Coming Down Off My Hillside

I married Paul's and Ann's eldest daughter Linda. Linda is so open, loving and playful, I often wondered what her adult examples were like. Paul and I became friends as the years rolled by. Over too much beer, he told me how he and Ann first got together. The story seemed incomplete. Over many years, I pieced together why he had a darkness about him, what bonded them closer than any couple I know and why the son they had together is pursued by every girl at his school.

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What Paul told me (in his own words):

My ten years in the service were an unmitigated disaster. My parents were killed while I was stationed overseas, I saw too much death, caused too much death, was lied too until I could not believe or trust anyone anymore. I even discovered my baby son was not mine and that my wife and high school sweetheart was a meth addict and whore. I had money, education and health but nothing was of interest to me. At forty, I bought some acreage five hundred feet up the side of a hill overlooking a High Sierra river and slowly built my home. Sex, friends, a hoped for family, "truth and the American way" had been my life's motivations. Now I had ambled through ten years alone and was content to do another ten.

Two years ago I got a neighbor. I had only casually met the auburn haired, thin shy woman once. At the right angle, I could see her house was only a few feet above the normal spring runoff water line. Her name was Ann, I guessed she was about thirty; she had two pre-teen daughters. I never saw a man. We were about a mile from the nearest store and seven from what passed for a town. The day I met her, I must have looked like "Grizzly Adams" from the old TV show of that name. I had been swinging an axe all day, had not shaved in two and had on my worst, worn flannel shirt with missing buttons and rips. She and her girls had walked up the hillside to bring me a pie. They were my first visitors, ever.

I did remember enough manners to meet and greet, "Ann thanks for the pie. Homemade goodies cooked by someone other than me are worth their weight in gold. I showed her around the house. She and her girls seemed surprised that my house was neat, well furnished and I had all the most modern personal computer equipment in my large office, over stuffed with books.

"Don't you have a car?"

"I do but it wasn't practical to bring a road to the house. My garage is actually about half a mile away on the other side of this hill and next to the road. I do keep the snow mobile here, however. I've been stranded a few times over the years." That was the extent of our one and only visit, over a year ago.

The girls caught a glimpse of the three nearly tamed does, saw all the animal feeders and met Sam, the dog that showed up six years ago and stayed. I told them they could come up and watch the animals if they wanted but they never did. I'm sure mom labeled me as the mad hermit pervert on the hill. I probably did leer at her some.

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The late-February evening news was making a big deal about the warm weather melting the season's heavy snows too quickly. The perky weather girl actually smiled when she showed the tropical early season rain storm that was headed our way and would melt the snow even more rapidly. She bounced when she reminded us retarded viewers that all the reservoirs were already full and we could be in for the worst floods in a hundred years. At first I dismissed that information. Any flooding would be in the little town; parts of it had flooded three times since I lived here. Then I had a fleeting thought about Ann and her girls. Maybe she would escape problems. Already the water control people were releasing water from the lake upstream and the river was raging.

The next morning, Ann was out early measuring the water level. About noon she was sitting on her back porch with her head in her hands, the kids were not home from school yet. She left for a while but returned with about 50 sandbags in the back of her pick-up. She would need a thousand to make any difference. I walked down the hill and handed her a cold soft drink.

"What's the plan?"

"Everyone in town is sandbagging for the expected high water in four days. I thought I should try. Everything we own is tied up in this place and it is not covered by flood insurance."

"You are going to need a lot of help and a lot of sand."

"The bags and sand are no problem but I tried all morning to get people to come out here and help. They are all tied up and even the Mayor told me it was hopeless to sandbag here."

My years of engineer training were challenged by the word hopeless. Those were my favorite tasks. I sat quietly, drinking my soda and surveying her property.

"Walk with me, Ann."

I showed her how the slope of her backyard could provide two sides of protection. "What I am going to outline is a long shot. Even if it works, your well and septic system will be useless until the water subsides and both will probably have to be rebuilt."

As we walked I drew a line in the dirt where a sandbagged wall could be and how it could be supported with some back fill and plastic.

