wonders for a guy's confidence." Garrett saw the downtrodden look on Michelle's face. "Hey, it's OK. I get it. You and I never got along. And I'm not exactly the physical specimen Gio is either."

"Gio does nothing for me either, and don't compare yourself to him. You... you got into shape since high school." Her embarrassment formed a billowing cloud of vapor in front of her face as she sighed. "I'm sorry, Garrett," she said again.

"Apology accepted. Hey, I'm not mad. If I was, I wouldn't have brought you up here," Garrett said as he motioned to the mountains stretching off into the distance. "You had a bad night. You needed a good day. Here you go."

She turned to look out over the peaks and valleys. "It's helping. Hopefully, it will get me through the rest of the week."

"Is something bothering you?" Garrett's words drifted through the thin air. "I'm catching some bad vibes coming off of you. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. 'None of your business Garrett' is an acceptable answer. But maybe you need to tell it to the mountains."

"Oh my God." A bemused look crossed Michelle's face at Garrett's statement. "That was the worst attempt at being therapeutic I've ever heard."

"I know," he admitted, his head already in his hand. "About halfway through that sentence, I realized how cheesy that sounded, but by that point, I had committed. It's like skiing. If you're going to wipe out, take the fall so you can get up and start over again."

A quiet laugh came from Michelle before she found herself reaching over to pat Garrett's knee. "I appreciate the effort. Alright. Which mountain should I tell it to?" He looked up from his hand when she motioned to the vista. "Pick one. And don't say the Grand Teton. I took French. I know what it translates to."

"How about that one?" Garrett pointed off to the east. Through the passes between several smaller mountains, Michelle could make out a towering peak that rose majestically about all the others. "I'm pretty sure that's Disappointment Peak."

"Does it overlook Former Gifted Student Canyon?" Garrett's response was a sheepish, half-hearted shrug which drew a chuckle from Michelle. She looked at the jagged stone reaching into the sky. The knot in her chest grew heavier, the emotional ropes becoming thick chains. They were weighing her down, pulling her smile into a frown. If she didn't untie the knot, the rest of her week would be the exact opposite of what she had hoped for when booking the reservation all those months ago. "You have to swear," she said quietly, "that this stays between us. What we say up here stays up here. Will you promise me that?"

"I swear. I promise not to say anything to anyone else."

"Thank you. I... I'm worried about my sex drive." Michelle studied Garrett's face for a reaction. There was a note of surprise in his eyes before he settled into the natural stone bench, leaning on it with one arm, his full attention given to her at this moment. "I think it might be broken," she clarified. "Irina came up here to ski, drink, and meet cute guys. She's already done all three. I came up here to ski and drink. I've done both. I have no urge to even flirt with any of the guys who have come up and flirted with me, and each time I've come off as more direct and stronger than I intended. My politeness was running on empty by the point we ran into each other."

She waited for a comment or a question from Garrett. Instead, the young man continued to look at her, resting his body against the boulder. "I told myself it was just for this week. No boys, no complications, no potential drama, no bullshit. Me and the basin and a couple of drinks." She sighed, once again exhaling slowly to let the steam build in front of her face for a moment. "But it isn't just for the week. It's been going on for a lot longer. Ever since the end of my freshman year, I've just... I live on a college campus with a major NCAA basketball team and a major NCAA football team. I'm surrounded by more hot guys than I could shake a stick at. Between my classes and parties, I get hit on all the time. But my response is usually 'eh.'"

Once again Garrett kept quiet, leaving Michelle to fill the silence a little longer than was comfortable. "I can't believe I'm going to tell you this. I've only slept with two guys. One was my spring semester freshman year. I had been dating this senior named Rich since January, and right before Spring Break, I lost my virginity to him. He graduated a few weeks later and I haven't talked to him since. Then over the summer, I rode to Salt Lake City with Irina so she wouldn't have to make the drive from Tucson alone. I stayed for the weekend and met a cute guy at a party with a bunch of Irina's high school friends. We went upstairs, and I left the next day. Haven't seen or talked to that guy at all, and I have no urge to. Everything was fine with both guys, but..."

