All Comments on 'Comeuppance Pt. 05-06'

Good story, a bit over the top but that’s your style. It ended the only way it could really. Jack and April would never have made it as a couple. Janice and whomever she ended up with would have struggled too. They were just too damaged, physically and mentally.

An epilogue or conclusion would be nice. I can’t see Jack dying a happy old man though. To much hate and guilt to live with.

Grant

Disappointed ending, Could the girls have gotten out of the plane before it crashed?

First off I wish you and yours a speedy recovery. Great story, and it did have to end in sorrow. Can't wait for what in the works .

Welcome back and thanks for the ending, even though a bit late. To write long novels is not so simple, so we understand that it requires quite some time to get the things done: drafts, revisions, beta reading, external editing,.... About the evaluation, no story will ever receive the 5* from all the readers, but this story is your story and it was up to you to decide the flow and the conclusion. A little critique: more interaction with your readers through the comment section. Anyway, good job, keep going with your productions and ... stay well. 5* !

The End???? WTF.

I Was enthralled by the whole series BUT so sad it had to end this way Maybe at heart I really am a true romantic (jaybee186) Just as an aside I think I am blocked by management because I was hacked 2 years ago but maybe if you can ask them to make a section just for cuckold lovers (I hate it ) instead of loving wives Thanks Look FWD to you next stories

guess this was one way to end it. too much distrust between Jack and his wife and sister.. sad ending to a GREAT well crafted, written story

Thanks for sharing...

You was right, I didn’t like the ending. In fact I would go so far as to say that this ending renders the last two chapters utterly pointless.

This could seriously have been 2 pages only. Much to wordy with details totally irrelevant to the story being told

Another excellent story, though I have to add as depressed as the ending left me even anticipating exactly as it unfolded, some of your readers might feel that a wrap-up where actual justice occurs (at least as much as you can get when the government gets involved) would be nice. There are not enough stars for this one; it would need a constellation’s worth.

Sorry but the last two chapters were extremely disappointing. Of course, it's your story so you can finish it however you want. But there was so much superflous padding about utter crap. Detailed stories about spotting ex-Special Force members hiding in scrub. Pages of the crap. Childish banter that is normally undertaken by 16 year old teenagers. Stupid laughing and jokes during what would normally be tense moments.

Then the utter prepostorous nature of the scope of all the information, the involvement of all the tri letter agencies, of multiple Countries/Governments etc was so over-the-top as to be ridiculous.

Finally, the absconding of the two women, as a type of Stockholm Syndrum alinement with the "King" and his men, just didn't make sense at all. I couldn't be bothered to go back and check the details of their kidnapping, sexual enslavement and their release but we are expected to believe they "fell-in-love" with their captors to the extent they run off with them! Why then would they do everything to "protect" their brother/husband and risk being killed? Yeah, right.

They crashed in shallow water. Maybe the two women did this on purpose and had a plan to survive the crashing. Sorry, but the death of the two women is unsatisfying.

An uneasy end to an entertaining saga. Many of the final plot lines in these chapters were done strictly for dramatic effect and that's annoying as a reader. Read some of DT's stuff to get get some insight into how to set up the military confrontations and the government workings that would have gone along with the ranch attack. I get it, more dramatic effect, but to those that know, it's a distraction. 4.3*

Job ending you copped out

You’re right. Didn’t like it. Epic story with a shitty cheap ending. Almost like you got tired of your own story. Oh well, happens.

Not as engaging as the previous chapters, but still decent entertainment.

The ending was very Hemingwayesque and not I would have written it.

The ending bluntly sucked. Had high hopes for this but you just blew it.

Nope

The ending sucked, I guess maybe the French would like this existential crapola ending, but I suspect most won't like it. I don't even know why an epilog is needed,more misery to a crappy ending? I suppose in theory somehow Janice and April could have survived, but that would be kind of insane too. The fact that this story is so far out,and the good guys barely win, makes it blah. Trying to be realistic with a story so out there fails, bc in reality the good guys would have been slagged in the first chapter

Oh, well, it was a great story until the end. April sure went through a lot to recover only to throw it away at the end. The girls didn't seem to be irredeemable to me. A bit disappointing. Perhaps an alt ending for us old softies.