"Paul, it's a good idea but there is no man power and I only have four days. That would be a lot of sandbags. I got fifty this morning and look how little they covered?"

"I said it was a long shot. I'll help. The girls will have to help. You will be more tired than at any time in your life. Do you really want to try?"

"The girls can't even pick up one of those sandbags. They can't help."

"If we design it right, they'll help, be an important part and be just as tired as us."

"If you think it can be done, let's go for it. Tell me the plan."

"For now go order two big dump-truck loads of sand and two thousand of the new style reinforced sandbags with ties. Tell them to dump the sand on the hillside right there on the little flat."

"I will but that is ten feet off the ground, it doesn't make sense to me."

"I'm going to go get some stuff and slide it down the hill. When the girls get home, I'll explain."

My old conveyor belts were still working after I used them for moving fill when I built my house. I used Ann's truck to go get an old platform that used to be part of the stairs to get into my garage before the grading and cement work.

The ladies were all ears but very skeptical and unsure about all the work.

"Here is what we are going to try. The sand will be on that ledge. This platform will be at the base, leaving a six foot drop from the top of the platform to the sand. We are going to set up this conveyor with the wooden sides to flow from the sand to the platform. The conveyor will start and stop with a foot lever. The idea is to set an empty bag on a box at the bottom of the conveyor, sand will come down, fill the bag, we tie the bag and let it topple off into Ann's truck. When the truck is full we drive it to where we want the bags. Then we do it again, and again, and again."

Linda, the twelve year old asked, "What about school and when do we rest?"

"You ditch school when trying to save your house and you can rest as long as you want when we finish."

Sara the ten year old chimed in, "What do Linda and I do?"

"You sit on the sand pile and kick, push or shovel sand on to the conveyor."

About that time the first load of sand and bags arrived. The driver looked at us like we were nuts. I thanked him and made him promise to bring the next load in the morning.

"Ann, go ahead and feed the girls; get them to bed early and out here to start working at first light. Do you have any work lights?"

Using her lights, the house's outside lighting and my work lights, I worked all night to get the assembly line set up and tested. We were not very efficient the first hour after dawn but the girls thought it was fun. Our first load of bags to fill Ann's pick-up took an hour. The second load took 45 minutes and the girls did not think it was as much fun. By the forth load we were filling the truck's bed in thirty minutes. The sand truck driver seemed impressed but still shook his head as he drove away after depositing the second load.

Ann brought me a sandwich about noon and said, "Paul, this is amazing but the girls can't keep this pace up for several days."

"I know. About three, we'll start just dumping the bags into piles close to where they need to be stacked and keep filling as many as we can. I'll stack them when the girls have to rest. When we all can work as a team, we'll fill bags. When someone has to stop, we'll try to see that coming and manage around being shorthanded."

When Ann and the girls came out the next morning, I was ready to start filling bags. We were one third of the way.

"What did the "hippy, dippy, weather girl" say this morning?"

"You don't look like a George Carlin fan."

"I haven't been a fan of anything for a dozen years. What did she say?"

"Presumably we still have three full days before flooding but rain is supposed to start on that last day and the temperature is supposed to go up into the low fifties. I called the Water Master today. He was no help predicting how high the water could get here and when."

"Of course not, he's a bureaucrat and it is his job."

Ann started to talk again, "Ann, if this works, cook me a dinner and we'll talk all night. Right now we are on the clock."

She got the message and we worked, and worked, and worked. By the next morning the project was looking possible. The big mystery was whether or not our wall would hold back the rushing water. That night I brought my very unreliable ancient underpowered cat down the hill and carefully pushed what had been Ann's lawn, garden and play area half way up the back of the sandbag wall. It took all night and she was visibly shocked how bad her property looked in the morning.

"Don't worry I didn't mess up on the side you will be driving on today."

She smiled, sort of, and said, "Gee, thanks."

By evening, I told her, "Ann, I need to sleep a few hours. Make sure you get me up at first light."

"OK, but I have no idea how you have kept going this long."