She trailed off, the sound of the rustling pine trees the only noise before she continued. "I've been on a total of two dates since then. One a double date with Irina, and one with this guy from my Stat class where we ended up talking more about the study guide. Beyond that, nothing." Michelle felt her shoulders slump as she continued to talk. "I haven't had sex in almost two years and haven't been on a date in a year and a half. Brenda's in the dating scene, Colette found a guy and Sadie's banging her way up and down the Roaring Fork Valley. I don't know what's wrong. Maybe something's broken inside me, and I'm not used to being that way."

She couldn't tell if she was sniffling from the cold or from the waves of sadness that were crashing into her chest time and time again. "Is something wrong with me? Am I broken?"

"You are FAR from broken." He reached into the open backpack and brought out a napkin. "Here." She took it gratefully, ready to use it if needed. Wiping her arm under her nose was fine for the moment. "You're not broken," Garrett repeated. "You're a young woman in college, a remarkable young woman, who is finding out who she is. You've been away from Emerald Pines for two and a half years. Not only that, you're away from the friends and family you knew for eighteen years. You're figuring things out on your own. And you're doing it while maintaining straight A's and keeping in great shape." Garrett tapped the boulder with one knuckle. "As far as I can tell, you're not broken. Hell, I kind of wish I was more like you."

"But why don't I care about guys? If I'm finding myself, shouldn't I be like Irina?"

"No. You should be like Michelle." Garrett took a deep breath. "Look, I'm going to ask a few questions here. Again, 'none of your business Garrett' is an acceptable answer..."

"I think I know what you're going to ask. I'm not asexual, and I'm not a lesbian," Michelle said. "I... oh my God, I never thought I'd say this to you... I still take care of myself. And when I do I think about guys."

"I have an opinion then. Well, not an opinion. A possibility. Two of them, actually." He turned his head in her direction. "First, you're juggling a lot of things right now and don't have the time or capacity to add another one. You said it yourself. You're getting straight A's in a difficult major and staying healthy, which I'm guessing involves both diet and exercise?" He gave a return nod in response to Michelle's initial one. "It's a priority thing. That's all. Once things calm down, I'm sure you'll have the emotional capacity to slot dating and guys back in. You always struck me as one of the strongest women I've ever known. Maybe you're bending right now, but you're not broken. Or, this is the second one, you're comparing yourself to your more sexually active peers. For the record, there's nothing wrong with..." Garrett made finger quotes, which caused Michelle to chuckle. "...'only' two guys. The last time I looked, sex wasn't a contest."

"I know, but I throw myself 100% into everything I do. Why can't I do it for this?"

"If you're honestly that worried about it, go talk to a school counselor."

"Yeah, my family doesn't think too highly of shrinks, even though they saw first hand what going to one did for Colette's anxiety."

"I didn't say shrink. I said counselor. They would be the ones to recommend you to a shrink." Garrett tilted his head to one side. "And I'm right there with you. My folks don't care for therapists either. Lord knows I could have maybe used one in high school."

"You're an only child, right?"

"Yep," Garrett answered, "although my younger cousin lives with us. His mom, my Mom's sister, had problems so my Dad took him in so she could get help. She's clean now but he's staying with my folks until he graduates. Gio's got a huge family, both blood and heart, and Vienna's... well, you know Vienna's situation."

"Who the hell doesn't?" Michelle started counting off on her fingers. "Mom and Dad get married. Mom and Dad get divorced. Mom married stepdad. Dad marries stepmom. Mom and stepdad get divorced. Dad and stepmom get divorced. Mom marries stepmom. Dad marries stepdad." She shook her head. "I'm surprised Vienna took it so well."

"Her only response was 'this better not fuck up my life.'" Garrett laughed at the memory of that particular moment. "She's got a stepbrother her age from her stepmom that's got a bit of a crush on her though. It's kind of creepy."

"Ugh. Stepbrother/stepsister incest. I'm sorry, that's just weird. Who would ever be into that?"

"I'm sure there's a website out there somewhere that caters to it." Garrett, after a moment, reached out his hand towards Michelle. She extended hers in response. He gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You're not broken, Michelle. You're just figuring things out."

Michelle turned her hand around, taking Garrett's from underneath. She gripped it tightly for a moment. "I needed this Garret. Both the view and the talk. Thank you."

"You're welcome." They let go of each other's hands at the same time. Garrett stood up and began to repack his knapsack. "We should probably be heading back," he suggested.