I can’t believe I waited breathlessly for the final installment, only to get this crap. It’s not even really a loving wives story, just a bad, over-the-top conspiracy novella. Sad I even got involved in it.

After this chapter I am worried about you. This story seems unnecessarily dark, and seems a very big departure for you, totally out of character. How is your health status?

The writing is all over the place. Everything is overly complicated for no real reason and it also advances either at a snails pace or jumps from moments to moments.

Victim of your own success. You got into the details you put in the first and at most 2nd episode, then you got lazy while trying to give mlre details in shorter time. End result is something that resembles a story but reads like the ramblings of a lunatic.

Hope the 2 ladies didn't die for real, comeuppance ok, but not death. In the upcoming epilogue there will be a last chance to give this difficult tale, the right balanced ending.

The ending was rushed, and felt very unsatisfying.

It would have been better without all of the Spanish words. I grew up in Texas and let me tell you, not that many Texans can understand Spanish except maybe the cuss words. Also the ending was crap you should redo it. Maybe have the girls kill the bad guys in their sleep in Mexico, or whatever.

What a shitty end. Go through all the endless ways Jack ends up forgiving his wife and sister and her appearing to have feelings for him and the ending is for them to blow up their boyfriends. That was alot of wasted time spent on this.

Great story, but the ending was very bad.

Just not heroic as usual.

The ending was very bad and lke many other stories the ending is rushed only to disappoint the reader. Authors should write the ending first then develop the story towards that goal.

Wait- what?? all these details, so much pain and anguish between Jack and April, Janice too, they finally start to re-connect; then they run off and kill themselves?? Far better to have left them as betrayed enemies, to make their sacrifice have some redemption. They had no idea if any plan was in effect to get the bad guys, they jumped the gun themselves, with no word on what they were thinking or why. This story just ran out of gas, but it was great while it lasted.

Lost me when the main character started apologizing to his whore sister for what he put her through. What happened to the angry brother who was betrayed by both of the women he loved? It doesn't matter that they craved the drugs and the sex. What matters is that they betrayed him and expected him to just take the back and all would be well. The first couple of chapters were tight, they carried an image of a man who knew what he was and what he expected from others and then he was a pussy who felt they were really victims. From a warrior to a wimp. Not a good or believable transition. Not up to your usual. No score but it would be bad if I did.

What a cop out. Your story went down with the plane. The women obviously had direct contact with the Sheik and the other asshole, and the assholes thought the women were in league with them. So the women could have easily led the two assholes into an ambush. The whole secret disappearance and then their blowing up the plane, with what explosives acquired when and where? Makes No Sense. It reads like you just abandoned the story with a nonsense ending the explained nothing. The Main Witnesses To Their Sex Slavery Are Dead! So who the hell is going to get prosecuted? And what did Janice and April do, in and out of bed, to convince these two guys that the women were their true and loyal lovers? Why do I wonder if these rich assholes had two planes arranged, and while one crashes, the other lands in a foreign country so the two assholes can spend the rest of their lives fucking and enjoying the two whores who started out as drugged slaves but ended up being their life long soul mates?

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And what would have been the role playing if Jack had welcomed April back with understanding open arms? They start fucking again, try to conceive a child, plan for their future, Janice is going to be the loving Aunt? And then, I guess about the same time as in the story, the two happy healthy loving women disappear to run off with the Sheik and the Asshole, and Then they blow up plane? To accomplish what? The author had to make Jack a doubting close minded asshole in order for the two women running off to make any sense. But Janice was doing great, so why would She run off and blow herself up?

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Of course the final fuck up of the plot was Jack supposedly getting some kind of message from April that explained why she was killing herself instead of accepting his apologies. But the author can't let us see that, because that just adds so much mystery and mystique to the story, right?