The next morning, it was starting to rain when Ann brought me a cup of needed coffee. She was crying, "The water is rising, the river beat us."

"Bullshit, lady. We are down to the easy stuff. We'll finish our part. Then we'll see if Mother Nature wants to rip all our work up like it was nothing. But we don't quit now."

My ace in the hole was that I had decided to coax my ancient machine into pushing a rock out cropping down to fill in a good sized gap that we still had to close. Ann followed orders without too much grumbling. We just threw bags off the truck and filled more.

"Now get your truck to high ground with all the valuables, pictures, records and stuff you have been gathering. Here is how to get to my garage. Go put your stuff in there. Leave your truck and you and the girls walk to my place and see if you can relax and make dinner."

"How about that big gap?"

"You don't want to know. Now get."

When she left, my first two passes with the cat were very disheartening. The third pass, I could see my plan would work but I would have to sacrifice the cat. I planned for a precious hour. Luckily the cat could get some traction on the rock. My planning was worthless, but I was lucky. When I moved presumably a safe rock the entire hillside began to shift and rumble. I jumped clear and the troublesome gap closed nicely, taking the cat and almost covering it with rubble. We had enough bags to cover the open spots.

Outside our barrier, I was working in ankle deep water when I walked out to the well. I pulled the pump and closed a valve that I had installed on the septic system that would not allow any backflow. It was ten p.m. Just as I went to turn off the electrical main, the power went off. I pulled the main anyway and started to fumble my way up the pitch dark hillside. Before I went inside, I hit the propane powered generator button so we would have electricity for at least a week or two.

Ann had me stand by the fire and strip. She paused a moment before handing me my robe.

I smiled at her. "Yes, I'm a lot older than you and my body has been beaten up a little. I know you noticed the other day that after I sleep it takes an hour for me to get my back, hips and legs working right."

"I was actually thinking you look pretty good."

"Thanks."

"Paul, do we have a chance?"

"We've done what we can. Most of the water's rise will be tonight. If our wall is holding in the morning, maybe."

"I can't thank you enough for all the work you have done. I've never seen anyone with your kind of endurance."

"We'll talk about that some day. Do you have anything left to eat?"

She had saved me a plate of too much food and sat and watched me eat. My old girlfriend used to do that. I liked having company.

"Have you ever been married, in love or had a family?"

"I thought I was married and thought I was in love and thought I had a son, but it wasn't my son and she didn't see the family side of things, like I did."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"It's OK. It is about time I put a lot of stuff behind me and got out into the world again."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure."

"Do you write mystery stories?"

"You are very pretty but you have been snooping in my office."

"No, Linda, found this."

She showed me the pre-release copy that had just arrived of "Tequila Fog." I had left it on the coffee table in the den. Ann turned the book over. The jacket had a picture of me that was fifteen years old.

"I told them never to use my picture on the jacket."

"Maybe that is why they used that picture."

"I didn't look too bad back then."

"You look good now."

"So do you Ann. That would be my version of flirting on another day. For now I need to get to bed."

"I'll go roust Linda and Sara. They fell asleep watching TV in your room."

"Which room are you using?"

"The one connected with the guest bath."

"Don't disturb anyone. I'm going to crash in the other bedroom as soon as I get cleaned up."

I didn't even come back out to say good night. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow and did not wake up until I heard a shriek and a lot of little girl laughter.

Ann called through the door, "Cover up, Paul, I'm coming in."

"How's the water doing?"

"I walked down about fifty yards and fell on my ass trying to see. I didn't want to see any bad news. It looked like our wall was holding."

"I'll go check in a little while. I can hear the rain. It's coming down hard, that will melt a lot more snow. What was the shriek a little while ago?"

"I had asked Linda and Sara to come wake you for breakfast. I didn't think you would be nude and uncovered. They both are taking sex-ed this year but seeing the real thing is different than seeing it in a book."

I think I blushed for the first time in fifteen years. I tried to recover. "Tell them it isn't that impressive."

"From what I saw last night, I might disagree." She leaned over to whisper, "If they weren't right behind me, I was going to sneak another peek this morning."

