All Comments on 'Come As You Are Ch. 16'

You took my favorite story on this whole site and made it even better. Loved it, and I can’t wait for the follow ups. More Evelyn, please!

WOW! I've checking compulsively for this final chapter since I finished the last one... sooo much better than I was expecting. All the characters are amazing, everyone's phycology was so deep and complex and consistent. Evelyn kind of scares the shit out of me, but I kinda love her lol. Great job! Just fucking WOW

Fantastic! Still feel like there’s something unfinished between the two contenders. You cannot keep grudge forever and a spin like Danny loses his basket mojo and Garrett gets to cheer him up against all odd, bring him back in his game and made peace would be a great spin off. Very good story.

Well, this isnthe second comment I have ever been inspired to leave.

You are an extraordinarily good writer. You create interesting characters, who would be caricatures but for the depth you give them that makes them real; you weave an interesting story, and you balance the movement and level of detail well. I hope in some way you are getting paid to write, and I'd be curious what is your day job.

I liked the ending, but I must confess I was hoping for a more final ending to Danny, so there would be no question of him reappearing in Garrett's life. I had hopefully guessed at something like Danny inviting Amy and then deliberately crashing his car, leaving him dead (with Evelyn picking up another tooth at the scene), and Amy a quadraplegic seeing Collette's aunt at some sort of therapy every week. The ending we got was excellent and more literary, but it did leave the story feeling a bit unfinished.

All in all still really well done.

Well done! While there were some details I miss from the previous incarnation, I vastly preferred this blow-by-blow pool showdown to the glorified bloodletting in the first. Thank you for the hard fought rewrite!

Wow! The new ending is much better. In fact, the whole series was greatly improved. I’m looking forward to more Emerald Pines stories to see how these characters grow, and whatever else you chose to write.

Great story. Almost exactly what i wanted. To be honest i think Amy got off easy, people like her that can't let things go and live there life holding to high school drama are a huge problems and she deserved more than just being blown off by Danny. Danny lost a lot of money and got injuried who knows how that will effect the rest of his career. Not saying Danny didnt have any of that coming. Just really wanted to see her get embarressed as well.

Would love an epilogue to the series. Michelle could take over the ski school. Brenda could run a restaurant or two in town and on the mountain/slopes. Danny goes on IR then gets a cheerleader pregnant. Whilst on IR gets drunk and into a fight which is caught on tape. Garret and Sadie marry. Garret starts at middle level before becoming COO of Kim’s business. Violet and Colette live happily together. Amy gets called out then shunned by the town.

Good story, but Danny got off too easy IMO. I've never been able to abide a bully, and when I see them in literature, I'm only happy when their cumuppance is complete.

I enjoyed the story a great deal.

That said, losing $75K wasn’t enough comeuppance for Danny. As a pro basketball star for several years, he’s probably worth 8 figures. Even if local cops didn’t charge him with assault, Garrett had many witnesses to his unprovoked attack at the reunion. Even a bad lawyer could negotiate a 6 figure settlement for Garrett.

Then there’s his shoulder. It would have been a great epilogue, if Danny’s shoulder injury worsened, and he had to explain it to his team. Maybe they miss the playoffs. Maybe his career stalls and he becomes an average pro, after a lengthy post surgical rehab.

And Amy, in any epilogue, just becomes ordinary. No political future, just lots of whining.

This story doesn't need the sex scenes, you are very talented. Like most of the other comments, I felt like Danny got off far too easily. Where was Garrett's parents when he was getting bullied in HS? This story opened old wounds for me, and I left HS 50 years ago. You are a terrific writer, your characterizations are very good. Justice often doesn't happen in this life, but it would have been satisfying to see Danny and the coach get their comeuppance.