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Wow. Somehow, in the end, this is just another Fag Cuck Shit story. Where the wife runs off to spend the rest of her life with her true love and the stupid cuck sits home with his dick in his hand wondering why she didn't love him anymore. With this ending, who gives a fuck?

WOO you did it! Let the women sacrafice themselves during their revenge and outted all the rich guys. I get why you ended it the way you did. It was the only way the woman could get redemption. There wasn't any possibility of a happy ending with what had happened to them. But the women taking out the ones responsible in a way that that guaranteed their own deaths is the only next best option.

I don't think it was said how they reacted after hearing about the husbands death. Jack was watching the recordings to see but it wasn't ever said. Oh well no biggie.

Brilliant especially from an American writer. There is enough intrigue at the end to make it seem like it could have been written by someone who comes from a more sophisticated country. Very well done.

This, one of your many stories, on so many levels is my favorite! One more chapter to go? I know you'll pull it off, being the great Author you are. Thank you for this one. Reminds me of a lot of the shit I got into while serving. Back when all the branches of the service, before the politically correct, the gay's, transvestites and all, it was a pretty good place to be but what is the main reason the Military is so fucked up now? Politics, Politicians and three letter alphabet agencies and their goal to ruin all branches and all good men. They should be hung by the rope until dead. Men should just stop serving and let the women that want to be men run it, lol. I wouldn't serve now even if they had a draft, too many Gurly boys and manly women in the military!" 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS for the score!

Very good start, average in the middle and very bad in the ending. Why ? This plot had a really good potential but it went down and down. Maybe an alternative ending more in line with the first chapter ?

Very good start, average in the middle and very bad in the ending. Why ? This plot had a really good potential but it went down and down. Maybe an alternative ending more in line with the first chapter ?

I’ve enjoyed the ride and yes, you do need a final conclusion to wrap this up. Right now it feels as spread out as the missile fragments around Jack’s ranch.

I do predict, though, there will be a couple of gringas, one with ‘almost invisible’ facial scars, show up at Jack’s door. Their names won’t be Janice and April, but …

I can't believe you ended it with the girl's deaths. They caused the plane to crash, and how? So much left hanging. The story needs another chapter. I'm changing a five to a two based on what appears to be a rushed and disappointing ending.

I have read stories here for many years. This is definitely the best I have ever read.

OK, I can see how the girls thought of themselves as damaged goods but they did so much to come back to a normal. And all the medical hell April went through bringing herself back. Was the Texican faking her jealously at the dance?

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How did Jan/April get a call out/in to King to set this up? The doc appointment was a spur of the moment planned setup? Especially with all the RF/Web surveillance (and mics) all over the Ranch?

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This plane bombing was too convenient and went against most of the story lines. Now if you had worked in the WDC/UK/Arabia Royals were embarrassed and wanted the slave ring to disappear killing the whole slavery topic then maybe. Or a CIA snitch at the Ranch put the girls up to this and the CIA/MI6 took them all out to protect a renegade son/family of POTUS or Royal/PM, then maybe.... How the hell could the girls get a bomb and then get it aboard? We aSSume it was a bomb, could have been a F22 Sidewinder doing a CIA-DEA shootdown. Looks like

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Texican, this became a rush to end with no background for this ending...

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4.5**** hooyah, but no salutes

It was a 5* until that lame suicide pact ending the girls story.

I was all set to give 5 stars until the last 2 pages. Would love to see 1 more chapter.

Damn! I need that epilogue you promised. Knew it would end badly, but my imagination can’t close all the gaps. Still, ***** story.

Totally a bummer ending that drops a strong five star down to four.

The ending did not need to happen that way. The girls should have been forgiven and allowed to live.

THEY'ER NOT DEAD!

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I Know what you did!!! omg this sucks!

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They were in cahoots the entire time! This was their plan. What do I mean? Well the "king was unmasked" after they went public right? What better way to take the heat off "the king"? If he was dead. They set this entire thing up.

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Jack even noticed something was wrong.

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""The impression I get from watching your mashup is very different than that I got from watching the recordings on the senator's servers. So much so that it sometimes feels like footage was added to explain or even excuse their behavior.""