"I agree. Our heartfelt conversation has reached a natural stopping point." The knot was still in her chest, but instead of heavy chains wrapped around her heart it felt more like an untied shoelace gently draped over it. She took in one last look at the vast vista in front of her, trying to commit as much of it to memory as she could. "It's so damn pretty," she told Garrett. "I miss being able to do this regularly. I can't remember the last time I went cross country skiing. What about you?"

"The weekend after that big storm we got senior year," he answered.

"I remember that storm! Colette managed to convince her Dad to drive me and her up to Sapphire Drop in his plow so we could hit the slopes while the resort was opening back up. It was us and maybe five other skiers for an entire day and it was AMAZING." She put her skis down on the ground and began to lock herself in the stirrups. "I'm going to try to stop worrying about boys and just concentrate on skiing. Irina thinks that all I need is to meet The Guy."

"Mr. Right?"

"No, The Guy. The Guy who gives you your first... sexual awakening."

"I guess that makes sense," Garrett said as he locked himself in. "Kind of had the same thing happen to me in high school..." He suddenly went quiet. Michelle caught the sheepish look on his face, like a kid whose hand was in the cookie jar just as a parent walked into the kitchen.

"High school, huh? Who was it?"

"I can't say. Sorry."

"Why not? I just bore a good bit of my soul to you up here."

"I promised." Garrett picked up his poles from where he had stuck them in the snow. "I promised it would be our secret. And if I break my promise to them, what good is my promise to you?"

Michelle smiled to show Garrett she understood. "Alright, lead the way. Irina and I have a date with the slopes for some hardcore night skiing."

The pair made it back to the main trail without issue. The rest of their cross-country journey was undertaken under blue skies on gently sloping downhills. Michelle allowed Garrett to once again set the pace. The trip up to the overlook along with Garrett's makeshift lunch of hot chocolate and warm grilled cheese left Michelle with a clean body and clear eyes. Pushing herself along the snow-covered piste, Michelle found herself scrubbing away at the weariness in her heart, with Garrett's insights serving as the brush. Today had seen the first genuine conversation between her and Garrett in a decade-and-a-half of co-existing in general proximity. His reassuring words resonated with her as they made their way through the beautiful Wyoming backcountry.

By the time they reached the lodge, Michelle felt better than she had in months. Not only had Garrett possibly managed to quantify her concerns, his recommendation to seek out a counselor had given Michelle a goal to work towards. It was a simple goal that could be accomplished with an e-mail or phone call, but it represented a starting point. That was the important thing.

The pair returned their cross-country skis to the rental desk. As they walked away, Michelle placed a hand on Garrett's arm. "Thank you again, Garrett," she said quietly. "I'm grateful for you letting me come with you today after the way I treated you last night."

"You're welcome. Like I said up on the mountain, it sounded to me like you needed a fresh perspective."

"Maybe," she chuckled, "just maybe. So what are you and Gio up to tonight?"

"No clue. I should probably check. Let's grab a seat." Making their way towards a free table, Garrett sat down and dug his cell phone from the depths of his backpack. "Looks like we're bar hopping," he confirmed

As their brief conversation fell into a lull, Michelle found herself studying Garrett. Until that moment, she had never noticed how green his eyes were. They sparkled like emeralds from the sunlight reflecting off of the snow-covered ground. "What about tomorrow afternoon? Any plans?"

"More skiing. I'm still trying to get my damn ski legs under me. I'll probably find them again by the time we're packing up to leave on Sunday."

"As long as you're having a good time. That's the most important thing." Garrett hummed in agreement, the sound accompanied by a quiet smile. Michelle leaned against the table with her elbow, putting her chin in her hand as she said, "Maybe you just need a couple of refresher pointers. I think we're all supposed to go clubbing tomorrow night. How about you and I hook up in the afternoon and hit the slopes together? I'll show you all the stuff I should have shown you yesterday. Provided," she quickly added, "you do a double black with me."

"Oooooof," Garrett hissed. "I haven't done a double black diamond since high school."

"That's the price to pay if you want to hang with me." Michelle nodded eagerly. "You do a double black with me as your wingman. How could you possibly turn down that offer?"