"Then at least tell them that they will never get a second date if they laugh when they see their boyfriends nude for the first time."

I leaned and whispered, "There is a perfect clump of bushes out behind this house. Once this horror is over, you and I will go there. I'll show you mine, if you show me yours."

This time she blushed, sashayed out the door and said, "Your breakfast is getting cold."

After checking our sandbagged wall, I returned with the partially good news. "Everything is holding so far, but we have a big tree across the river that is accumulating a lot of debris. It is threatening to take out some of our wall."

"What can we do?"

"I am going to get two come-a-longs and lots of ropes and try to pull the tree free to go on down river."

"Why so many ropes?"

"Tying onto the tree, tying on the debris, tying onto something to pull against and tying on to me in case I slip into the water."

"Paul let us go with you to help."

"Not this time. The three of you must stay here."

Everything worked fine, almost. I tied myself to one tree; one end of the come-a-long to the end of the tree that I thought I could move and the other end of the come-a-long to a very solidly rooted tree on shore. Nothing happened when I took up as much slack as possible. I doubled everything by adding the second come-a-long and its separate ties. Walking back and forth, I was able to take up an inch at a time.

Suddenly, the log in the river swung free. My elation was short lived when its weight and the weight of the rushing water, pulled the well rooted tree over and both started down river. Only problem, I was between them. I was bounced and raked on the bottom but was able to pull myself back to shore with my safety tether. I was lucky again; I had stayed in shallow water. The fast deep water would have been too much for me to escape.

I was scraped up pretty bad, had at least one broken rib and my left arm was really bloody. I was weak by the time I got to the door. Ann worked to strip me to the waist while the girls looked on. I told Ann what I suspected just as the shirt cleared my arm. Linda gasped and Sara ran away. I looked at a gaping gash that needed to stop bleeding and be sewn up. Ann toughed it out and followed my fading instructions to make a tourniquet and apply pressure. I sent Linda for the pain pills in my cabinet and told them that they were going to have to sew it up. Linda and Ann were white as sheets. Linda retched a couple of times but did her job holding the skin together as I told Ann how to make a surgical stitch. They were not spaced well and a few gathered the skin but all in all they were fine. Linda liked playing nurse after that, cleaning up just the scratches on my face, neck, shoulder and chest. She paid a little too much attention to my left male nipple.

I was weak and hungry but ok. Linda retrieved a length of wrap I had saved from the last time I broke some ribs. I didn't like the way one looked with a lumpy edge poking at the skin but there was no way we were going to be able to get out of the house tonight and drive anywhere for help. I almost fainted when Ann pulled exactly like I had told her to do. Sara was looking around the door, she had been crying. I motioned for her to come over to me.

"I'm alright. Don't be sad."

"Are you going to die, like my grandpa?"

"Do I look that old?"

She nodded, "Yes."

"No, I'm not going to die. You girls have to go to your rooms for a few minutes. I need to get out of these wet pants and you don't need any more male anatomy lessons." They both squealed and ran.

"Ann can you find me some sweat pants, a flannel shirt and some socks?"

She was back quickly with a selection.

"No bathing for me tonight. I'm tired of water. A little privacy please."

Ann watched when I couldn't get out of the chair. She helped me stand and pushed my hand away when I reached for my belt. Her hands deafly opened my jeans and she struggled to get the wet things off me. My boxers came with them.

"Even cold and swiveled it looks rather ample to me."

I laughed and then moaned, "Please don't make me laugh."

Ann dried me with a towel she had brought and helped me step into my sweats. I was half dead but her toweling had me half hard. She got my shirt on me and then my socks after I sat back down in the recliner. My sweats were still tented and she glanced that way.

"Ann, since you have seen me, does that mean you won't play our private summer game out in the bushes?"

"No, I'll still show you mine."

Linda had walked back into the room and thought what she heard her mother say was the funniest thing that had ever been spoken. As she tried to get her breath while laughing and holding her sides with tears running down her cheeks, Ann looked at me and said, "I guess I stepped into it this time."