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Well it WAS added later. Because after Jack apologized we got

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"April just stared in confusion, but Janice smiled..."

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Janice was in on the doctored media. April had no idea what was going on. However from earlier video you see that it's the girls idea to return home rather than go overseas. Assuming they were in cahoots then they figured going back home will be the best way to sniff out whoever did the killings not knowing it was Jack. Remember when the girls got together alone and refused to see the men right after they were all in the hospital? And they had the laptop? They were planning their next move and possibly in contact with the baddies.

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Jack noticed she was distancing herself from him throughout the story. Him making her feel that love again while dancing is probably what saved him and set everything on this course. The two women had discovered who was responsible for the killings and so naturally they would probably try to kill Jack. Because they already tried and they wont stop. April was probably the one to come up with this plan to fake their own deaths which would cause him to finally leave them all alone.

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Why did she go to the gynecologist? To have her IUD put back in. She said she was going to blow it out of the sky in the middle of the ocean but it actually had "fallen" just west of Jamaica in in "relatively shallow waters". And the most important thing, THERE'S NO BODIES MENTIONED! A far cry from blowing it up in the middle of the ocean. It sounds quite survivable.

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This final quote confirms my suspicion .So Janice got into stargazing and got April into it.

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""I honestly didn't see what was so clear to them among the stars, no matter how well they coached me and I tried, but it did bring April and I together a lot, and led to our romance."

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So for one the stargazing story mirrors the situation of what happened in the story. Janice got into this high class escort crap and got April into it also. Just like back when Janice got April into stargazing. And now Janice and April are among the stars. They're basically sex slaves but they're among the rich and famous. The top of our social food chain. And Jack doesn't get it.

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Someone refute this because this really freaking stinks to end like this. There needs to be a sequel or alt ending made :(

Engaging story, with a terrible ending.

Liked the story, a little long and extended with no real or apparent reason except to help pass the time maybe. The ending was terrible , considering the lengthy preparations towards the finale(or is it?) it was so obvious uyet so flawed that it made no sense at all. How could the two women give their protectors the slip after being under such close guard so very easily at the hospital? The "self destruct" ending itself would seem to be a set up maybe? no bodies gives a possible get out for the baddies and the sluts, possibly? Who knows? it may just have been an easy ending to wrap up what was a very extended story.

I agree good story but after all the set up a very unsatisfying ending, did not make sense given all the effort on their behalf.

Just kept getting worse. Man that’s in credible. What a bad story.

I too thought the ending opened the door for another chapter. Lots of loose ends! How do we know if the King party even boarded the plane? May,be this was all setup to free them from further scrutiny and capture. It will be interesting if the esteemed Texican pulls this together for his readers with another chapter (or two).

Texican great story really enjoyed it ignore the negative comments some people love to moan and whinge 5+ for me keep writing them

Good story ruined by a horrible ending. Why did they sneak out from their gynecology appts. when they were safe and building their place back home? Lots doesn't make sense with this one.

The ending is a crash-n-burn, making little sense unless there is more to the story.

I tried skimming it just for closure, but I couldn't even finish this steaming pile of shit. It went so far beyond believability and credibility, not to mention consistency with earlier chapters, that it can't really be considered a viable story, but just a jumble of wasted words.

Interesting chapters!

5

Thank you for sharing your story. I loved it and can except the unhappy ending.

Impressive story telling once again. Thank you. Hope you and yours are hearty and hale very soon!

Was a good story cluttered by details the author was using to show off his knowledge of ranching, TX ranching culture, etc. Not including April's message to Jack sucks, what did she have to say? And why did the two women escape and reconnect with King? Battle scenes were confusing, despite the numerous compass directions given.

In general the ending was weak, and I think the author got tired of the story and just wanted to end. it

Texican, you know you can redeem this 'apparent' poor ending.... The girls escaped during a refueling stop and the DEA/CIA/MI6 sent a covert black F22 to take out the plane and end this slave-ring...

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The girls are located and the Hallmark ending would be complete with her husband begging forgiveness on his knees to both girls....