Garrett took off his knit cap to run a hand through his tangled brown hair. "Are you sure? I enjoyed hanging out with you today but I don't want to overstay my welcome."

"After last night, I don't want to overstay mine." A warm smile, the kind she never would have given Garrett until now, touched upon her lips. "This isn't high school. Maybe you and I can get along."

"Yeah... yeah. This isn't high school. Alright, I'm in." Garrett got to his feet. "I'm gonna go back to the house, grab a shower, and then catch a nap. We'll shoot for, say, 1 PM tomorrow?"

Michelle nodded. "I'll see you at the top of the hill."

"It's a date. I mean, it's not a date," he said quickly. "It's a mutually agreed upon time."

"Go!" She waved her hands, shooing him away. "Just make sure that when you show up tomorrow you're ready to shred some powder!"

X X X X X

"Woohoo!" Irina slid to a stop, joining Michelle at the bottom of the slope. "That was amazing!"

"I know!" Michelle held her hand up for a high-five which her roommate eagerly provided. "The high-end slopes here are fucking fantastic! I could ski here for months and never get bored."

"Too bad we're not rich enough to be full-time ski bums." Irina shrugged. "Perchance to dream." She motioned to the ski lift with her pole. "Come on, we're burning moonlight."

Michelle set the pace, with Irina alongside her. They quickly settled on the ski lift and began yet another ascent to the top of the basin. The night sky was free of clouds, however, the halogen lamps lighting the slopes blocked out the stars, leaving Michelle to stare at a vast ribbon of black. "So how was skiing with Gio today?" she asked.

"Great! The boy can ski, and he's a lot of fun to talk to." Irina's wistful sigh took the form of a vapor cloud floating through the air. "I don't feel like a piece of meat when he looks at me. I was all ready to get ogled constantly this week, but now I'm feeling... admired. College girls like us never get admired."

"No, we just get drooled on." Michelle looked over her shoulder. The faint lights of the town of Blackcreek were visible just past the ski lodge. "The slopes shut down at midnight. You want to see if Gio and Garrett want to meet up for drinks?" Irina shook her head, causing Michelle to blink from surprise. "You don't want to try to go home with him tonight?"

"Oh no. No no no no no no no no no." Each 'no' was accompanied by an emphatic shake of Irina's head. "I'm going back to the hotel room and he's going back to the house he's renting. Gio got a taste last night. Tomorrow, according to Irina's Magic Eight Ball, all signs point to me going home with him. Until then," she said with a coy smile, "I'm going to let the poor boy think about all the things we're going to do to each other."

At the mention of the previous night, an unexpected shiver ran through Michelle's body. Goose rose along the back of her neck despite the thick scarf wrapped around it. The feeling was accompanied by a brief pressure just below the pit of her stomach. "Are you cold?" Irina asked as both sensations faded as quickly as they had arisen.

"I'm good," Michelle said, waving her friend off. "Let me get this right. You had a fun time with him last night, and your response is to blow him off?"

"Not blow him off, leave him wanting more. But I did slip him a little tongue when I kissed him goodbye this afternoon. I'm not totally cruel." The smile was back on Irina's face as she gently nudged Michelle with her shoulder. "You mentioned Garrett back there. Did you two reach a healthy detente this afternoon?"

"That's a good way to put it," Michelle nodded. "There's a solid chance we might be friends by the end of the week, which is going to blow the girls' minds if that happens."

"Just friends?"

Michelle rolled her eyes as they reached the top of the hill. The pair of young women pushed themselves off the lift chair and descended to the wide path running atop the basin wall. The path was packed with skiers taking advantage of the optimal conditions. A glance down the slopes revealed numerous figures tearing across the snow, sending plumes of white powder billowing through the air. Michelle began to buzz with eager anticipation as they approached the line for the next slope, a double black diamond named Black Spiral. Rumored to be one of Blackcreek's more difficult slopes, Michelle had caught several glimpses of it while riding the ski lift during the past several days. The twisting, curving run, with several steep inclines and several ramps, had teased the skier inside Michelle from afar. Her hands gripped the handles of her ski poles as they joined the back of the line. Should she go for speed or style during her initial run? A sly, conspiratorial smile crossed Michelle's lips underneath her gray half-mask. Speed. The best way to dominate a run and let it know it was about to be your bitch...