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Excellent misdirection - twist.... As I'm not totally sure you really ended this story - it just looks that way.... If so, SALUTES you sneaky devil.

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Hooyah..... hoping for the true final chapter.

So the story (which I enjoyed most of a lot) started off with him losing his wife and his sister and ending with him losing his wife and sister and gaining some bullet wounds?

I enjoyed the whole thing except the Game of Thrones ending, killing the two women. HBO hasn't fixed that but you can fix this with another adventure of April and Janice's escape and eventual return.

There are no bodies so it can be done.

Great story pls done end it like this has so much more potentiak.

The author apparently likes using song lyrics.

Here's one that he omitted, which also works:

"A little less talk and a lot more action"

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Actually, a lot less talk and a little more action would be even more apt.

This was a long, long (talky) story, that then closes while leaving loose ends.

Ending sucked but you know that. Cheap manipulation for emotional effect.

Normally enjoy your stories Texican1830 - BUT - not only did you let the two WHORES off ( and YES that is what they are/were ) YOU also took the easy way out! "The Heroic Journey of April and Janice" is repugnant attempt to illicit sympathy from your readers for April & Janice, two cheating CUNTS who betrayed their spouses through their slutty, self serving actions!

Better luck next time.

I enjoyed the story but for me a touch to much detail on the plans and not enough about the time they spent as captives a bit more detail there would have been fun

Not a cheap ending in the least, and another great story L.T.

There is too much focus on the whole military aspect and not enough focus on the relationship aspects and the emotions.

The ending...yes, it was cheap because it sidesteps the author having to write any kind of actual heart-to-heart between Jack and his wife, which they really avoided throughout most of the story. I'm not saying the suicide run isn't a viable ending for this story, but it should only happen after all roads of been traveled, and they weren't here. Instead, it just came across as a rather cheap way to end the story.

Disregarding the ending, the story was pretty entertaining.

Texan, this was an entertaining story. Big problem with no military investigation of likely heavy ordence nearby given military already locally postured to such things. National Security trumps probable cause evidence requirements so this aspect was simply careless and hurt your story.

Two. Why did the girls sneak off to King? Why the charade of angst? Given the bounty on the girls Security, foundationally obviously needed would have been beefed up including FEMALE coverage so the women were never out of sight. What the women did, from the time they came back, to the time they left, is disjointed and absurd in the extreme. You appeared to have just stopped this together.

Mind, it is a very engaging story but you really should have taken the time to weave a MUCH tighter, and plausible plot.

As regards the girls, here is the impression you left. They fully enjoyed being Kings whores. They willingly returned to set up Jack to be murderd. When that failed, even though both of them were nearly killed, they continued to be Kings agents to give him another chance. When that failed they escaped to King so they could commit suicide with him.

Is that they idea you intended?

Pooe ending. Your worst story by far

Had a good start, but at the end, I couldn’t take it anymore!

I have to be honest here, I was largely skimming past chapter 3. I see that Jack did get the character development he needed in the story, but it was kind of for naught which really made it pointless and unfulfilling to read. There was also a lot of... well, frankly unnecessary information about meetings where they talked about doing stuff that didn't really matter. It's enough to say, "We built some defenses" or something like that, without going into it. There was also too much attention paid to the day to day activities at the ranch in the third act that seemed pretty pointless and of course, having Janice and April suicide themselves for revenge on King was just... frankly, dumb as shit. Maybe you'll undo it in the epilogue, but I don't know if I care anymore. The only character I kind of liked was Janice and maybe Carl, but he was pretty adroit. I dunno... I only read this story because some people raved about it, so it definitely has it's audience, but I found a lot of parts of it really pedantic and the pacing quite bad. Needless to say, I didn't rate it.

I thought this was pretty good but I was disappointed with the ending.

I’m not sure I can carry on got to page 2 of this chapter but jack is being a smuck or you are as he’s helping them his sister has openly said she will go for jacks money from everywhere how did his sister find out who’s been talking

Plus with all what the two women have been through they wouldn’t be flirting